#superfam text posts

Batman: *looks side to side* clark what?

Superman: you have a polymer dissolving on one corner and it’s causing a chain reaction on your suit

Batman’s suit is about to fall off from directly in the middle as a small line is growing and dissolving leading the 2 halves of the suit to detach

Batman: I KNEW IT, also how did you know that?

Superman: I can telescope my vision into microscopic vision, super useful.

Batman: *think thoughtfully how this makes him an extremely useful partner for crime fighting* how good is it

Superman: oh I can see microbes and viruses and stuff. It’s kinda only useful when I focus and whatever but yeah it’s pretty useful.

Batman: *thinking* portable crime lab hn. Portable crime lab yes.

Superman: *waves his hand in front of batman* wakey wakey!

Batman: you are so incredibly useful wow, I understand why Lex wants to have your babies now

Superman: *sputters in shock* BATMAN WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT!

Connor: what the actual fuck why does this caste iron pan smell so fucking good *grabs caste iron pan*

Lex: CONNER I SWEAR TO YOU I WILL THROW KRYPTONITE IN YOUR FACE IF YOU TRY AND TAKE A BITE OUT OF THE KENT’S PAN.

Connor: it smells so fucking good, how.. how does it smell so good?

Lex: YOUR ANEMIC I WAS ABOUT TO TELL YOU!

Connor: really?

Lex: I guess since your half kryptonian you got Superman’s penance to consume metal, ugh. Connor: wait what?

Lex: I have solid iron and steel rods here somewhere come with me and I’ll give them to you, so you won’t eat the Kent’s mid century caste iron pan.

Lex grabs a bunch of steel and iron rods

Lex: I noticed that Superman does like steel as well so here you go child. Eat iron, I guess *sigh* this is not what I wanted in this life.

Connor: *comps on an iron rod* whoa, this is chewy. And doesn’t taste bad?

Lex: son eat iron and steel i don’t care, bye. Connor: wait your going already?

Lex: the Kent’s hate my guts, if you want to fight them be my guest but I’d rather leave. *takes a blood sample* see you in a fortnight.

Connor: YOU CANNOT JUST RANDOMLY TAKE MY BLOOD

Lex: … your DNA can DISSOLVE let me do my tests

Lex is sitting in his chair looking at reports, he starts looking at a Superman report.

Lex: *mumbling* I must have his children..

Mercy: oh what is that ringing in my ears?

Lex: Shu shu, I’m just looking at this new blood analysis I just got back from Cadmus.

Mercy: whatever you say~

Lex: I can hear the sarcasm in your voice!

Mercy slams the door.

Lex: *ogles the report* oh wow, his cells can convert light and oxygen into energy? He has a blood type and it’s the same as mine of all things? his skin is incredibly refractive not even gamma or delta radiation can pass through it, how? No conclusions? Ugh.

Lex puts down the report

Lex: if I can’t be him I’ll make him in my own image.

Lex then concocts an utterly insane scheme to get proper genetic material from superman, which involves mechanical robot women, luthor being horny, all the while piloting a robot woman falling and miserably. he ends up just stealing his genetic material on a random occasion unrelated to anything.

Lex: I have it, proper genetic material!!! I shall have a piece of him soon.

Later

Lex: why the fuck is this not working *looking at the bizarro clones* they are almost pure kryptonian!

scientist: uh their genetic code is malformed they need something to stabilise it.

Lex: fuck it use my DNA, they'll be super smart that way.

Later again

Lex: well how did it go?

scientist: well we need a surrogate...

Lex: I'll just do it.

several months of lex being pregnant later and a cesarian

Lex: oh look.. wow. why is there 2 of them

scientist: uh I guess twins?

luthor: *holding baby match and Connor* fuck it, uh I'll name one KR and the other one KR 2 they match, well mostly? they look weird.

scientist: well it seems one has pigment loss while the other seems to have none of those problems. we will take the little one for more tests.

Lex: *holds baby Connor* Mercy! go get the camera I want a picture for my wallet like all those snobby parents!

a few months later

Lex: hey little guys, ugh your so weird.

Connor and match are play with blocks like normal babies.

Connor: *babbles* da.. mmm da. bblock!

Lex: *picks up Connor* that's right KR that's a block, your foolish brother can't even talk yet look at you! *bounces Connor on his lap*

Match stacks blocks

Lex: *sigh* why did I do this. this is slightly deranged. even for me.

Mercy peers through the door

Mercy: everything is deranged with you, I wouldn't worry.

lex: *lifts match into the air* well they are cute, super cute.