#summoning gone wrong

(featuring De-aged Danny, Klarion the Witch Boy, and the slowly unraveling sanity of the Batfamily)

Bruce: I’m assigning shifts. Danny cannot be left alone with Klarion.

Tim: Too late. Klarion showed up ten minutes ago and they’re currently drawing runes on the kitchen tiles.

Bruce: …I TOLD you to lock the magic wards.

Steph: That was before Klarion turned the lock into a gummy worm and declared Danny his “chaos prince.”

Damian: I tried to stab him.

Cass: nods solemnly She helped.

Jason: Klarion just threatened to turn me into a cactus and Danny cheered.

Danny (2 y/o): holding up a juice box like a holy relic “Dewey say WESPECT NAP TIME!!”

Klarion: offended “NAP TIME IS OPPRESSION.”

Duke: They’re floating now. They’re both FLOATING. The ceiling fan is spinning backwards.

Babs (on comms): What the hell is a "chaos pact” and why did Danny sign it with applesauce?!

Dick: I tried reasoning with them. Danny licked my face and Klarion hexed my shoelaces to scream.

Alfred: Master Bruce, the sugar gremlins have united. There is chanting in the walls.

Danny (giggling): “Kwarion says the bathtub is the new THRONE.”

Klarion: “Let the coronation begin. We will fill it with Jell-O and frogs.”

Jason: I don’t even know if I should stop them or take notes.

Damian: This is a war crime.

Cass: points at the glowing frogs War crimes with style.

Steph: Wait. Where’s the dog?

Klarion: cackling Teekl is currently babysitting Batcow. Don’t worry. She’s very responsible.

Bruce: We don’t have Batcow anymore.

Danny: cheerfully “Moo moo went boom boom in the void!”

Duke: I am not emotionally equipped for this level of supernatural babysitting.

Babs (overwatch): Alright, I just caught Klarion opening a dimensional rift with a juice box straw.

Tim: Danny traded his left sock for a spell scroll.

Jason: sobbing laughter HE CAN’T EVEN READ.

Cass: Klarion reads for him. They have story time now.

Dick: Okay but listen—Klarion is doing the voices and Danny keeps demanding “more violence.”

Steph: They started a sock cult. I just saw four plushies in cloaks.

Bruce: gritting teeth Who authorized this?!

Alfred (calmly): Master Danny looked at me with those enormous green eyes and asked if we could make the house "Halloween forever." I, naturally, agreed.

Danny (crowned in fruit loops): “By decree of me, Prince of Spookville, we shall not nap until the moon sings!”

Klarion: bowing deeply “LONG MAY HE REIGN.”

Damian: If I disappear into the walls, do not find me.

Tim: If I disappear into the walls, please rescue me.

Duke: I looked into the bathtub throne and saw my future.

Jason: I saw my past.

Babs: Klarion just summoned a demon shaped like a bouncy castle.

Danny (excited): “BOUNCEY BOI!!!”

Dick: There are spikes on it.

Steph: Yeah, but they’re adorable. Like…baby safe spikes.

Bruce: WHAT THE HELL IS A BABY-SAFE SPIKE?!

Alfred (returning with cookies): Tea is ready, and I have diplomatically negotiated peace using oatmeal raisin offerings.

Bruce: Where is Danny now?

Alfred: Attempting to hex the microwave with a juice box.

Bruce: I am going to cry.

Danny: from the kitchen “MACHINE NO GO BEEP NO MORE.”

Klarion (gleeful): “AND THUS, TECHNOLOGY KNEELS!”

The Realms (watching):

Clockwork: Fascinating. This is better than cable.

Fright Knight: They’re going to blow up the bathtub.

Ember: I like these Batkids. They’re so loud.

Walker: That baby just ate a sigil.

Ancients: We bless this union of chaos. Let the mortal world burn—in friendship and bubbles.

Conclusion:

Danny is now wearing a cape made of sticky notes and peanut butter, Klarion is teaching him how to levitate juice boxes with his mind, and the Batfamily has collectively decided to let Alfred handle it.

He is now King. Again. Of the bathtub.

Danny (beaming): “I RULE THE TILES.”

Klarion (swooping dramatically): “AND I, YOUR LOYAL COURT JESTER!”

Jason: I have never felt more like the normal one.

Danny (proudly): “This was best playdate ever.”

All of Gotham: shuddering in the aftermath

Klarion: Next week—WE CONQUER DAYCARE.

The summoning went perfectly, but its presence began to swallow up the room. You tried to run for the door. But it reached it before you. A void leaking over every surface, taking away the very air inch by inch until there was nowhere to go. It was a depthless darkness that pressed against you, sliding over your skin, warm and wet. You were swept off your feet and unable to feel anything, but it.

Then you landed. You hadn't felt like falling, but here you were pressed up against a chalky white surface, the substance clinging to your back. Three oval moons float into the sky breaking the endless darkness. You couldn't move to try and reach out for them, but you could feel their presence, cold and glassy, run over body in inch wide sweeps.

Demon I accidentally summoned: “You have three wishes.” Me: “I wish for unlimited wishes.” Demon: “That’s against the rules.” Me: “Then I wish the rules didn’t exist.” Demon: “...Wait.”

Flies-, flies left their steps everywhere...

‘Ah,’ Aziraphale said, ‘that explains the happenings in the city...’

I stumbled upon @mostweakhamlets​’​ roll for story post, and how could I resist?? 

I rolled: ‘broken bones’, ‘crying’, ‘soft blanket & bed’, ‘Beelzebub’, ‘summoning’ and ‘no full recovery’. 

And as soon as I got Beelzebub and summoning an idea formed-

I skipped crying since Beez definitely experienced worse in hell and they didn’t strike me like the crying sort ^^” I think they’re mostly baffled that there’s someone willing to help them.

The Wizard You Wanted: A fantasy short story in a few parts

Genre: A loving spoof of fantasy villains and the potential romance you kinda always wanted.

Warnings: Nothing terribly upsetting.

Part 1 here

Two days passed and Bren saw no sign of her quasi-captor. She wandered through the empty rooms and looped back, with no doors or windows in sight. The phone was the only means of telling time and that, at last, was perilously close to losing all battery life; she forced herself not to constantly check the time lest her only digital companion give up the ghost.

She napped briefly on some musty blankets until a sneezing fit forced her awake. Archais the Unyielding must have appeared at some point during the second day’s morning because she found a pitcher of water, empty silver goblet, bowl of unknown berries and some kind of seeded bread.

“Oh yea, dare I eateth it?” she said to the empty room. “Perhaps it hath been poisoned!” She paused a moment, then tore into the bread, shrugging to herself. If he’d wanted her dead, he surely would have done so already.

Bren did not die that day.