#sugurukin

There was a brief time when my schedule was hectic, and I needed to take Nanako and Mimiko to a daycare. It was a particularly stressful time in my life between juggling my cult work and providing a fair life for the twins. I adopted them, and it was my responsibility to care for them... but I was working on my own for a few years before my Family started to develop.

So, there was a while there when Nanako and Mimiko had a fairly normal childhood. As normal as it could have been when their father was a psychopathic cult leader.

I had to attend meetings with teachers who were concerned about my daughters' calling other students... names. And I'd have to smile and apologize and soothe the offended parents. Then Mimiko, Nanako, and I would walk away giggling like the fiends we were; promising that if they can pretend around non-sorcerers, then so could I.

In this life, my behavior was repulsive. Teaching my daughters my prejudice was disgusting. But the memories I have of shopping for Nanako and Mimiko's uniforms, their school supplies, making their lunches... The mundane struggles of being a single father. As broken as I was, there was pride in being able to give the twins a childhood that resembled mine (even if I was too lost to see that I was very, very skewed in doing so).

- Suguru (#🎐🌿🐉)

Satoru... you and I had a conversation about Infinity and the meaning. I started with definitions of the word, and you, in true Satoru Gojo fashion, had to crash through my expectations. You told me that infinity was you. Imagine that? The concept of 'forever' being claimed by a 16 year old. You said it with that cocky, sunny grin on your face. You were right, but I rejected it at the time. I didn't accept it until I died; maybe for some desperate need for comfort in the end.

I'm sorry for rejecting such a big part of you. Such an important part of you. I understand, now, that you probably scared me on some level, but could you blame me? I was also 16. We stood as equals. You, Shoko and I; we were complimentary. Necessary for each other to function.

Anyway, I'm grateful that you were there as my End. Infinity to greet me in my final moments. Everyone has their theories about what you said to me in the end... I wonder if you remember how they felt leaving your lips. What you'd said in Shoko's stead. I wonder if you remember what it tasted like; the ozone in the air and the promise you made.

happy birthday, suguru.

i’ve always thought it was fitting that your birthday was the last day of winter, the harbinger of warmer and brighter things to come. i know you scoffed softly at that back then. but you really did bring hope.

there’s always going to be a piece of my soul that’s back there on the roof with you, head on your shoulder, humming something softly as you hug me closer. the life of a sorcerer wasn’t a safe one, as both of us well knew. but as long as we were together, i could know that you were okay. you probably felt me pushing rct through you compulsively, with all my love and terror bundled up inside it, willing it to somehow linger with you and shield you on each new mission. it didn’t, of course. but god, how i wanted it to.

the final day of daikan. the day before the east wind melts the ice. new constellations on the horizon, new leaves budding. rivers thawing. i love you. i believe in you, always and forever.

—ieiri shoko (#anacampserote)

Happy birthday, Suguru. I love you to the moon and back. I hope you have a day just as wonderful as you are.

-Satoru

I miss the times when I could surprise you. When I would lift your glasses and kiss you before you could start to grin. Or the times Shoko would hold your face in her hands, and we would both take turns giving you kisses until you were flushed. Sometimes, I think you had a hard time believing Shoko and I saw you as someone other than a Gojo. You were ours... a friend, partner, fellow student... You were Satoru. I miss the moments we shared together.

Wherever you are, I hope you're well.

Suguru (#🎐🌿🐉)

I've been thinking about Satoru's Six Eyes. About the sensation... I tried to explain it to Shoko, but I couldn't quite grasp the exact feeling. During our first year, I could tell when he was Looking because the hairs on my nape would stand on end. At the time, I'd realize I was being watched and tend to play into his hand. He wanted to get a reaction out of me so we'd fight.

It wasn't until after a mission that heavily established our trust in each other... that feeling his Six Eyes on me became a strange comfort. Even if it was irritating, we established our boundaries... then it became nearly second nature to feel that electric current... of being Seen.

I understood it came from a morbid fascination... maybe an obsession. Affection, maybe. I saw it as Satoru finally taking notice of something outside of his sheltered bubble. Outside of his ego. Something he knew wouldn't harm him for once...

He watched Shoko as well... and a few others. Especially during our second year after the disaster of our first exchange. Apparently, our Shoko never noticed, but I would smooth the hairs on her neck with my thumb. It'd amuse me that her body reacted without her really realizing she was being watched by his Six Eyes. Even Haibara would get twitchy sometimes, and I'd see his skin prickle on the back of his neck.

I wonder if our Satoru realized I could sense him? When I defected, I'd feel his stare at some point nearly every day. When I visited with my Family, having his Six Eyes bore into my back as I left. I never shied away from it like so many others who'd felt that pressure... maybe he grew used to the habit that he thought nothing of it.

Then again, our Satoru was an idiot, and I'd never told him that I could physically feel his gaze. I love the man, but he was overconfident even at the best of times =v=

happy birthday suguru !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hahahaha. id do anything to pull an all nighter in your room, our limbs tangled together as we played games until midnight. when the alarm rang on my flip phone, shoko and i would run to get the cake we snuck out and bought (the ones we tried to make all failed, haha, but dont worry ! shoko made sure i didnt buy those disgustingly sweet cakes!!). we’d sing you a song, i think, and make you close your eyes for a wish before letting you blow out the candles. youd cut each of us a slice, and i would devour the leftovers. in the morning, if i can wake up that early, we’d take you for soba, then wander in the city!! i like the way they turn to look at us when we march in a row…

i only really celebrated two of your birthdays with you. but, really, every year on this date, for the 10 years after and then some, i’d eat some soba, and buy a cake. sometimes i shared with shoko. if i could see you now, i think id bring you to a theme park. i want to hear your crisp laughter on the rollercoasters. hng.. stay safe, suguru. and happy birthday. have a wonderful day. know that im thinking of you!