#subtle vent

i dunno why, but everywhere I look, emo people, or people with emo or grunge/tomboy aesthetics are being harassed or bullied, but I love how they look they're really pretty, and I love their personalities. They're probably one of the best types of people I have ever met, but if I were to walk up to one and say something, I feel bad bc they probably get a bunch of creeps saying that, I dunno maybe I'm just repulsive or smth

(And for the exact same reason too)

my alter egos starring down at the sliver of innocence left in my body, sleep gently confused on whatever the hell it is

Also, I know I talk about this a lot recently. But my friend totally shot me when I was vulnerable. I asked them what my fictional characters would like about me the best, and all they could come up with was "they'd only like you on the outside"

That felt great along with my insecurities

ive went through life thinking I can handle everything, by age seven I had the world being thrown on my shoulders as the weight of wanting someone to love me crushed my spine, crippling me and allowing everyone to walk all over me. Maybe deep down I liked having people use me, maybe deep down I still do... I just want to feel wanted, I want to feel like someone needs me around. My friends use me as I shield, they get me big and angry... Don't they realize that when I get angry, my body physically hurts. Every time I get mad I'm tired, I start showing off weak spots and leaving myself vulnerable, why can't they see that I'm tearing myself apart for them. At home I'm the problem child, the youngest... Everyone always thinks that the youngest always gets the most love... News flash they don't.

At least in my house they don't, in my house I'm treated like shit, so I hide in my room behind music and drawings to try to drown myself into more healthy habits, I don't want to relapse again but that stupid rabbit ruined everything, I swear if I see that white rabbit again... I'll rip it's heart out. I'll act the the animal everyone forces me to be. Either I'm forced to be angry or I'm abused and treated like I'm lower than everyone else... maybe I am lower, but I keep trying. All I do is try, and fight, but deep down I just want to be held. If you can get past the spines, the yelling, the hitting, the crying, the trauma, the night terrors, the nightmares, the fear... you'll find what I hide behind walls, you'll find me, the real me. The person that wants nothing more than to be held and pampered, the person who just wants someone to care, and someone to love them for who they really are. I just want to be cared for, not for what I am, but for WHO I am... is that really to much to ask for?

Everyone: Oh, the youngest is the favorite, so spolied

Nobody:

My average Youngest child experience: ↓

I hate hearing people say the youngest child is the most loved, I am not. I'm pushed around and used like a fucking toy. Honestly I'm so tired of hearing everyone bragging about how good their family life is. Honestly, we get is Shannon, your mommy and daddy love eachother, never fight with your siblings, you, or themselves, your sister doesn't leave you being and your brother doesn't abuse you, or your older brother actually talks to you, Now I'm going to put 87 million pipe bombs SO FAR UP YOUR FUCKING ASS-

Therapists and Physiologists would be able to save their marriage and feed their lost t-rex while walking their shrimps left toe nail if they found my art :3

This took about an hour,( took forever tbh), love having personality disorders, no boyfriend, no future, no hope, no affection, no attention, no want to live, no want to die, no life purpose, no boyfriend, did I mention NO. FUCKING. BOYFRIEND

I love love, I love the thought of someone loving me and my flaws.. I love the thought of someone loving my soul, something I claim not to have just to protect myself. I just.. I have a type, as you guys know, but after what my friend said about them never liking me on the inside, I've been messed up. I can't eat, I can't think, I'm wasting away in bed. The only people I like INSIDE and OUT would only like me on the outside.. my friend was right, I won't find love, I won't fine someone who cares.. if that person existed they would've found me by now, but they don't

I deserve to be alone, after everything I've ever done, after everything I've ever said. I deserve nothing but cold, loveless existence

I deserve to be alone

You know it's bad when you've genuinely ruined a color / color combo for someone.

I will never be able to look at purple + grey in the same way.

srry i went on an unexpected hiatus but i'll be posting more i promise

"it's watching me. i can feel its eyes. it's staring at me. do not listen to its lies.

it's going to hurt me. i can hear its cries. it wants something from me. time flies.