#subone

I’m finally back after what, a year-long hiatus? Never intended for that to happen but there you go. Life up and down but I’m doing fine blah blah. That’s not what I’m here to post about. 

I was just getting back into the icos fandom. I can’t say I ever really left it because I’ve been ghosting the tag ever so often, as well as anything new Ais and Santino post. I was actually just about to go on a reblog frenzy because I’m now really getting back into icos and I’ve been scrolling through several blogs and all the edits/discussions/etc are reawakening that thrill like nothing else. 

And then this. 

Listen. I read Ais’ post. I read Santino’s post. I’m still not entirely clear on what the heck’s going on and I’ll probably never have all the information for it. But I’ve been reading a lot and from what I DO understand, I’m going to make something very clear because apparently taking a stance is something people are pushed to do and if you want to cut off all ties from me after this, I can’t stop you. But just to go on the record:

I do. not. hate. Santino.

He and Ais created what is probably the best series I’ve ever read. It helped me, in more ways than I will ever reveal and I can never thank them enough for that. If he doesn’t continue 180, I will be heartbroken. If he and Ais discontinue icos, I will be heartbroken. I understand that this is stressful for Ais and confusing and I’m not pressuring her towards any which direction, because this is her life with one of her friends and absolutely none of my business. 

Because I don’t believe everything the haters are saying. When dealing with facts online, I’ve learned it’s nearly impossible to fully fish out what’s true and not true. But one thing I’ve learned as an iron-clad fact is that we live in a society neck-deep in online community and interaction, a society who’s values are based on “guilty until proven innocent”. I’m not just saying that because of what’s going on now. You see it everywhere and it’s disgusting. That’s one reason why you never see anything IRL-related on my blog. It’s one reason why every social media I have is entirely 100% anonymous. 

Finding out about this has not ruined icos for me. If it has, it’s only in the sense of the now very real fear that anything with ICoS is officially ended. And that is downright devastating to me.  

So @thatdudesantino if you’re reading this, know that you still have a supporter in me. Both you and @ais-n do. I don’t know either of you personally, and I guess that’s part of my point too. I don’t know any of the secrets in the closet of anyone in this fandom, and I certainly don’t believe any one person in this fandom is a perfectly decent human being. I know I’m not. Yes, it’s disappointing to hear about something like this but it’s not like I put him or anyone else on a pedestal. I only knew him by the name Santino and the very few facts he revealed about himself. And I didn’t care about anything else. I still don’t care to be honest. 

Frankly, I just glad that he’s alive. I’m not kidding. We haven’t heard from him in  so long then suddenly I start hearing that something bad happened with Santino and Ais certainly wasn’t happy, I legitimately feared that he was dead. So maybe what happened seems less severe to me in light of that relief he isn’t, I don’t know. That, or that he disappeared off the face of the earth. Which still might happen now, but I hope it doesn’t. Because I want to continue reading his work. Again, I still don’t fully understand what’s going on so that may be blindsiding me, but despite his mistakes, his wrongdoings, whether they’re forgivable or not, he is still an amazingly talented writer and I love his writing. Because again, haters make me roll my eyes more often than not. I just can’t believe everything they say, maybe because I stopped believing it so long ago. All this has really done is remind me of the disgust I have for the online world and put me in a bad mood.

I don’t know Santino, no less than how I don’t know Ais. I don’t know what all happened in the past, what he did, what he went through or is dealing with right now. I don’t know what’s all true and what’s not and frankly I don’t give a shit. I love icos, I’m absolutely in love with the world and characters they created. And if Santino’s a shit human being who wrote the series, then he did a good job writing it as a shit human being. I do have more to say about this and what Santino said, but this post would be too long. 

YES!!! 

You submitted this quite some time ago and so sorry I took so long to reply but yes! xD This made me smile so hard. That is the very reason I decided to use mac50 for original posts (not personal. “lost my scope” is for non-icos stuff), because it’s Archer’s preferred weapon of choice when sniping. And yes, it is actually called “tac/50″, minus the forward slash. I changed it to ‘mac’ because I didn’t want to be tagging my stuff to an actual gun! lol

Sorry again Santa! I hope I didn’t make things more difficult with another delay. (Again, work was so busy. No Emilio-creative excuse here) Plus your question really prompted some brainstorming. :) Since I’m sensing a pattern with Hsin and Boyd, I’ll go ahead and list some fave quotes/scenes about them. Because there’s so many quotes if all characters count, so it helps to narrow it down!

I think my favorite scene of them (except for Vermont ofc – if this were a Twitter I think that’d be the pinned tweet) like an actual very specific scene that doesn’t span over several areas like Monterrey in their apartment, it’ll probably be the hospital scene in Interludes. I love that scene so much, which is ironic bc they’re not even interacting. And it does contain/lead up to one of my fave quotes about them: “it struck him deeply just how much he loved Sin.” (Though the impact of that quote is helped by the dissertation that follows:

“And even as he acknowledged that, he realized he felt the emotion on a deeper, less chaotic level than he had before. He had known he loved Sin for over a year but it had never felt like such a simple statement of fact for his life before; it had never seemed so undeniable and yet at the same time without any negativity.”)

Other fave scenes of them? Definitely any and all of their flirting moments in both Evenfall and Fade. Because AGH. It makes me giddy just thinking about it. There’s something so exciting and makes-you-smile-like-a-fool about them tiptoeing around each other. I also love them in Hsin’s kitchen (Interludes) when they’re just talking and Hsin tells Boyd about the upcoming vacation. I love them in Spain in Evenfall, in the pool at the pool party, and especially in Hsin’s cell during “Cause/Effect” Part I. And of course the stuff in Monterrey.

Other fave quotes? I’m not saying “Because he wasn’t you” simply bc it’s used so much. lol Let’s see… “The cabin is my happiest memory. It was just you and me, away from the world.” …. “He missed Sin.” (the weight it was written with in Fade in Annadale on the beach is what made it a fave) ….  “All that mattered was that Boyd was there […] Because at that moment he somehow knew that Boyd always would be.” …. It’s probably a good idea to not get into the e/z faves, at least in this post. :)

HOWEVER, even though I picked faves centered around Hsin/Boyd, I feel like I have to include one particular scene by default of talking about faves. And that’s Ch.25 of Afterimage, which is easily one of my absolute favorite chapters in all of icos. Probably because the Carhart/Hsin dynamic is one of my top three favorite things about the series. And Ch.25 (followed by those two you-know-what scenes in Fade) feels like the gem of their relationship. I love every word of it. And naturally, it contains another fave quote-thats-actually-a-paragraph from the series, said by Carhart:

“I see you for what you are and what you can do and I still love you like my own flesh and blood no matter how much you want to deny it,” Carhart continued, his voice raw and honest and determined. “I know you’ve made mistakes, I know you’ve killed people and I know you’re capable of ripping my throat out right now if you slipped into an episode and it doesn’t change a damn thing. I still care for you, I still want to protect you and I’m not trying to make one excuse for you except for the fact that you’re a messed up kid.”

I love it, and Hsin’s reaction to it made me love it all the more.

I do have some for them of course. :) Since you specifically mentioned Interludes (spoiler warning?), I’ll go ahead and list some for that book. Sorry again for the lateness (this week with work really turned out to be busy)

1.) I hc that, while in Vermont, Boyd persuaded Sin to try his hand at drawing in his sketchbook. Boyd never expected him to have any skill at it, but it seemed like it would be a fun thing to do simply because it’s something he could never envision Sin doing. But Sin ended up taking it so seriously, focusing on it so hard as if it were some challenge that he refused to allow to get the best of him that Boyd found it completely endearing (particularly when Sin just sat there sharpening the pencil with that small thing) and he wound up just staring at him with a smile instead of joking with him over it, as he thought would happen. Sin doesn’t notice for the longest time but when he does, he scowls and throws the supplies back at Boyd, making him chuckle.

2.) After Sin finds out that Kassian helped Boyd set up his security system (FINALLY), he decides to inspect it, and none of Boyd’s complaining or exasperation deters him.

3.) Towards the beginning of Interludes (probably before it even really started), Boyd started to gain a pretty poor rep at the local convenience store because he would always be buying boxes of donuts, purely in the hope that Sin would step foot in his house again and enjoy something sweet while visiting. He couldn’t eat them because of his dietary plan so when they eventually dried up, he threw them away and went to buy another box. And then another. Just to have them on hand, just in case. And the cycle continued until he was finally able to give Sin that box of donuts after that 3 mi. run they did in the beginning (what, Boyd just happened to have donuts sitting randomly in his house that day? puh-lease)

4.) idk if this is a hc so much just daydreaming, but the hospital scene is one of my absolute favorite in the whole book. Even though Boyd agreed with Ivan, he still ached to visit Sin in the hospital again, to just be near him, but Ivan’s albeit subtle warning to kindly fuck off stuck in his head and so he took to hanging with Ryan to keep him distracted. He was almost grateful when Viv’s mission for him came up.

5.) While in Vermont (again), Boyd asks the question (very legit, imo) that if he loves sweets so much, why in the hell doesn’t he know how to bake? Sin doesn’t give a crap about whys and wherefores, but Boyd says they should give it a go (bc Sin would love something sweet. That’s what he said to Sin anyway, but really, it’s just to see an even more domesticated Sin, messing with flour and stuff). Since Sin in fact doesn’t know any recipes, Boyd gets his hands on a cook book and tries to read it for him. :) Sin learned from his father, not from reading cooking books, but Boyd is just as disastrous at trying to explain recipes as he is at cooking them that Sin just says fuck it and eats the chocolate chips straight out of the bag. Because he’s concentrating on the instructions so hard, he doesn’t notice until the bag is almost empty, and you can imagine his reaction to that.

6.) They make S’mores! After Vermont or whatever, I don’t know where or when, but I refuse to believe they never made S’mores! Boyd gives Sin the first one, purely to watch his reaction (Sin loves it, of course). Boyd makes one for himself but instead of eating it, he breaks it apart and wipes the marshmallow side over Sin’s cheek (he’s in a rare playful mood). Sin’s nonplussed reaction made him laugh harder than he expected.

7.) Watching Grayson with Sin is one of Boyd’s favorite things he’s ever done and not bc of the show (even though it’s a great show that they both enjoy). Just sitting there on the couch, watching tv, especially with how quickly Sin adapted to it, Boyd had never felt so normal as a couple. So completely normal that it was like the Agency didn’t even exist for those few hours. Sitting side by side, feet thrown up on the coffee table, and of course Boyd had the routine sweets available to snack on. He especially loved it when he could just absently run his fingertips over Sin’s knuckles while watching and seeing Sin practically melt into the couch from how relaxed he was.

Well, there’s a handful to start you off. I know there are more, but I’ll probably recall them when reading Interludes again. Thanks for asking after them Santa because now I feel all warm inside! :)

Ah sorry Santa! It’s been sitting nestled in my inbox. :) Yesterday was just one of those tiring days (you know, awake for 22 hrs on 4 hrs sleep and you had six different things you had to get done after work. I think the only time I got on tumblr was to complain about santino’s triangle fic! lol i’m horrible) I’m aiming to answer the ask (both of them now!) within a few hours before I head out. Thanks for them in particular! I love talking about headcanons xD