#rampant*...honestly

I’m finally back after what, a year-long hiatus? Never intended for that to happen but there you go. Life up and down but I’m doing fine blah blah. That’s not what I’m here to post about. 

I was just getting back into the icos fandom. I can’t say I ever really left it because I’ve been ghosting the tag ever so often, as well as anything new Ais and Santino post. I was actually just about to go on a reblog frenzy because I’m now really getting back into icos and I’ve been scrolling through several blogs and all the edits/discussions/etc are reawakening that thrill like nothing else. 

And then this. 

Listen. I read Ais’ post. I read Santino’s post. I’m still not entirely clear on what the heck’s going on and I’ll probably never have all the information for it. But I’ve been reading a lot and from what I DO understand, I’m going to make something very clear because apparently taking a stance is something people are pushed to do and if you want to cut off all ties from me after this, I can’t stop you. But just to go on the record:

I do. not. hate. Santino.

He and Ais created what is probably the best series I’ve ever read. It helped me, in more ways than I will ever reveal and I can never thank them enough for that. If he doesn’t continue 180, I will be heartbroken. If he and Ais discontinue icos, I will be heartbroken. I understand that this is stressful for Ais and confusing and I’m not pressuring her towards any which direction, because this is her life with one of her friends and absolutely none of my business. 

Because I don’t believe everything the haters are saying. When dealing with facts online, I’ve learned it’s nearly impossible to fully fish out what’s true and not true. But one thing I’ve learned as an iron-clad fact is that we live in a society neck-deep in online community and interaction, a society who’s values are based on “guilty until proven innocent”. I’m not just saying that because of what’s going on now. You see it everywhere and it’s disgusting. That’s one reason why you never see anything IRL-related on my blog. It’s one reason why every social media I have is entirely 100% anonymous. 

Finding out about this has not ruined icos for me. If it has, it’s only in the sense of the now very real fear that anything with ICoS is officially ended. And that is downright devastating to me.  

So @thatdudesantino if you’re reading this, know that you still have a supporter in me. Both you and @ais-n do. I don’t know either of you personally, and I guess that’s part of my point too. I don’t know any of the secrets in the closet of anyone in this fandom, and I certainly don’t believe any one person in this fandom is a perfectly decent human being. I know I’m not. Yes, it’s disappointing to hear about something like this but it’s not like I put him or anyone else on a pedestal. I only knew him by the name Santino and the very few facts he revealed about himself. And I didn’t care about anything else. I still don’t care to be honest. 

Frankly, I just glad that he’s alive. I’m not kidding. We haven’t heard from him in  so long then suddenly I start hearing that something bad happened with Santino and Ais certainly wasn’t happy, I legitimately feared that he was dead. So maybe what happened seems less severe to me in light of that relief he isn’t, I don’t know. That, or that he disappeared off the face of the earth. Which still might happen now, but I hope it doesn’t. Because I want to continue reading his work. Again, I still don’t fully understand what’s going on so that may be blindsiding me, but despite his mistakes, his wrongdoings, whether they’re forgivable or not, he is still an amazingly talented writer and I love his writing. Because again, haters make me roll my eyes more often than not. I just can’t believe everything they say, maybe because I stopped believing it so long ago. All this has really done is remind me of the disgust I have for the online world and put me in a bad mood.

I don’t know Santino, no less than how I don’t know Ais. I don’t know what all happened in the past, what he did, what he went through or is dealing with right now. I don’t know what’s all true and what’s not and frankly I don’t give a shit. I love icos, I’m absolutely in love with the world and characters they created. And if Santino’s a shit human being who wrote the series, then he did a good job writing it as a shit human being. I do have more to say about this and what Santino said, but this post would be too long.