#stylenotsize

⚠️ TW: Eating Disorder ⚠️

My relationship with food has been suffering lately… As it typically does under heightened stress in the past.

I’ve recently caught myself withholding food for prolonged periods of time only to eat alone, in silence later. Might I dare say… only to binge later.

Today I told my therapist how I’ve been feeling lately and then I told her how the other day I forgot to eat all day because I was feeling anxious. And then before I knew it, it was 10pm and my stomach growled - my mind instantly went to an old version of me, the Lindsay who suffered from disordered eating and I told myself “it’s too late to eat.”

And so she asked me if I ate or if I went to bed… I went to bed. I went to bed hungry, the same way I’ve went to bed hungry so many nights in the past.

I’m not proud of this and I definitely don’t condone this type of behaviour. But I’m here to tell you that practice and progress are never guaranteed. Sometimes we slip up. Sometimes deep-routed issues come back to haunt you.

rubeiriplus

My worth is not determined by my waist by @mzgossipgirl

This outfit is perfect to catch a flight, run to the bodega, or when your friend visits unexpectedly and you’re in pain but still want to slay😃 😜

I hope you guys love a more relaxed look from time to time.

I hope you guys love a more relaxed look from time to time.

It’s time to pull out our favorite pull over and Shackets

When you realize how fantastic you can feel in your clothes, you’ll never be able to go back. Investing the time to develop your personal style pays off every day that you can strut your stuff with confidence, because you are showing up as who you truly are.

Today, I’ll be talking about how everything I’ve covered so far comes together in your silhouette, and the real fun begins. However, an important part of your silhouette that I haven’t really discussed yet is… your body,

So first, a moment for body positivity.

It is a fact that today, the beauty ideal is skinny. While the exact details of what is considered beautiful in bodies changes quite quickly, (for women, hourglass figures are hot now, but in the 90’s no one wanted a big butt), thinness as the ideal is largely unchallenged,

However, our culture is wrong about beauty. I believe, and as do many of us at heart, that all people are beautiful. True beauty is about far more than how you look anyways, but at the end of the day, we are all, beautiful.

While this is exceedingly difficult to believe, learning to love and appreciate the beauty of your body no matter how it looks (and your body will change throughout your lifetime quite a bit) is one of the most important battles I believe any of us could choose to fight.

Why is it such a battle? Because the beauty industry makes billions of dollars every year off of people who feel they are not beautiful enough. They spend a lot of money to make sure we don’t all just embrace ourselves the way we are.

Health is often used as the end all argument promoting thinness. This argument claims that it is not about “beauty standards”, or that beauty standards exist not to make people money, but to protect your health by motivating you to be healthy.

This argument is pure nonsense.

First, size and health are not a matching pair. You cannot observe someone’s size, and know how healthy they are. The science behind why people are different sizes is incredibly complex, ranging from genetic predispositions, individual health issues, and many other factors, lifestyle is only one part of the picture.

At the end of the day, skinny individuals can be incredibly unhealthy, just as large individuals can, but we only assume this of one body type. More complete exploration of these ideas can be found in Linda Bacon’s book “Health at Any Size”.

But, as established, this truly isn’t about health. It’s about size, because keeping people everywhere focused on being as small as possible generates a lot of money, (and distracts us from focusing all our brilliance and ingenuity on taking over the entire world.)

While many people are working to approach these issues on a societal level, that will take time. Unfortunately, many of us still need to get up every day and live in a world that wants to pick apart our appearance and size, and that noise only gets louder as we shop for clothes and try to develop our style.

Silhouette.

So, if the final aspect of personal style is silhouette, but that is NOT referring to the shape of your body, what is it referring to?

Silhouette is about the shape your clothes make on your body. Oversized! Fitted! Flowy! There are countless options, and you can achieve them all no matter what your body is like.

I find the silhouette is so powerful because it truly affects how you feel as you move about. A slick, form fitting dress makes me feel sexy. Baggy jeans and a t-shirt makes me feel relaxed, and so on.

So after considering the color, cut and texture of your clothes, accessories and every other detail, you can combine them into a silhouette that tells a story, sets a mood, illustrates A VIBE, the sky is the limit!

I cannot tell you how to build silhouettes that will feel good to you, this can only be discovered if you’re willing to explore.

Mess around, try new things, combine different pieces from your wardrobe, and find what works for you. Look for inspiration online, (bonus if you look for inspiration from beautiful people of all shapes and sizes.)

That’s all she wrote.

However, allow me to leave you with one final thought… It is so wonderful to look at life, and see that time and energy goes to loving family and friends, and chasing dreams, instead of fixating on being small enough to meet the ideals of other people.

I refuse to strive for others to recognize what I already know, I am complete magic, inside and out. And I think my personal style tells the whole world that story.

I’m not allowed to buy gray clothes. Ok, so of course I’m allowed to buy gray clothes, I just don’t let myself anymore.

You see, one day I blinked and realized I had A TON of gray clothes, because when I would shop I would always be scared to buy fun colors, I thought I’d struggle to style the colors together, or wouldn’t wear them often. Gray felt “safe” so I’d always choose the gray option. The only problem? My wardrobe was boring! I realized, I didn’t even like gray that much! It didn’t make me feel cute or stylish, it only felt safe. That wasn’t what I wanted my clothes to do for me, so I made a simple rule, no more gray!

To date, I think I’ve only broken my rule twice, and I’m so much happier with my bright and colorful closet!

So in today's post, I’m going to show you how you can shop for your own personal style, and be intentional about the clothes you collect.

In my last post you learned how to mentally think through shopping as an idea, and so hopefully you have already set yourself up for success and you have chosen a store and a method of shopping that aligns with your personal values, but there are several other things you can do to set yourself up for shopping successfully for the wardrobe of your dreams. Successful shopping requires planning, curiosity, and patience.

First, have a plan.

As you get dressed day to day, notice the outfit ideas you have that never work out because you don’t have enough of a certain color, or don’t have the right shirt or pants for it. If you keep wishing you had a black turtle neck when you make outfits (this is on my list right now!), then write that down and start shopping for the perfect one!

It is so much better to shop when you have something specific in mind. It may not make shopping easier, in the sense that you may have to really look for a while to find what you want, but it will prevent you from impulse buying things you will never wear.

Additionally, if you just want to go shopping but don’t have a list of specific items you want, at least take a moment to consider what you already have. What could you add that would balance your wardrobe more? Do you have more solids or patterns? More tops or more bottoms?

Next, be curious.

This tip is especially important for thrifting, but really applies anywhere. Don’t rule clothes out on the hanger. If you think it could be cute, or you love the color, try it on! The worst that can happen is you don’t like it and don’t buy it. There have been times where I tried things on as a literal joke and ended up loving them and getting lots of wear out of them!

Also get curious with how you can alter clothes to fit better, for instance, don't be afraid to crop your own t-shirts! Ashley/bestdressed on Youtube has some great thrift-flip videos, where she transforms or alters clothes, and none of it is too tricky, go get some inspo!

Overall, let yourself try new things, and let yourself try things that you have ruled out because you didn’t think you liked that style or color. You might decide you were right, but you also might discover something totally new that you don’t have anywhere else in your wardrobe and that will truly spice up your fashion!

Finally, be patient.

So many of us become frustrated after a long day of shopping without finding anything, I know I do. But try thinking of it this way, your body is totally unique, and so is your wardrobe! The perfect piece of clothing to complement both you and your wardrobe will take time to hunt down, it just makes sense.

Don’t get discouraged and buy something that you don’t truly love or that doesn’t fit you perfectly, just because you are tired of looking. You won’t end up wearing that piece of clothing if you don’t like it, and you’ll just have less money to spend on the next perfect piece waiting for you around the corner.

It’s a mindset.

At the end of the day, all these tips are designed to help you realize you have control over how you approach shopping. The brands and trends are not in charge, you are!

You deserve to have clothes that fit you well, look good, and serve your needs and wants. Hold out for the right pieces, and enjoy the process.

That’s right, today we’re talking about the S-word. SHOPPING. There are a lot of ideas attached to this word. Some people (understandably) dread it due to their financial situation, or their size, shape or relationship with their body. Others view it as a beloved pass-time or hobby.

Personally, I love shopping. I could spend days strolling through beautiful malls, and have spent hours upon hours pursuing the packed racks of local thrift stores.

However, I understand as much as anyone that sometimes you end the day having found nothing, or leave the much coveted item on the shelf because you can’t afford it, or don't fit into it.

Beyond all this, there is much social discourse on shopping. Women have faced ridicule for their “obsession” with shopping, and we all know that modern buying habits are actively fueling the pollution and destruction of our beautiful globe.

Shopping as a mindset.

So in this first post on shopping I’ll be discussing how you can approach this activity in a way that acknowledges the complex facets of this pastime, so you can focus on serving your personal style needs.

Because before you even enter the store there are some important things to establish in your outlook on shopping, and I've broken them down as: individual circumstances, collective action, and restraint.

First, individual circumstances.

While the idea I’m about to present can be taken to extremes and become harmful, it is important to acknowledge that many of the issues with shopping, whether they be the size-inclusivity of brands, or the environmental impacts, are systemic issues.

While we as individuals with values want to be mindful of these things, we are not ultimately responsible for anyone but ourselves.

We also exist in our own unique economic situation, and in unique bodies, so some of us may have fewer options in where to shop and be completely unable to avoid perpetuating fashion issues.

If this is ever you (sometimes this is me,) don’t be too hard on yourself. You deserve comfortable well fitting clothes that make you feel good. Take the guilt or anger you feel, and channel it into the next step.

Collective Action.

If we truly want change and to address accessibility and environmental issues in fashion, we need to stand together, and require more of brands.

When you notice that a brand doesn’t carry a wide range of sizes, comment, even if it doesn’t directly affect you or your ability to shop there.

Make it clear to brands that you care about the environment, and that they will win a loyal customer if they can truly demonstrate a dedication to reducing their carbon footprint and the waste they create.

Now, this is a lot of action, what is the collective part? We do it together. This means talking about these issues to each other. If you have friends or family who don't know about these issues, share with them, and get more people involved in advocating for change from brands.

Recognize it isn't about only you, but about lots of people doing what they can.

You can participate in all of this as a collective movement and still make the personal choices that you need to in order to clothe yourself.

Use restraint.

This isn’t said enough in the fashion world, but at the end of the day, you need to shop less. We all do.

The number one thing you can do to reduce the environmental harm of the fashion industry is wear what you already have.

When you do shop, try to resist brands that have truly terrible sizing ranges. There are so many options that are getting more size inclusive, vote with your dollars as much as you can, and resist supporting brands that refuse to cater to diverse body types. Same goes for fast fasion brands that are destroying the planet. Aviod whenever you can.

All that to say...

This is the information, and these are some ways to approach this complex issue. Now you get to choose how to personally engage with this activity, in a way that aligns with your own values.

The goal is to empower you to shop for your personal style without the mass of noise that exists in discourse on shopping tripping you up.

Be intentional, and set yourself up for success in your mindset and approach as you start shopping for your personal style.