#stunkbug

c1

moonshine absolutely cannot drive. she doesn't have a license and if you put her behind the wheel anyways she will be a complete maniac. she's probably done some off road driving in the crick before, which she's better suited for, but she's still scary as hell to drive with.

hardwon also does not have a driver's license and drives like a maniac. however he's actually a pretty good driver when it comes to specifically heavy machinery. he did not learn how to drive a normal car in the dwarfanage but he did learn how to drive a mining car because they needed the labor. he would be forklift certified if you could do that without a driver's license.

beverly doesn't have his license but he DOES have his permit (this is technically canon, it comes up in episode 23, which i happened to relisten to only after having this conversation). thus he is the person driving the boobs anywhere until they pick up balnor. bev is a pretty good driver for being so new, however, driving with moonshine and hardwon instills in him some increasingly bad habits.

balnor is a perfectly good driver. and thank god for it because the boobs are in DESPERATE need of a dd.

i don't think stunkbug has his license but if he did he'd have some anxiety inducing habits for sure. he's going 20 mph above the speed limit at all times because "he's dnd fraiser and fraiser is from seattle and no one in seattle can drive" -null. also i feel like he'd learn to drive from duddle implanting fake memories in his head and that's a recipe for disaster.

tonathan is introduced to the campaign safely driving a car. he's a great driver!

apple also absolutely cannot drive. if you are in an emergency in which she absolutely must drive, be prepared to weave through the lanes going 30 over.

deadeye also cannot drive. the crick and the field are just not conducive to good drivers, i'm sorry.

jv was probably never taught how to drive due to the circumstances of his life pre-shadowfell. if he learned how i think he'd be fine but his main problem would be road rage, for obvious reasons.

mavrus does not have his license and never will. he staunchly refuses to learn.

trinyvale

jens technically canonically can drive and has a car but i do NOT think he's good at it. he's a very distracted driver and also refuses to give anyone rides anyways so you're not getting anywhere with him unless you drive.

onyx and nyack do not have their licenses and absolutely cannot drive. the triplets are all equally bad drivers when put behind the wheel, to be honest, and it's a miracle jens got his license at all.

i feel like keychain also can't drive. would they even give a robot a driver's license? even if he could i don't think the triplets would want to be driven anywhere by him.

hot boy summer

mac isn't allowed to drive anywhere because he's constantly a little buzzed. he's usually not over the legal limit, but he can go over at a moment's notice and would probably be drinking a beer in the car.

hungry dave is a decent driver as long as the rest of the bon freres are not in the car. if they are, they are a horrific distraction and will get him into a car accident.

tread is the best driver of the bon freres but he is constantly blasting emo music with the windows down as he drives, so you have to deal with that the whole time. this does make him a better driver than dave when his boys are in the car, though, because he's already used to driving without being able to hear anything.

c2

zirk absolutely cannot drive. look at him. disregard the wagon from his backstory he CANNOT drive.

fia doesn't have her license and would definitely have some worrying habits if you put her behind the wheel, but i trust her more than zirk. i do feel like she could drive a train if called upon, though.

henry is the only third mate who can even kind of drive. he has his license and i am allowing his boat skills to translate for no reason other than they really need SOMEONE who knows how to drive. however i don't think he really likes driving.

bukvar is either a floating book or a small boy. please do not put him behind the wheel.

the hexbuds are all okay drivers, but with their own problems (terragon is going 20 mph under at all times because she has plants in the car she has to be careful about, corbeau is distracted by lake, and jabari is enthusiastic in a way that can be kinda scary). the other main problem of having them drive you anywhere, though, is that you can never have shotgun because it's being occupied by the dragon rose, lake, or jabari's weapons depending on who's car you're in.

billie is straight up a mechanic. she is not only a good driver but she knows everything about how that car works. she is nonetheless kinda scary to drive with because you're not totally confident her bone hands translate to good grip on the wheel.

jonny is like, a fine driver. however it is important to note that he has two cars. one is a really nice vintage car that he's had for years and fixed up himself that he flexes on everyone with. he almost never drives it anywhere, though, because he's afraid something will happen to it, so he is far more regularly using the most beat up, shitty car you've ever seen and hoping no one sees him in this far less cool vehicle.

i don't think krissy can legally drive. all of the endoterra party are on the run from the law, obviously but krissy is specifically defected military and i think his license expired while he was still in the army and he didn't have the time to get it renewed before he defected. so he is an extremely careful driver because he absolutely cannot risk getting pulled over.

c3

callie is way too anxious to drive. you put her behind the wheel and she is going to have a panic attack. absolutely not. i also don't think oliana or cyra ever bothered to try and teach her.

i don't know when sol would've had the chance to learn to drive either, to be honest. even if he did learn, i don't think he'd be very good at dealing with the other people on the road. he also might not be able to reach the pedals.

calder also cannot drive. similarly to the rest of duck team, i don't know when he would've learned, outside of maybe one of those driveable snow mobiles that i think his dad has. he'd also run into a problem of being too small for a giant car but too big for a regular humanoid car.

kenna is in a similar situation to bev, where she doesn't have her license but does have her permit. she's the one driving duck team literally everywhere and she's a very safe driver while she does it. she knows the rules of the road like the back of her hand and she's very good at being composed and not getting road rage.

twanc

frankie is a good driver. he's also not particularly stressful to drive with, as long as he's actually in the driver's seat. he's an extremely anxiety inducing backseat driver.

penny is a worse driver than frankie but he's perfectly serviceable. we also threw around the idea that he's the sort of person who's driving a golf cart most of the time and doesn't own a car.

mavid doesn't have his license. everyone refuses to teach him how to drive because they correctly understand that he'd be a complete and total nightmare.

pathfinder

krudbert can't reach the pedals

hellbiscuit never learned to drive and would not be able to pick it up quickly if you put him behind the wheel.

cinnamon is an okay driver, which means he's driving the twin flames absolutely everywhere. they are pretty distracting to drive with as people, but the bigger problem is trying to finagle hellbiscuit's tree into the car because cinnamon cannot afford a convertible.

skaldova

zudrick is a good driver, however the backseat is gonna be filled with birds so you're going to have to be okay with that.

welly never learned how to drive, but if she did she'd be alright. her biggest problem would be that she'd be letting absolutely everyone have the right of way before her even when they don't. pray you don't get stuck behind her at a four way stop.

boggy is a horrible driver. he's only ever driven off road, he's only ever been a getaway driver, and he's only done it like five times total because the rest of the buds recognized he was a maniac who was going to get them killed and never let him drive except under the most dire of circumstances. he really wants to be let behind the wheel again though. do not give him your keys.

gong

aux is, as of the last episode, canonically a good driver.

atom would be a good driver if he weren't getting distracted trying to fuck the car. this also makes him a terrible passenger. no atom you cannot put your dick in my car's exhaust pipe. no i do not care that the car has consented to this, isn't there someone you forgot to ask.

This special was great because it is classic Adam. He mixes cogent sociopolitical commentary with jokes about eating ass. And it works. He’s never too far in either direction and it makes for a very balanced show.

Over the years I’ve become a big fan of Adam’s. And he doesn’t disappoint. I know he’s very busy but it made me want him back on Naddpod. He was their first guest and I’d love to see him back now that the show is more polished and Murph knows how to handle guest arcs.