Feb 28, 2018
Another weird, stream of consciousness end of night sketch. #weird #sketchbook #sketching #streamofconciousness
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Another weird, stream of consciousness end of night sketch. #weird #sketchbook #sketching #streamofconciousness
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In three years we’ll make it ten -
In three years we’ll make it ten - Since you last saw me, I last saw you; I’ll be 23 And god knows where. I’m not sure how old you’ll be, But I suppose That’s how it works. I wouldn’t recognise you; But the fading dragon Tattoo on your arm. You wouldn’t recognise me; I lost that weight, Grew out my hair. My eyes have shifted From brown to green - There’s so much you could have seen, So much you could have been. But if ever I saw you, In ever more than a dream - I would turn, Run - And never look back.
. . . . . #draw #sketch #ink #freehand #freestyle #streamofconciousness #energy #flow #stroke #abstract #thought #divine #vision #fate #angels #demons #mutant #human #mother #creation
Let me just spitball something... I am traveling in Croatia right now and we were talking about things that change you. Specifically studying abroad. It's been on my mind ever since my tour director mentioned it. I wasn't gone long. Maybe 5 months, it was only a semester. But she was talking about the reverse culture shock. The way that being alone abroad changes you. How people don't understand when you're changed or really why. And that it was really the beginning of the end in my relationship. Whats more is we were only together like a little over a year when this happened. But if I really think I came back different. I wasn't the confident girl who left. Being alone challenged me in a way that was beyond what I could handle. It set in motion the clear, slow and steady decline of my mental health over the next three years. I realized I wasn't as strong as I thought and it scared me. My boyfriend fell in love with the confident girl who had a sense of self. I lost myself. I didn't even realize it until this moment the impact it had on me. I morphed myself into a version who mirrored him and was only concerned with making sure he never left. It's a striking realization. And a rather tough pill to swallow. I still don't know who I am or what I want or what job I want despite having two degrees. Who am I? What do I want out of life? I cover up with humor and smiles but my eyes are still sad and dead. I'm not depressed and I'm managing okay. I'm just lost maybe. Like a ship without a sail or stars to guide it.
How does one go about finding themselves in the world. I have no sense of style I don't not know how to dress myself. But I also don't know how to dress myself. I want to throw everything I own away and start over. Obviously that's unrealistic. Or reinvent myself like literally become a different person. It's so stressful I could actually cry. I am so at a loss and so lost about where to go with my life. Please fucking help me. Of course who helps me will be me but I can dream that some magic fairy godmother will come out of the ether and fix me and make me all the things I want to be.
I've also somehow decided I'm ugly. Like seriously. I look at old pictures and I have to be ugly. I have a decent figure but I am fat and I am so uncomfortable in my body and I don't know how to tell anyone because no one sees this side of me. I am always the confident person around those I know and I'm so fucking tired. I'm tired of being strong. Tired of pretending im good and happy. I'm not depressed to be clear. I know what that feels like and I'm not showing signs of slipping but seriously wtf do I do? Even my best friend doesn't get it. I don't think anyone even knows the real me or is aware enough to know. Literally no one notices me. I'm invisible. Literally. Insignificant. People say I'm important and they love me but I'm always an after thought. People don't message me or check on me or text me or even notice. How long would it take for people to notice I wasn't sending messages and being around. Probably way longer than my ego would allow me to think.
So here I sit. Having alone time on vacation because I love my people but I feel so alone. I just want to be honest without someone judging me. I want to be open and struggle and have someone love me and hug me despite all of it. Not leave me. Love is conditional and it should be. But I want someone to know ME and decide that I'm enough. That isn't too much to ask.
(J45, recording) Music In A Foreign Language w/ harmonica Loretta w/ harmonica Don't Let The Fire Die w/ harmonica Happy Hour (eventually) w/ harmonica & backing vocals Sentimental Journey / MGS medley w/ harmonica
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
❤️🌊🏖️🏄🤙🏼💕 Back from the #Beach! Farewell, #Malibu... until the next time! I recently colored an old #StreamOfConciousness #MiniComic preview I did back in 2014, starring #CharacterCat. #JeauxJanovsky #JeauxJ #Comics #Comix #ReadMoreComics #Calarts #CalartsAlumni #CalartsMafia #CalartsStyle #CalartsPride #CaliforniaInstituteOfTheArts #CalArtsCharacterAnimation #Weird #Weirdo #CatsOfInstagram #Cats #CartoonsOfTheFuture #MakeShit #Shitty (at Culver City, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/CRcnJ7xD2pW/?utm_medium=tumblr
MTB: Stream of Consciousness Writing
MTB: Stream of Consciousness Writing
Written for dVerse Poets Pub: https://dversepoets.com/2020/08/13/mtb-stream-of-consciousness-writing/
My life in limbo
Living in infinity is like my life when I try to imagine where I am going and where I have been, underlying all of it with a simple desire to settle down and enjoy the freedoms that I should find easily in my life, only to be mustered by the happenings in fate which are…
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#SwipePost: Because you'll see something new each time you swipe. Here is some "turning my brain off", "zoning the eff out", mindless scribbling and chickenscratch coloring. Everything you see here had a #StreamOfConciousness, "following the mind's eye" feel to it- from the choosing of the #Cartoon #Characters, to the choosing of the colors, and even how the colors decided to flow and pull my hand around the page. I tried my best to have my mind go on Auto-Pilot and not second-guess or doubt the colors choices. Pure commitment. #PopCulture #PopArt #Cartoons #Animation #SaturdayMorningCartoons #DisneyAfternoon #DisneyPlus #Disney #LooneyTunes #WarnerBros #MGM #HannaBarbera #DrSeuss #TomAndJerry #FogHornLegHorn #ScoobyDoo #Euchariah #HalloweenIsGrinchNight #RescueRangers #MontereyJack #JeauxJanovsky #JeauxJanovskyArt #JeauxJ #CalartsAlumni #InstaArt #InstaArtist (at Culver City, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/B_mermbDAE9/?igshid=11yvoan86e1en