so, i was up at four in the morning listening to bts (because i am an army fite me) and mono comes on. yeah, the entire playlist. so i'm listening to it and i'm struck by four things.
one: y'all be sleeping on joon's emotions. like we talk about jimin's body image issues and yoongi's anxiety and tae being bullied and jungkook's shyness and stuff, but we forget about joon's insecurity and depression. he released an entire playlist on it, one armys be sleepin on for no reason. hun, when he talks about living as much as you want to die, he's speaking from experience. so, please. don't forget he's a person.
two: he didn't write this for us. well he did, but at the same time he didn't. he wrote this knowing that that this would be heard by outside ears one day, but this is him. these are his thoughts, his feelings. he's not hobi comforting us, not yoongi cussing the world out, this is namjoon sharing his thoughts and feelings with us, giving us snippets of what it's like to b e him, because this is him. this entire entity is kinda like namjoon's diary. this is an extension of himself. this isn't him opening a door, this is the door.
three: this was personal to me too. as someone who is currently struggling with depression, hearing this really gave me comfort. because this isn't rm comforting me, this is namjoon crying with me. and yeah, tokyo, moonchild and badbye made me cry. they made me cry because this is someone else's thoughts that mirror mine. this isn't a confession, this isn't a reminder, this is a person, telling himself to stop crying, this is a person pushing away the norms of lying for posterity and social norms, this is a person feeling lost and homesick for who they were before.
four: this isn't chill. this is not a 'chill mixtape'. this is filled with emotional turmoil and storms and sadness. just because the beats aren't filled with bass and it isn't fast, doesn't mean this is chill. this is probably the most intense set of songs i've listened to filled with emotion.
most people tend to dismiss rm as just poetry. but there is a meaning behind the wordplay, there is a person behind the metaphor. of all the new solos bts has released this was probably the one that's been listened to the least. that makes me so, so sad, because this is what we need at the moment.
