Forever Is As Long As You Last

Anyway, it turns out social media is still the cesspool that drove me away, and my privacy is something I am completely unwilling to compromise, and. Life without my Nanny sucks, and life with big kids is pretty awesome, and being on the other side of 40 just means I won’t entertain anyone or anything that doesn’t value me for exactly who I am or add positively to my experience. I love my very small corner of the world and I wish I’d figured that out years ago but here we are.

I had taken him to Dunkin Donuts, and afterwards I asked if he’d like it if we drove around, maybe went to the “airplane park” (observation area at the foot of the main runway at BWI Airport) since it was nice weather. He said it sounded like fun. I should have thought to dress to run, because it’s him and that park has a miles-long trail that’s really nice.

I say “because it’s him” … This boy is twelve. He didn’t walk until he was 22 months. There was nothing wrong with him; my father didn’t walk till he was 2, nor my daughter till 18 months. There’s just a late walking gene somewhere that some in my family get and others don’t. Anyway, it was challenging when he was almost 2 and not walking because by then I had his baby brother. So picture me with one baby strapped to my chest and the other on my hip. I don’t know how I made it! Thankfully the little one decided to walk at 11 months.

Back to the 12-year-old. Once that kid got upright, he didn’t stay walking for long. He runs everywhere. I had an uncle who was like that who used to run around my grandmother’s yard with him and my son thought that was the best. He’s always been fast, but now his legs are longer than mine. We started out walking the trail at a good clip and I had to really work to keep up with him just doing that because his stride is longer. Then I said, “I know you’re looking at everybody running; we might as well do a little. I’m not a great runner but I’ll do my best.”

And here’s the thing: in high school I ran cross country. I wasn’t awesome but I wasn’t terrible. My best 5k was 26:28. A few years ago I decided to take it up again, and for almost a year I ran 2-3 miles a day on the treadmill. Unfortunately I spent as much time healing from injuries incurred while running as I did on the actual running. I have scoliosis and not just a little bit, and my skeletal structure is not conducive to running well. If I’d had my zero-drop shoes the other day, and the insoles that correct my oversupination I’d have been alright because I still work out hard. Cardio and strength training in the form of barre workouts 5 times a week and my stamina is better than it’s been in my life. As it was, I had cute but impractical street sneakers on, and I made it a quarter mile and something in my lower back said HELL NO. My boy was kind and slowed down so as not to leave the old lady in the dust.

So. For three days now I’ve been dealing with sciatica. I had forgotten just how much it sucks. It was the nail in the coffin that finally made me give up running five years ago for things kinder to my physique. Not bursitis in my knee and hip; not even plantar fasciitis could get me to stop for long, but that sciatic nerve/SI joint pain is like back labor all over again and … suffice it to say it’s not a picnic. I limped my way through workouts for 2 days after it started but today I rested. It was beautiful this afternoon so the kids and I walked around the neighborhood and that was more than enough.

Thing is, I want to run with my son sometimes. He loves it and it’s something I know a little bit about, and one of the great things about this phase of parenting is sharing in the things that make my kids tick. My daughter and I have coffee and kpop. The little dude writes hilarious stories and still wants to cuddle. My running man loves to run more than anything else in life. I’m going to find a way to meet him in it, because I’m in this place where the hard hard needy years are behind me but they seem like yesterday, and I know I’m going to blink and ten more years will be gone and so will all of them. I’ve seen what losing two sons did to my grandmother, and all of the never knowing how much time we have is something I’m constantly aware of now.

I’m pathetically inactive these days. I didn’t care and I don’t care except when I do care that it’s starting to show. But I know what is and isn’t good for me, and what can I do but act on new information as I learn?