#strained

Back to square one

Benophie ✨ | Bridgerton Season 4 Part 2

Chapter - 4.

But a hand held my wrist, jerking me back again.

Gareth.

"First of all, you ruined everything. And now, when we are trying to give you another chance, you're ruining it as well by behaving like a fucking bitch?" He scoffed.

His grip on my wrist was so tight, I knew there will be marks left. I didn't struggle in his grip, knowing it would just hurt more.

"Chance? Humiliating me in front of everyone seems like a chance to you?" I asked, my voice deep with emotions.

"You are not even feeling a fraction of what Mia felt!" Another loud voice pierced in the air.

Landon King.

I tilted my head up to look at him. He was coming from the entrance. But he wasnt with his usual loops idea smirk or cockiness.

He was looking murderous.

Dangerous.

"You call yourself her sister, huh? Her twin? But you know what you're? A selfish bitch who wanted all the attention for herself that's why she ruined her sister's life."

"No I didn't." I yelled back.

No. No. No.

He was lying. I didn't do that, right? I wasn't that selfish. I was... I was helpless, right? Right?

I could feel my mind going hazy, the demons inside me ready to eat me out, to take over my mind. And I knew I was about to lose it, and I needed to go outside from this fucking house.

I struggled in Gareth's grip. "Fucking leave me," I gritted. His grip only tightened. "And now your dramas. Please stop these." He uttered.

"Don't you ever get tired with all these dramas of yours?" Killian sneered.

"Oh, she dont. She loves drama and creating them." Gareth said back.

"She was always an attention seeker." Mia said.

No.

Please, leave me.

Please.

"Leave her," a deep British accent yelled, cutting the air with it. It was Brandon.

At his loud voice, all of them stopped, shocked. Even Landon and Nikolai was shocked. Gareth finally left my wrist, and I literally ran away from the house, not looking back.

NCIS 3x16

There’s something oddly comforting about watching Lady Bird: the rawness of the relationship between Christine and her mom hits so close to home that it feels like I’m staring into a mirror. The way they love each other one moment and fight the next, the complexity of that bond, the tension, the unspoken words...it all feels so familiar.

It’s like a reflection of my relationship with my mom, one that’s always been a delicate balance of strain and love, where everything simultaneously feels fragile and incredibly strong.

Like Christine, I’ve spent much time feeling like my mom is too much. She’s always been there, hovering in the background, offering unsolicited advice, and pointing out my flaws in a way that never feels as gentle as I need. It’s easy to get lost in the frustration of it all, to feel like she’s standing in the way of my growth, independence, and freedom.

Every time she says, “Are you sure that’s the best decision?” or “I don’t know if that’s what I would have done,” it’s like she’s trying to pull the reins on a life I’m trying to live for myself. And let me tell you, the teenage rebellion I felt in Lady Bird? I know it. I’ve lived it.

But here’s the thing...like Christine and her mom, there’s something deeper beneath all the friction. Love. The kind that’s messy and imperfect. The kind that’s almost suffocating at times but always comes from wanting the best for you, even when it doesn’t feel like it. I’ve spent years thinking that my mom’s constant presence, her need to “help,” was just another form of control. But in moments of quiet reflection, I see it for what it is: care. She pushes me to be better and more and stop settling. Maybe it’s not always delivered most gracefully, but it’s her way of loving me.

There’s also something about how Lady Bird captures that period of growth...when you’re trying so hard to become your own person but feeling constantly tethered to the woman who raised you. My mom has always been a bit of a guide, the one who holds the map and tells me where I should go, but I’ve never been one to follow directions easily. Like Christine, I wanted to create my own path and live life on my own terms.

But I didn’t realize back then, and maybe what Christine didn’t fully see either, that our mothers aren’t just obstacles in our way; they’re trying to prepare us for what’s out there to help us navigate the unknown.

There are days when I feel frustrated, like I’m being held back by her need to micromanage, to be in my business. But then, there are the moments when I get home from a long day, feeling like the world is against me, and she’s there with her unshakable belief in me, quietly pushing me to keep going. She never says it outright, but I can see it in the way she makes my favorite dinner after a tough week, in the way she always remembers the little things that matter to me. That’s love, too.

It’s funny...when I was younger, I couldn’t wait to escape. Getting away from her would be the key to finding myself and defining my life. But now, I realize the truth is more complicated. I don’t need to escape to be who I’m meant to be. I need to learn how to live with and without her and embrace the lessons she’s trying to teach me without feeling stifled by them. It’s a delicate balance that’s not always easy to find.

I don’t think I’ll ever fully understand my mom in the way that I wish I could. Our relationship is one of those constantly evolving things that ebbs and flows, shifting between love and frustration, between wanting to be close and needing space. And that’s okay. Because what Lady Bird reminds me of is this: it’s not about the perfect relationship. It’s not about being perfectly understood or even perfectly loved. It’s about knowing that despite the clashes, the distance, the misunderstandings...there’s always that thread of love holding everything together, even when it feels like it might snap.

One day, I’ll look back and realize how much I needed all of it: the advice, the nagging, the overbearing love. Because deep down, I know it was all part of her way of helping me become the woman I’m supposed to be. And when that day comes, I’ll probably wish I had embraced it sooner, just like Christine does when she finally sees her mother for who she really is.

The survival of the fittest, The advancement of the best, The enthronement of the truest In the world's great crucial test, Is emblazoned on each banner Wherever man is found, And e'en 'mong plants and animals This holds, the world around.

Then prepare for the survival, Allow no base retreat, (Dethronement means delinquency,) Endure the cold and heat; The elements that meet us May all be overcome, With God and right ever in sight, The victory may be won.

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Survival Of The Fittest

Jared Barhite  1840-1921

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