#stephaniesteinberg

                                         Of all the challenges and obstacles I am facing on this new path (ie my height and age primarily) the hardest thing by far is a chronic battle with an issue that has been plaguing me for 20 years. Can I finally stop pulling out my eyebrows?!

For twenty years. For twenty WHOLE years I have suffered, secretly for the most part, from a behavior disorder in which I pull out my eyebrows (and bite my nails but that is a little more "acceptable" in the world). Feeling like a weirdo freak for 15 of those years I kept the reason why I had little to no eyebrows a secret. I was quick to become teary eyed and anxiety ridden at the mere mention of my eyebrows. My body and mind consistently filled with feelings of shame and embarrassment and then mental fatigue from beating myself up for not being able to control myself. 

Recently, I befriended a casting director who casually said you look great but you have to let your eyebrows grow back. Yes..yes I do... While this was the first time it was suggested my success work wise may be affected because of my penciled on eyebrows, he was definitely not the first to challenge me, so to speak. I have been hearing this seemingly simple suggestion for years from friends and family. Everyone making it sound so easy and at times actually treating me like a child by slapping my hand away. For the most part the extreme gestures did not bother me and was a helpful reminder, but there were the other times that I was feeling really anxious and in a such a deep zone that being reprimanded only fueled my fire of anxiety and increased feelings of shame.  

It was not until my early 30's, 15 years after the pulling started, that I stopped being embarrassed by the habit (what I called it for years) and was comfortable in owning and admitting it. I finally grew to know and love myself enough to know that I was not weird or a freak, I just have a problem. I realized everyone has a problem or addiction in some fashion so why should I be so ashamed of my "problem". I took the time to research my behavioral pattern and was relieved to learn it was not just me! AND there is a name for the behavior: Trichotillomania.

While it was comforting to know I was not alone and this is a very real issue, it does not make it easier to deal or stop. The struggle is 100% day to day, and mood to mood. The more I keep myself busy and active the easier each day is. And one day, maybe soon, I can wash my face with the door open no longer worried if anyone sees me sans brow; I can let people touch my face with out fear of smudged brow; and best of all would be to post a picture of my face with no penciled on eyebrows. 100% make up free.

More info:                                                                             Trichotillomania (pronounced trick-o-til-o-MAY-nee-ah), a disorder in which people have an irresistible desire to pull out their hair from the scalp, eyebrows, legs, pubic area or any place where hair grows on the body.