#starwarsfemslashweek

Jess cringes, covering her face in her hands as Kare tells the story of how Jess first confessed she had feelings for her. “That’s okay honey I think they’ve heard enough-” “-and that’s when she started crying. Like ugly sobbing. I didn’t think she would remember any of it in the morning, but when she woke up to my famous post-party breakfast, she straight up said ‘I meant what I said last night.’ which is so embarrassing because you obviously can’t have been that drunk then. I can’t believe we’re dating now.” “That’s so unfair! And anyway your breakfast is like a actual heaven, I would have said anything to keep you around.” “I’m pretty sure anyone with enough whip cream and pre-made pancake batter can do what Kare does, but you can keep telling people that if you want Jess,” says Poe. Everyone laughs while Kare dramatically raises a hand to her chest, her mouth gaping wide in mock offense. “Well, guess you won’t be getting any tomorrow morning.” “My house, my pancakes,” Poe says with a shrug. They were late into the evening of one of Poe’s get together parties, he and Finn cuddling together on a sofa made for one person, Jess and Kare with her long legs settled on his large couch, and Rey on the the carpet with Poe’s corgi puppy, Bee, curled up in her lap. Most of the drinks were emptied, sitting on the glass coffee table and scattered around the living room. “Hey do you know what is so unfair? Rey doesn’t have anyone here to tell embarrassing stories about her.” says Jess, pointing at her accusingly.

“I can make some up.” says Poe. “I once saw Rey kiss a cow. Straight on the lips, with tongue.” “Poe!” Rey exclaims, while Jess and Kare giggle, Finn snorting loudly into his drink causing everyone to laugh even louder. “Guys. Guys, guys. This isn’t fair to Rey. She’s all alone, we have to support her. She doesn’t have what we have,” Finn manages to get out. “Rey. Rey. I’m sorry my boyfriend is a big bully.” “Thank you, Finn.” Rey says while Poe makes a pouty face. “Sorry Rey. I mean, I guess it’s not fair to pick on you. I mean who are you going to complain to when you go home?” “Wait, guys, she has no one to complain to, so that means we can pick on her as much as we want,” Jess says with a wink. Though she knows it is all in good fun, Rey feels herself getting more and more irritated at their teasing. “I think Rey is the sweetest person. In this world.” Finn thinks for a minute. “Well, I haven’t really met everyone in the world, but…” he trails off as he seems to pass out on Poe’s shoulder. “How hasn’t the sweetest girl, maybe in the world, found a girlfriend, and Jess, who leaves her dishes in the sink and her dirty clothes on the ground, have one. Love isn’t real.” says Kare. “Maybe she has a dark side that we don’t see. Maybe her breath stinks.” said Jess. That was enough for Rey. Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe she was a bit more jealous of her friends happiness than she let herself admit, maybe she was tired of being single all the time, and maybe this time her friends had hit a nerve that she hadn’t even told them was exposed as she stung sharply from their harmless comments. And maybe, she was more than a little competitive. “Well, maybe I am seeing someone.” All eyes turn to Rey in surprise. Even Finn raises his head and squints at her. “Who Rey? Why don’t we know about this?” Jess asks suspiciously. This was a problem. Because Rey had not, in fact, being seeing anyone. Hell, there was barely anyone who she saw who wasn’t the people in this room. “Why should I tell you?” Rey says to buy herself more time. “Oh come on Rey, we’re your friends! You have to tell us!” says Kare. “Yeah Rey, we’re sorry. Please, we’re all dying to know,” says Poe. “Her name is Rose.” Nice. Rey had really messed up this time. Rose was most definitely not the name of her girlfriend. I mean, not that Rey hadn’t thought about how nice that would be. Holding her hand, kissing her forehead, stuff like that. But worst of all- “Rey, isn’t that your new roommate? That you’ve had for like, two weeks, tops.” Kare says. “It’s been three weeks, and yes, we have been getting along well. Really well, actually.” “Rey you sly dog!” Poe says with a grin growing on his face. “Do you know what this calls for?” “A lie detector test?” says Jess. “Do tell, Poe,” says Kare, brushing off Jess’ comment. “A triple date! You, Jess, me, Finn, and Rey and her girl! There’s the fall fair down by the beach all week, it’s perfect.” Rey thinks to decline, but with Jess still scrutinizing her so very closely, she says,”I’m sure Rose would love to come.” “Then it’s a date!” says Poe, beaming at his successful plan. “It’s a date,” Rey says plastering a smile on her face. She really messed up this time.

*****

“I’d love to come to the fair!” Rose says, beaming with enthusiasm. “I was actually going to ask you because I still don’t really know a lot of people around here, so that’s awesome.” At least she’s excited. “Well, actually, there’s more.” “Oh?” Rose seems unconcerned by this and turns back to put some pasta in the water which had just reached a boil. Rey is silent for a minute, unsure of how to explain that she had lied to her friends and that she needed Rose’s help to continue lying to her friends without seeming like a complete scumbag. “Well, something I said, maybe, may have put them under the impression that you were coming as my girlfriend?” Rose turns back around, spoon in hand and an eyebrow arching in surprise. “Oh?” Rey takes this as encouragement and explains how she had arrived at this mess. Rose continues about the kitchen during her story getting some sauce ready and stirring the pasta. When Rey is done talking, she says “One second,” finishing up and serving dinner. Rey waits nervously, ready to be laughed at or at the very least politely rejected. Rose turns around and passes Rey an unexpected bowl. Rey blushes and stutters out a thank you, which Rose answers with a smile. Then she responds. “Sounds like a date!” “Really?” Rey says. A date? Like a real date? A date with Rose, who made Rey dinner without being asked, who doubled Rey’s plant collection when she moved in, who would marathon episodes of How It’s Made with her, and would actually listen and care when she asked Rey about her day? “Yeah! Sounds exciting. Like being undercover, or something! You’re cool, I wouldn’t mind pretending to be your girlfriend for a few hours.” Rey doesn’t know how to feel about this response. Her heart skips a beat when Rose says she’s cool, but she feels herself deflate when Rose makes it clear it’s a one time thing. It could definitely have gone worse, though. When Rose beams and tells Rey about all the things she is most excited for at the fair, Rey feels like she has made a bigger mistake than she had originally thought.

*****

The morning of the triple date Rey sleeps in for as long as she can, waiting until they have to leave for the fair to exit her room and face Rose. “There you are sleepy head! It’s nearly eleven, we have to leave in like ten minutes. We wouldn’t want your friends to have a bad first impression of your girlfriend would we?” she says with a wink. Rose is dressed in a floral button up and ripped jeans, her hair tied up in a loose bun. She looks good and Rey can already feel some heat creeping up her neck. I’m such a useless lesbian. What has she gotten herself into? “Don’t worry, I’m ready to go.” God, she was so not ready.

*****

When they arrive the other two couples are already waiting under the awning of the white and blue ticket booth, its sign flashing cheerfully even though it is midday. Different rides reach high into the sky behind them, a ferris wheel, a skyscreamer, a roller coaster. There are tents with striped canopies just waiting to steal every penny from their pockets with their silly games. Everywhere Rey looked she was greeted by obnoxiously flashing lights and bright shades of red, yellow, blue, and green. Rose takes a hold of Rey’s hand before they are spotted. “Hey, just act natural, they won’t know what’s up at all,” Rose says at Rey’s shocked expression, as though she was the one who should be worried about being outed as a fraud. As they get closer she can hear the inviting sounds of carnival music and the dull rush of hundreds of voices mingling together. She inhales the aroma of frying pastries and her mouth waters. Finn is the first one to spot them. His head swings back in a laugh and he claps in delight. Jess’ jaw hits the floor and she just stares until Kare nudges her side and tells her to be cool with one of those inside glances they always share. Poe gives them both a big hug and proceeds to introduce everyone in the group. “I’m so happy to meet you all! Rey has told me a lot about you,” says Rose. “All good things I hope,” says Poe. “And a little bad- wouldn’t want Rosy here to think we’re boring” adds Jess. Rey rolls her eyes. “Rose has some things she wants to visit first,” says Rey. Rose says that she doesn’t really mind and that someone else can pick, but everyone else insists that as the newest member of their friend group that she gets to plan the day. Since she’s outnumbered, she drags Rey through the crowds of people running around with their pink clouds of cotton candy and laughing and waiting in lines over to the bumper cars. Poe is the best, dipping and dodging around them all before coming up from behind and sending them all crashing into their steering wheels. By the end he has teamed up with Rose to corner people and they make are truly menacing pair, striking terror into the hearts of their victims. Poe wants to go for another round, Rose cheering in agreement, but everyone else groans so they make their way to the skyscreamer, the ferris wheel, and the dart throwing where Finn wins a teddy bear he says is for Bee. Rose’s hand is back at home in Rey’s every minute they stand beside each other. By the time they reach the haunted house Rey finds herself almost getting used to it.

*****

A skeleton drops from the ceiling, giggling menacingly and causing Rose to scream and basically jumps into Rey’s arms. Rey pulls her into a hug, laughing into her hair. “I’d say get a room, but you probably don’t want to in this house. It’s haunted!” says Poe strolling past them into the next room with his fists raised. Rey pulls away quickly. She is grateful for the spooky dark red lighting as she feels heat crawling up her neck into her face. Rey feels a slap in the face of emotions. She feels ashamed at how comfortable she has gotten already, that she almost felt like there was something real, something genuine between her and Rose. She reminds herself this is a one time thing. That Rose is just doing this as a favour, that she just wanted someone to visit the fair with, that she doesn’t owe Rey anything. Rey resolves to feel less warm and comfortable for the rest of their date. Their date which wasn’t even a date. They move onto the giant, looping blue rollercoaster and Rose clutches Rey the whole time, screaming and laughing in delight, but Rey’s heart is no longer in it. When their feet reach solid ground once more, she tells the rest of the group to go on without her so she can sit and recover, claiming the rollercoaster made her queasy. Rose looks worried, but after a second her eyes light up. “I know something that will make you feel better!” She skips away pulling the group along on her next adventure. As they walk away, Rey feels something like relief and puts her face in her hands. “Mind if I sit with you?” Rey looks up to see Finn’s face looking down at her with concern. She gestures to the spot beside her in welcome. “Something wrong? You’ve been kind of off since the haunted mansion. Is everything okay with you and Rose? I mean, she seems to be having a great time. And we all love her,” says Finn. Rey disassembles a leaf which she had found on the ground. “It’s okay. We’re fine. We’re great.” Finn looks unconvinced. “It’s just… Rey I don’t understand why you wouldn’t have told me that you and Rose got together. I mean, you called me up the first time she gave you a hug to tell me she had the strongest, warmest, kindest, softest-” “Okay I get the point,” says Rey picking up a new leaf and tearing it in half. “Is this your first date?” Finn asks, getting to his point. Rey sighs. She couldn’t keep anything from Finn even if she wanted to. “If you could call it that.” “Rey, what is going on between you and Rose?” Rey gives in and explains their ruse. How she had lied, how she had pulled Rose into her lie. By halfway through her story Finn is grinning so wide she thinks his face might fall in two. “ - Finn? Finn, this isn’t funny. I’m dying. This, here, is how I die.” Finn shakes his head side to side, laughing. “Rey, she is so into you. Like, totally, super into you. Like ‘I want to kiss you until I die from lack of oxygen’ into you. ‘Let’s adopt to a dog and move into the mountains’ into you. ‘I want you to take me to bed and-” “Thank you Finn, I’ve gotten your point.” Rey shakes her head, smiling at her friend. “Look what she has agreed to do for you. If she wasn’t crazy into you already there is no way she would be here. And if she is acting, she better get all the oscar’s, because, man, the way she looks at you is exactly the way Poe looks at me after I tell him he can have the last cookie.” Rey laughs, but is certain Finn is just trying to cheer her up. She doesn’t have time to ask him if he is serious because that’s when Rose bounces back over to sit between her and Finn. The other three follow behind, Kare with a large funnel cake. “Hey, sweetie, you feeling better? I have something that will help!” Rose says rubbing Rey’s back. Over her shoulder Finn rolls his eyes, and mouths ‘look! Look at this’ while dramatically waving his hand for emphasis. Rey smiles and looks away from Finn into Rose’s eyes. “Yes, I really am.”

*****

With that the triple date comes to an end, Poe claiming that he and Finn have been away from Bee for too long. There are hugs all around, and everyone tells Rose how much they love her and that she has to come to their next party. “Rey, if you ever do anything to hurt Rose, you will have me to answer to,” says Poe. “Poe! That is so unfair, you know me,” says Rey. Poe laughs pulling her into a warm hug. “Nice catch, you’ve got a really good one this time,” he says quietly so only she can hear.

And then they are gone. And it’s only Rose and Rey. Rey and Rose. As they head back to their apartment Rey’s hand is cold, strikingly empty. She feels a sting behind her eyes, a hollowness in her chest. She can’t wait to be alone in her room with her plants. Rose nudges Rey on the shoulder and she looks over to see Rose share a sympathetic smile, as though she can tell what is going on in Rey’s head. “Hey, I had a really good time. Your friends are really nice.” Rey smiles back weakly before putting her head back down. “Yeah, they were on their best behaviour for you today. And I don’t think they figured out what we were doing, which is great,” Rey says. They keep on walking in silence, Rose quiet as they wait at a stoplight. She only speaks again when they cross the road, nearly home. “I would love to go out with you all again. Or just with you, if you want. Like, another fake date. But also not fake this time.” Rey looks over at Rose to see if she is joking. She can’t be because she looks mortified, blushing and staring stubbornly straight ahead. Rey finds a smile growing on her face. “So, like, a real date?” “Yeah! But if you didn’t want to go on a real date I would be totally fine with another fake one too.” “Yes! I would like that,” Rey says. Rose looks over, still unsure and nervous. “To the real date. Real date sounds nice,” Rey clarifies. “Oh okay! Awesome, that’s great. I mean, to the real date. Those are better than fake dates, usually,” Rose says. The bounce is finally back in her step and Rey feels just as light, as though her heart had never left the rollercoaster. A date. A real date. With Rose, who smiled like the sun and made Rey feel just as warm. Rose, who looked at Rey like she was special, who could tell when she was sad, who brought her funnel cake and gave the strongest, warmest, kindest, softest hugs. Rey hesitates before taking Rose’s hand. Rose looks over, beaming, and interlocks their fingers, swinging their arms lightly. Rey marvels at how natural, how warm, how comfortable, she feels with their palms pressed together. It feels like home.

*****