#start-over

I know I just take this blogsite for granted(and i'm sorry..). Now I'm watching this MTV series entitled Awkward. I know I'm not the lead, but It was inspiring when you get back on the days that you need serious confrontation. Of course, blogging is not a a safe haven, but still it helps me stressing out my insecurities and moving on to another chapter.

I know by firsthand experience that Paleo works.  I don't have time to go into detail, but I'm sure you can find it in previous e-mails to others who were curious about my diet (Facebook). 

After two months of being completely Paleo - I decided to try out wheat again.  It was the perfect timing because I had a huge part of Olivia's 5th birthday cake left over and sitting in our house.  For a few weeks, I didn't feel any symptoms return.  After about three weeks on gluten AND processed sugars, I gained 2 lbs (from 102.6).  After about a month, I finally began feeling slight body aches return, but thought it could be Chloe getting heavier and my body/muscles adjusting to her weight.  Also a new pillow, etc.  They were very slight and few and far between.  Soon, along with deeper upper back-aches, headaches returned, almost on a daily basis.  I remembered that previous to paleo, I was alternating Tylenol and Ibuprofen so that I didn't o.d. or something from taking them so often during the week. 

Fast forward to now, (from March 6th, 2011) my sugar cravings are in full swing and I can't resist like I was able to when I was full on into Paleo.  I didn't even have to 'resist' when I finally got a handle on it.  Now it's literally like a drug.  It stares at me when it's in the house.  I make efforts to find sugar even if there is fruit around - the fruit, now, doesn't even get touched.  On Paleo, all I needed were apples to satisfy my carb cravings and I was super good.  Currently, my weight is 108.  I'm bloated after every meal, not just gluten anymore.  I'm not "regular" as I was on paleo (almost x2 a day then.)  My foggy mind is back, my sleeping habits are terrible and I crave naps in the afternoons.  Mood swings galore.  Hot flashes and have even felt verges of possible anxiety (Lord, forbid) the past couple of days.  I allow small battles to mess up my entire day.  Cranky, cranky cranky.  My most recent period was more symptomatic than it had been since the beginning of the year, and even off by almost a week.  The two periods after having begun paleo at the beginning of the year began 1 month to the day.  It wasn't until after I had reintroduced the crap that it got off. 

Today - in 'retaliation' to the world (because I had a bad day) I decided to order a pizza and coke.  I am currently the only person paying for it.  I not only look like I'm 5 months pregnant, I feel it as well!  Bloated, crampy, tired, foggy, jittery... what in the heck. 

Enough is enough.  I've been flirting with starting Paleo again - but I've been having THE MOST DIFFICULT TIME EVER.  It was hard for me to get into it when I actually followed through, but this time - geesh.  It was idiocy to decide to reintroduce the junk right about the time swim-suit season would begin.  My clothes don't look as good on me now, my love handles are back, my skinny jeans barely fit and my jowls are beginning to make me look chubby again!

Tomorrow - I eat clean.  And I document.  I want to be healthy.  I don't want to feel like crud again.  This is for my kids.  This is for me. 

Lord, thank you for introducing me to this way of eating.  Thank you for Bill introducing our family to it.  Help me be resilient Lord.  Help me to begin feeling effects immediately.