#starlander

Homelander is watching you with narrowed eyes. You’re adjusting Starlight’s cape around her shoulders, teasing her about the fabric’s uselessness. Starlight is meeting each jab with a grin so sweet it could crack a tooth. He huffs a laugh under his breath as she playfully pushes your arm. To the frightened production assistants circling him like mosquitoes, he looks annoyed - and he is. It should not be taking this long to film one episode of American Hero, but these “rising stars” can’t hit their fucking marks. Amateurs. Homelander is pissed at them and Ashley and the rest of these assholes on set, but shockingly, he isn’t bothered by you or Starlight. Right now, he’s curious.

You were hired on to be Starlight’s personal assistant when she became - even thinking it makes his insides boil - his co-captain. He started noticing you on your third week of work; personal assistants for the Seven never lasted very long but leave it to their resident Girl Scout to keep theirs. You were unremarkable at first, but to someone like the Homelander, that was a compliment. He didn’t notice you because you were good at your job, and you stayed out of his way; he had no reason to bother tormenting you. It was only when he had a real conversation with you that he realized you were worth his time. The change came about while he and Starlight were arguing in Ashley’s office. Again.

“It was my save, Starlight,” Homelander snapped for the tenth time. “You had nothing to do with it.”

Starlight carefully clapped her hands together and let out a tired sigh. “I’m not saying it was mine. I’m saying this is a good opportunity for us to talk about the shelter.”

He scoffs and points an angry finger at her. “Which makes me saving a bus of children about you and your savior bullshit.”

“You don’t care about those kids-”

The argument carried on in the same circle while Ashley used every frayed nerve left to keep from ripping her hair out. You were in the corner, typing away at your phone as if this dumpster fire wasn’t happening. At some point, you let out a sound under your breath. No normal ear would have heard it, but Homelander snapped his eyes to you like you just screamed. “Is there a problem?”

A normal person would have melted under his piercing glare. You met his gaze, calm in the cave of the predator. “I may have a solution, sir. If you’ll hear me out.”

Homelander debated lasering you on the spot, but it would create such a headache with Starlight. That, and no one had fired you yet, so maybe you did have something helpful to say. He rolled his eyes. “Spit it out.”

You held up your phone, which had an open email on it. “I just got in touch with Lee on Channel Five. He can interview Starlight while you speak with Vought News. You’d both be in the prime slots.”

Homelander’s eyes narrowed suspiciously at so quick a solution. “Channel Five, huh?”

You nod. “Vought News gets a lot more watchers, but Channel Five tends to bring in more fundraising opportunities.” You glance at Starlight for approval, and the heroine’s shoulders have already begun to sag in relief at your offered compromise. “Lee is just waiting for the okay, and we’re good to go.”

Starlight smiled gratefully at you. Homelander watched the silent exchange. Her heart rate and blood pressure have both calmed significantly; somehow, after everything she has gone through in this godforsaken company, she trusts you. You must be something special.

He walked toward you and stopped short, inches away, holding out his hand. You instinctively knew what it meant and held out your phone to him. Sure enough, after a quick and nosy scan of your texts, he saw your work. You were working through their entire spat to set up this compromise, texting five people and e-mailing another three - all while remaining calm as two of the strongest people alive quarreled. He looked back up at you with a perfectly arched brow. “Impressive.”

You blinked up at him, your calm glass facade fogged with surprise. A hint of a smile even twitched at your lips. “Just doing my job, sir.”

He smirked back at you, and then he felt it. Daggers were being shot into his back. He looked from the corner of his eye, and sure enough, Starlight looked seconds away from frying him. He had to bite back a laugh. So his co-captain didn’t like sharing her favorite toys. 

Homelander was suddenly around you a lot more after that. He asked for your opinion on things, sent you on errands, and made sure you got him a coffee whenever you got one for Starlight. He did whatever he could to make it seem as if you were his assistant, too. He had plenty of reasons for doing so. For one, he decided he liked you. You were attractive, you were intelligent enough to keep up, and he could feel your heart spike whenever he so incidentally happened to touch you. You never complained, and he just knew that this addition to your workload was a welcome one. The sugar on top of this little treat was how much it angered Starlight. She didn’t say a word to him about it, but he could see how his growing relationship with you angered her. It served her right for being such a pain in his ass.

Unfortunately, his game was exacerbating problems for Team Homelight. He had made it clear to Starlight that they were the new couple of the Seven, and the numbers it gave both of them were too good to break off. But the more he paid attention to you, the more her reactions to him in public were stilted - even more than they had been before. He understood that leaving you alone would help, but he was too far in. He wanted you, but so did she - and until a solution could be reached, this tension wasn’t going anywhere.

Something had to be done. 

“Your coffee, sir.” A quivering intern hands him a cup and pulls him out of his thoughts. The cup is actually just warm milk, but this liberal arts dropout doesn’t need to know that.

Homelander takes a long sip from it without looking at them. “Christ, is there pussy potion in the water or something?”

“…sir?”

He rolls his eyes and gestures to you and Starlight with an open palm. “Them.” He explains, adding a scoff when Starlight playfully nudges your shoulder again. “First Maeve, now these two? It’s like we’re living on fucking Lesbos here.”

“Isn’t…isn’t Starlight dating Hugh Campbell, sir?”

Homelander closes his eyes and growls. He’d kill the intern on the spot for mentioning that twink’s name if the spilled blood wouldn’t ruin his milk. 

“Guess he’s not satisfying her. Big shocker there.” Homelander snorts, and his cup is halfway to his lips when the situation fully hits him.  Of course. His co-captain is causing all these issues because she’s pent up. He doesn’t know where Campbell has been and doesn’t give a shit, but Starlight’s attention has clearly moved somewhere else. You. She likes you, but Capes for Christ’s golden daughter can’t be openly smooching her darling assistant.

His eyes wander your form for a moment, and he smirks. He has a perfect solution.

~-~

“So…why are we meeting in his apartment?”

Starlight sighs, looking over at you with apologetic eyes. “I have no idea, but he was super cheery when he asked me…never a good sign.”

You check your phone for the fifth time on this journey to Homelander’s penthouse. You couldn’t find anything today connected to him or what this mysterious meeting could be about. He’s been extremely communicative with you lately, so the mystery is alarming. You open your mouth to voice another concern, but Starlight’s hand falls to your arm.

“Hey,” She speaks softly, her voice so gentle that your steps stop beside her. “If it’s too much, you don’t have to come.”

Those big brown eyes of hers, so soft and warm when she looks at you, take your breath away every time. You smile gently and shake your head as you push your phone back into your pocket. “Nah. You’re stuck with me.”

She laughs in a delicate trill that you wish you could hear more often. “I think it’s the other way around.” A flash of something more solemn crosses her face, a conflicting feeling overtaking her - but in the next blink, she’s gone. “Seriously, thank you. I don’t know what I’d do..”

The door down the hall opens loudly. The two of you give a start as Homelander steps into the hallway with his toothiest grin. “Well, there’s my two favorite ladies!” He beckons you over with a dramatic curl of his arm. “C’mon, don’t be shy. We’re having a talk.”

He doesn’t wait for either of you to reply and steps back inside his home. You share a look with Starlight before following her careful lead. The sight you see as you enter the penthouse is…interesting. You have been here before to pick up or drop off laundry - another fun addition to your job he has given you - so the American memorabilia and dark Ikea layout aren’t a surprise. It’s the lit candles scattered around, the low-playing jazz music, and the dimmed lights that have you pausing. Starlight, similarly, looks around in disbelief. “What the fuck?”

“Take a seat, girls,” Homelander says, ignoring Starlight’s distaste and gesturing to his couch with an open palm. “Need anything? Water? Something stronger? I know you love your booze, Starlight.”

As you try to piece together what the fuck is going on internally, Starlight takes a more direct approach. She turns on him in a mix of anger and confusion. “What is this? What’re you doing?”

Homelander lets out a long sigh, as if she’s the strange one here. “Skipping the foreplay, huh? Fine.” He claps his hands together and walks forward, his boots carving a line between you and Starlight. His eyes are locked on her. “We have a problem. No matter how much I try, no matter how many times I’ve warned you, you are not putting on a good performance. You’re this pent-up ball of nerves.”

Starlight scoffs, but you both know exactly what he’s talking about. The Homelight ship has seen better waters. You can’t be the only one who notices the way she flinches when Homelander touches her, how her smile never reaches her eyes. You’ve been keeping a close tab on the tabloids, and while no one has thrown out any major accusations, some minor - and spookily accurate - social media sleuths are predicting a breakup. That, of course, is not acceptable to Homelander’s story.

“What more do you want me to do?” Starlight asks, her irritation only barely covering her nerves.

Homelander chuckles like he has an inside joke with himself. “More who than what.”

“What?”

“I was confused at first, I’ll be honest.” He says, once again ignoring his co-captain’s puzzlement. He folds his hands behind his back and slowly saunters closer, gaze still locked on Starlight. “You’re still with Campbell, last I checked, so you shouldn’t be this tense. But fuck, when’s the last time we saw that face around? Probably has his tongue so far up William’s ass he’s forgotten what the sun looks like.”

You’d be more concerned about Homelander’s casual knowledge of the boys conspiring against him if there weren’t more pressing matters at hand. You try to run to Annie’s defense. “Homelander-“

“But then I figured it out.” He suddenly clamps a hand on your shoulder, effectively shutting you up. “It’s this little firecracker here.”

The room is silent for a long while as you and Starlight silently sort through the accusation Homelander has left at your feet. He doesn’t think Vought or the pressures of leading the Seven or even his very existence are what’s bothering Starlight. Somehow, it’s you. His hand tightens the longer the silence prevails, so Starlight quickly fills it. “What do you mean?”

He turns to you, his gaze softening just a touch. It isn’t out of fondness; it’s from a clear hunger that settles low in your stomach. “Don’t act dumb. I see the way you two look at each other.” His hand slowly trails down your back. His fingers follow your spine and stop dangerously close to your ass. “Can’t blame her. You’re a sight for sore eyes around here-”

Annie’s eyes flare gold. “Stop touching her.”

“There it is.” He points at Starlight and lands his other hand firmly on your ass. “See, I knew you two were fooling around, but I wasn’t sure if it was serious. Does poor Hughie know?”

Her eyes flicker back to normal, but they remain wide. She says nothing.

“Didn’t think so.” Homelander pats your ass and winks at you as if you’re both in on this, then looks back at his partner. “Look, I don’t want to stand in the way of two infatuated…bisexuals or whatever the fuck you are. But what I won’t stand for is you making us look ridiculous out there.” He takes his hand off your ass to move over to Starlight, stopping so she has to tilt her head to look up at him. “So here’s the deal. The three of us work out this tension here. You two get to fuck in the safety of my home, and we get some passion between us. As often as we have to until we can all put on a good show again.”

It takes Starlight a second to respond, too stunned by the ever insane propositions of her co-captain. “You…You can’t be serious. You think sex is going to solve all of this?”

He grins manically. “I’m deadly serious.” He pauses, and then shrugs his shoulders impishly. “Of course, if you’re not inclined, I can just tell the press what you and your lovely assistant have been up to. The Capes of Christ will be thrilled. What do you say?”

That’s blackmail if you’ve ever heard it. You see Starlight’s eyes widen as she’s faced with yet another threat on top of the dozens she faces a day. Protective instincts flare in you, along with something else, something darker that has kept you alive in Vought. You step closer to her. “Starlight…let’s just do it.”

As Homelander’s grin widens even further, Annie looks at you in shock. “What? No! I can’t let you do this.”

He snorts. “Oh, yeah. A real torture. Like she doesn’t get wet when I just brush her shoulder.”

Starlight snarls. “You’re fucking sick.”

“Starlight…” You try again, your voice soft, and it gets her eyes back on you - and you refuse to address Homelander’s words or their terrifying accuracy. “It’s…it’s okay.”

“See? It’s okay,” Homelander soothes, patting Starlight’s head twice. “Don’t you worry. My lovers have always given me excellent reviews.”

Starlight looks back at him. Her disgust has faded to something conflicted, torn between the need to protect you and the need to protect everything—her identity, the team, Hughie, and, somehow, once again, you. A look of acceptance overtakes her, though she still venomously glares at Homelander. “The ones still alive, you mean?” She growls.

“Cute. Very cute,” Homelander claps his hands again. “Well, how should we start this, hm?”

You both stare at him, and then at each other. The only sound is the generic jazz music playing through the penthouse’s speakers. Finally, he sighs. “Looks like I’m gonna have to make the first move, huh? No problem. I’ve been wanting to do this for a while.” Homelander abruptly turns and kisses you hard. He cradles the back of your neck and holds you to him so he can memorize the shape of your lips. After the initial shock, you quickly get lost in how good of a kisser he is. When you start to kiss him back, he grins and lets his tongue slide over your lower lip. You let out a light gasp in surprise, and he happily takes the opportunity to explore the inside of your mouth. His grip on your hair tightens and his free hand navigates back to your ass, where he takes a greedy handful.

It’s then that the lights in the room violently flicker.

Homelander hesitates against your mouth and then pulls apart just enough to let out a low chuckle. “Well, someone’s a little possessive.” He pulls farther away to grin at you. “Is she always like this?”

Starlight grabs your hand and pulls you over to her. Shockingly, Homelander allows it. He watches smugly as she glares at him, her eyes still glowing that hypnotizing gold. “You’re not just using this an excuse to hook up with her,” She growls.

“Make a move then, partner,” Homelander fires, his arms folding over his chest. His suit leaves little to the imagination; you can already see he’s half-hard. He really has been waiting for this. “Not my fault you’re slow.”

Starlight rests her hand delicately on the side of your face, turning you to look at her. As the gold fades in her eyes, you see that same warm concern that roped you in when this job started. Your lives were too absurd to stop and put a label on anything, but you cared for each other deeply. You saw that care and worry clear as day, but there was something else. She may never admit it out loud, especially not in front of Homelander, but there was a dark excitement that curled at parts of herself she still had to discover. She lets out a shaky breath. “Last chance…”

“Just kiss me, Annie.”

Her breath hitches, and then she obeys. Her lips taste like the honey lip gloss she always wears, and she molds you both together like you have always meant to be kissing her. Her arms delicately wrap around your waist as you cup her jaw and kiss her with practiced ease. The familiarity of her eases the tension in your limbs, even as you hear a dark chuckle from behind you.

“Oh, so this has been happening for a while,” Homelander taunts. “When were you gonna tell Campbell you’ve switched from dick to pussy?”

Starlight growls against your lips and pulls away to look at him. “Do you ever-oh my god.”

You follow her gaze and nearly choke. Homelander took his cock out while you two had been kissing and continues to stroke himself while you both stare at him. You can’t help but swallow heavily. He has a pretty cock. Perfectly thick, long enough to draw you in without terrifying you. You notice the way Annie’s hands clench and unclench at her side. She’d probably rather die than admit it, but you know she’s thinking along the same lines as you.

“What? You two are hot,” He shrugs without remorse and then curls a finger at you. “Get over here, missy. I think your girlfriend still needs some time to warm up.”

This arrangement won’t work if you don’t take some initiative. You walk toward him with a playful tilt of your head. “I thought she was your girlfriend.”

“The spiderweb’s getting a bit blurry, I’ll admit,” Homelander chuckles while still stroking his cock. “If we consider Campbell and his-oh.”

If you could take a picture of the shock on his face as you sink to your knees, you would order a dozen copies and frame them around your home. You had never seen him so taken aback. You give him the most innocent of looks before gently taking his tip into your mouth. He growls low in pleasure and slowly releases his cock to let you take the reins. You oblige, wrapping a hand around his base and slowly taking him into your mouth. He gasps, and your eyes flutter shut as his fingers lock tightly into your hair. He doesn’t push you; if anything, judging by how vocal he becomes as you slide yourself along his dick, he’s enjoying your move to take the lead. You make a mental note of that; maybe there’s an easier way to control him after all. 

“Fuck, no wonder you didn’t want to share,” Homelander groans. You flutter your eyes open and see him looking at Starlight. His smile is smug, but his eyes give away how lost he is by the twist of your tongue. You can’t help but roll your eyes and go back to blowing him, delighting in the way he stutters in his words as a result. “Jesus…I think I have to keep her.”

You hear Starlight walk towards you both. Her hand gently settles on the back of your neck, intentionally avoiding where Homelander is gripping your hair. “She isn’t a prize,” Starlight reminds him, but even her voice sounds huskier than usual. 

“Sure blows like one.”

“You’re such an ass-”

“If you guys keep fighting, this isn’t gonna work,” You pop off Homelander’s dick to scold them. Homelander whines at the loss of your mouth, and you give Starlight a half-hearted glare over your shoulder. “Annie, come on.”

“Awww, a first name basis,” Homelander coos. He gives your head a tug towards his dick, leaving you little choice but to take him in again. You gag, and the groan he lets out is obscene. 

“Be careful,” Starlight hisses.

“Annie, she told us to get along,” He reminds her as he starts guiding you along his cock. “Now, why don’t you put that mouth to something useful and get her warmed up?”

You expect her to argue with him about it. Instead, after a moment’s hesitation, you feel her move behind you. She brushes her lips against your exposed collarbone, kissing the skin sweetly. “Can you get on your hands and knees for me, baby?”

Only she could manage to make such a question sound so sweet. You moan around Homelander’s cock, a movement that makes him jolt further into your mouth, and then adjust yourself as requested. Homelander even does you the kindness of bending down to accommodate, though you’re sure he isn’t opposed to the view. Your knees have barely settled against the cold tile before Starlight is pulling your pants and underwear down in a single tug. Her hands grab both of your ass cheeks and spread you out wide, and then her tongue is licking a slow line down your pussy. You moan. When you and Annie had first started fooling around, she was so tentative. Growing up as a pageant princess in Iowa didn’t leave a lot of room to explore her sexuality. She proved to be a swift and dedicated learner. Now, she ate you out with a practiced precision that quickly made your legs tremble. Her tongue swirled lazily along your cunt at first to warm you up. Only when you started shifting and moaning around Homelander’s cock did she suck at your lips and tongue at your hole with clear intent to drive you insane. 

“Oho, you’re good at this,” Homelander teases, slowing down from fucking your throat to admire the view. “Was this what you were doing at those pageants?”

Rather than answer him, she pulls her mouth off of your cunt. You barely have a whine out of your mouth before she’s pressing two fingers slowly inside of you. Your eyes roll back, and Homelander sees it immediately. His grin nearly splits his face. “She’s about to come.”

Starlight surprises both of you with her husky response. “Should I let her?”

Homelander barks a real laugh, his hand tightening in your hair. “She’s being so good. Let her.”

Her fingers inside of you curl and then heat. You’ve told her that using her superpowers in intimate moments isn’t playing fair. She’s retorted that the way you come says otherwise. Sure enough, you think your mind frays a moment as you orgasm around her fingers. 

The next few minutes are a bit of a blur to you. You know that by the time you have regained control of your senses, your clothes are all off, and Homelander’s dick is out of your mouth. You’re surprised to find that one of them has helped you to stand, and their clothes have been removed without either of them killing each other. Solid progress. Homelander looks Starlight over and lets out a low whistle. He opens his mouth to speak, but Starlight beats him to it. “It’s going well. Don’t ruin it.”

He chuckles and pushes her hair gently away from her face. “Wouldn’t dare, sweetheart. I know you want this as badly as I do.”

She scoffs and looks away. “Please.”

Homelander tilts his head, then leans in closer to her face. “You think I don’t notice how your heart spikes when I touch you?” He purrs. “You can pretend it’s fear all you want, but I know deep down you’re wondering what it’s like to get fucked by a real hero.”

That’s about the right time for you to step in. You come forward and gently put a hand on each of their arms. Homelander’s eyes are on you immediately with a dangerous smirk, while Starlight instinctively rests a hand over yours. You give them both a look torn between warning and playful. “Easy there, co-captains,” You murmur. “I don’t want to bring this to Edgar.”

That gets another genuine laugh out of Homelander; it’s an oddly soft sound. “Oh, he’d just love to hear about this.”

Starlight shakes her head as her thumb gently rubs over her hand. “You said this doesn’t leave this room.”

“And I meant it,” Homelander assures, but he’s still smirking. “Especially if this means we do this again.”

Starlight doesn’t reply. Instead, she uses your hand to guide you towards the bed. Homelander watches you both and scoffs. “Please, make yourself at home.”

You look over at him with a slight pout. “My knees hurt.”

He shakes his head, but it doesn’t take long for him to follow both of you toward the bed. Starlight starts to shift, but you take the initiative. “My turn,” You say, bringing her hand up to kiss her fingers. “Sit up on that ridiculously expensive headboard.”

“Excuse you, it was a gift.”

You both ignore him. Starlight smiles so damn coyingly that your heart nearly stops. She listens to you and sits herself up on the bed, her legs gorgeously spread so you have room to crawl to her. You settle on your stomach, your hands wrapping around your thighs. She watches you hypnotized as you gently bring your lips to her pussy. She always tastes so sweet and clean. Your eyes close in bliss as you swirl your tongue over her lips and her clit. Her moans are quiet and gentle as she brushes her hand along the side of her face. “You’re so good, baby…you feel so good.”

It’s such a tender moment that you’re startled by the hard smack on your ass. You gasp, looking over your shoulder. Homelander is watching you, trying desperately to look annoyed when his cock is painfully hard at the sight of his bed. “You two forget someone?” He murmurs and pinches over the red mark he’s left on your ass. “Bring this up for me.”

The insinuation makes your cunt throb. You’re way too far gone to deny how badly you want to feel that cock inside of you. You nod and arch your hips up as you turn back to Starlight. You suck more roughly at her clit as you feel Homelander’s hands grip your hips. His hands feel massive, and they’re a momentary distraction from the head of his cock pressing against your cunt. You stutter in your attention to Starlight, and Homelander tutts behind you. “Don’t neglect my co-captain, sweetheart. She’s being so great about this.”

“Do you…ever stop talking?” Starlight asks breathlessly.

“Like you don’t love my voice,” He sneers as he slowly pushes into you. It takes all of your willpower to keep licking at Starlight and not lose your mind completely. He fills you perfectly, almost too thick, nearly too full. His first few thrusts are tentative, looking for a rhythm that best suits you all. When he finds it, a rough thrust that pushes your face perfectly against Starlight’s clit, it’s over. He takes you, leaning his body fully over yours. For once, his words are gone. He fucks you into his bed while you eat out Starlight, and it’s all enough that you come again. You cry out loudly against her pussy, your legs quiver, and Homelander follows you so quickly you’re sure he’s been holding himself back - waiting for you. With the very last of your strength in post-orgasmic bliss, you focus on driving Starlight as insane as you can. It works. Just moments after you and Homelander, she cries out your name, and all the lights in the penthouse go out. For a moment, none of you say anything. Your face is still buried between Annie’s legs, and Homelander is still buried inside of you. Finally, and unsurprisingly, he speaks. “Fuck…that happen often, Starlight?”

She doesn’t answer immediately, instead focusing on bringing her breathing back to normal. “With her, yes.”

You smile as you gently press a kiss to her inner thigh. “Imagine the electric bill.”

She smirks and gives your hair a playful tug. “Hush.”

“Well now, ladies,” Homelander murmurs, and you realize he’s gently rocking inside of you - and his cock is beginning to swell again. “I think this was an excellent start to our arrangement…but we need a few more rounds to drive it home.”

Starlight growls quietly as she waves a hand to bring light back to the room. “We can’t do this all day, Homelander.”

“Not all day, maybe…but enough for the message to sink in.” He fully presses inside of you, and you whimper at the overstimulation. Both supes eyes draw to you at the sound. Homelander smirks, brushing his fingers fondly up your back before looking back up at Starlight. “She sounds game to me…what do you say, partner?”

You look up at Annie, lips gently parting as Homelander has already slowly started to fuck you again. “For the good of the team?” You ask.

Alfred Appel Jr translates it as following in the Annotated Lolita:

The other night, a cold air [pun with melody, draft, wind] from the opera forced me to take to my bed / Broken note -- he who puts his trust in it is quite foolish! / It is snowing, the decor collapses, Lolita! / Lolita, what have I done with your life?

I find it incredibly interesting how Homelander's appeal to Misty "You're supposed to worship me, love me, and me alone" mirrors his speech to Annie: "Loving, dutiful main squeeze Starlight, worshipping me and me alone". It felt cheap to add the subtitles here, since I already did that earlier because I feel the 'he's like Jesus or something' moment is something not everyone is as obsessed with as me. Anyhow: Yes, he sounds remorseful, the commentary also highlights how it's (as almost everything Nabokov does) a parody and reference - to french poetry, in this case. So 1) we can wonder how earnest that moment in Humbert's poem is, since his regret turns into violence (or memories of violence) right after. For Homelander, I find it interesting to take it at face value and marvel in how he CAN'T admit to what he did to Annie (and others). Not in English, anyways. He doesn't have the words to say it, hence it's in French. You get it.