good morning beka! for your one word drabbles if you’re feeling it: castiel + denial
IS IT SO WRONG?
Castiel x Gender Neutral!Reader
547 Words
Warnings: Longing, Bittersweet Fluff
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There were many things that he was denied.
He was an Angel of the Lord, after all. A weapon of Heaven. God’s commissioned soldier. He had no right to the comforts of humanity or the pleasures of Earth.
Time and again, Castiel had to remind himself that he wasn’t allowed to get too close, to allow himself the comfort of love, but with you, it was different.
With you, he felt a pull like no other, something deep in his ethereal soul that kept him tied to you. His vessel’s heart would race, his palms would dampened with nervous sweat, his borrowed cock would swell. Castiel couldn’t help it; he was in complete control of his vessel except when it was near you.
So often he found himself staring, hoping to catch your eye. When you looked his way, his soul would scream and ache and sing all at once, filling with forbidden love, with unholy desire. When you were close to him, he imagined pulling you into his arms, feeling your body press against his, tasting your lips. He daydreamed about laying you down, peeling away the layers of clothing between your bodies until you came together in perfect and undeniable harmony.
But Castiel wasn’t allowed such things.
Heaven denied his prayers.
On one particularly dark night, when the world seemed to be ending for the final time, when the Winchesters were stumped and the whiskey was flowing, Castiel sat in the Library, watching. He kept his eyes on you, wondering what the point of it all was, debating his Faith and his very creation. If he couldn’t love, if he couldn’t feel, what was he defending? What was it all for?
As he stared into the space between the worlds, you snuck away from the boys and slipped into the Library, liquid courage pulsing in your veins. Castiel startled as your hand pushed into his and squeezed.
“What are you doing?” he asked, eyes narrowing and brow creasing in confusion as you sank into his lap and leaned close.
“What we should have done years ago,” you answered, finally giving in to the secret love you’d kept hidden away. “End of the World and all.” You smiled and pressed your lips to his, but Castiel remained frozen, shocked by everything. “You don’t want me?”
He could hear the tears in your voice and he shook his head quickly. “No. I do. Very much, I… It’s forbidden.”
Sitting back, you stared him down. “By who? Chuck?” A bitter laugh tickled your throat. “Fuck him. I’ve always loved you, Cas. Always.”
You leaned in again, but he turned his face, blocking the kiss. “I can’t.”
“Would it be so bad?” Your whisper fell against his stubbled cheek. “Is it so wrong?”
He blinked and came back to you, sapphire eyes clear and focused. He cursed himself for the years spent in utter denial, in the prison he’d created for himself by following one stupid rule. He’d broken a thousand, but none mattered more than this one.
“No,” he said finally. “I don’t think it would be.”
His arms wrapped around you, pulling you in while his lips pressed into yours, and for the first time in eons of existence, Castiel found what he deserved.
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*creeps into ask box* do you do commissions bc i would love to pay you for some of your amazing art
I DO do commissions-- However, I can only ever take a couple at a time and I’m all booked currently :( If I have some openings, I’ll generally make a GA announcement over on Patreon (you don’t have to subscribe just follow)
i read your tags and,,,,,you got a tattoo of misha’s face?? the dedication
sure as hell did! lol
i got to show him at chicon during one of our ops and he grabbed my thigh (was already on his knee bc of the pose we were doing: awkward dance photo) and like... smooshed it all around in awe then told me it was the most photorealstic tattoo he'd ever seen
highkey one of my fave con moments & most memorable to date :D
Gabriel is suffering the aftermath of his time in Hell with Asmodeus. Castiel helps him feel safe again
Read on AO3!
Castiel has been through a lot with humanity. Life, death, love, and the utter and complete lack of logic some happen to possess.
“You’re telling me,” he begins, rubbing his temples. “That not only is Gabriel - my brother who has been notoriously dead for eight years - currently alive and in this bunker, but Dean is in apocalypse world alone?”
“He’s not alone, he’s with Ketch.” Sam’s reply is short yet defensive. Like he knows how weak his argument is.
“Oh, because that makes it so much better.” Castiel knows he’s being “over-the-top” but he really can't help himself. He leaves for one week and suddenly Gabriel is alive and Dean opened a rift to another world in their living room. Sue him for being a little short.
The pair stop at the end of the hall.
“I apologize,” Cas begins.
“No, man, don't be sorry,” Sam interrupts. “Look, you're right, we should have called you before anything else. We should have let you know our-” Sam cuts himself off, looking irritated. “Dean should have thought this through first. But he didn't and now we’re stuck waiting, as much as I hate that.”
“Okay,” Castiel concedes. He may be annoyed but he can respect when pressing a topic is fruitless. “Okay, what about Gabriel?”
Sam shoulders slump. “He looks like hell, Cas,” he mutters. “Ever since we got him here, he’s been holed up in there, not moving, not saying anything. He just stares straight ahead.”
Cas sighs. He glances around Sam to see the door three down slightly ajar and the room beyond completely dark.
“I’m unsure if I can do anything,” he admits. “Torture of this caliber can't be ignored easily. He may just need time.”
“I get that,” Sam says. “But I feel like if he’s less beat up, he’ll be more receptive to us?”
“While I see your point, I refuse to use him like that,” Cas asserts. “I don't want him to see himself as a tool to us.”
“And I get that,” Sam says hurriedly. “Just… I don't know, man, you're family to him. Maybe talking to you will make it hurt less?”
Cas weighs his options. While Sam did have a point on the phone - talking to him angel to angel may be what he needs to cope - he could just need space. However, it isn’t too much of a jump to assume that Gabriel “staring at nothing” isn’t exactly constructive.
“I’ll speak with him,” Castiel says. “But I can't promise anything to come of it.”
“Don't worry about it, man,” Sam replies. “We’ll figure it out.”
Cas nods and Sam takes it as his queue to leave. As he rounds the corner, Castiel braces himself for what he may be about to encounter. With a deep breath, he walks the short distance to Gabriel’s open door and glances through the opening.
Gabriel looks more helpless than Castiel has ever seen him. He sits with his back to the bed’s headboard, his knees held tight to his chest. He is staring vacantly at the space in front of him, dull pain and fear haunting his eyes. The sight makes Castiel’s heart stutter in sympathy.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
hello we don’t talk much but i heard it was your birthday so!!! happy birthday i hope you have a great day!❤️
ahhhh oh my goodness!! thank you so much, it means a lot to know you’d think of me :”)) and omf you’re quinn right?? bri’s quinn? asldkgh I’m super happy to finally know you! <3 xx
I've been wanting to write Misha a letter thanking him for everything he's done for me and others for a while now. I've been lost on how to write it since I decided I wanted to, though. Until, finally, less than a week before I'm planning on giving it to him, I was finally able to figure it out. Send me what you want to thank Misha for that you may not have or have had the chance to. This can be on anon or. If you want him to have your name, attach it at the end of the message. If not, I'll attach your URL (or simply "Anonymous" if you send it in anon) to your statement. THE CUT-OFF IS FRIDAY AUGUST 11 AS I WILL BE GIVING IT TO HIM ON THE 12TH!!!!!!!!!
