#squishes

Trying to convince yourself and the reader that this is totally a thing and all, and not just basically an oddly specific platonically-hormoned you-vent

On one hand not wanting to be rude, on the other hand is your holy book as you pray they're not getting kids and/or lovers (if you don't know if they have any or if they outright have none

Daring people to invalidate you - like, YES, he is significantly older than me, AND?!

Wondering if it's worse when it's someone "of the opposite sex"

"He's like one trillion, four billion, 10 million, 3 minions, and one hundred and one years older than you!"

If you talk together, there's a 99% chance that they'll be like "and you don't have a crush on me, right?", casually

"I might be a curious - what's your credit card, actually?"

You unironically want their money, nepotism, or something like that, for some reason - like you genuinely care, but also, give job please

You LOVE offices (you know nothing about offices)

"Yeah, I've watched all seasons of friends ;)"

"I know how rotary phones work ;)" (You think you have now achieved The Relatable)

Hoping and trying not to seem like you have a crush

"Daaaaaaamn, those eyebags 😏" (you quite frankly don't know why the f you even like 30 year olds either)

Everything is normal with you and adults, so there is no particular reason that you like - okay, maybe your relationship with your peers as a whole is more shit than diarhea, BUT THAT'S FINE!

You're gonna end up making a shitty joke within the first 10 minutes of talking, man 😐

Staring at their body, not because of sexual attraction, but because pretty and cuddly, and - OH MY GOD THEY JUST COMPLAINED ABOUT THEIR BACK-PROBLEMS, I LOVE 30 YEAR OLDS!

30 year olds are messes and you know that and love that

"WHY WON'T THEY BE FRIENDS WITH MEEEEEEEEEEE?!" - you when literally being a 10 year old

In denial of them having any sexual feelings whatsoever or of being capable of it (kinda gets ruined when they have bio-kids or tell you not to go to their Fanfiction.net because there's smut stories)'

People thinking you have a crush on them

You wanna be close and just have them tower over you

If they ever write to you that they're off to work or something, you think you've become super close friends

Obedient rule-follower (and snitch in regards to anyone you don't like)

You got along with the teachers!

You probably need to get diagnosed

Trying to ask them if they're alone on Valentines Day too and stuff but you need months to write THAT script, man ...

Them having boundaries and all

You worrying often of the potential consequences if you became friends

"Mama, no offense, but how do I get adopted by him?" (you don't even want them as a parent - might be repulsed by that, you're just desparate)

Planning to move as close as possible to that person (you later realize how creepy but well-intentioned, that idea is)

Being aroace while they're most likely not makes you feel even MORE like a child (bonus points if they end up invalidating you)

Ending up phrasing things weirdly

You're probably seen as just some cute kid

"You're so mature for your age!" "Thanks! Also, what was the problem you were dealing with?" "You're too young to know" - type of moments

People saying to get friends your age and how impossible your goal is

Trying to figure out how to platonically "rizz" up an adult without them misinterpreting

Wanting to just watch them work

Your mom is concerned

If you're posic, you probably end up meeting/seeing mostly objects that are 30