#spockfluff

“What is it?  Are you in pain?  Do you want me to call Dr. McCoy?” Spock suggested, now leaning forward and resting his knees on the ground, bringing his face closer to yours, his eyes worried and searching. 

“No!  Please don’t call Dr. McCoy.” You gasped, sniffling deeply, willing the tears to stop. 

“Alright.” Spock assured, but his eyebrows still scrunched together slightly, and his mouth was partly open, like he wanted to say something else. 

You felt bad, he deserved an explanation, as you knew he could get confused at what you were feeling, but it was just so hard to put it into words. 

"I j-just don't feel like myself t-today." You sniffled, wiping your nose with one of the tissues you had on the edge of the bed. 

Spock’s hand reached up and absently laid itself on your thigh, just above your knee, and you let a few more tears fall for the sweetness of this action. 

“You go, Spock.” You insisted, “I don’t want to keep you, this is an important day for you.”

“I do not wish to go without you.” Spock pressed his mouth into a small line, and you wanted to reach up and wipe the worry off his face. 

“I’m sorry.” You sobbed, and you burred your face in the sheets. 

A sudden pressure on your hair made you almost startle, but you quickly recognized the sensation as Spock’s fingers carding through your hair.  The movement was so soothing, so calming and grounding that a sigh escaped you and you scrunched your face up tight, before releasing your features. 

His hand left your hair, “Did you not like that?” Spock inquired, and you opened your eyes to find his curious and expectant ones near inches from your own. 

He must have mistaken your facial expression for dislike and you gave him a weak smile, “No, Spock, that was really nice.”

A bit of worry fell off his features, “Would you like me to continue?”

You gave him a small nod and almost instantly his hand fell back to your hair, stroking softly, his fingers feather-soft with the unsureness of this new action. 

For a moment you let all of your emotions give, and you were paralyzed by them.  Every once an a while you would have a day such as today, where things just didn't make sense and you didn't feel like yourself.   You couldn't place the feeling, it was like anxiety but calmer, and you just needed time to regroup and reset.   Your eyes began to grow heavy with exhaustion and emotions as Spock continued running his fingers through your hair, and you thought for a moment you were going to fall asleep. 

"Ashayam?" Spock whispered, and you hummed in response, peeking your eyes open, "I did not mean to intrude on your thoughts, but with my fingers touching your skin I couldn't help it."

Now you pried your eyes open and looked to Spock, whose eyes were now down-turned, the corners of his mouth tugging downwards as well.  You slid your arm out of your cocoon of blankets and pressed your fingers gently to the side of his cheek, your thumb dragging along his lips, and he brought his eyes back to yours. 

"I do not wish for you to feel this way." Spock worried, his hand dropping from your hair to rest dejectedly in his lap. 

"I'm alright, Spock, really." You assured, trying your hardest not to hiccup from the crying and you gave him a small smile, "I-I just have these days sometimes where it seems everything is out of place.  But you know what?"

He raised his eyebrows questioningly. 

"I feel a little less out of place when you're around."

Spock regarded you for a moment before leaning forward and pressing his forehead to yours.  Your eyes flitted closed and you moved your fingers to the back of his neck, stroking the soft hair there. 

"Then I shall stay." He breathed, his breath warm on your face before he pulled away. 

"No, Spock, go.  You have to.  I won't let you stay here and worry over little ol' me." You protested as he stood, and you tried to pull at his sleeve, to reason with him. 

You watched helplessly as he ignored your protests and moved to remove his shoes, his weight tipping the bed for a moment as he sat on the edge.  You kicked at him from under the blankets, eliciting an amused look and a raised eyebrow at your failed attempt to force him off the bed. 

"I'll be fine, really.  It's important that you go." You pressed.

Spock now slid over onto the bed, crawling under the blankets and curling up right behind you, draping his arm over your stomach protectively, the heat from his body making you melt. 

"I am under the impression that it is more important for me to be here." He whispered into your ear before gently resting his face against the back of your neck, his breath warm and comforting against your skin.  

You shifted to tangle your legs in his, and drew his fingers to yours, entwining them as he settled in behind you.

And for the first time that day you didn't feel a bit out of place. 

-Thanks for reading!  I hope you enjoyed it!-

Spock and Captain Kirk were meeting with a few Starfleet officials and you had just been passing by when you had heard Spock yelling at the officials.  You had paused by the door and you watched Kirk grab Spock by the shoulder to hold him back, motioning him to the door and telling him to leave.  Spock had stormed out with an intense look on his face and anger in his eyes and you froze in fear as he rushed past you, nearly knocking you over.  You had followed him back to his room to figure out what was wrong.   

Now he regarded you with an expression that you couldn't read.  You had thought you had gotten pretty good at reading Spock, even though he was Vulcan, but you didn't understand what he was feeling now. 

"What's wrong?" You asked. 

"Nothing of your concern." Spock assured and you scrunched your face up in an expression of disbelief. 

"Bullshit." You challenged and his eyes flicked to yours for a second before focusing back on the corner of the couch. 

You felt your blood boil at his nonchalance, so you flopped dramatically onto the couch, directly in the place where he was staring. He blinked a few times, as if just noticing you were there, and finally fixed his gaze on yours. 

"Spock, you really scared me back there, I thought you were going to hurt someone." Your voice got quiet. "I thought you were going to hurt me."

His head tilted slightly to the side and he suddenly looked hurt. 

"I had no intention to injure anyone, especially you, Lieutenant."

"Don't call me Lieutenant." You admonished but gave him a small smile at his concern for your well-being. 

You reached up and rested your hand on his forearm, but he pulled back in a swift movement, tucking his hands behind his back.  It felt like he stabbed you in the heart. 

"Spock, talk to me." You leaned back into the couch, tucking your feet underneath you. 

"I am talking to you." He responded. 

You rolled your eyes.  Every once and a while his human sass would show it's head.  You fell into a tense silence and you watched as he had an internal battle with himself.  

"There's something wrong.  You can tell me, Spock." You insisted and reached for his arm again, but met open air as he stayed where he was. 

"Lieutenant my problems are not of your concern." 

You furrowed your brows and pursed your lips, trying to figure out how to get through to him.

"Spock, are we in a relationship?" 

His eyes flicked to yours curiously, "According to the definition of the human vernacular, yes." 

"Then your problems are my concern." You professed. 

He was silent for a minute, before he resigned himself and came to sit beside you on the couch. You reached your hand over and rested it on his forearm, relief flooding through you as he finally allowed you to touch him. You moved your thumb slowly over the fabric of his shirt, stroking soft lines into his arm.  

Suddenly you had an idea. 

"Lie down." 

Spock turned his head to look at you questioningly. 

"Lie down." You repeated, "When we were upset as kids, my mom would take us aside and make us lie down so our head was on her lap.  Then she'd stroke our hair and make us talk about what was making us upset."  You smiled softly at him, "It worked every time."

When he didn't move you shifted your hand from his arm and rested it on his cheek, now stroking soft lines into the skin right under his eye.  His eyes closed involuntarily and his breath stuttered at your touch.  

"Lie down, Spock." You instructed again and pulled your hand away, his eyes opening instantly at the loss of contact. 

Finally he obliged.  He shifted so his feet were at the far end of the couch, hanging over it, and his head was nestled on your thighs, his hair brushing the bare skin that wasn't covered by your uniform dress.  He looked up to you, his face still an unreadable mask of emotions, and his hands were folded gently in his lap.  

You began to run your fingers through his hair, your fingertips parting through the perfectly cut black strands.  You watched as he began to unfold beneath you.  His face softened at your soothing touch, and his eyes drifted closed.  You absently wondered when he had slept last.  

After a few minutes of your fingers running through his hair, his eyes re-opened, and he met your eyes, taking in a shaky breath. 

"I have just been informed that Spock Prime, myself in the future, has passed away." Spock's voice held a tone of sadness thatt you had never heard before. 

The news shook you to the core.  That was never something anyone wanted to hear.  That their loved one had passed.  Well, this was your future loved one, but still. 

"Is that why you had that outburst today?" You inquired. 

"I believe it is." 

You looked down at Spock, who had shut his eyes again and his brow was furrowed, his lips pressed into a tight line.  You moved your fingers to the space between his eyebrows and stroked the skin there softly to smooth out the wrinkles. 

"I am so sorry, Spock." You apologized and bit back tears. 

"It is not your fault, there is no reason for you to apologize." Spock corrected but his eyes remained closed. 

"No, It's just something humans say.  Like we apologize that you are feeling upset.  I am sad that you are sad." You explained as best you could. 

"Vulcan's do not express emotions, Lieutentant..." Spock started but you interrupted.

"If you call me lieutenant one more time I am going to rip the bangs off your forehead." You let out a sad laugh before leaning forward and pressing your forehead to Spock's, finally letting the tears fall from your eyes. 

You let yourself cry then, but almost smiled when his hand came up to your shoulder, a steadying presence.  You stayed frozen in that position, your forehead pressed to his, just feeling his breath tickle your wet cheeks as tears streamed down your face and onto his. You tried desperately to tell yourself that he was not dead.  That this Spock, your Spock, was still here, still alive.  

"Y/N?" Spock breathed.

You hummed in response, taking in shaky breaths in an attempt to regain control. 

"You feel sadness for me, correct?" He asked, his eyes opening and meeting yours, which were less than an inch apart. 

You nodded and pulled back, sitting up again, and letting out a few sniffles. 

"Why do you choose to feel pain for me?"

The question left you speechless, despite knowing the answer better than you knew your own heartbeat. 

"I assumed you would have known." You stuttered, your voice much shakier than you meant it to be. 

He looked up at you questioningly now, his face suddenly so vulnerable that you wanted to burst into tears again. 

"I have developed feelings of affection for you." You smirked through your sadness. 

"You are quoting my own words back to me in an attempt to be amusing." Spock commented with a grunt of appreciation. 

You smiled softly down at him, your fingers running absently through his hair, but your lip quivered and a single tear streaked down your cheek. 

"Why are you still sad?" Spock inquired softly, his fingers reaching up and catching the tear before it dropped off your chin. 

"You died today, Spock.  Doesn't that scare you?" You bit your lip hard as you looked down at him, trying to stop the flow of tears. 

"Everyone dies Y/N.  Therefore fear of death is illogical."  He explained robotically, and it made your heart hurt, you didn't know why this was affecting you so much, but for some reason you couldn't meet his eyes.

"But I have learned from my recent escapades with Dr.McCoy that fear of death is what keeps us alive." Spock confided, but he sounded confused and you brought your eyes back to his face, "what does that mean?"

You regarded him for a moment before answering. 

"It means that we are kept alive, we are driven to do things, because of the imminence that is our deaths." You quoted something your father had said once, before he passed.

You recognized the look in Spock's eye as admiration and the corners of his mouth turned up slightly as he said, "Fascinating."

That word alone sent shivers down your spine and you rewarded him with a warm smile, but he still look conflicted. 

"Spock, what do you need? Some time?  Some space?" You pulled your fingers from his hair. 

"If by "space" you imply distance from you, Y/N, then no, that would not help my emotionally compromised state.  Just some time to process the situation and its meaning."

You smiled down at him, your fingers finding his hair, and leaned over again, this time pressing a kiss to the tip of his nose.  You made to pull back but were stopped by a hand firmly placed on the back of your neck.  

He brought your face close to his, and you thought he meant to kiss you, but instead he rested his forehead on yours again.  He reached up and grabbed your hand, the one that was not tangled in his hair and pressed his palm against yours.  You stopped breathing.  

You had been hesitant and careful not to grab Spock's hand too much before this, as you knew what it meant to Vulcans to touch hands. But now Spock moved his fingertips to yours, pressing them gently together, as if he was sure and unsure of himself at the same time.  Your eyes squeezed shut involuntarily as the emotion of his action rolled into you.  You gasped as waves of cool electricity flooded your veins and surrounded your heart, crashing into it like a stormy sea and sending shivers surging through your body.  You had never felt anything like it before and you let yourself be consumed in admiration, and fondness, and love.  

You smiled now and pressed tiny kisses to his forehead, cheeks and the corner of his mouth.  His eyes gleamed before they closed and you pressed your lips softly to his eyelids.  After a while your hands drifted apart and you were left with this humming feeling in your chest, a happy hum, something you never wanted to end. You smiled into the comfortable silence that enveloped the both of you. 

"Do you want to go get something to eat?" You whispered after a while, the sound of your voice causing Spock's eyes to flick open. 

"No, I am very comfortable right now and it would be unpleasant to move." 

"Alright." You shifted back in the couch so you were more relaxed.  

You tilted your head back, a smile playing at your lips incessantly, and thought that you could probably fall asleep right then and there when Spock's voice broke you from your stupor. 

"Would you, perhaps, continue the soothing action you were performing before?"

You blushed and looked down at him, thinking of the kiss, and asked tentatively, "Which action?"

"The action of your fingers in my hair, Y/N, of course." He peeked an eye open, "to which action did you think I was referring?"

"Nothing!" you squeaked and let out a laugh which elicited a raised eyebrow from Spock.

You sprawled your fingers back into his hair, tipping your head back again and resting your other hand on his chest, which he softly wrapped in his own.  You peered down at Spock who looked unbelievably calm and relaxed, and you smiled, reveling in the sparks that filled your veins and the wave of happiness that consumed you. 

"Hmmmm..." He hummed amusingly and took a swig of his beer.  

The bartender refilled your drink, knocking it back quickly, and he filled it back up as soon as it hit the counter.  This time you didn't take it right away, instead you played with the glass between your fingers. 

"So if I needed a physical, I should come to you?" He flirted and you felt your stomach turn in disgust.  You were outta here.  

"Look, I had a long day and I am on the alpha shift tomorrow so I better get going." You explained, grabbing your bag and slipping off the stool, turning your back to the crewman.  

"Wait!" You heard him yell and you turned around slowly, giving him an annoyed look. 

"At least finish your drink first." He suggested, your glass now in his hand and he held it in your direction. 

You sighed and shrugged, and you knew you couldn't turn down a free drink, so you strode back over and took the glass from his hand, his eyes gleaming with pride, and his lips stretched into a smirk.  He leaned back on the counter with his elbows, taking another swig of his beer. 

You closed your eyes and brought the glass to your mouth, planning to finish it as you had all your other ones, in one shot, when you were stopped by the feeling of someone's fingers covering your glass. 

"You shouldn't drink that, lieutenant." A voice said, sounding very technical and familiar.  

Your eyes sprung open.  Spock stood in front of you, looking down at you with the bemused look that he always wore.  

"What the hell, Spock!" You sputtered and accidentally dropped your glass in surprise, sending it smashing to the floor.  

You stepped back, careful not to step on the tiny glass pieces and crossed your arms as Spock came to stand beside you.  

"I saw that crewman slip something into it when your back was turned, it was small and shaped like a tablet, I thought it best that you not drink it"

You looked at him incredulously before looking back to the bar.  The crewman had disappeared. Coward. 

"Thanks, Spock." You shrugged and readjusted the bag you were carrying.  

"Your gratitude is not necessary, but it is accepted none-the-less." Spock responded in that robotic way of his, making you roll your eyes. 

You rubbed your eyelids that were now heavy and drooping from exhaustion and the alcohol.  

"Do you want me to walk you back to your quarters?" Spock asked, looking down at you curiously. 

"Nah, I'll be fine." You yawned, "I'm just tired, is all."

You turned and headed for the door, and couldn't hide a smile as you heard Spock catch up to you and place a hand on the small of your back to guide you down the hallway. 

"Lieutenant, I think it is in your best interests that I walk you back to your quarters, lest the crewman return and attempt to force his affection on you again."

"Is it in my best interests, or yours?" You asked teasingly. 

"I'm sure I do not know what you mean." Spock responded, confused. 

"You never do." You sighed with a laugh. 

The two of you walked in comfortable silence for a few minutes, and you were only a little disappointed when his hand left the small of your back.  

You had known Spock for a while, but only really gotten to know him when he spent 2 weeks in the medbay after a severe injury from an away-mission.  You had been his primary nurse, and though he was insufferably irritating most of the time, you got along well and you even made him smile a few times.  If however Vulcans smile counts.  

You started feeling something more for the always-logical Vulcan when he argued with Dr. McCoy on your behalf after a mishap in the medbay.  He spoke highly of you and afterwards had checked on you to make sure you were okay.

You gently bumped into his arm as you walked and his hand came around and settled on your back again.  You smiled and felt yourself blush.  Normally it would take a lot more than just a hand on your back to send heat and tingles up your spine, but with Spock you knew that every touch meant something special.  

You looked sideways at him, "What are you thinking about, Spock?"

He considered this question for a moment before answering, angling his eyes downwards to meet yours, "I am thinking about whether or not to file a report against the crewman who attempted to drug you."

"It's your choice. He just wanted to get in my pants." You stated blatantly as you reached the lift.  

Spock's hand guided you in and left your back to press the button.  He tucked it behind his own back now, making you frown involuntarily.  

"Why were you at the bar?" You inquired cooly, keeping your eyes facing forwards.  

Spock didn't answer as the lift doors opened and you walked out together, your room quickly appearing on the right side.  You paused at the door and spun on your heel to face him, furrowing your brow and crossing your arms, waiting for his response. 

"I saw you at the bar as I was walking past." Spock stated. 

"So you came by to grab a beer with me?" You joked stalely, your eyes stinging from exhaustion. 

"The way the crewman was looking at you, it seemed like his intentions were amoral." Spock stated, meeting your eyes. 

"I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself." You sighed and rolled your eyes, pressing the pad to open the door and walked into your room.  

"Lieutenant, I am aware that you are able to fend for yourself, you have proven that on many occasions." Spock countered and you were surprised, and now slightly irritated, when you heard him follow you into your quarters. 

"Great.  That means you can go now." You suggested irritably, your back to him.

"I am aware, lieutenant, but I just wanted to..." Spock began and you spun to face him, anger now flaring up in your veins. 

"Stop calling me lieutenant!  You know my name!" You yelled and dropped your bag onto the table.

"Lieuten... Y/N, it appears I have made you angry.  Would you elucidate on what I said that caused your temper to flare?" Spock now stepped towards you, and you could tell by his slight change in tone that he was becoming irritated with you as well. 

"EVERYTHING, Spock!" You exploded, your arms flailing madly and you were not in total control of your actions. You wished you hadn't taken all those free whiskeys. 

"Please elaborate, Y/N." Spock said, his hands coming to rest at his sides. 

You rolled your eyes and let out a indignant huff.

"You follow me to the bar, you interfere with the situation, then you guide me back to my room with your hand on my back, calling me lieutenant, and now you are in here, being all concerned and caring.  What am I supposed to think that means, Spock?  What am I supposed to think?"

"I assumed you would have known." He said, looking down at the floor, his lips pressed together.  

You were taken aback by his sudden sincere and empty question.  

"Known what, Spock?" You asked gently, taking a step towards him, the anger now leaving your veins as you watched him, looking all shy and despondent.   

When he didn't respond except to take in a shaky breath, you reached out and took his wrist.  He gave it to you and you held it, stroking the skin softly.  

"Tell me, Spock." You encouraged, tugging on his wrist so he took a step towards you.  

He hesitated for another moment, lifting his eyes to yours again, his gaze moving back and forwards between your eyes, searching, as if the answer was in there somewhere.  You squeezed his wrist gently, encircling it with your fingers and gave him a small smile as an unfamiliar expression flickered in his eyes, you couldn't tell what he was feeling.  Your heart skipped a beat as he began to stroke small circles into the sensitive skin of your wrist with his thumb, gently, as if he didn't realize he was doing it.  

"Y/N, I assumed you would have known that I have developed feelings of affection for you." Your heart skipped a beat at his words and your pulse increased, which you knew he could feel as his fingers grasped your wrist.  

"I thought Vulcan's couldn't feel, well, feelings." You wondered aloud. 

"You are mistaken, Lieutenant." He began, and his eyes closed when he realized his error, "my apologies.  Y/N.   Vulcan's, though we suppress our emotions to avoid intense outbursts of anger, can develop connections with others that are based on loyalty, trust, and admiration." 

"So you admire me?" You teased, raising an eyebrow. 

"I would say so, yes.  I also trust you, as you have saved my life in the past, and I find a strong urge to want to be near you."

You laughed and saw the familiar gleam of amusement in his eyes. 

"Well, I admire you too, Spock." You admitted, your smile fading as you swallowed back nervousness and stepped closer to him, your bodies almost touching.  

"That is satisfying to hear." Spock responded, and you now recognized that unfamiliar flicker of emotion behind his eyes as admiration. 

"Oh shut up, Spock." You joked and rolled your eyes before leaning up and pressing a chaste kiss to his lips.  

Spock raised an eyebrow at you and tilted his head.  His hands found your hips and you lifted your hands to place them on his neck, your thumbs resting on his jawline.  He leaned forward and pressed his forehead to yours, and you could feel his heart racing under your fingertips.  

"Are you alright?  Your heart is beating very fast." You noted, pulling back to look into his eyes. 

"I am fine. As you know, Vulcan's have a much faster heart rate than humans, naturally." Spock commented, pulling you closer by your hips so you were pressed flush against him, his forehead once again resting on yours, "Although right now my heart rate does seems to be elevated."

"And why could that be?" You whispered, your lips only a breath apart.  

For once he didn't respond, instead he tilted his head and pressed his lips to yours.  

You splayed your fingers over his neck and felt yourself dissolve into the kiss. His lips were gentle against yours and you lavished in the feeling of his fingers digging into the fabric of your shirt. He kissed you delicately, as if you would break, and you wrapped your arms around his neck to draw him in closer so he would know that you weren't going to shatter into a million pieces.  Emotions surged and swirled inside of you, and you broke the kiss softly, but didn't pull away, though his strong arms and Vulcan strength probably would have prevented that. 

You took in a shaky breath and met his eyes.  They shone with admiration, and something else, something deeper, almost like desire.  

"Will you stay with me tonight?" You asked, reaching up and absently stroking his cheek, your fingers ending up tracing his lips.  

He pressed a kiss to the tip of your finger and your heart almost exploded. 

"If that is what you wish, than of course." He responded, pulling you closer by the back of your elbows.  

You pressed a quick kiss to his lips, "That is satisfying to hear." 

You swear he almost rolled his eyes.