#spn darkness

It shouldn’t be as boring as it feels. I know it should be scary, but I feel almost underwhelmed. There’s this calm and peace that’s seeming to wrap itself around me.

The lights in the bunker are dim. Something I appreciate. I never liked too much light, not only that but the headache I’m getting from all these books is getting to me. It’s funny. Looking around I can see how stressed everyone else is. And yet, here I am feeling calm and kinda giddy. Maybe I’ve just officially lost it.

I set down the book in my arms. Standing, I stretch some of the sleep from my body, and I move towards the door. Not the door to the kitchen, but the actual door. I need some air, to find some more grounding in this scenario, because there is no reason I should feel this alright. The only thing bothering me is the peace because it shouldn’t exist. 

The grass looks beautiful and so does the sky. I always made it a habit to look at how vibrant the colors are in case I never see them again. Thankfully, everytime I thought it would be the last time it wasn’t. Maybe that’s it. Maybe because I know we’ve never lost before I’m deranged enough to think we can beat God’s sister. 

God’s sister, the Darkness herself, Amara.

Amara.

It’s such a beautiful name. It, strangely, makes me smile. I shouldn’t feel like this when faced with absolute destruction. There is something beautiful about that. The world was beautiful, truly, but just as there is beauty in creation, there is beauty in destruction.

I take in a breath of air. It makes me feel more anxious than calm. Everything but the thought of our demise seems to be doing that. This feeling is dangerous. I know that much.

I take a seat in the gravel, criss-crossing my legs. I adjusted the skirt on my dress, and I stare up at the sky. I refocus on the colors. The sun was setting, or, maybe, it was rising. I never knew directions enough to tell. Orange and pink. Yellow and purple. All the colors fade and blend together perfectly. I close my eyes and imagine the night to come. Its dark blue and purple leave me more comfortable.

A shift behind me catches my attention. It’s Chuck. He’s also staring at the sky. He looks down and speaks.

“One thing I never had to wonder about you was where to look if you were to disappear. You always go to the same places no matter where you are.”

I look at him. 

“You mean outside in the most odd place to sit.”

I smile at him and he smiles back. “Something like that,” He pauses as he frowns. “Why are you out here anyways?”

“It’s hard to explain,” I say. I furrow my brows and try to communicate. “I feel so- so calm and I know I shouldn’t and it makes me feel… Wrong? Like I know I should be panicking and I’m not so it’s making me feel uneasy,” I look at him. “Does that make any sense?”

He chuckles at me. “No, it really doesn’t, but I think I have an idea of what it may be.” 

Chuck holds his hand out for me to take and I do. Suddenly, we’re in the bunker again. 

Lucifer was the first to look up, twisting Castiel’s face in confusion. I just looked at him with a face saying I was just as confused. He turned away with a huff.

Sam was the next to notice. He hit Dean in the arm to get his attention as Chuck dragged me through the rooms.

Dean was the first to speak. “Heya, Chuck. What are you doing with Y/n?”

He still sounded passive aggressive. Amazing how he can talk to anyone like that, even if it’s God.

“It’s nothing to worry about Dean, I’m just wanting to find something out.” Chuck says with a light smile.

“What exactly is it you’re looking for?” I asked.

Sam chides in nervously. “Yeah, man, you can’t just try things out without people knowing what it is.”

Chuck sighs, lets go of my hand, and turns to them. “It’s a spell. I want to see if she has aeh, certain, eh, gift.”

“I mean you’re God, so I uh, I trust that you know what you’re doing, just if it’s going to hurt I would like to know.” I fiddle with my hands.

“I promise the most it’ll do is cause a little extra warmth in the area I pour it on.” He says, smiling gently.

“So you’re just gonna pour a potion on her?” Dean asked defensively. “And you’re gonna let him?”

I can agree that it made no sense, but I didn’t feel as on guard as everyone else around Chuck. I understand knowing you can fix something, but trying so hard and no one learning from it so you stop helping. I feel like I can see a common ground, though I understand even for God he made a lot of mistakes. 

“In the end I can trust he has everyone's best interests at heart, so if he wants to try something he thinks will help me then I think I can accept that, or I could just be naive. Heh” I huffed a laugh to try and calm mine and Dean's nerves.