Itβs been years, but I still stand by this parallel, and even more so since I originally wanted it to be Samβs little speech from 9.13. And looking back on it now without the fear of getting bombarded by Sam stans and getting death threats: the reason I connected these scenes is because Anya and Sam are similarlyβ¦ I canβt think of a different word than narcissistic, but that isnβt quite the right word because that has more negative connotations, and at their core neither of them are Bad or completely devoid of empathy for others. Their default is just to assume that everything revolves around them.
Anya is very βIβm the most important person in my lifeβ which honestly is so valid, and Sam grew up being told he was smarter than Dean, the implied message from John his whole life was that Sam was more important than Dean, and he has a lot of historical evidence to show that actually yeah, a lot of the time he genuinely was the main character - it was actually about him. But in these scenes, theyβre completely projecting their own bullshit onto the person in their life whoβs always been seen as a protector until they were humanized (s6 Buffy, in the context of 9.13 Dean betraying Sam with gadreel, in the context of this scene Dean coming back from purgatory).
Dean and Buffy are two sides of the same coin - they were given this legacy that they didnβt want, and given it at such a young age, and because theyβre both such naturally empathetic people theyβve really internalized the Chosen One narrative.
Deanβs number one job since he was 4 years old has been to protect Sam, keep Sam safe, keep his brother alive - that was his purpose. In his head, his life had no worth outside of that. So in season 8, he sees that the trials are probably going to kill whoever does them so heβs like βgreat, yeah, obviously thatβs me, because thatβs my job. Iβm supposed to keep you alive, that will kill you, so Iβll do the trials.β In season 9 when he makes the deal with gadreel (important context to remember: Sam spent all of s8 telling Dean he wants to live and make it to the other side of the trials), heβs faced with what he perceives as a failure on his end (because heβs supposed to keep Sam alive) AND heβs under the impression that Sam wants to live.
Buffy is, itβs important to remember, like 24 in season 7 and dealing with an immense amount of trauma and anger and isolation, especially with regards to her friends. She loves them, she cares about them and wants what is best for them, but she still resents them for bringing her back from the dead - which is so valid - and is struggling with a lot of guilt from those feelings. So she spends s6 & the first half of s7 grappling with the fact that her friends would do something she never thought theyβd do (a crack in her trust with them), being upset that they did it, feeling like sheβs in the wrong for being upset about it, and hurt because she becomes so isolated from them. So is she kinda cold in s7? Yes. Honestly, she was way nicer than I wouldβve been and none of them had the emotional wherewithal or maturity to consider what she was dealing with.
But her isolating herself and shouldering all the responsibility for their safety has very little to do with them. She doesnβt think sheβs better than them, sheβs just like βyeah, Iβm the chosen one, Iβm the one with super powers, obviously Iβm fighting this fight and not you guys, if you die thatβll be my fault wdymβ and all of them take that very personally for reasons I will never understand lmao. To Buffy itβs: the sky is blue, grass is green, Iβm the chosen one and itβs my destiny to die in battle, itβs my responsibility to protect the innocent and you guys are innocents.
Are Buffy or Dean blameless in these situations? No. Theyβre very flawed, traumatized people who lack the communication skills and emotional maturity to articulate any of this (not that it wouldβve been received well) and unintentionally cause harm by making these decisions. But in these moments, theyβre both confronted with the fact that the most important people in their lives fundamentally donβt understand who they are as people. And itβs in part because theyβre both surrounded by equally traumatized people who donβt have the same level of empathy and deeply ingrained lack of value for their own life outside of serving others.
Anya is an ex demon who cares about her friends and learns to care about people in general, but ultimately sheβs always her number one priority. I can give the scooby gang a little bit more grace in season 7 because theyβre also young, immature and dealing with a lot of conflicting emotions and feelings and trauma thatβs never unpacked or dealt with - but my heart still absolutely shatters every time I watch this scene, because itβs such a slap in the face to Buffy. She thought that they understood her at least, and then she finds out that this is what they think of her and itβs so upsetting and hurtful because sheβs only ever tried to do what was best for them.
Sam was raised by an emotionally abusive parent, and a brother who never witnessed healthy emotions likeβ¦ ever, and was repeatedly told by both of them that he was the most important. His default for so much of the show is very much giving βthey tell me everything is not about me - but what if it is?? π they said they didnβt do this to hurt me, but what if they did??β and like I said, yes, he has some canonical evidence to validate those thoughts, but the fact that he took Dean essentially telling him point blank that he wants to do the trials so his death will mean something and oh yeah, he wants to die, and turned it into βitβs because you donβt trust meβ is absolutely fucking wild lmao.
And this scene just makes me so sad, because you can see the realization on Deanβs face that Sam has no idea what heβs feeling. He told him he was suicidal, and Samβs like βactually, I think you just donβt trust meβ and you can see this image Dean had of Sam in his head shatter. Because he thought if nothing else, Sam understood why Dean does any of this - and clearly, he doesnβt. And Christ, in 9.13 when Sam says that he wouldnβt do the same thing for Dean (which is a lie), it destroys Dean because it validated that feeling of his life being worthless outside of keeping Sam alive.
anyways, what Iβm trying to get at is the parallel of these scenes is supposed to be Buffy and Dean realizing that theyβre genuinely alone in this. Itβs the realization that the people they thought knew them, donβt understand them at all.
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