Yeah, I made a comment-- maybe even during the liveblogging-- that Jack had all the proof that Dean had forgiven him, if he only knew how to interpret Dean’s “love language.” To Dean, he shows his love through food, through providing for the people he cares about, and Jack had a buffet of a vast array of food the show has used as a symbol of Dean’s “comfort foods.”

Sandy’s fried chicken: notable for having been the meal Mary brought for her boys in 12.02 for their reunion family dinner. Also, paired with prune juice, the food Dean brought for Kevin when he’d been trapped in the bunker and not taking care of himself in 9.02.

a “Slushy Mushy”, which while not a Big O Slush from Gas n Sip is still similar...

Pizza (and hey the show had a long montage in the THEN segment reminding us that Dean was the pizza man... this is their celebratory family meal food, both in reality, and in Sam’s dream in 13.21. It’s also a food Dean resorts to for comfort, such as when he’s holed up in his room in 14.04.

There’s a bunch of other food, too, but this is what I remember off the top of my head (i mean it’s hard NOT to remember a “slushy mushy” am i right)

It sort of reminds me of Dean’s buffet binges back when he was struggling with the MoC, like in 10.13. During that whole era of the show, Dean eating vs not eating, and all his experimentation with foods like pure vs junk food, pie vs cake, and then as the mark began to take hold of him he stopped eating altogether which was literally Crowley’s warning sign that it was truly transforming him into something else... yeah, I can see why Dean is still attached to the idea of Jack and Food, like as long as he’s eating at all it’s gonna be okay...

Thank you for this, seriously. I just feel like I’ve been pressured into seeing it differently. And I’m sorry for that, honestly! I wish I could see it as a purely cute, happy, no complications relationship. I wish I could see the parallels to destiel as direct mirrors instead of “spot the difference” mirrors.

I love Eileen as a character, and have seen potential for her to have a relationship with Sam since 11.11. It seemed like the show was seriously considering that in 12.17. And then the show proved they weren’t... Yes I was fully on board the “she can’t actually be dead because that was stupid and terrible” train back then. I was for a good long while afterward. (lol read my fic Winchester 275, with fun happy saileen!) But eventually, when it becomes obvious that the characters have moved on, we have to move on and see reality, too.

But after the show made her return a direct tool of manipulation by Chuck, and after she herself has expressed that because of that, BECAUSE Chuck’s interference in “writing Saileen” into the show as a romantic plot, when she questions what is real, she’s talking specifically about her relationship with Sam. If that wasn’t the case, if Chuck’s plot for her had been about ANYTHING else, I wouldn’t have so much difficulty with the state of Sam and Eileen’s relationship now. But Chuck specifically brought her back to romance Sam.

When Eileen says she doesn’t know what’s real, she specifically means between her and Sam. Between 15.06 and 15.09, Sam repeatedly denied they were like that (when Dean teased and then talked seriously to him about their obviously developing relationship based on what he’d seen of their interactions, and lampshaded by Dean himself as him viewing their interactions through the lens of his own personal issues he was struggling with at the time, having literally projected his own feelings onto their relationship). And I understand the desire to see Sam happy, to see him find a relationship like this. But I will always want that relationship for him to be real, of his own choosing, and with someone who can freely consent to it. And I want the same for Eileen, too. 

I’m doing my level best to look critically at what Chuck wants, at the plots and situations that he specifically engineers, and asking myself why. He’s been Gabriel-level manipulative/trickstery, Lucifer-level “smashing his own toys,” and Michael-level “monster apocalypse ftw,” and Raphael level “it just needs to be over.” I just watched Mystery Spot on the TNT loop, so maybe that’s why I’ve got Gabriel on the mind here, but I’m betting this week’s episode will have some heavy Gabriel style callbacks. What is the truth? What’s their own choices and what have they been “tricked” into believing was their only choice?

As long as Eileen feels that she had no choice in anything that happened between her and Sam, I’m gonna be eternally grateful that Sam had his foot on the brakes regarding their interactions to the point they learned of Chuck’s manipulation. Because it could’ve gone a hell of a lot worse if Sam had jumped into a romance with her, you know? Imagine if he had taken her up on her proposition in 15.07, only to have her doubt if it was even her choice after the fact? That would’ve been so, so much worse. For both of them.

The narrative has at least left them with POTENTIAL. Eileen could reexamine her whole relationship with Sam and decide she really does have feelings for him that are her own, completely untainted by Chuck’s interference. But I really need that to be her freely-made choice. Sam could welcome her back with open arms, ready to proceed with a relationship on their own terms, to build something real between them. If they’d consummated the relationship while Eileen was being controlled/used by Chuck, it wouldn’t even be a potential. Or maybe it would, but there would’ve always been that specter of what had happened to her hanging over the relationship, leaving them both to question if it was actually real or only based on what Chuck had pushed them into, you know? For however cute the potential of their relationship is or could be, it’s not founded in their own free will.

I completely understand why some people refuse to question Eileen’s feelings for Sam, rather than just questioning which of her actions are “real.” If Eileen hadn’t specifically been brought back for a “romance plot” with Sam, I don’t know if she would’ve doubted her feelings for him, either. They did have a history of friendship, at the very least, before Chuck’s incredibly specific plan for her unfolded in s15. We WANT good things for Sam, we want him to be happy, to find someone to love and be loved by in the way he really deserves, and has wanted for a very long time, but heck I can’t stop hearing Charlie’s voice in 8.20 here:

Sorry you have zero luck with the ladies

I need for any relationship that Sam chooses for himself to defy that statement, not to be burdened by Chuck’s incessant campaign of destroying Sam’s love life  over and over again for his own personal entertainment. He uses Sam’s hope as a weapon against him, just like we saw in 15.09. Two of Sam’s biggest character arcs for the entire series have involved his perception/understanding of reality, and hope vs hopelessness. That is, what gives Sam hope, and what strips it from him. It’s been a key metric for him in every season, and it directly affects the choices he’s willing to make, and possibly more importantly, what he’s personally willing to sacrifice.

At this moment, I’m watching Jus In Bello, and this is... exactly the plot of this entire episode. This is Sam’t plot through all of Kripke Era, throughout Chuck’s original apocalypse arc. This was Ruby’s entire purpose in the narrative: romance Sam to manipulate him into Doing The Thing. In 3.12, it’s framed around Sam’s hope vs hopelessness against the army of demons surrounding them. It’s framed as “not having a choice,” and then working together to “find another way.” Only for Ruby to show up at the end of the episode after they think they’ve succeeded, to inform them that because of their choice, everyone they’d been trying to save was now dead. And it was STILL a manipulation on a bigger level of the narrative that won’t be proven out until the end of s4 and Ruby’s Grand Reveal moment as Lucifer rises.

THIS IS A BIG ISSUE FOR SAM, and dismissing it all for the sake of smushing his face together with Eileen’s is... at the very least, a wee bit problematic. 

Obviously, Ruby was conscious of this deception from the start. She was planted with the knowledge of what she had to accomplish, and willingly participated in Sam’s manipulation. Eileen... wasn’t complicit in ANY of the manipulation, at least not consciously. I’m not attempting to frame Eileen as evil here, but just as much a victim of Chuck’s plotting as Sam was.

If Eileen didn’t feel this way herself, if she didn’t directly question and doubt her own feelings for Sam, she wouldn’t have left. She left for HERSELF. I can’t even imagine being in her position here, you know? Saved from the torment of Hell, given a tiny bit of hope for the future (still with the question of whether her soul was still doomed to Hell when she eventually died again, or whether she got a clean slate and could enter Heaven eventually, LITERALLY ALSO BECAUSE OF CHUCK). Only to discover that her second chance had been provided by Chuck because he cavalierly intended to use her AGAIN, not for her own sake, but to drive Sam’s “plot.” Romance-loss-manpain-angst-hopelessness-”Butch and Sundance” lather rinse repeat. That’s Chuck’s plot, and in leaving, whether she sees that bigger picture or not, Eileen has chosen not to participate in it. Not to let herself be used by that plot.

Eileen had her agency stolen from her by Chuck’s BMoL storyline, and she spent three years in Hell because of it. At this point in the story, leaving to regain that lost agency was the best thing she could’ve done FOR HERSELF. And Sam, of all people, who had his agency stolen from him when he was 6 months old and fed demon blood, can understand that.

If Sam and Eileen are meant to be, they BOTH need to come to that decision for reasons other than “Chuck wants to hurt us with each other for plot reasons.” And as important as Eileen as a character is for representation, she’s also elevated herself to another important level in the narrative: She chose HERSELF. She chose her own life and freedom. She chose to walk out of the story and refused to be used by it.

If Eileen comes back to the story again, it will truly be because she CHOSE it for herself. Her entire life up to 11.11 had been the same sort of “revenge narrative” that the Winchesters had endured. She got her win, and then was faced with the question (posed to her by Sam) of what she was going to do next. When we next see her, in 12.17, we see that she has apparently continued her life as a hunter. She’s drawn into helping with an “all hands on deck” situation, in finding Dagon and Kelly Kline, and then her involvement in that hunt directly leads to her death in the most awful and ableist way possible-- literally hunted down by Chuck’s “big bad threat” of the season, to drive Sam and Dean into Chuck’s ever-narrowing maze of choices leading up to their confrontation with Lucifer in 12.23 (and Cas’s death by Lucifer’s hand, and everything that followed... including Dean’s formal complaint of a prayer to Chuck himself in 13.01. I mean, given Chuck’s favored story, he must’ve been wringing his hands with glee at Dean’s hopeless suffering in early s13, you know?). 

I need to go back to Sam’s experiences with the BMoL himself. In Sam’s ongoing, lifelong issues that I’ve been tagging as “Sam vs Reality” for years now, the weapon of torture that Toni Bevell used to manipulate Sam... was specifically a fake/drug-and-torture induced romance plot. After 12.02 aired, please recall the abject horror of the entire fandom over the rape by deception plotline between Sam and Toni-- after spending the entire hellatus wondering if Toni was being set up with a “love at first stab” redemption arc in much the same way Cas had in s4. For folks that hadn’t been in the fandom during the post-s11 hellatus, this seemed to be a serious potential, until 12.02 burned that notion to the ground. Eileen’s suspicious return to the narrative in s15 rang alarm bells in my head for this exact reason.

I need people to understand why I feel so viscerally uncomfortable with Sam and Eileen’s relationship as it stands in s15. Everyone has the absolute right to find their relationship cute, or truly romantic, or to hope that they are endgame together. But I also think I have the absolute right to feel wary of it, considering all of this ^^. 

Plus, to me, all of this *IS* the interesting character stuff we’ve all been here for all these years. We’re all giddily engaging with Dean’s long-standing issues with anger, abandonment, fear, self-worth, and identity coming to fruition in s15. Even the most die-hard destiel shippers haven’t ignored the deep underlying character arcs of both Dean AND Cas as their relationship is finally being defined, clarified, and hopefully resolved in the narrative. Do we not owe at LEAST that much to Sam, and his character’s underlying issues? Because I think that’s what the narrative is pushing us to examine here.

And as you said, I also see it as a potential relationship. Yes, one with a LOT of potential based on their chemistry. As things stand after 15.09, there’s every reason to think that Eileen could come back, could accept the offer Sam made with that kiss. I saw it as him laying a potential foundation, his way of saying “maybe it wasn’t real up to this point, but we could choose it if that’s what you wanted, too.” I also see it as up to Eileen herself if she can lay that baggage down and begin building a relationship based on mutual choice, understanding, respect, affection, and potentially love and romance. If Eileen is Sam’s endgame love interest, to me it would necessitate their choice to give a future together a shot. It would be a beautiful new beginning in life, for both of them, rather than the culmination of more than a decade of emotional relationship issues that Dean and Cas are facing, you know? There is a difference, and equating the relationships on a surface level is fine, but the presumption that we’re supposed to just accept that the two relationships are equal in terms of underlying emotional context is... at least a little disturbing to me, because ^^^^^^.

Dean: When Dad disappeared, Sam and I looked around and something became very clear. The only thing we had in this world -- the only thing, aside from this car -- was each other.

*THIS* is the context for Mary’s reply to Cas:

Castiel: I know you know this, Mary, but... Sam and Dean -- they're -- they're glad to have you back. Whatever you still have to deal with and however long it takes, you should know they're happy. I mean, finally, they don't have to be so... so alone. Mary: Castiel. They were never alone.

NOT BECAUSE THEY HAD EACH OTHER. BUT BECAUSE CAS WAS THERE WITH THEM.

If not for Cas, they WOULD have been alone, is what Mary is implying there. That line in 12.02 was depressing as fuck. I think everyone on my dash was actively yelling at the tv.

But even more than the recontextualizing of 12.02 and 12.03 that this line accomplished, when faced with the reality that Mary was most likely dead, and at Jack’s hands, this is the specific memory Cas held on to.

This was a time when both Cas and Mary felt adrift, wondering if they really belonged here at all, let alone could consider themselves “family” to Sam and Dean. This was their shared journey during s12, and they supported each other through it. Even when-- like we learned in 12.06-- Mary was keeping her hunting life secret from Sam and Dean, just as she had with John back in the 70′s and 80′s.

Even though she was still wary (if not outright afraid) of Cas, she still trusted him to hunt with her, and to keep her secret for her.

Hi there! This is an interesting question. :D

I’m not sure we have any evidence that John was a good cook, or that he did much cooking at all. We know that in the few scenes we have of Mary in the past:

in 4.03, Mary’s mother is the one preparing the meal they share with Dean. Mary herself is in no way involved with this preparation. We only see John eat a couple of times in diners.

in 5.13, Mary is preparing dinner for her and John when Sam and Dean show up on their doorstep. She even pulls the Mom Line of smacking John’s hand away from the basket of rolls on the table to tell him to wash up before dinner. What we learn in s12 about how she bought meatloaf and pie from the Piggly Wiggly leads us to believe that her “homemade” dinners were more often than not purchased pre-made and heated up at home.

We also learn about Mary making Dean tomato rice soup when he was sick as a child in this episode. But you know, Campbell’s makes tomato rice soup in a can, so it’s not likely something she slaved over from scratch, you know? But a small child wouldn’t understand or know that.

in 5.16, in Dean’s Heaven Memory, Mary makes him a PBJ and pours him a glass of milk, then offers him some pie. And again, we know now that she likely bought the pie already made.

in s14 we learn that the one thing Mary did actually make was a terrifying dish known as “Winchester Surprise.” And we’re led to assume that the “surprise” is actually surviving eating it. :P

But what do we really know about John cooking for Sam and Dean? Nothing, really, aside from one of Dean’s comment in 8.21:

“Alright, here we go. John Winchester’s famous cure-all kitchen sink stew. There you go. Enough cayenne pepper in there to burn your lips off, just like Dad used to make.“

So we know John at least cooked them one (1) thing. We also know both through flashbacks (like in 3.08 and 9.07) as well as comments Dean and Sam both have made throughout the series (marshmallow fluff mac and cheese! it’s exotic!) that Dean did a large portion of the food prep for him and Sam over the years.

But also, the recipe for kitchen sink stew (also known as “everything but the kitchen sink soup”) is basically “throw everything you have on hand into a pot and boil it for a while.” Rice, beans, noodles, veggies, meat… whatever you have, it goes in the pot. Making it isn’t really a demonstration of culinary mastery, especially if the main flavor that comes through in the end is “will burn your lips off.”

I’ve always felt that John was more likely to go for fast food, diner food, or low-prep food like the aforementioned stew, or the ubiquitous PBJ, or even like… stuff microwaved at the Gas N Sip that has often been described as a staple in the Hunter Diet. I don’t think we’ve ever had any indication that John ever really cooked.

And yeah, Dean did his best to learn to cook (and the rest of the stereotypical “housewife” chores) partly because he understood that John needed him to fill that role. Not that Dean ever understood how Mary may have relied on prepared meals from the Piggly Wiggly to cover her shortcomings in the kitchen, but he would’ve ASSUMED (especially based on his shock at Mary’s confession in 12.02 that she didn’t cook) that she was a good cook. I mean, where did Dean get most of his knowledge about the duties a mom was expected to fulfill? Mostly from television, from possibly observing other mothers in the wild, or from babysitters they had over the years (like Donna in 5.12 who watched them for months at a motel in Massachusetts when they were children).

So Dean did have Responsible Adult Behavior modeled for him, but never in an actual home setting in reality, you know? Donna’s JOB was cleaning and tidying the motel, so he would’ve picked up the how-tos while she was watching out for him and Sam. But he probably picked up even more from watching TV and movies.

Then it came to making their limited resources into something that wasn’t horrifically boring. When they only had a loaf of bread, some assorted sandwich fixings, a box of cereal, and some canned food to last them a week or two until John came back again, he had to get creative to keep from losing his damn mind, you know? There’s only so much spaghettios a person can eat before it’s like OKAY ANYTHING OTHER THAN THIS PLS.

Who knows, he may even have begun watching cooking shows on television in attempt to learn something about making their food taste better. Maybe he watched Julia Child or Justin Wilson or Graham Kerr (being three people who had regular cooking shows back in that era), and decided this was something worth devoting a bit of his time and attention to, for his own sake as well as Sam’s and John’s.

Imagine after the incident he related to Mary where he’d burned his attempt at Winchester Surprise, he realized he needed to actually get some proper training in this cooking thing before he either burned down their motel by accident or poisoned them all from cooking something wrong, you know?

There could’ve been a million reasons why he’d want to become good at cooking, not the least of which was because Dean himself really enjoys good food. I mean, look at the pleasure he takes in a good slice of pie or a well made burger. He appreciates what goes into cooking a tasty and satisfying meal, and he derives a lot of personal pleasure from eating.

@thejabberwock doesn’t come around these parts much anymore, but has a tag for “tactile dean” that I think this theory fits under, as well. Taste and pleasure through eating is just as much a part of this sensory fulfillment for Dean as physical touch. So of course he’d be interested in pursuing it when given the chance.

Such as during his year at Lisa’s. In the final scene of 5.22, he sits down at Lisa’s table to a meal she prepared, but by the montage at the beginning of 6.01, Dean himself is doing some of the cooking, entirely at home in Lisa’s kitchen and hosting backyard barbecues. He also demonstrates his mastery of the grill in 8.14, proving that with the resources to obtain good quality food, he’s just as competent as anyone else at preparing it well. Food is just important to Dean in ways that it’s not to Sam.

Sam eats to live, to be healthy, to maintain his body and fitness. Dean eats for the sheer pleasure of it. I think he’d enjoy cooking just for the pleasure of it, too. He was so damn proud of his “nesting burger” back in 8.14.

And heck, how many different schools did Dean cycle through over his educational career before he finally dropped out? Being in a town for a week here and there may have given him a bit of a chance to drop in on a few Home Ec classes along the way, too. Maybe he’d even specifically ask to be put in a cooking class in school– both because they were more often than not full of girls he could hit on, and because he might be allowed to take home his class projects and have something to feed Sam for dinner that he wouldn’t have to pay for.

But considering how often it seems Dean was left alone in charge of Sam when they were children, he had a vested interest in learning for himself how to “run a household,” including everything from cooking to cleaning to childcare, since it was all literally dumped on his shoulders, and nobody else was consistently there to do that stuff for him.

My guess, in tl;dr fashion, is that he picked it up from a combination of observing various babysitters over the years, from watching tv and movies, and out of the sheer necessity to make sure he and Sam didn’t draw suspicion from teachers or other locals that they were the victims of neglect and bringing unwanted attention from family services organizations. I mean, there’s deep-seated reasons he was antagonistic toward the social workers in 12.04, you know? John must’ve drilled it into him from an early age that they needed to maintain secrecy about their lives from “civilians,” and the need to protect themselves from well meaning but seriously unprepared social workers from trying to interfere in their lives.

Well, we know the data set Michael is working with, but like Metatron failed to understand the full emotional undercurrent of the data set he’d been working with back in s9, for example, Michael just… doesn’t really understand it.

(and with Michael, he doesn’t really CARE about understanding it, as long as he’s getting what he wanted– ie Dean’s silence)

Or to give another example. Toni Bevell’s kinda-sorta accurate (but occasionally outright wrong) but wildly misinterpreted data on the Winchesters back in 11.23 and s12.  (I started collecting this table of disinformation under the tag THE MURDER BOARD! but it eventually evolved into the men of letters vs hunters tag, because boy HOWDY did the MoL have some fundamental misunderstandings about, like… everything…)

But back to this specific scenario, because I think it’s important to look at what Michael said exactly here, because Dean’s response reminded me a heck of a lot of his response to Tony asking him about Benny in 12.02– you know, the vampire you befriended and brought out of Purgatory, she asked him, four years after Dean had last seen him, I mean… not exactly the freshest take on Dean’s speed dial there…

Michael: Well, this is fun.Dean: Get out of my head.Michael: You don’t mean that, Dean, not really. You may lie to them, but, deep down, I know you. I am you. You only tolerate the angel because you think you owe him, because he ‘gripped you tight and raised you from Perdition.’ Or whatever. But since then, what has he done? Only made mistakes, one after the other. And, Sam – oh, Sam You know, Dean was his happiest when you quit hunting, leaving him with your dad, just the two of them. See, deep down, he knows that you will always abandon him, again and again.Dean: Shut up!Michael: You don’t need them. You don’t even like them. They’re not your family – they’re your responsibilities. They’re a weight around your neck. And deep down, you wanted – you were desperate to get away from them. And that is why you said yes.

Let’s break this down point by point:

- You only tolerate the angel because you think you owe him, because he “gripped you tight and raised you from Perdition.” Or whatever. But since then, what has he done? Only made mistakes, one after the other.

Well, maybe Dean has thought that think in the past– like possibly during s4. I mean, in 4.16 he literally told Cas he’d made a mistake, picked the wrong guy to save the world. In his darkest moments, yeah. He’s probably thought Cas had made mistakes. I mean, in 7.02, while clutching Cas’s soaking wet coat immediately after his apparent death, and in the immediate aftermath of a horrific couple of days of feeling betrayed and abandoned by Cas in the worst possibly ways, Dean calls him “dumb son of a bitch” with a hitch in his voice and abject sadness and loss. I mean… This was s7 Dean speaking here, if anything.

And because Michael is Bad At Stories, he thinks this one out of context Bad Thought Dean had a long time ago is an accurate representation of everything Dean thinks about Cas overall. Because remember, Michael wasn’t trying to be honest here. He was trying to hurt everyone, to keep them distracted to buy himself time.

But to suggest that Dean really, truly feels that way about Cas, at his deepest core? It just… whoa that’s so far from the truth as to be horrifying, you know? If Michael actually believes that, then it just serves to prove how terrible he is at understanding stories.

I think it’s at least in PART Michael’s own judgment of Cas based on what HE believes about most of Cas’s actions in this universe, in direct comparison to the Castiel he knew in his own universe. And Cas has already passed judgment and dismissed Michael’s opinions on THAT.

But yeah, it’s also in part because somewhere deep down, Dean’s gotta know that this is something that Cas is afraid of– because Cas has TOLD him, multiple times over the years. From the end of s7 when Cas was ashamed and horrified and consumed with guilt over his mistakes, to the self-doubt that drove him to say yes to Lucifer in 11.10, to his painful need to bring a win home to Dean in 12.19… Dean understands this is one of Cas’s biggest issues. Therefore Michael would understand that saying this out loud had the potential to hurt Cas the deepest.

Let’s move on to the next point, shall we?

-And, Sam – oh, Sam You know, Dean was his happiest when you quit hunting, leaving him with your dad, just the two of them. See, deep down, he knows that you will always abandon him, again and again.

Immediately after this, Dean breaks in with SHUT UP!

Because there’s got to be some kernel of truth buried in there. I mean, Dean wasn’t happiest hunting alone with John. We know that based on fourteen years of watching Dean struggle to pry himself out from under John’s thumb. Sure, he put on a face of bravado back then, even going back to when he and Sam were kids– like in 3.08 trying to convince Sam that John was some kind of superhero, and putting a positive spin on the horrors he’d spent his life to that point trying desperately to shield Sam from. This is not just a simple issue that Michael has laid down on the table. It pokes at one of Dean’s deepest fears– that Sam WILL abandon him, or will choose a different life, run away to pretend to be normal. And yeah, he’s had to confront that over and over again in the course of the series, but it still hurts. Even if he knows they’re at a completely different place now then they once were about this.

This also pokes at the Performing Dean facade that sprouted from having essentially been placed as the emotional middle man in their family– knowing about the supernatural and protecting Sam from it at all costs. It tore him up, and he erected this safety zone around himself out of self-defense. Yeah, that mask has slipped a lot over the years, and Sam’s had more than a few peeks behind it at Dean’s squishy center, but this was Michael essentially using the fact the facade exists at all as a weapon targeted to hurt both Dean and Sam. Because this is all part of that lie, that everything was hunky-dory with John, as long as they stayed in line and followed orders.

Because heck, that’s kind of how Michael sees himself. He followed all the orders and was disappointed by his father in the end. But unlike Dean, Michael never actually learned to deal with it. Never learned that his father’s orders were maybe flawed. Never learned to think for himself, or try to become better than that himself. He just went right on blaming his own father for his failures. And we KNOW that Dean hasn’t done that. (and I think we’re gonna see that borne out in 14.13, which I am SO excited for)

But this also hurts Sam, because Sam KNOWS that the night he left for college was one of the WORST nights of Dean’s life. It was writ plain on Dean’s face in 5.16, when he learned that it was one of Sam’s “heaven memories.” So again, this is Michael maybe not understanding the context, only reading “WORST MEMORY” and thinking he’s hurling it like a truth bomb, when it’s more of an expired stink bomb…

That said, let’s move on to what Michael thought was gonna be the kicker:

-You don’t need them. You don’t even like them. They’re not your family – they’re your responsibilities. They’re a weight around your neck. And deep down, you wanted – you were desperate to get away from them. And that is why you said yes

Heck, maybe Demon!Dean would’ve had this thought. I mean, Demon!Dean kinda did say something like this in 10.03: 

Dean: You notice I tried to get as far away from you possible? Away from your whining, your complaining. I chose the King of Hell over you. Maybe I was just… tired of babysitting you. Or always having to yank your lame ass out of the fire, since… forever. Or maybe – maybe it was the fact that my mother would still be alive if it wasn’t for you. That your very existence sucked the life out of my life.Sam: This isn’t my brother talking.Dean: You never had a brother. Just an excuse for not manning up. But guess what. I quit.Sam: No. No you don’t. You don’t get to quit. We don’t get to quit in this family. This family is all we’ve ever had!Dean: Well then we got nothin’.

But like Michael, Demon!Dean was kind of a nihilist, yes? He was driven to demonhood by the literal actual Darkness that only wanted to destroy all of creation. He didn’t care about ANYTHING. Not Baby, not Cas, not Sam… NOTHING. And his entire line of thinking here is just tainted by the worst thoughts he’d ever had on the subject. It was like talking to someone in the midst of a depressive episode. He couldn’t see any joy in anything, and that’s just not the Dean we know and love. It was the bleakest, most hopeless part of him made visceral.

But again, Michael lobbed this bomb entirely without context. The fact that Dean was ASHAMED after the fact of how he acted as a demon, and under the Mark’s influence. Because when he hadn’t had all the best parts of himself submerged into this darkness, we know he’d never in a million years feel that way about Sam (or Cas). It’s like Soulless!Sam telling Dean he just didn’t care about anything, because he didn’t have the equipment to care. So unless you can accept that Soulless!Sam spoke absolute truths about how Sam really feels, then you can’t assume that Demon!Dean truly spoke Dean’s honest feelings.

Because we KNOW why Dean said yes to Michael. It wasn’t about wanting to run away from his family. Quite the opposite. He was willing to throw himself on that grenade in the hopes of SAVING his family. And I don’t think that’s ever been in doubt, by anyone.

And wow, heck, this is getting long…