#using your words

At the same time Rick and Paul were staging their great escape, in the privacy of her quarters Magnolia Jones poured herself a soda and wished it was something more potent. “But it’s better it’s not,” she murmured to herself as she put the empty bottle aside to be recycled later. “Mama always said drinking alone with your problems never helps.”

It’d been almost a month now, but the memories of that day were still bright and clear. She was eternally grateful that Dianne had shoved her in front of Doctor Orchid as soon as she admitted that it’d been haunting her sleeping thoughts too. “Dianne’s said before how much she hates doing medevac for Scarlet and that she has an appointment set up as soon as possible after going to fetch him… I understand why now…” Magnolia picked up her glass but didn’t sip from it yet, the bitter, painful memories creeping back in again. 

When Magenta had run up with Ochre over his shoulders and Rick’s blood all over his uniform, she’d desperately wanted to hold his hand, to hold him, to comfort him and reassure him. Instead she’d had to pull down the stretcher and help strap him into it while the medics got to work. 

The drugs had only taken the edge off Rick’s pain, the semi-consciousness from the blood loss had done more for him.

Leaving him in the back to get into that cockpit had torn her heart in ways she hadn’t known it could be torn. That she was doing something useful by getting him out of danger and to the best help available had been the only bright spot on that dark day, and she’d been clinging to that with both hands and every ounce of strength she could muster. 

The sessions with Orchid had helped so much, but something had cropped up that she didn’t like one bit, a cruel consideration that her mind had presented her with the other day. It had horrified her that she could even come up with it in the first place. She knew she had to bring it up with Orchid, but she just didn’t know if she could bring herself to do it. Bringing other people her problems just wasn’t her forte.  

Needing to sit, Magnolia crossed to her small couch. She put the untouched drink on the floor, curled herself up and dragged over the quilt her grandma had made for her sixteenth birthday. Wrapping the much loved item around herself, she blanketed herself in the love and care the quilt represented. She very much needed that comfort. “Miss you, Grandma,” Magnolia brushed her fingertips against the tattered applique daisy that had been Grandma Daisy’s signature on all the many quilts she’d made over the years and blinked back tears. Grandma would have known what to do. She always knew what to do or say to soothe the hurts, bring some clarity or shine a light in the dark. And some guidance and clarity was exactly what she needed right now. 

Theoretically cosy but still feeling inexplicably chilled, Magnolia put some of the things she’d already learned from Orchid to work and deliberately walked back through her thoughts and reasonings to get to the root of what was upsetting her so. 

She’d always been fiercely independent and headstrong, not letting anything hold her back. It just was how she was, and it’d intimidated the other girls at the finishing school and been the final nail in the coffin that got her off the path her parents tried to guide her into. There was absolutely no way she could ever play second fiddle to a man, being a good wife and mother who’d say all the right things and nod and smile and be the gracious hostess. No way, no how. She expected and demanded equality in all things and if any man wanted her, he’d have to find a way to keep up, and that was that. 

Having been disappointed by so many men who first made nice then tried to tear her down to their level, she’d let the idea of romance fall by the wayside as she forged her own way ahead. She’d go it alone, like she had in so many other things, and that would be that.

And then she’d been recruited into the Angels and she’d rejoiced in finding herself in the company of similarly determined and driven women. They’d quickly become sisters in all but blood, and eventually they had been introduced to a collection of very good looking men who had absolutely no trouble keeping up with any of them and weren’t in the slightest bit intimidated by the company of formidable women. Fast friendships had quickly formed between the two groups, founded on mutual respect, and she was very happy with that. 

She hadn’t intended on falling for Rick. 

He hadn’t intended on falling for her. 

Looking back on it, they hadn’t so much as fallen in love with each other as they had been snuck up on by Cupid and clubbed over the head until they finally stopped long enough that they could see each other. 

What they had was… well, it was something. Iron sharpens iron, as the old saying went, and they did that for each other. He was amazed to find someone else who shared his experience of not quite fitting in, someone wired differently to the standard, she was delighted to find someone who wanted to chase after her as she soared. They were both over the moon to find someone else who could talk fluent plane-nerd and absolutely wouldn’t get bored with it.  

Then that day had happened, the reality of the severity of Rick’s injury had set in, and when she was visiting him in Medical after the first operation, while he was still almost as pale as the sheets of the bed and half out of his head on meds, a nasty, wicked little voice in the back of her head had muttered ‘he can’t keep up with you now. He’ll hold you back and you’re going to resent him for it’. 

Sickened by the idea that she could even consider that, she’d desperately shoved that voice into the proverbial broom closet and blocked the door, but that little voice had been getting oh so much louder and she just didn’t know what to do. 

“No, no, that’s not right,” Magnolia shook her head. “I don’t know what to do yet, that’s all, and that’s no reason to sit and feel sorry for myself. Okay, I’ve had my mope, now it’s time to get my boots on.” Magnolia squared her shoulders and reached for that determination that got her through being a castaway. “I want to know what Grandma Daisy would say, so, what question would she ask me right now?” 

Closing her eyes, Magnolia pictured her grandmother- a tall, broad-shouldered woman with a lifetime’s laugh lines creasing her face and short, silvery hair that she kept close cut because that made it so much easier to dye it bright colours - and walked herself through what Grandma Daisy would do. Whenever she went to her grandmother for advice she’d welcome her in with a drink, settle herself down in her favourite rattan chair and pick up the nearest of her ever fluctuating entourage of cats to pet and fuss over as she considered the problem and what question she wanted to pose to open up the problem and get at its roots. That’s what she pictured right now- Grandma Daisy in her favourite blouse and skirt, a calico cat on her lap as she asked ‘Do you love him, Maggie-girl? And does he love you?’ 

 I love him,” Magnolia breathed the words out. “I love him and I wanted to marry him before the shooting - to make him that promise of ‘in sickness and in health’ - so why should that change now? And I know he loves me,” she smiled at the memory, “first thing that nut-job said to me when he woke up after the op was ‘you’re really pretty, but I gotta girlfriend and I love her and she’ll kick your ass’.” 

‘And there’s your answer, Maggie-girl!’ 

Magnolia could see the warm smile that would have curved Grandma Daisy’s lips. 

‘So many people think love’s only a feeling, an adjective to describe your emotions. Love’s a verb, Maggie-girl, it’s about doing, it’s active, and it’s a living thing, something you’ve got to nourish and care for. Choose him and choose to love him. Decide that you’re going to choose him every day, and as long as he’s choosing you back, you two will stand strong. Now, finish your soda before it goes flat, go find your man and tell him you love him and you’re choosing him - and use your words if you need to.’ There would have been a knowing look next. ‘He’s going to be questioning things too, he knows how much you value your freedom and he’ll be having his own nasty little voice muttering at him, telling him to cut you loose so he doesn’t hold you down and hold you back. Don’t let that nasty little voice win, okay?’ 

“Okay, Grandma.” Magnolia smiled, toasted her grandmother’s memory and drank the soda in one go before uncurling herself from the couch, determined to go find Rick.

0o0o0

“This is much more like it,” Paul thought to himself as he strolled along beside Rick. He’d pushed the wheelchair only for as long as was necessary for the getaway, since right now he was able to get more speed by pushing the ‘chair than Rick could get by wheeling himself, and then he’d let go and switched to walking beside Rick so they could banter. It’d taken long enough but he’d finally taught Rick how to banter properly and they were both grinning and laughing as they made their way to the Amber Room. Considering the weight of their earlier conversation and everything else that was going on, hearing Rick laugh was a very good thing.

They were almost at the Amber Room when one of the cabin doors slid open and Melody stepped out.

“Oh! Scarlet, Ochre! What are you doing out?” 

“I’m escaping, he’s helping.” Rick jerked his thumb at Scarlet, but all his attention was on Melody.  

Paul looked between the two of them and instantly grasped that his continued presence was superfluous. “Ochre, I think I can trust you to Melody’s capable supervision.” His ‘official’ tone was spoiled by the teasing grin at them both. “You should have another thirty minutes before someone notices you’re gone. Just make sure you’re back before Fawn puts out a bounty. He’ll give you one warning on the comms before he lets loose the proverbial hounds.” 

“S.I.G.” Ochre nodded his understanding. “And Scarlet? Thanks.” 

“Any time,” Scarlet nodded to them both and continued on down to the Amber Room in the hopes of finding his own Angel. 

“Come on in.” Magnolia stood aside to give him enough room for the wheelchair. 

“Thanks.” Rick flicked her a brief smile, then wheeled himself in and parked himself perpendicular to the couch. 

“You want a drink?” Melody automatically asked, closing the door and going to the kitchenette. 

“No thanks, I’m okay,” Rick said as he put the brakes on the wheelchair, leaned down to flip up the one footrest currently in use, and moved the blanket out of the way. The empty section of the trouser leg was already pinned up so it wouldn’t flap about and tangle in things. 

Belatedly realising what Rick was up to, Magnolia awkwardly hovered. “Can I help?” she asked, half reaching out to help but not quite sure how to and hating it.  

Rick glanced up at her and she could see the ‘no, I’m fine’ that was forming, then he glanced at his missing leg and the reminder that he wasn’t actually fine, and she could see the brief battle with his pride. He’d fought his way through the world, she reminded herself, climbing the ranks through dogged determination and a refusal to let his dyslexia hold him back. Relying on others wasn’t exactly in his operating manual, but circumstances were forcing him to rewrite that manual. 

“I think I’ve got this, but catch me if I fall?” was what he asked. 

“Always will, handsome.” Magnolia smiled, and was heartened when he smiled his thanks before turning his attention to the process of getting out of the wheelchair and onto the couch. 

A grunt of effort, then he was standing, using the armrests of the chair to balance himself. He carefully transferred his grip to the arm of the couch, a shuffling hop got him into position, and he was lowering himself down, Magnolia keeping in close attendance in case he overbalanced himself. He managed to sit down without incident and immediately reached over to drag the blanket across and rearrange it over his lap. When he was settled, Magnolia sat down next to him and he almost immediately leaned against her side with a long sigh of relief, seemingly deflating as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and leaned his head against hers. 

“I think this is the first time we’ve actually been alone alone together in weeks,” he murmured. “No one coming in to give me meds or check the dressings, and no auto-nurse to tattle every time you get my heart racing.” He lifted his head just long enough to give her a cheeky grin and they both giggled over the memory - on one of her early visits she’d kissed him and his heart rate had spiked high enough to send an alert to the nurse’s hub and get a worried knock on the door a moment later.

“I do believe you’re right,” Magnolia curled one arm around him and laced the fingers of her free hand with his. “I’ve missed it, and I’ve missed you.” 

“Aw, really? You missed me?” 

“Yes really, I did in fact somehow miss you.” She almost, almost finished the sentence with the old crack of ‘with every shot so far’ but stopped herself just in time. 

“Good, means I’ve made myself memorable.” Rick snuggled closer. 

“You’re extremely memorable, Mister Richard Fraser.” 

“Oof, a ‘mister’ and my full first name, what did I do?” The grin was very audible. 

“You want the list in alphabetical or chronological order?” 

That got a chuckle that faded into a comfortable silence as they simply sat together for a time, savouring the chance to just be in each other’s arms and be close. Recent events had made moments like this just that much more precious.  

Just as Magnolia was figuring out how to draw them out of this moment and start putting her grandma’s wisdom into action, Rick took the deep breath that she knew was him getting himself into ‘work mode’. He straightened up so he could see her face, but still held her hand. 

“‘Lia, can we talk?” he quietly asked. 

“Always,” Magnolia kept the smile on her face despite her spike of fear, the terror of ‘have I left this too late?’ running through her mind. 

To her eternal relief, his next words made that fear evaporate. 

Rick let go of her hand so he could cup her face, touching her like she was a precious treasure, and he kissed her very gently and tenderly. “Magnolia, we’re going to have to go in depth with the details later, but I wanted to get this out in the open first: I don’t know what the future’s going to look like, but between the two of us, I know we’re gonna make it work.” He cracked a grin. “It’s you and me, whatever’s ahead doesn’t stand a chance.” 

Magnolia smiled and kissed him back with the same love and tenderness. “It absolutely does not.” Her smile turned mischievous. “So, how long before someone’s gonna come looking for you?” 

“They probably already are, but if you’re thinking what I think you’re thinking, I think we’ll have plenty of time.” He grinned and waggled his eyebrows suggestively at her, which as always made her giggle at how ridiculous it was. 

“Then we’d better get started,” Magnolia replied, a very different kind of smile curving her lips. 

0o0o0

The day was fading into the purpling blues of night as Paul finished his last set with the free weights, racked them and dried the sweat off his face and neck. He’d spent a good hour catching up with Destiny and Harmony, had lunch with Dianne, snooped just enough to confirm that Melody had delivered Ochre back to Medical shortly after lunch, checked in with Adam, had dinner, and then had gone to the officer’s gym. He had muscle mass to recover and his definition of ‘normal’ had changed once again. The way he saw it, a good hour running through his normal weights routine would be the best place to start regaining that muscle and discovering what his new recovery times were. 

Cool-down stretches completed, he was finishing off a bottle of water when the intercom beeped for attention. “Captain Scarlet?” Green’s voice rang out. “I’m sorry to disturb you, but we have a visitor and Captain Grey has called an urgent meeting in the conference room.” 

Very curious about this new development, Scarlet pressed the reply button. “S.I.G. I’ll be there shortly. Who is it?” 

Flare pt 3

“I don’t know how he’s comfortable, but he is,” Juniper, seated at the small desk, mused as he looked up from the email he was writing to Fawn to check on Scarlet. The two armchairs and coffee table had been moved out from under the lone porthole, the rug had been dragged over to the spot and a cushion from one of the armchairs placed down as a pillow. Now, Scarlet - having eaten some plain rice cakes and drunk three glasses of water - was lying on his back under the porthole, an arm flung over his eyes and ankles crossed as he slept - not dozed as Juniper had expected, but actually slept.

“I can’t decide if it’s a sign of how much he trusts me, a sign of how very close to the ragged edge he was, or both.” Juniper decided as he finished off the quick note and sent it off to Fawn. “Probably both.” 

A reply in Fawn’s famously near-unintelligible shorthand pinged back almost instantly, which earned a surprised eyebrow. “Fawn must have been waiting for this,” he realised as he read over the message several times, then typed out the translation to make sure he hadn’t missed anything. 

‘Tnx 4 udate am kpng B n loop 2 gld S s&s pls udate ny chngs they nd tlk P1, B mh bd’ - ‘Thanks for update am keeping Blue in loop too glad Scarlet safe and sound please update any changes they need talk Priority 1, Blue mental health bad’ 

“Not surprised about that…” Juniper absently murmured to himself as he re-read the last section. He hadn’t been there when the event happened, but he’d heard from Fawn that ‘You won’t get better if you die! Stop taking so many risks for me when I’m already down, it’s too late by then!’ had reverberated through Medical right before a shocked silence had descended, followed by Scarlet bolting. “It’s no small wonder Scarlet had hidden himself away after saying something like that, in addition to punishing himself by enduring hours of work and intense concentration cleaning weapons and denying himself food and water as a penance. Lad, you and I need to work on you using your words sooner rather than later.” Juniper tapped a pen against the desk blotter as he mentally drafted up an email to Orchid about how to best go about this.  

A check of his watch told him that an hour had already slipped past, and it was about another thirty minutes more before a grumble and a yawn told him that Scarlet was waking up. Juniper put the kettle on and had a cup of instant coffee ready by the time Scarlet had peeled himself up off the floor, scrubbed his hands over his face and dropped himself into a chair, blinking groggily at the world in general. 

The coffee was accepted with an uncharacteristic noise of acknowledgement instead of a clear ‘thank you’ and it took two cups before Scarlet looked like he was approaching alertness. In the meantime, Juniper broke out the stash of protein bars and put one in Scarlet’s free hand before his brain kicked in and he could think to refuse it. 

A refill of the coffee cup, a second protein bar and a glass of water later, and Scarlet finally finished booting up. “Oh… let me…” he got up to put the room back to rights, only for Juniper to wave him back to his seat. 

“Lad, you look like hell,” Juniper told him bluntly. 

“Thanks,” was Scarlet’s dry response. 

“Think you’ve done enough penance yet or do you want to go back to the armoury for a second round?” he asked with a knowing look. 

Scarlet stopped, looking at Juniper with a classic ‘deer-in-the-headlights’ expression before he could get his reactions back under control. He did hunch up a bit though, clearly feeling seen. 

“Lad, the easy thing to do is punish yourself in some way.” Juniper decided to get to the meat of the matter. “But all you’re doing right now is delaying the harder thing - talking to your friend and getting to the root of why he did what he did and why you think he shouldn’t have. In the long run it’ll be a lot easier to do the hard thing as soon as you’re up to it, rather than let everything fester for longer.” 

Scarlet looked down and away, clearly wrestling with himself as he fidgeted with the glass he was still holding. 

Juniper waited, sipping at his own coffee. 

“...can I stop off at my cabin for a shower and change first?” Scarlet asked, gesturing to his somewhat grotty clothes. “I don’t want to offend the nurses.” 

“What about offending Fawn and Burgundy?” Juniper asked, letting the moment of humour lighten the mood. Scarlet clearly needed it. 

“Fawn doesn’t care but I probably shouldn’t offend Burgundy, she’s been threatening to bell me like a cat again,” Scarlet grumbled as he collected up the cups and put them in the dishwasher. “I think she’s serious this time, she’s been going around collecting the bells from the Lindt bunnies that got handed out at Easter.”  

“I’ll have a word with her,” Juniper promised, getting up and letting Scarlet help him put the rug, chairs and coffee table back. It was something of a delaying tactic but the decision to talk to Blue had been made, if Scarlet needed a little more time that was quite all right. 

“Thank you.” 

He and Scarlet talked while they straightened up, getting to the root of Scarlet’s fear and why he’d reacted the way he had and Juniper making some suggestions for talking points with Blue. When everything was squared away, Scarlet turned to the door, paused and asked “Pastor? Would you stay while I’m talking to Blue? I… I think I’d like some adult supervision for this.” 

“As long as he’s okay with it, of course I will.”

That got him a nod, Juniper took a moment to send an update to Fawn, then they were out into the corridor. 

The trip to the officers’ deck was managed without incident, Juniper waited outside for the ten minutes it took for Scarlet to make himself somewhat more presentable, then they were on their way to Sickbay. 

Forewarned, Fawn and the nurses were nowhere in sight as they entered through one of the lesser used doors and the closest one to the smaller room where Blue had been placed. It was a small thing, but very important. Scarlet didn’t have much mental energy to spare right now, spending it on conversations not with Blue would not have helped. 

Speaking of, when they got there, the captain was waiting up for them, lying semi-reclined against the raised head of the bed since his abdominal muscles couldn’t support him just yet. 

While Scarlet went for the visitor’s chair beside the bed, Juniper closed the door and posted himself beside it to observe and step in if need be.

Blue glanced at him, then turned his attention to his brother in arms. “Scarlet?” he asked, clearly worried. 

“I’m okay, Blue.” Scarlet quietly responded. He dragged the visitor’s chair around so he could face Blue, placing himself in it carefully. “I’m sorry for yelling, but I’m not sorry for what I said. You scared me. Blue, you can’t do that…”

“I can and I will,” Blue interrupted. His jaw was set and there was a defiant angle to his chin, but his hands clenched on the blankets to hide the trembling. “After everything that you do for us, for me, it’s the least I can do to get you to safety afterwards.” 

“Blue…” Scarlet hesitated, then forced himself to go on, “don’t… just…” he stopped again and growled something that sounded like ‘get it together, Metcalfe’ under his breath, then tried again. “I’ll get better, you won’t. Please… don’t make me wake up and find out that I died in vain because you gave up your life to save me when I was already down. Don’t make me go through that. Please, don’t do that to me.” He looked at Blue, jaw clenched and lips pressed together into a thin line. “Let me do my job so you can do yours and finish the mission. I can wait Blue, you know that. It’s just like the decompression drill: mask first, then save the plane. You can’t come back for me if you’re dead too.” 

“I…” Blue hesitated, then looked away, shame burning his cheeks. “I can’t do that…” 

Scarlet drew in a breath to protest, but Blue held up his hand to forestall it. 

“Scarlet, the first time… at the Car-Vu…. I didn’t wait, I didn’t come back for you. I left… As soon as I could I left… because I was so sure it wasn’t you and I wasn’t about to give the imposter the respect and honour of waiting until he was found to bring him back to base. As soon as the President was safe I ran straight back to base like some kind of coward.” He swallowed hard, still not looking at Scarlet. “When… when you came back… when we realised that it really was you, that you were back… I felt so guilty. I abandoned you… I swore I’d never do that again.” 

“...you right proper wally!” Scarlet fired back with some heat but no venom. “You’d only minutes ago found out that I’d died right after we lost Brown and Black, played tag with a heli’ trying to kill you, had a gun battle with a replicant while the Car-Vu was about to collapse, just shot something you thought was me and saved the World President by the skin of your teeth! Of course you needed to get to safety after all that! And no one knew I was going to come back! You can’t blame yourself for not knowing that in advance!” 

There was another pause as Blue absorbed that statement, then Scarlet spoke again, more gently this time. “Blue, it’s not abandoning me if you have to regroup and come back with a new strategy or backup, you know that, right?” He lightly prodded Blue in the side to make him look at him. “You’ve got my permission,” he stopped and corrected himself, “no, not permission, it’s a standing order, yes, it’s a standing order from me to you: only come back for me when it’s safe for you to do so, understood?” 

Blue held his gaze for a moment, then nodded sharply. “S.I.G.” 

Juniper let out a breath he hadn’t realised he was holding. “Well done lads,” he congratulated them, “well done.” He stood up with a grunt, feeling his knees protest. “Now, I’ll leave you two be for a little, then Scarlet, I’m coming back to make sure you go and get some rest. You’re off duty for the next seventy two hours, you can come back in the morning.” 

“Understood.” Scarlet nodded to him. “Pastor? Thank you. This…wasn’t easy. Thank you for helping me through it.”