#spampage

But that would be a lie.

I wish I never loved you as much i did.

No.

I wish I could stop loving you as much as I do.

I wish there could be this better version of you.

I wish you never held my heart.

I wish I didn’t let you drain my every last drop.

I wish I could just go back in time and fix everything that went wrong.

I wish this feeling you left me with will just go away.

Fuck i don’t even know what I’m writing anymore.

I’m so tired of crying over you.

I’m so tired of being hurt by you.

I’m so tired of being misplaced by you.

I’m so tired of being knocked down by you.

I’m so tired of wishing pointless things about you.

I’m so tired of being lost because of you.

I’m so tired of loving you.

But why do I want to crawl back to you?

On my hands and knees begging in such a pitiful way.

Just make it go away.

Take this pain away like you always do.

I don’t want it anymore.

I can’t live without you.

I can’t do this without you.

Why did it have to end up this way?

I want to hate you.

I want to be over you.

I want to move on from you.

But how can I move on from someone who shares my soul?

How can I hate someone who has my heart?

Why did I have to love you so much it hurts?

Why can’t I get you out of my head?

Or my skin?

Or my heart?

Or my life?

What is this you’ve done?

What have I become?

Who am I to become?

What have you made me?

Who was I before this?

I don’t know anymore.

Because you took it all.

You took it all away from me.

And promised me that you’ll love me.

Support me.

Take care of me.

Help me.

And now look at me.

An empty fucking shell lost without you.

Still looking for those broken promises to be mended.

I just want to come home.

And be a team again.

And hear you say those words you never meant.

I love you.

And I say them back and we cuddle.

While you stroke my hair or rub back while I cry yet again at your intolerable act.

But at least then I had you and some piece of me.

Now I have nothing but a fucking sweater wrapped in your scent.

Stained with my tears of heartache and emptiness.

You ruin everything you touch.

You burn it like a pyromaniac.

You cause a sickness so deep within it spreads through the body shutting down every major organ.

You’re poison.

You took the heart I gave you and you squeezed every ounce of love out of it, and watched as the blood coated your hands.

You took the soul I once gave you and you set it on fire and oh so kindly returned it to me, in hopes I can fix it.

You took the body I gave you, engraving your very name and essence into it, then ripping it to a million piece.

You ruin everything you touch.

You drain the light out of me and fill it with your darkness.

You hand me the torch and burned me when you did, telling me to deal with it.

You carve your name in me like a brand and tote me around like a slave you own for your entertainment until you’re bored.

You ruin everything you touch.

And when I have had enough.

And I just want to waste away.

You shame me.

You blame me.

You make me insane.

I hate you.

So yes to be frank,

We share a kiss.

We share our bodies.

We share our past.

We share our feelings.

We share a cigarette.

And when you inhale and exhale,

I see you.

I hear you.

I feel you.

All of your pain, becomes mine.

All of your pleasure, becomes mine.

All of your peace, becomes mine.

I feel lost, empty, hopeless.

I feel undeserving, unloveable, a burden.

I want to scream.

Let out these thoughts and feelings clawing at my skin.

But when I do, it ends in pain and destruction.

I just want it all to stop.

I want it all to go away.

Like touching the hot asphalt that the sun had laid it’s gaze upon all day.

Like a glass plate that breaks.

Like the current from the waves that pull you under with no escape.

Like a bullet wound that always aches.

Like the flowers that wilt on a hot summer’s day.

Like a broken record, that one line that always tends to stay.

Like a storm that brews and rages and never goes away.

Like that one table that always shakes.

That line was just some comedic relief to run away, from the pain that seems to never fade.

So unimaginable I couldn’t even think sane.

Let alone begin to breathe the same.

I wanted nothing more but to mend that pain.