#somethingawful

` ` You look quite divine tonight

...

AND HE’S NOT ALONE!!!

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Make sure to buy him an (ex) lover to keep him company!!!

Don’t want an agent of chaos in your room?

Get him in human form too!

I’m a little late but it’s okay

JK I missed you do you have any more Zalgo arts? I like to seeeee

Probably part 1 because I have so many headcanons for them oh my god- (not even just them as a couple but them on their own as well) Buckle in gang, this is gonna be Long. Somebody sedate me, they're so---😭😭🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

SFW Headcanons

⦻ THE royal power couple. Zalgo being the King of Hell, and the primordial God of Chaos, Madness, and Insanity, is already powerful enough on his own. Add in his husband (or 'mate' in demon culture), a powerful Eldritch being and the God of Order? They're practically unstoppable.

⦻ Really, the universe should be grateful they're so in love. I mean, they kinda already have to work together to keep reality running (because purely Order or purely Chaos would be a shitshow). Basically, they're like yin and yang. Can't have one without the other.

⦻ Slenderman is Zalgo's order, his peace, usually the voice of reason, able to cut through his ever-chaotic thoughts and make him settle for a little while. Zalgo is Slenderman's chaos, ever unpredictable, pulling him away from work to take a break, to let loose and have some fun.

⦻ Also THE yapper x listener couple. Usually it's Zalgo who is yapping about anything and everything and Slenderman just listens, occasionally chiming in. But sometimes, Zalgo can get Slenderman to talk for hours, and it's the highlight of his week.

⦻ They both adore the sound of each other's voice. Zalgo's voice is deep and warm, like a comforting fire, tinted with a hint of mania. Slenderman's voice is slightly less deep, more static-y, and there's a rasp that reminds Zalgo of the turning of pages in an old book.

⦻ Zalgo talks more casually (something his parents hated and tried to 'fix', since they found it unbecoming for a demon of his status. It didn't work), while Slenderman talks in a more archaic way.

⦻ (For example, where Zalgo would say 'don't', Slenderman would say 'do not'; or 'gonna' and 'going to').

⦻ Slenderman's petnames for Zalgo are (my) love, darling, beloved, (my) dear, and my Chaos, and Zal.

⦻ Zalgo's petnames for Slenderman are dearest, my flame, my spark, (my) love, my Order, (my) mate, Slender and Slen.

⦻ Zalgo's love languages are physical touch, quality time, and gift-giving.

⦻ Slenderman's love languages are acts of service, quality time and words of affirmation.

⦻ Zalgo can usually be found touching Slenderman in some way. Either leaning on his shoulder, draped over his back, lacing their hands, or his tail wrapped around his waist.

⦻ Slenderman pretends to begrudgingly accept this. Deep down, he loves it - it makes him feel wanted, since it's a very instinctual thing for Zalgo to do.

⦻ Slenderman reciprocates by wrapping a tendril around Zalgo - arm, hip, waist, or leg, depending on how 'proper' he's feeling and who else is around.

⦻ Zalgo adores it when Slenderman brings him tea and little snacks while he works - he know his mate worries about him overworking himself and that this is his quiet way of making sure Zalgo takes care of himself.

⦻ Zalgo LOVES to shower Slenderman in gifts. He scours the worlds for rare books, tomes, and scrolls to give to his beloved. And jewellery, too - gold with precious gemstones (relevant to my au hehehe). He knows Slenderman isn't big on wearing jewellery (besides their wedding band and for formal events) but it soothes his instincts.

⦻ After a long day at work, they love to retreat to the peace and quiet of their at-home (castle, really) library.

⦻ Adding onto that, I am adopting @slenderzalgogoonerr 's headcanon that Zalgo is dyslexic and has dyscalculia. Because, you know, God of Chaos and all. And if there's one thing that has rules and order, it's words and math. Ew.

⦻ Meaning that during those quiet evenings, Zalgo likes to put his head on Slenderman's lap while Slenderman reads to him. A bonus is when Slenderman runs his hand through his hair.

⦻ Occasionally, Zalgo will give Slenderman a shoulder massage. Slenderman melts every time.

⦻ While Zalgo loves to listen to Slenderman talk, Slenderman loves it when Zalgo hums or even sings. Zalgo usually hums beneath his breath when he's focussing, but he occasionally sings to Slenderman. Often when it's just the two of them in the ballroom or in a clearing in the forest and they're slow dancing.

⦻ They've been going strong for millennia! Top notch communication skills (although they're not without their petty moments).

⦻ This is, in part, due to Slenderman having his own mansion, in the middle of the forest, to retreat to when all the royal stuff (or Zalgo) gets too insane. He needs his peace and quiet!! Or he'll just murder the Court one day lol. He has no idea how Zalgo can stand the lot.

⦻ (A lot of dissociation, usually. Or selective hearing. Or both.)

⦻ Zalgo knows his mate is more introverted than he is, and tries to give him space whenever he needs it.

⦻ Another part of it is them accepting each other's little quirks, having known each other for so long that it's almost expected. And going on regular date nights!

⦻ Ruling a kingdom is stressful, so they usually help each other with stress relief. With the quiet evenings in the library, for example. Or by sparring, taking a nice, long bath, walking in a forest, or cuddles in bed.

NSFW Headcanons (18+)

Shitposting is so much fun

Meanwhile, someone he barely brings up at least in that stream (Maybe he did bring up in another) is Shadman, who everyone agrees that Oney and Zach should talk about at some point. Because everyone already assumes the whole thing was "they just thought he was a nice guy with dark humor and maybe were scared of him".

Also DD does the "he browses 4chan the bad website" thing when there's a website that DD and specially TheBestGamers can be traced to: SomethingAwful. Rockcock64 of TBG already made a tweet years ago going "I'm sorry for my 4chan humor" when the actual humor TBG had is clearly traceable to SA. It's part of why those guys even knew who Shmorky is anyway. The usual "troll's remorse guys never tell the full story" packed with "bringing up 4chan but not SA, a site that might as well be a dark secret among these guys". Also TBG kinda did some trolling and even pandered to Gamergate guys. (This also shows that the panic around 4chan nowadays is more likely to come from internet nerds that should know better than actual normies watching Fox News).

With TBG, you wonder if their most "trollish" or anti SJW moments were when it was under DD's control. I recall Rockcock admitting that he never played Fez or Super Meat Boy and the point of those reviews were just to literally parrot DD's opinions about those games and even kinda shitting on the devs. DD also helped Chris troll people in that one Second Life video with the female Tails character.

In general, DD is the kind of guy that is familiar with trolling and even sites like SA, but then that stream comes off as him acting like a Tumblr person (Fitting when you learn the overlaps that Tumblr and SA have) as if jokes about weird fetishes were meant to be that hurtful. One can also argue that DD era OneyPlays attracted the kind of audiences that would still not care much about Oney and Newgrounds culture Smiling Friends itself already attracted people that would raise eyebrows over Zach's jokes about Hitler and "the fuck me eyes". I recall an episode of OneyPlays where they were playing NG games and one had the player kill a gay character and you can tell Julian was pretending to not care much about it. At the same time, OP is part of why everyone knows who DD and Julian are anyway; Beforehand, they'd just be editors or an ironic game review channel with FYAD humor, where even the reviewers themselves had falling outs, which lead to Rockcock being the last remaining member.

Like one thing is Game Grumps and SuperMega being genuine dicks, making an irony poisoned visual novel that made DD and Julian feel uncomfortable and apparently one of those guys loving the idea of DD being suicidal and telling him to make it a big show or whatever that was (Might be wrongfully misremembering this part). But the way he talks about Oney and co comes off as paranoia based on vibes, as if he forgot about the kind of guys he used to interact with anymore. He even throws Lyle under the bus when again, Lyle recently makes it clear he's a huge LA lib (A contrast to Zach having a Bernie phase and making Trump impressions but still being kinda moderate).

There was also a part where DD accuses NG of being cult-like and having pedos: Is he even referring to Shad or is it something harmless like Jeff and Dave interacting with a young FNF fan? And as usual: If you believe someone is a pedo, fucking report them to authorities.

I also think DD is being somewhat conscious of the way he behaved but he can't fully approach it, because then he'd make his followers and friends aware of what he might've done during his TBG days. So part of that frustration was projected onto Oney.