Probably part 1 because I have so many headcanons for them oh my god- (not even just them as a couple but them on their own as well)
Buckle in gang, this is gonna be Long. Somebody sedate me, they're so---ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ¥ºðŸ¥ºðŸ¥ºðŸ¥ºðŸ¥ºðŸ¥ºðŸ¥ºðŸ¥º
SFW Headcanons
⦻ THE royal power couple. Zalgo being the King of Hell, and the primordial God of Chaos, Madness, and Insanity, is already powerful enough on his own. Add in his husband (or 'mate' in demon culture), a powerful Eldritch being and the God of Order? They're practically unstoppable.
⦻ Really, the universe should be grateful they're so in love. I mean, they kinda already have to work together to keep reality running (because purely Order or purely Chaos would be a shitshow). Basically, they're like yin and yang. Can't have one without the other.
⦻ Slenderman is Zalgo's order, his peace, usually the voice of reason, able to cut through his ever-chaotic thoughts and make him settle for a little while. Zalgo is Slenderman's chaos, ever unpredictable, pulling him away from work to take a break, to let loose and have some fun.
⦻ Also THE yapper x listener couple. Usually it's Zalgo who is yapping about anything and everything and Slenderman just listens, occasionally chiming in. But sometimes, Zalgo can get Slenderman to talk for hours, and it's the highlight of his week.
⦻ They both adore the sound of each other's voice. Zalgo's voice is deep and warm, like a comforting fire, tinted with a hint of mania. Slenderman's voice is slightly less deep, more static-y, and there's a rasp that reminds Zalgo of the turning of pages in an old book.
⦻ Zalgo talks more casually (something his parents hated and tried to 'fix', since they found it unbecoming for a demon of his status. It didn't work), while Slenderman talks in a more archaic way.
⦻ (For example, where Zalgo would say 'don't', Slenderman would say 'do not'; or 'gonna' and 'going to').
⦻ Slenderman's petnames for Zalgo are (my) love, darling, beloved, (my) dear, and my Chaos, and Zal.
⦻ Zalgo's petnames for Slenderman are dearest, my flame, my spark, (my) love, my Order, (my) mate, Slender and Slen.
⦻ Zalgo's love languages are physical touch, quality time, and gift-giving.
⦻ Slenderman's love languages are acts of service, quality time and words of affirmation.
⦻ Zalgo can usually be found touching Slenderman in some way. Either leaning on his shoulder, draped over his back, lacing their hands, or his tail wrapped around his waist.
⦻ Slenderman pretends to begrudgingly accept this. Deep down, he loves it - it makes him feel wanted, since it's a very instinctual thing for Zalgo to do.
⦻ Slenderman reciprocates by wrapping a tendril around Zalgo - arm, hip, waist, or leg, depending on how 'proper' he's feeling and who else is around.
⦻ Zalgo adores it when Slenderman brings him tea and little snacks while he works - he know his mate worries about him overworking himself and that this is his quiet way of making sure Zalgo takes care of himself.
⦻ Zalgo LOVES to shower Slenderman in gifts. He scours the worlds for rare books, tomes, and scrolls to give to his beloved. And jewellery, too - gold with precious gemstones (relevant to my au hehehe). He knows Slenderman isn't big on wearing jewellery (besides their wedding band and for formal events) but it soothes his instincts.
⦻ After a long day at work, they love to retreat to the peace and quiet of their at-home (castle, really) library.
⦻ Adding onto that, I am adopting @slenderzalgogoonerr 's headcanon that Zalgo is dyslexic and has dyscalculia. Because, you know, God of Chaos and all. And if there's one thing that has rules and order, it's words and math. Ew.
⦻ Meaning that during those quiet evenings, Zalgo likes to put his head on Slenderman's lap while Slenderman reads to him. A bonus is when Slenderman runs his hand through his hair.
⦻ Occasionally, Zalgo will give Slenderman a shoulder massage. Slenderman melts every time.
⦻ While Zalgo loves to listen to Slenderman talk, Slenderman loves it when Zalgo hums or even sings. Zalgo usually hums beneath his breath when he's focussing, but he occasionally sings to Slenderman. Often when it's just the two of them in the ballroom or in a clearing in the forest and they're slow dancing.
⦻ They've been going strong for millennia! Top notch communication skills (although they're not without their petty moments).
⦻ This is, in part, due to Slenderman having his own mansion, in the middle of the forest, to retreat to when all the royal stuff (or Zalgo) gets too insane. He needs his peace and quiet!! Or he'll just murder the Court one day lol. He has no idea how Zalgo can stand the lot.
⦻ (A lot of dissociation, usually. Or selective hearing. Or both.)
⦻ Zalgo knows his mate is more introverted than he is, and tries to give him space whenever he needs it.
⦻ Another part of it is them accepting each other's little quirks, having known each other for so long that it's almost expected. And going on regular date nights!
⦻ Ruling a kingdom is stressful, so they usually help each other with stress relief. With the quiet evenings in the library, for example. Or by sparring, taking a nice, long bath, walking in a forest, or cuddles in bed.
NSFW Headcanons (18+)
⦻ Or some other kind of 'stress relief' ;)
⦻ Yeah, with Zalgo's libido being incredibly high, those cuddles often turn into something else.
⦻ They're both switches, but Zalgo bottoms and subs more.
⦻ It's something about relinquishing power and not having to be in control for once that draws him in.
⦻ Slenderman revels in that. He's so incredibly honoured and proud that his Chaos God trusts him so much with that part of him. He knows Zalgo acts all high and mighty and dominant in front of his subjects, and he lets him have that. But behind closed doors, he's not afraid to help Zalgo remember his place.
⦻ Which he usually needs to do when Zalgo is super agitated from a day of interacting with the Court. It's like a reset of sorts. It doesn't happen often, but it is intense.
⦻ Because when Zalgo is in a Mood from the Court's bullshit? He's tense, agitated, practically buzzing with his powers acting up from his emotions. Like that, Slenderman usually can't coax him into submission.
⦻ So Slenderman teleports them to a secluded area to fight (because Zalgo threw a fit the one time they forgot and subsequently destroyed half the castle with their fighting and fucking). It's brutal, dirty, and they don't hold back. Then, when it's all out of Zalgo's system... that's when the arousal slams in full-force. Because seeing Slenderman like that, all wild and feral? Yeah, Zalgo is gone.
⦻ On rare occasions, Slenderman will bottom. It doesn't automatically means he subs, though.
⦻ He's quiet, both when he tops and bottoms. Just some heavy breathing and the occasional moan, grunt or growl. When Slenderman bottoms, Zalgo loves to draw more sounds out of him, coaxing him to let loose.
⦻ Zalgo, meanwhile, is very vocal and needy. He'll moan, whine, growl, purr, and ramble. He'll even whimper if he's needy enough and Slenderman isn't touching him.
⦻ Slenderman doesn't beg. Ever. Zalgo had tried to get him to do so at the beginning of their relationship, but it was awkward at best and uncomfortable at worst. Slenderman's version of begging is giving Zalgo some nudges (gentle or not) into the direction he wants him to go.
⦻ Onto the more kinky stuff!
⦻ Zalgo is a masochist, and Slenderman is a sadist.
⦻ Zalgo can be a real brat, and Slenderman is not afraid to set him straight. Either by spanking, degradation, edging, or any combination of the three.
⦻ Even better if he cries, in Slenderman's opinion. He gets so turned on from seeing Zalgo cry during sex.
⦻ Zalgo loves to be restrained by Slenderman's tendrils. Slenderman loves it, too - it makes him feel closer to his beloved.
⦻ They both love marking each other up. Leaving scratches, hickeys and even bites. It's as much of a claim as it is out of love. They're very possessive.
⦻ Zalgo has a breeding kink. Both for himself, and towards Slenderman. I have no reason for it other than 'demon instincts'.
⦻ When he's in the mood for it, Zalgo loves being degraded. Just a mean look and a derisive 'Your Majesty' from Slenderman has his knees buckling.
⦻ Slenderman, when he bottoms, loves it when Zalgo puts him in a headlock and chokes him. Something about feeling his husband's muscles, knowing and feeling how strong Zalgo is, turns him pliant and needy.
And that's it! For now at least. I'm sure I'm forgetting a ton of headcanons, or some that don't make sense without the worldbuilding for my au. But for now, enjoy these!
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You may remember me if you've ever followed any SlenderZalgo tag in existence.
It's me Madam! Or, according to @/h0ll0wt0wn, simply just 'Gooner'...I guess now I'm 'Lover'? Nah, Gooner's just more my brand. My accounts randomly got terminated and I'm waiting for them to come back. If Tumblr responds and I get my accounts back, THIS WILL BECOME AN ARCHIVE / ALT!
Currently, @grandconspiracycomic is unable to be accessed right now due to side blog issues. I'm working on that too! If it doesn't come back, then I'll have to make a whole other account. Yay!
I'm your spokesperson for this rarepair and my job is not only to recruit you BUT to spread the gospel of this wonderful, over hated rarepair.
SPREAD THE WORD! IT'S ME AND I'M BACK BABY! With a less inappropriate username because yeah there's a chance that's the reason I got terminated.
Link to Post: https://www.deviantart.com/chibi-works/art/I-ship-Zalgo-and-a-ham-sandwich-423704475
Commentary by Mod Madam:
This is just the peak of my life. This is it. I'll never achieve such a high ever again. SlenderZalgo yaoi is real. It's real and it exists. It's real and Slenderzalgo toxic yaoi now exists and there's nothing you guys can do about it. I am the harbinger of SlenderZalgo gay toxic old man yaoi. The bringer of yaoi doom. You will all surrender to my yaoi wrath.
OKAY ANYWAYS! This is a pretty surprising post from Tobi, as given that this is obviously a satire post, it insinuates a little something...Yes, it's one thing to make a satire post shipping Zalgo with a ham sandwhich, very funny, but what's up with the 'As he texts Slender Naughty things'?
Is Tobi....secretly a SlenderZalgo shipper?
Well, sadly, we have no legitimate confirmation of what Slenderman and Zalgo's relationship is like in the context of IEPFB, or, from my research, any of Tobi's actual work. It seems as though the two of them, despite obviously being enemies in Tobi's canon, don't ever seem to interact directly with one another.
It's seen in the comic that Slender and Masky treat the topic of Zalgo with animosity and fear, whilst Stripes, under Zalgo, believes that Lazari is being brainwashed by Slender. And, you can correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe at some point in the comic Zalgo refers to Slenderman as an old friend.
This antagonistic relationship is also explained just SLIGHTLY further on Tobi's tumblr:
(Mod Leechi will have to add in the details for this post since he's the one who took the screenshot and I can't find this post)
So, from the vague hints here and there, we can piece together a narrative that Slender and Zalgo were once friends, but due to differing goals they fell out and became enemies. Toxic yaoi? Coincidence? I think NOT.
Fun Fact: Mod Leechi and I have a little inside joke / personal theory that the reason why Slender and Zalgo never interact directly in any IEPFB related media is because they'd be too gay for each other and start making out. We cannot confirm nor deny whether this is canon.
From my end, I haven't been able to find much other content from Tobi discussing Slenderman and Zalgo's relationship to each other much further, so the answer of 'Is SlenderZalgo yaoi real?' will unfortunately remain a mystery unless Tobi herself decides to give us an answer to this. PLEASE MANIFEST THAT THIS HAPPENS.
Was the reason for them never interacting that Tobi was a hidden SlenderZalgo shipper and they would end up having a 24 page long steamy makeout session? I guess we'll never know! However, due to the ask sent to her tumblr, and this post, we know she was at the very least aware of the ship and maybe found SOME intrigue in it. Considering all of the potential future plotlines Tobi had made up for IEPFB (including Lazari having a son but that's for another post), perhaps it's in the realm of possibility that Slenderman and Zalgo getting together and having a good old gay time could have happened.
My very last point: The post is shipping Zalgo with a Ham Sandwich. The word 'Sandwich' begins with the letter S. You know who's name ALSO begins with the letter S? Slenderman. The sandwich flavour in particular is Ham. You know which country really likes ham? Germany. You know who presumably is of German origin? Slenderman.
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Ive been in this little fandom for a decade now and it's just heartbreaking to leave you all like this - I've seen this community through it's ups and downs throughout the years. Made friends. Rizzed up my girlfriend with SlenderZalgo yaoi.
But all good things come to an end.
I'm almost 17 now. I have more MATURE pursuits to embark on, not silly things like SlenderZalgo toxic yaoi. What am I, 16? SO last season.
Anyway, I'm super mature and sophisticated now. I only like REALISTIC creepypasta, where there's no fun and only sadness.
My Slenderman? Irredeemable evil bastard with only ONE PERSONALITY TRAIT: EVILLL!!!!!
My Zalgo? Yo lowkey who is that WHO? Lazari's dad? NAHHHHHHHH HE'S EVIL TOO NO REDEMPTION!!! IEPFB ZALGO IS CANON NOW!!!!!
HOLLOWTOWN WHO? GRAND CONSPIRACY WHAT? I EAT PASTA FOR BREAKFAST: REVISITED THE POLITICAL DRAMA WHEN? NAHHHHH NO MORE NUANCE NO MOREEEEEEEE I SAY. I'M COOL AND EDGY NOW.
SO yeah I'm a realismslop creator now, collect my Needles and Smiles and butt slaps. Toodles!
....
.....
....
....
SIKEEEEEEE
Happy April Fools y'all.
YOU THOUGHT I WAS JUST GONNA GIVE UP ON MY TOXIC DIVORCED ELDRITCH HUSBAND YAOI? HELL NO. THEYRE CANON BABY!!!!
@connectionterminated13 look I made a Needles and smiles reference can I have $2.... Look @leechiourdes
Zalgo gets drunk, and Slenderman is the one who has to pick him up.
☾.⋆˙⟡ Contents: Alcohol consumption (off-screen), alcohol, crack treated seriously, established relationship, fluff, domestic fluff, soft, comfort no hurt, kissing, they're seriously just disgustingly in love
ִֶָ☾.⋆˙⟡ Words: 3.2k
ִֶָ☾.⋆˙⟡ A/N: Title from You Call It Madness (But I Call It Love) by Don Byas
There's a little more worldbuilding spread throughout this! And I'm also spreading my 'Zalgo likes Lady Gaga's music' propaganda lol
This is based on a conversation between @skellinore, @machinev1, and me in the discord server lmao. It's literally just crack. But soft and domestic and silly <3
Enjoy!
ִֶָ☾.⋆˙⟡ Read on Ao3
Sometimes, Slenderman wonders why he puts up with his husband at all.
When one of the messenger birds flies through the window, interrupting the Court meeting he is oh-so-graciously attending in Zalgo's absence, he expects quite a few things.
Reading that his husband had gotten piss-drunk in a liquor store and is now passed out in the bathroom, is not one of them.
Slenderman calmly folds the letter in half. Folds it again.
Debates burning the paper and leaving Zalgo in the bathroom to deal with his fate.
''Pardon me,'' he sighs after a few tense seconds of silence. He stands up, his seat screeching against the tile, and a few demons flinch at the noise. ''I have just been informed of pressing matters I must deal with. Meeting adjourned.''
It wasn't like they had made any progress. Just the usual squabbles about territory, trade routes, and other important matters that the demons of the Court always managed to fight both of them tooth and nail on.
He walks out of the room, the demons behind him sputtering like they actually care about any of it. Damn nobles, uncaring for anyone but their own agendas…
''Y-Your Majesty, you can't just-''
''But we still-''
''Your Majesty, what about-''
But Slenderman has already left in search of his troublesome husband.
The address isn't hard to find.
Especially not with Zalgo's Chaos spiking all over the place.
The shop sign says 'closed', but Slenderman heeds it no mind.
The owner - seven feet of a trembling, dark blue skinned demon, none of their seven black eyes meeting his gaze - bows deeply as Slenderman walks in. "Your- Your Majesty, I'm so sorry for troubling you-"
"It is alright," Slenderman responds curtly. This is much more interesting than dealing with the nobility of Hell, after all. "I was not busy. Where is he?"
"In- In the bathroom, sire," the demon winces as they realize what that must sound like. "I- I did not want to disturb His Majesty, and with all the Chaos around…"
Slenderman eyes the bottles of liquor - or rather, what used to be bottles of liquor, and have now been warped by Zalgo's powers into something resembling balloon animals. Balloon animals if they somehow were on steroids, that is.
Yes. Letting Zalgo be seems like a smart choice for the shop owner.
He nods as they make their way to the bathroom. "That seems like a wise choice. It might even teach him a lesson."
It probably won't.
The demon blinks, its thoughts revealing a whirlwind of emotions - confusion, fear, a hint of amusement.
''Be at ease,'' Slenderman says, his voice a little more amused than before. ''There is no harm done. Zalgo did this to himself.''
''… I suppose so, but still-''
''None of that,'' Slenderman cuts in, walking through the chaos with familiarity. The ground feels like jelly and acts like quicksand, but Slenderman is quick to draw on his own powers so neither of them sink through the ground, stabilizing the atoms.
''To your left, sire,'' the demon says timidly as they approach a series of doors. ''At least, it used to be the left one…''
''And it still is,'' Slenderman responds with unwavering certainty. He can feel Zalgo's signature chaotic energy behind the door. He turns back to the demon. ''Thank you for notifying me. You may leave.''
The demon bows and leaves the hallway. Seconds later, the bell at the front of the shop chimes once, and then again as the door closes behind the poor shop owner.
Slenderman turns back to the left door, and pushes it open.
Inside is his darling husband, laying on the bathroom floor - ew - surrounded by multiple bottles of hard liquor. Enough to kill a mortal ten times over.
Several of Zalgo's lidded, drunk-hazed eyes focus on him, but most stay trained on the… is that a galaxy he's creating?
He promptly decides that it is none of his business.
(Even if it very much is. If Zalgo really wanted to create a galaxy without it exploding in his face, Slenderman would have to help. They'd have to mix Slenderman's Order with Zalgo's Chaos, to stabilize the atoms, to create perfect harmony.)
But even from his vantage point by the door, Slenderman can see this isn't going to be anything substantial. Zalgo is way too drunk for that.
Instead, he sighs and walks forward.
''And what,'' he deadpans, disappointment dripping from every syllable, ''is the meaning of this?''
Big red eyes stare at him.
Slenderman waits.
One… Two…
''Slendy!'' Zalgo slurs, a lopsided grin appearing on his face. He leans forward, almost falling flat on his face. ''Heeeey!''
Slenderman wants to be mad. He's filled in for Zalgo during today's Court meeting, after all, under the assumption that Zalgo had to take care of something important. Not get drunk in a godsdamned liquor store.
But Gods, that grin. How Zalgo immediately brightens when he sees him. It makes his heart melt each and every time.
''Hey,'' Slenderman responds, crouching next to Zalgo. ''What're you doing, hmm?''
''I dunno!'' his darling demon giggles unhelpfully. The tip of his tail swishes happily. ''Messin' around!''
Ah.
For as much as Slenderman knows Zalgo has incredible control over his powers, he also can't help but be worried.
''And what if we messed around somewhere outside of the city centre, darling?'' he suggests.
Zalgo stills.
The galaxy he'd been carefully crafting explodes, much to Slenderman's bewilderment. On pure instinct, he reaches out to stabilize the mess, before it becomes a chain reaction.
The sparks and glitter - since when is glitter involved in creating a galaxy? Whatever, this is Zalgo, applying logic to a God of Chaos would be insane - cover his face, which is now a bright, glowing red.
What the fuck?
''What-''
''Darling?'' Zalgo repeats, his voice strangled. Flustered, Slenderman realizes.
''… Yes, 'darling','' Slenderman repeats. His hands still hover over Zalgo's. ''Is that… an issue?''
''… No,'' Zalgo slurs after a while, eyes still wide. All of his eyes are trained on Slenderman. ''Just… surprised me, is all.''
''Why?''
''Because,'' Zalgo gestures at him like it's obvious. ''you're, like, super hot.''
A beat of silence. Slenderman can feel the grey flush creep up on his cheeks.
''… Zalgo, I have no face.''
''Exactly.'' Zalgo leans a little closer, grinning wildly. ''Ohhh, you're so adorable when you blush~!''
''Do not try to change the topic, my Chaos.'' Slenderman clears his throat, willing himself to concentrate. ''Why, in the Nine Circles, would you be surprised by me calling you darling?''
''I told you! You're hot!'' Zalgo stares at him earnesty. Slenderman stares back.
Just as he's about to push further, to get to the bottom of this, Zalgo starts singing. ''… then you're cold, you're yes, then you're no!''
… Yeah, Slenderman is getting nowhere with this. Not when Zalgo is this drunk and his thoughts are even more incomprehensible than usual.
''… You still have stardust on your face,'' Slenderman interrupts. He needs to get back on track. He needs to get them home as soon as possible. And for Zalgo to take a shower. He does not want to think about just how dirty the floor is.
He stands up and grabs one of the towels. Reaching out, he grabs one of the remnants of a small, marble-sizes star, and bends the atoms to his will. It condenses into water, and he uses it to wet the towel.
''You're so cool.'' He hears Zalgo sigh behind him. A glance reveals his husband, now laying on his stomach, with his head propped up on his fists. His feet are kicked up in the air and swinging, just as playfully as his tail.
He sighs fondly as he crouches in front of Zalgo. ''Adorable, is what you are.''
The purr that erupts from Zalgo's throat is cute. It stutters and lulls in some places, as if even this instinctual reaction is altered by the alcohol.
Slenderman starts to wipe the stardust from Zalgo's face. ''Hold still.''
Surprisingly, Zalgo does. The only movement he makes is when the towel moves over his sensitive nose. It scrunches up, before he sneezes and giggles. ''That- That tickles!''
Slenderman chuckles fondly. ''I bet it does. Now, what were you doing here, causing mischief on your own?''
''Hmmm, Thir'ir insisted that I try the new booze he made,'' Zalgo shares happily. ''It was sooooo good!''
Slenderman eyes the bottles of liquor strewn around. ''I can see that.''
''Mhm!'' Zalgo smacks his lips and reaches clumsily for a bottle. ''Here, try this one! 's got souls of the damned infused to it, got a real kicker!''
Slenderman gently lowers Zalgo's hand, the liquid sloshing inside. ''Maybe later, my love. We have to go home.''
''Already?'' Zalgo whines. ''C'mon, just one drink!''
''No,'' Slenderman declines again. ''Later.''
Zalgo boos - loudly - then promptly becomes dead weight as Slenderman tries to pick him up.
''… Seriously?'' Slenderman groans. ''You are not a child, Zalgo.''
Zalgo mutters something.
''… I shall pretend I did not hear that,'' Slenderman says, narrowing his eyes. ''Get up. Do not make me drag you home by the horns.''
Zalgo lifted his face and glared - the effect ruined by the flush on his face due to the alcohol. ''Make me.''
Dragging the drunk King of Hell back to their castle by his horns had not been part of Slenderman's plans when he woke up this morning.
And it all could have been avoided if Zalgo had just listened and got up so Slenderman could teleport them back.
As it was, though, the King just has to tolerate the humiliation of being dragged through the city centre by his horns. And not in the hot kind, if Zalgo's hissing and growling is any indication.
It probably doesn't help that the demon has to bend down due to their height difference. Or that people are staring, bewildered at the sight of their king being dragged along like a misbehaving child throwing a hissy fit.
Which, in Slenderman's opinion, is a pretty apt description.
''Hey! Lemme go!'' Zalgo growls, eyes blazing. He bucks, trying to yank his head back, but Slenderman only tightens his grip. A bad idea on Zalgo's end, since the demon is still pretty drunk and stumbles even more.
''No,'' Slenderman says for the nth time. ''You brought this upon yourself.''
''Did not!''
''Yes, you did.''
''Did not!''
''Zalgo,'' Slenderman snaps, patience fraying. ''Cease this childishness.''
''Ya can't tell me what to do!''
''Oh for the love of-'' Slenderman counts to ten in his mind, and exhales slowly.
''Hold onto me and hold your breath.''
''Try me, you-''
''Oh my Gods, stop being so stubborn for five seconds!'' Slenderman hisses. A burst of static makes Zalgo pause.
It's silent for a few, long seconds.
Slenderman swears heads are about to roll if Zalgo doesn't cooperate.
''… Okay,'' the demon acquiesces, finally sensing the mood. ''Fine.''
Slenderman breathes a sigh of relief, and waits until Zalgo's hand rests on his shoulder.
He teleports them straight to their bedroom, and Zalgo collapses into their bed immediately.
''Zalgo.'' Slenderman cringes at the thought of all the filth that is now in their bed. ''You need to shower. And drink some water.''
''No,'' Zalgo hums, already melting into the soft pelts and blankets of their nest. '''m comfy.''
Slenderman sighs.
Looks at the ceiling.
Mentally counts to ten.
''Zalgo.''
''Hmm.''
''Get up.''
''No.''
Slenderman lets out another heavy sigh.
Then, resolutely, he walks over to the bed, flips Zalgo around, and starts to unbutton his dress shirt.
''Hey- Wait! Wait, wait, stop!'' Zalgo immediately protests, and the panic in his voice makes Slenderman pause immediately.
''What? What is wrong?''
''Lemme go!'' Zalgo protests, trying to wiggle out of his grip. He pushes at his hands, trying to get them off, with the strength of a wet noodle. ''I've already got a mate, you perv!''
A beat.
''Zalgo,'' Slenderman says, exasperated, and trying very hard not to laugh. He's so adorable when he's drunk. ''I am your mate.''
Zalgo pauses, and all of his eyes focus on him. The demon leans closer, and scents the air.
The room temperature spikes ten degrees.
''… Oh.''
''Yes, 'oh'.'' Slenderman snorts fondly. ''Goodness, my love, how strong was that stuff?''
''Pretty strong, apparently,'' Zalgo mumbles, still looking at Slenderman with a quiet look of reverence. ''Wow. I'm the damn luckiest demon alive.''
Slenderman laughs quietly, a low, static-y sound that makes Zalgo purr and his tail swish.
''May I continue to undress you, love?'' Slenderman asks.
The temperature spikes another five degrees.
''That might be the hottest thing anyone has ever said to me,'' Zalgo swoons.
''You need to shower, and you are about as coordinated as a newborn deer right now, my love,'' Slenderman states bluntly. The room temperature lowers again.
''Buzzkill,'' Zalgo pouts. ''I was trying to flirt.''
''I know,'' Slenderman responds, pressing a kiss to those pouty lips. ''But I also know you, my love. If you had it your way, that shower would be the last thing to happen.''
Zalgo sighs dramatically. ''Ugh, fine, undress me or whatever.''
''Now, none of that,'' Slenderman huffs a laugh. ''I am just trying to take care of you.''
''You're also being a neatfreak,'' his husband points out. ''C'moooon, kiss me.''
''You are so clingy when you are drunk,'' Slenderman sighs fondly. ''Water and shower first. Then, we can cuddle and kiss as much as you want.''
Zalgo's eyes sparkle and he grins widely. ''I'll keep you to that.''
Slenderman takes one look at his swaying husband and decides the shower won't work.
So a bath it is.
Their bath - which is a brimstone pit filled with lava, embedded into the floor itself - glows faintly as they approach, bubbling invitingly.
However, trying to corral Zalgo into the bath is… a far more difficult task than it ought to be.
Only when he adds bubbles to the bath does Zalgo finally settle down.
(And no, he does not want to think of the logistics of adding bubbles to lava, this is Zalgo's department of chaos. Not his division.)
… As much as 'playing with the bubbles in drunken, childish glee and flooding the bathroom as a result' can be considered settling down.
''Stay still,'' Slenderman grumbles as he tries to clean Zalgo with a washcloth. Zalgo just snickers and blows more bubbles at him. ''Love…''
''You should see your face,'' Zalgo snorts. ''You're so grumpy, Slendy. Heh. y-y. Grump-y, Slend-y. It rhymes!''
''It… does not,'' Slenderman sighs. ''And I do not have a face.''
But, whatever nonsensical, insane thing Zalgo's mind now hones in on - drunkenly yell-singing 'grumpy Slendy' - at least keeps him still, and Slenderman takes the opportunity to rinse off his husband.
Zalgo continues his affront on the theatrical and musical arts by inexplicably matching the two-word lyrics to the melody of Lady Gaga's Bad Romance. Slenderman hates that it doesn't sound terrible, even if the two-word lyrics makes him want to bash his head against the wall after the first one and a half minute.
''I'm going to wash of your tail now,'' he warns, because he knows it is sensitive and he does not want to find out how well Zalgo's claws could tear through his skin.
''Okay,'' Zalgo responds happily, draping it on the edge for easier access, and goes back to singing.
After another minute of it, Slenderman considers gagging him. Or dunking his head in the lava to shut him up.
''Zalgo,'' Slenderman grits out. His non-existent eye twitches as the demon's voice starts to grate on his nerves. ''Please, for the love of everything holy and unholy, stop.''
Zalgo, thank the fucking Gods, stops singing. ''But I was having fun!''
''You are behaving like a child,'' Slenderman responds. ''Cease it, or I shall sleep in the guest room tonight.''
Zalgo gasps. He looks aghast, his eyes wide and his mouth dropped open in shock. ''You- You wouldn't dare!''
Slenderman meets his gaze. ''Would I not?''
A beat of silence.
''… Okay, fine, I'll stop,'' Zalgo sulks.
Then, he rolls around, now leaning on the brimstone edge with crossed arms. There's a pout on his face, and it's far more adorable than it should be. ''Can I still have my cuddles, though, my flame?''
''As many as you'd like,'' Slenderman responds, his icy facade melting. He cards a long, slender hand through the wet strands of Zalgo's hair. Zalgo immediately brightens, and leans into the touch with a happy purr.
Gods.
Slenderman really does love him. Even if Zalgo drives him absolutely insane at times.
Getting Zalgo out of the bath is a much easier ordeal.
The buzz of alcohol is starting to fade, and under threat of being separated from his mate, Zalgo is much more docile.
''There we go,'' Slenderman groans, satisfied, as they lean against the back wall of their nest. With the help of several of his tendrils, he pulls Zalgo close, nice and snug. ''Clean and safe.''
Zalgo snorts something that sounds dangerously close to 'old man', but Slenderman lets it slide. The atmosphere is much too relaxed to keep correcting his husband.
Besides, as Zalgo starts peppering his neck with soft kisses, it seems like his husband has other plans.
''Affectionate today, are we?'' Slenderman teases softly, his fingers finding the silky strands of Zalgo's hair once again.
''For you? Always,'' Zalgo murmurs. His lips slowly travel upwards, from his neck to his jawline, to the corner of his mouth - or rather, where it would be.
Slenderman huffs a laugh, all but melting under the affection. ''You are… ridiculous.''
''I think you meant 'devilishly handsome','' Zalgo leans back, grinning at him. ''I am a delight, my flame.''
''Sure,'' Slenderman murmurs indulgently. His hands cup his strong jaw, thumbs smoothing over warm skin. He leans forward, and their heads tilt, bodies already familiar with this millennia-old song and dance.
Their lips connect, and both of them melt into it. Zalgo sighs and eases into it, like he's been starved for this all day. Even Slenderman can't help his shoulders from relaxing, the stress from the day finally ebbing away in his husband's presence.
They share slow, languid kisses, filled with love and affection and admiration. This is less about passion, and more about the comfort they find in each other.
Eventually, they pull away for air, and Slenderman presses their foreheads together. Zalgo presses another kiss to his mouth - when it had appeared, Slenderman doesn't know.
All he knows is, when Zalgo snuggles against him like a demonic teddy bear, that his heart is warm and full.
I hope you enjoyed reading! I certainly enjoy writing my old eldritch yaoi. If you have any requests, my inbox is open!