#some venting

Some highlights:

I didn't read the first part in detail, I've had enough with the later parts (yes, I read it out of order)

ósanwe is not clear mind-reading! It's much, much less. This solves so many problems! I love this idea and will accept it (this was the pleasant part and now it ends)

yes, gold is a particularly evil element

Hiding of Valinor was a bad idea, but not really. Huh. Professor, I think you're trying to have two things at once again but ok… So it is a bad idea as written in the Silm, but this is the fault of the narrative frame, and also Manwë is much wiser than the book makes him look. Huuuh. There is a limit to how much authorial intent I can take. I am not buying it, I am sorry, I just can't wrap my mind to it. I love the guy, but I can't agree that he made no mistakes, and it's just Pengolodh or whatever. Doesn't work for me. Sorry.

I am sad. Yes, I know, I know. I know. And I am sad anyway. Call me dumb. I don't care. I am frigging sad.

Yes this is the part I am ignoring (well ok one central part of it and basically the whole background he is putting into it, the datails are optional to ignore)

This makes me sad. It makes no sense. (Not very sad, just… idk. I get it, just… idk. I guess I prefer my extremely weird hc. Also, again, if Tolkien's writing style and characterisation was more coherent, maybe. Idk. Idk. )

Oh, and also Void is not outer space, it's out of spacetime, but was Morgoth really thrown there, or is it just Pengolodh saying things? Tolkien won't tell us.

(And yes, that's the version where Námo actually executed him, I'm glad it was Námo, not sure why. He can handle difficult stuff?)

i’m trying to push past it but i feel powerless, this is about my health and might be triggering i don’t know

(im not saying that being transgender is a fake thing!!! please dont get me wrong, that's me doubting my own identity)

when i think about the days i'm feeling non-binary or more masculine, that's not being cis. i didn't get my period in 6 months and it makes me so happy because i don't have a monthly reminder that people see me as something i am not. this is not being cis.

not knowing whether i'd like a breast augmentation or a total removal, is not being cis.

but still... sometimes, i think it'd be easier. because it is! being cis is easier.

I don't talk about Alex much, (mainly because I'm not sure what he is) but as a kid I used him to express my discomforts and how I didn't like being treated. Mainly in regards to this one person who was insanely obsessed with me. She was particularly fixed on Alex and my at the time fursona Eclipse.

Nowadays sometimes Alex comes to mind, I used him to protect me as a kid. At least online, but he's incredibly suppressed. Mainly because of that particular abuser of mine. When I say she was obsessed with me she was OBSESSED. Especially with Alex, and he would voice discomfort with it a lot. At least from my memory? It's complicated I don't speak about all of this much. I feel like a fraud for speaking about him and my issues.

Again, idk what he is. Especially given how much I have pushed down my issues. But yeah this guys like ten years old atleast ig.

Because Alex was born from my Funtime Foxy fixation. Literally first trailer drop, and because we didn't have much on Funtime Foxy at the time Alex formed from kinda random ideas and old ass roleplays. I'm not too sure when Funtime Foxy became Alex... But he did at some point so I just consider all my old Funtime Foxy art as Alex XD.

Funny thing me and my best friend latched onto Funtime Foxy and Funtime Freddy respectively and both those guys changed our brain chemistry lowkey.

I haven't been active in a while. Minus a few posts the last couple days. There's been periods where I get super invested in my stories and characters, trying to put all of my thoughts to paper before they disappear. Though it comes and goes especially after trying to stay afloat financial wise. The coding has not been kind to me either since I can't seem to get it down right.

I'm mainly trying to fall back in love with the characters and stories I've been thinking of since my teenage years where I will jot down whatever came into my brain during class or in the middle of the night.