#solsticesystemmars

1. I’m tired of this, I’m tired of all of it. I just want a world where I can tell people safely that I have DID. I want to be able to have friends that know who I am without fearing how they’ll react. I want to be able to tell my family so they can finally understand why I am the way I am. I want my alters to have their own lives or integrate if they wish to. I want to be able to see a therapist without being scared that they won’t believe us. Mostly I just want friends. Someone to talk to. Someone to understand me, and address each of us separately while understanding that we’re also part of a whole. Each day I feel the world coming closer and then another film, tv show, video game, etc comes out that makes us seem like monsters. Celebrities and the rich profiting off of our suffering and causing us to suffer more as the world starts re-stigmatizing mental illness.

1. Maaaaan idc if you reblog my venting posts but sometimes it does weird me out when it’s done in the frame of “#relatable”. I really don’t want to be “related to” when I’m feeling caught up in my mental disorder. Especially when most my life all I’ve ever felt is alone. Where are all the people who find me “#relatable” irl? Or is it that once you see how I struggle in person it becomes too much for you to handle?

1, 5. Fuck you Tom Holland and your stupid fucking tv show. I’m tired of all these movies and shows just making life harder for us every day. Isn’t our life hard enough?

1. I’ve never been happy with even one fictional representation of DID in media.

?. I fear one day I’ll die without having created anything meaningful.

1. I’m so scared and defensive when it comes to meeting new people and getting close to others. I think I might just be alone for the rest of my life.

1. Really struggling with my gender these days. I am set on getting top surgery but going on testosterone doesn’t seem completely desirable. Maybe I’ll change my mind on that in the future. I wish I could just alter my appearance any way I want.