#solacecore

this has Will energy

As of now I am thinking of a word to describe what I’m feeling and I thought of solace, then I realized that doesn’t fit me in this very moment even though usually it does. No, right now I feel serene. I enjoy little things and I smile even though it’s something my whole family used to laugh at and roll their eyes at. As if any enjoy in this world that seems so simple cannot be enjoyed unless you are pathetically dumb following everyone else. Serene, such beautiful word. To sit outside and be at peace. To see what is happening right now and smile. I never sit down and smile on my own, always thoughts of trouble, anxiety, distress of feeling alone even when I’m not. But today it’s just different. Maybe a cigarette helped at that moment. I don’t know, I just know I can at this moment enjoy my peace and where I am right now. It’s content and serene. A mind of ease that I am where I thought I would never be and just a question why I let anxiety get the best of me. I am always in love with a Cinderella story of a real human being and yet I seem to frown on my own. As if that’s unattainable and far fetched. I’m no one to set such a level and yet realization did come that I am in a Cinderella story of my own. Why is it so hard for me to accept happiness and see what I been through is not a blind eye factor but in depth of a movement to my core of what I became. I should be proud but instead I am constantly cringing a thought of humiliation that I think I matter in some way of this world. When in reality I do. You don’t survive hell on earth to hide the fact you pulled yourself out and yet the strong ones always do.