She doesn’t know how she feels about the sight before, she doesn’t even know how she *should* feel about it. Disgusted? Surprised? Shell shocked? Relieved? Worried? Angered? Suspended in disbelief? Against all odds, filled with a small sense of hope? That maybe, just maybe… If he of *all* people is capable of this amount of change, then she is too.
But what if this is a change for the worst than for better? What if this change has made him softer, weaker- *vulnerable*. What would happen to him if the compass for his sense of morality was taken away or harmed? What would he do? Would he turn back to who he used to be? If he does, did he even really change to begin with? What if he depends so much on this compass, that she pulls him down another path, one different than before, but just as dark?
As she brews up a storm with her thoughts, Reva harshly chews on her straw, staring daggers at the way that Dimal is just so openly… *vulnerable* when he looks at Maketh. As though she’s responsible for hanging the stars in his universe. Or maybe the one who mapped them in a way he could finally understand. Reva has never seen him with that look until this reunion of theirs.
“Rev, unclench your jaw.” Subconsciously reaching up to touch his own jaw, Brasso winces at the amount of pressure the woman is grinding on her teeth. “It’s very terrible for your health.”
---
The above is very much Yes I Just Wrote This Down It Isn't Edited And Might Not Even Be Permanent But I Really Wanted To Share It.
Been uber-busy and uber-stressed, fighting the clock like you would NOT believe (someone free me from this capitalistic hell where we are forced to fork over the majority of our time to working just to pay bills and have no money) 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Anyway, checking in on our wall and space over here. How are yall doing?
We've been working at work a lot and doing work. Trying to socialize takes a chunk of time and trying to establish routines where we can juggle everything is AAAAHHHHH. But we trying out here.
Alice and Lex are working on trying to get a crow inspired outfit/costume thing put together.
Lex and Dev are putting more work towards an original novel- they hope to have the first rough draft finished by the end of the year.
Lex and I (seth) are putting pebbles towards our SW AUs.
Lilith and Lex are working on a separate og piece as well.
Erm. Let's seee.... Harley and I are trying very hard to establish a more concrete working routine to stick to.
Lex and the femmes have grown our hair out a lot. Im not for long hair, personally, but you know, cant have it all, plus im not the one who takes care of it so. Lexipedia is stuck in the nonbinary crossroad of eother having our hair be super short or grow it out super long. So until a decision is made, its going to be grown out.
When we get our next paycheck, I want to meal prep both spinach&Artichoke Quiche cakes and chicken&veggies burritos (I love a good burrito).
We miss being a barista. We made espresso/Lattes for a bunch of our coworkers this past sunday (because they were having the catering orders from hell- a wedding on Friday, and then two day event, all of which added up to literally hundreds of items).
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AU that's been in my brain every once in a while that I know I sure as hell won't be doing myself anytime soon, if I do it at all-
AU where the grand inquisitor and minister tua lived and switched allegiances.
No I don't have indepth details, but I have random thoughts (I lied there's more here than I thought there'd be)
(I'm most probably going to throw this over on to Ao3 as a concept fic)
---
Tua stays in hiding for nearly a year, moving from refugee camp to refugee camp. She has to pull her weight, help build community. Something about it gives her something to almost strive for, it's something more. She realizes she has a lot more skills than having just been a public face, once upon a time.
Something happens where she's not at the camp, but elsewhere. Possibly receiving information on where the next round of supplies will be coming from for the camp. She comes face to face with Kallus and feels the same terror she did back when she was fleeing the Empire. She knows Kallus recognizes her, maybe he's here to bring her back to the empire for the charge of treason. If she runs back to the settlement, she would only be putting those who've helped her in danger. Nearly a year ago, she wouldn't have thought twice about it. But now she's frozen, eyes locked with kallus. However, Kallus turns a blind eye to her, acting as though she weren't even there. As if she hadn't run off with valuable information of the empire to give to the rebels inexchange for her own life. As if she weren't someone he's obligated to capturing.
Something about it is rattling. She isn't sure if he's playing a game to get her to lead him back to the settlement or if he thinks she's part of a rebel cell. Either way, she stays away from the camp for a while. Going from place to place, again, but some how ending up in a pattern of following Kallus. Seeing... differences. This is not the same man who she worked alongside and ran from on Lothal. Similarities are there, but the differences...
Tua has never been bold. She knows that. She used to admire Kallus’s boldness. She envies it. The first true act of boldness she takes is approaching him when she sees him again, alone.
There's many questions she has, but the moment she steps up to him, stopping him from whatever it is he's doing, it all dissipates from her tongue.
"Are you trying to get yourself caught, Tua?" The agent's brow twitches, looking around to make sure there's no eyes on them.
"If..." Tua takes a shaky breath, reassuring herself, "if you intended on that, you would've done so weeks ago. That's been..." whatever these differences are, they've been grating against her. "Your loyalty. It isn't the same."
Kallus looks away from her, returning to organizing items in a create. Imperial equipment. "I don't know what you're talking about."
*Lies.* "don't give me that," Tua hisses. She may not be bold, she may be a coward, but she is not unobservant. "I may not know why, or what you're doing, but whatever it is, it isn't for the empire anymore."
"Tua, run back off to wherever it is you came from. We are strangers. You are a citizen I do not recognize."
"No."
Kallus looks at her in shock. He must be just as surprised about how different she is as she is about him. But her boldness is new. And probably temporary. So she has to push on before she loses her resolve.
"You're right. We are strangers. Because the man I worked alongside would have chased after a traitor without hesitation. The man I worked alongside was undoubtedly loyal to his empire. Unwavering. Bold. No minor task was below him. 'All leads must be pursued.' You said that more times than I could keep track of." Tua thought that her boldness would've started to disperse, but... it's the opposite. It's only built itself up and it's absolutely *electrifying*.
"The woman I worked alongside had never once been this bold." There's something almost... friendly about the comment.
"The man I worked alongside had never said something with so much warmth." Something has undoubtedly changed him. "Who are you?" She whispers, making sure only they can hear, "because it surely isn't Agent."
A tension in his shoulders slides off. "You're right. It's not agent anymore, but I can't tell you anything more."
Tua looks back down to the equipment. All of it valuable and unquestionably stolen. "You're graciously delivering food and water to a citizen that is going to distribute it to those who need it." She looks back up to him, wanting to help. "Just tell me where and I'll make sure it's delivered."
Kallus blinks at her. Then he huff a smile. The man she worked alongside never gave a single smile that wasn't arrogant. Something or someone rattled this man to his very core. "Yes, of course. I do charity work to promote morale in the name of the empire."
Kallus tells her a location and she asks him for another time and place. More she could do. He tells her that if she goes with the person she meets, she can do more there and that she isn't to mention him at all.
"Oh, and Maketh?"
She nearly drops the lid of the crate. Kallus catches the lid and secures it.
"The day you defected from the empire. I'm sorry for nearly killing you."
Tua shakes her head with a smile. "The man I worked alongside never apologized a day in his life." She straightens her posture and gives him a nod. "But to the one before me, the one what I never had this conversation with, I would say that those days of 'its not personal' are behind us. He could make it up to me by one day telling me the story of how he got here." Whatever he's doing is dangerous. Takes a courage that even now, Tua knows she could never even hope to possess. Truly envious, truly admirable.
Truly inspiring.
---
The Grand Inquisitior survived, relatively unscathed. He doesn't know how or why, but just as much fear rises in him as anger. The emperor had put his faith in him, graciously given him tools and knowledge. All things he was continously denied and held back from in the Jedi Order. And he's felt it lately; how the emperor has been slowly pulling back on those things. Losing faith in his abilities. Or has he been losing his usefulness? He can't even follow through to the end of his own fate. He failed in stopping a single Jedi and his padawan. And yet he still lives.
He still lives. He hadn't felt competent enough by the Jedi Order, but he still yearned to strive for that. At least until the events of Offee and Tano. That was when he lost faith in the Order. He out lived the order, he survived order 66. Despondent, he looked to Sideous who offered him what the Jedi Order had denied him time and time again. All he had to do was relinquish himself. He doesn't even remember his own name these days. He traded everything for the promise of knowledge. He had felt like someone had faith in him and his abilities. He made it much further as an inquisitor. Though he continuously lacked *something*. To fill the void, he always just pushed himself harder to be of use, to feel competent, to gain more knowledge.
But lately Sideous hadms been holding back. Limiting him. He thought maybe if he can simply just complete his mission, help ser through to the plans for Lothal, he would gain that back and the void would threaten to consume him.
But he failed. He failed, and yet he is still alive. And for that, there would be punishment.
All of this cumulates to him escaping before it is found out that he's alive. Going into hiding, he spends time scavenging ruins of sith and jedi, looking for artifacts, data, anything he can find. Most of which ends up just becoming a collection because he's no longer able to bend the force to his will and he can't open any of the jedi artifacts. It leaves him endlessly frustrated. He debates pursing Kanan and Ezra on his own. Bringing them to the emperor. Proving that he is of use.
He runs into similar problems as the artifacts, unable to track them. So where does he go? He finds the person he worked alongside to hunt these very people.
Agent Kallus.
He approaches the agent when he's alone, on a planet. The agent is perceptive, as always. He knows of the inquisitor's presence immediately. But just as the agent is aware of his presence, he is aware of a lack of intense, heavy anger that the agent formerly held. It's replaced by... something else. Something he hasn't been near or felt himself in a long time. So long that he doesn't know how to place it, what to call it.
"Grand Inquisitior? Shocking to see you. What do you need from me?"
"Straight to the point, how like you. What gives you the impression that I need you?
"Last I saw you, you were with Kanan Jarrus. He escaped and you were not heard from again. We both know what that failure means, and seeing as how you sought me out when I was alone and away from staff, I assume that you are in hiding and need my help." Kallus shuffles datapads around, before giving his attention to him. "Does that sound right?"
He laughs, "seeing as how you haven't made any move to arrest me, *I* assume you're interested in offering your help. Would I be correct in spectating that you have failed in capturing your rebels?"
Kallus gives him a calculated look. The inquisitor hates that he can't prod into what it could possibly be about. He's lost so much of his power. "You're looking to return to your pursuit."
Agitation rises in him. It feels as though Kallus is trying to dangle his goal outside his reach. "You are going to help me."
Kallus takes another moment to think on it, bringing further agitation to him. "What do you have to offer in return?" The agent seems to be choosing his words carefully. Kallus is planning something. Hiding something. "Helping you would only put myself in danger."
He narrows his eyes at the other. "You've never once cared about the dangers to yourself, just results. The result here would be you finally capturing your rebels."
"That's," it's barely there, but it *is* present; a pause, "no longer my directive. What do you have to offer me?"
There's another game here. Another angle. "You aren't one to leave things half finished, *Agent*."
Now *that* causes a flare in Kallus. A flare that is immediately shut down. He smirks, Kallus knows he's on to him.
"These rebels have bested you." He relaxes against the wall by him. Maybe he can get an upper hand.
"At least I didn't fail so spectacularly that I had to fake my death and go into hiding."
He sneers, growling at the other. "Alright then, Kallus. What is it that you desire? Help with your lasat? We could easily take him in a fight."
"Absolutely not." There's no hesitation. In fact, where he thought there would be interest and intrigment, there's apprehension and a whiff of fear. "Why do you wish to pursue a task you've already failed past redemption? We both know that it won't grant you solace or reinstatement."
He knows that Kallus is just trying to change his attention, he knows that's what he's doing, but knowing that doesn't stop him from halting.
"You're chasing after a ghost for what? The implausible chance that you'll be accepted back? What is it that you actually want?"
A year ago, he would've simply cut kallus down where he stands. But the faith that he had in the emperor, much like the faith he had in the order, has wavered. Even if he does bring them to the emperor, and he does dedicate himself once more to lothal, there's no guarantee that he'll be accepted back. That he'll be granted the privilege of knowledge. That he'll be allowed to keep breathing.
He reels himself back. Kallus has a purpose for trying to sway him. For avoiding the capture of these rebels.
"And what is it you want? What are you seeking?" He sneers.
"The answer to that depends on the answer you give me."
"I want access to knowledge. Knowledge denied to me by the order. Knowledge that was given to me by the emperor."
"That same knowledge that he stripped from you?"
All he can do in response is curl his lip at Kallus.
"The jedi order is a distant memory, and, to my understanding, chances of you returning to your previous position are slim to none."
"So what do you suggest? What do you want from me?"
"Are there other ways to aquire what you seek?"
He thought over this himself more times than he could count. "It isn't an easy path, and even if I take it, return to it, there's no guarantee I'll be accepted back. And the chances that I will run into the same blockades as before are certain." The very thought of... it's enough to make him laugh, bitterly.
"So these blockades," Kallus nods carefully, "they were in the way? Placed there by the order?"
"I am losing my patience."
Kallus seems to be doing the same, but he takes a deep breath. "Large obstacles don't appear out of nowhere. Without foundation. What was the foundation that supported them?"
He stares at Kallus for a long moment. "With that suggestion, my oath would be even more difficult."
"Anything worth working for always is. Are you willing to put forth that effort?"
"What is it you want. What is it you're working for?" He's asked this for the umpteenth time.
Kallus takes an apprehensive breath, one that's shaky in his lungs. Daring. Bold. "A change in your allegiances. In your short term goals. In exchange, I will offer help for your long term goal of knowledge. However I am able."
A year ago, he would've laughed. He would've turned him over to the emperor for his own gain.
Something, however, that Kallus has, is expressing so freely is filling a void that he tried to run from for so many years. Its a void that niether the emperor nor the jedi order could successfully fill. And he wants to know what it is. Needs to know what it is.
"Alright. Tell me what you want me whatever minuscule goals you wish for me to complete and I will see through to them." He goes to bow, but pauses when Kallus extends his hand. "What is..." he motion vaguely to the gesture, "all that?"
"A handshake. There will be mutual benefits in this deal."
The former inquisitor considers it. Kallus is approaching this as an equal. "Fine," he sighs, accepting the offer. "And do not worry, your treasonous secret will not leave from me."
Appreciation flows from the Not-Imperial. "Thank you, I'm aware that you don't much care for the empire and that none if this would matter one way or another to you." Kallus grips his hand tighter and holds his gaze firmly. "So know that if you do expose me, I won't hesitate to bring you down with me."
He laughs at that, something light for the first time in longer than he can keep track of. "I would say just keep me from becoming bored and you won't have to worry, but you've sparked too much interest for me to need to clarify."
Kallus rolls his eyes. "Also,"
"There's more you worry about?"
The look that falls over Kallus’s eyes is quite possibly the darkest he's seen on him. And the feeling that washes over him from the Not-Imperial is quite possibly the most delightful brush of corruption that he's experienced since the day Sideous gave him access to knowledge.
"You harm The Ghost Crew in any way, shape, or form, and I will make whatever the emperor could've done to you look like a joke. Force or not."
Oh, oh this is going to be fun. "I wouldn't dream of it." He smiles toothily.
So remember this thing right here - the au with Tua and The Grand Inquisitor??? I'm throwing more onto the pile. [Later today I want to try and post the concept fic on ao3 finally for it-]
I'm going to be very self indulgent about the au again- but also
I like a lot of the themes we're playing around with it. There's a balance between the three of them that I'm figuring out.
Something something Sense of Faith, Sense of Self, and Sense of Valor.
The Grand Inquisitor no longer goes by that, but also can't even remember the time when he had a name. So throughout the story, tends to only go by He and Him. He battles with trying to scrap together a sense of identity along with trying to figure out faith. Kallus is so undeniably faithful- the man is unwavering. And Tua is so in tune with who she is, she knows who she is. He admires them, but is often jealous in the beginning.
Tua very much views herself as a coward, she's very self aware of that fact. She admires the valor that He and Kallus both have, to the point where she's inspired by them throughout the story.
Kallus struggles with the fact that his faith has always been so strong that he doesn't really have a strong grasp on his own sense of self. And he admires Tua for her knowing herself just as much as she admires him for his Valor.
Just something I'm playing around with and it's how I'm naming the au, it's going to be it's actual name. [Ngl I'm sort of kicking myself over the fact that this is very much Defectors AU, while the au that I have attached to that has changed from the original concept to the point where it doesn't really fit that descriptor any more. But it's fine, this one has its actual name.]
I just want to say that I love the name for your newest au "Sense of Faith, Self & Valor" because those are qualities that are all visible differently in each character and yet also something that they desperately want to embody more of, Kallus with being Faithful and full of Valor yet having no true sense of self, Tua with Faith & Self but having no Valor, and He with Self and Valor but having to Faith because of how far he has fallen from what He used to be.
Friend, friend, MUN, when I tell you I had to break out into a sprint because of this in my inbox-
THANK YOU.
Much thanks to @mystical-salamander for helping us in naming this au because I was very much kicking myself in the ass for not having changed the label of Defectors AU early on when I realized 1- I was indeed going to add and expand upon the au more and 2-the og concept was definitely changing. Because this au is much more accurately defectors than the other one, but it's too far developed for me to detach it now. It's not getting a name change until the story is finished and I start posting the first chapter.
Salamander helped us with a large chunk of the name, and after the conversation I felt it was still missing one more crucial piece, so I added it.
And your reading about it is very correct.
Kallus has such a lack of Self, that his senses of Faith and Valor were increased to cover that but ultimately led to him allowing himself to make a line of the worst mistakes he can't take back or repair. He dedicated himself so much and so intensely that he allowed himself to be comfortable in blind faith.
Tua knows herself well and is very self aware. Her dedicating her faith and self was how she covered her lack of valor, but she couldn't hide that when things got intense, and in so, her faith wavered. Her sense of self didn't and that was how she ends up still continuing with faith, but her lack of valor still haunts her.
And for Him, he knows large portions of his self, and his valor is even greater. But his faith continuously has not been whole. His faith had wavered and weakened frequently in the jedi order, and he left at something after the Trials of Ahsoka Tano. He was always willing to step forth his valor for his sense of self, but his lack of faith still limits him. To the point now that it affects his self.
I'm very much looking forward to this au. I'm having it start around the time Kallus's loyalty to the empire has disintegrated, which in this au is maybe a few weeks or so after Bahryn, and a few more weeks before he starts trials to pick up the Fulcrum role&code name.
I very much look forward to not shutting the fuck up about this. I will drop more information after I've posted the first concept dump on ao3. In the meantime, I will answer any questions about this au. I'll be bouncing between this in our other WIPs&AUs frequently. Atm, this is just the one demanding our attention and getting our mental&emotional stability through working two jobs.