#social rules

"Why can't people just say what they mean? The neurotypicals are so bad at communicating" but meanings are abstract, reasonings often not within easy reach.

One of my younger autistic friends tried to find a place for smiling and nodding in a framework for socialisation that makes sense. That one can follow easily. Does it mean flirting? Is it just cultural for x people to smile and nod? And the real answer is that sadly they can mean either. There is no rule to follow that gives you the clear answer.

Every individual basically has to be seen as containing their own personal universe and everything within it is subject to their own perception.

SOCIAL RULES THAT CAN HELP! ❤️

1 - Don't call someone twice in a row. If they don't answer your call, assume they have something important to do.

2 - Return the money you borrowed before the lender even thinks about it or asks for it. This shows your integrity and character. The same goes for umbrellas, pens, and other items.

3 - Never order the most expensive dish on the menu when someone offers you lunch or dinner.

4 - Don't ask embarrassing questions like: So you're not married yet? Don't have kids? Why haven't you bought a house? Or why haven't you bought a car? For God's sake, that's not your problem.

5 - Always open the door for the person behind you. It doesn't matter if they're male or female, old or young. Being nice to someone in public doesn't make you look small.

6 - If you're in a taxi with a friend and they pay, offer to pay next time.

7 - Respect the nuances. Remember what a 6 means to you, what a 9 means to someone else. A second opinion is also a good alternative.

8 - Never interrupt people when they're talking. Let them finish. As the saying goes, listen to everyone and filter them out.

9 - If you're teasing someone and they don't seem to like it, stop and never do it again. Encourage the other person to stop and show them how much you appreciate them.

10 - Say "thank you" when someone helps you

11 - Praise is public, criticism is private.

12 – There is almost never a reason to talk about someone’s weight. Just say, “You look amazing.” If someone wants to talk about losing weight, they will.

13 – When someone shows you a photo on their phone, don’t swipe left or right. You never know what’s going to happen next, so be respectful.

14 – If a friend says you need to see a doctor, don’t ask why. Just say, “I hope you’re okay.” Don’t make them feel embarrassed about having to talk about their personal illness. If they want to know, they’ll tell you without asking.

15 – Treat the janitor, the cleaner, the construction worker, the garbage collector, and the homeless with the same respect that you would treat a contractor, manager, or employee. No one is impressed by how well you treat someone. But people will notice if you treat them with respect. Appearances are just appearances; be wise; reality is invisible to most people in the world.

16 - When someone is talking to you directly, it is impolite to look at your phone.

17 - Never give advice unless asked.

18 - When you meet someone after a long break, don't ask their age or salary unless they want to talk about it.

19 - Take off your sunglasses when talking to someone on the street. It is a sign of respect. After all, eye contact is just as important as your speech.

20 - Never talk about wealth among the poor. Likewise, don't talk about children among women who can't have children.

Posted by Giorgio Trani (LinkedIn)

I can guarantee there was stigma in the past, even though it has mostly gone away. Back when my brother and I were teens (mid-late '00s), my mother had to point out that she saw a man going to the theaters by himself, thought it was weird, and implied we shouldn't do it. My brother rightfully said, "he was bored, is that such a crime?"