I feel like my depression is just an excuse for me for being lazy. I KNOW it is a mental illness and I think so for everyone- everyone except me. I am still in school and have to get sooo much work done (I've been out sick for a whole week) but a depressive episode just started and I feel so miserable.
I get that feeling (of thinking something is fine and obviously understandable for everyone else, but different for you personally), but it really does apply to you just as much as it does to anyone else. When youâre dealing with depression or any sort of mental illness, youâre putting up with extra obstacles and invisible difficulties that others simply are not. That might mean that getting out of bed or doing a chapter of reading for a class is absolutely an achievement. Itâs not laziness; itâs hard work. Even though itâs not a visible thing, youâre working against your own bodyâs chemicals. Just like someone with a broken leg on crutches is going to feel like theyâve exerted much more effort to walk one block than someone without a broken leg, it takes more to get over certain mental hurdles and do things like get out of bed or get work done. But you wouldnât judge someone on crutches for not being able to run around the track, and that logic works both ways.Â
One piece of advice that helped my fiancĂŠe (and helped me when she gave it to me) was: Ask yourself if you would talk to anyone else the way you were currently talking to yourself. If the answer is no, which Iâve found it normally is, then youâre beating yourself up about things that other people (at least decent people) wouldnât. Youâre imposing unfair burdens on yourself without recognizing those small things as the accomplishments they are. If youâre someone that does well with being able to see the things youâve done (I know I am), it might be helpful to set a âbare minimum checklistâ for yourself with things like: get out of bed, brush your teeth, eat something, check your email, etc. with the small things that matter most to you. Because those little things absolutely count when youâre feeling like that, and the list (or something like it) can help you recognize it.