#sleepwhereareyou

Fuck. Where do I even begin... as a new mom spending the first night with my newborn was easy - we both rested bc of the amount of work we equally did during the birth.  The second night, not so much.  That’s when I got my first taste of the NO SLEEP ZONE. Since that moment, sleeping gives me anxiety. Nighttime would arrive and boom anxiety set in.  At 2 months my babydaddy (husband) sleep trained her the cry it out method. Whoa - we ALL CRIED IT OUT. By night 4 this babe was out cold turkey for the night, sleeping anywhere from 10-12 hours, it was fucking amazing. 

We recently made the trip back to Chicago, she was 10 months when we did the move, we lived in LA and that’s where the little one was born. Since moving back, consistency and sleeping on her own have gone out the window. She is now sleeping in her crib for the first few hours then the crying begins.  We are tooooooooo tired to be in there and rock her ass back to sleep.  Everything I read, I really should just stop, says NOT TO ROCK THEM TO BED, put them down sleepy but still awake so they sleep on their own. I have to rock her to bed, she won’t sleep on her own anymore.  I cannot think to do the sleep training again, especially now that she’s old enough to stand in her crib.  It’s agonizing to think about, for everyone involved including our 10 year old bulldog.  Co-sleeping is sweet until her little foot meets your face or you ask without knowing what the five little fingers said to face??!! I miss my space, I miss my sleep.  Anxiety is back when nightfall hits. 

I can’t be messing up my kid bc I am not following what sleep trainers/pediatrician recommend, right?  I will get my bed back one day, RIGHT? She will eventually figure it out and we have to continue to be consistent with our night routine, RIGHT???