Wilbur, standing with their back turned ready to do a villain speech: I’ve been expecting you, Ranboo

Ranboo: How did you do that without turning around?

Wilbur: ... To be perfectly honest, the first couple of people I did that to were not you.

Phil: Let me show you a picture from last night that really upset me

Tommy: Okay, but in my defense, Techno bet me 50 cents I couldn’t drink all that shampoo.

Phil: That’s not what I wanted to- you drank SHAMPOO?!

Tommy, after being freed: You really put aside everything and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast?

Ranboo: Several traffic violations.

Tubbo: Three counts of resisting arrest.

Techno: Roughly thirteen cans of energy drinks.

Ranboo: Also, that’s not our car.

*Tommy and Wilbur sitting in jail together*

Wilbur: So who should we call?

Tommy: I’d call Techno, but I feel safer in jail

Karl: Sapnap , what do IDK, LY, and TTYL mean?

Sapnap: I don’t know, love you, talk to you later

Karl: Ok, I love you too, I’ll just ask Quackity.

Tommy: How petty can you get?

Jack: I once edited a Wikipedia article to win an argument I was wrong about.

Random student: How many kids do you have?

Phil: Biologically, emotionally, or legally?

Wilbur after book 3: What’s up guys? I’m back.

Tommy: What the- you can’t be here. You’re dead. I literally saw you die.

Wilbur: Death is a social construct.*

Techno: Fuck capitalism. It's a rigged system that keeps us poor and it isn't fair. You shouldn't need to work three jobs to afford basic necessities.

Techno, playing Monopoly: Sorry, if you wanted to win you should have tried not being poor.