#sleep easy

Jonghyun was truly one of the brightest, most wonderful people in kpop. He was constantly giving, and working, and doing everything he could to be the best at what he did and I think today, we are all feeling the loss. 

I’m not crying because I’m angry. I’m not crying because I’m miserable, and I’m not crying because I hate Jonghyun for what he’s done. I’m crying because I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry that Jonghyun’s been suffering silently for however long. I’m sorry that he thought the only way to end his pain was to end his life. I’m sorry that we didn’t see, that we didn’t listen, and I’m sorry that so many people go through this agony. I’m sorry for all the tears that have been shed around the world on this day, and for the many to come.

I’m sorry for Jonghyun’s family and friends, and what they have to go through, and I’m sorry for the pain in all our hearts.

RIP Kim Jonghyun. You will never, ever be forgotten.

"We were very lucky to witness his incredible talent, his handsome smile, and his beautiful, beautiful heart.” 

On days that I see you, I sleep better. 

I can’t explain why, or how - 

but when I fall asleep smiling

I don’t toss and turn

I don’t wake up constantly -

I can feel my chest tighten as my stomach twists 

I gasp for air I can’t reach 

I’m suffocating, I can’t see 

My thoughts are foggy 

My heart is deafening 

Tongue heavy over worried lips 

I listen for a sound that isn’t my own 

Tap-tap-tapping blunt nails on a wooden desk 

The adrenaline crashes 

BOOM

My legs twitch

Run. Run. Run. 

Where do I go? 

What do I do with this? 

Something is coming 

I feel it 

My thoughts start to race 

S l o w  d o w n 

They’re going toofast 

I still can’t see 

What is it? 

What’s coming? 

Just tell me, p l e a s e 

I can’t take this anymore 

What is it!? 

I can’t breathe 

I’m breathing 

Slow 

Stop 

I can’t move 

I’m sle epy 

Just for a second 

Let me close my eyes 

I’m tired 

Slow down 

Heavy, heavy limbs move careful 

It’s over 

Nothing happened 

My own body playing 

A game I don’t like, but a game nonetheless 

Or is it? 

Don’t answer that 

Go rest, don’t think 

Count sheep 

Dream dreams 

Just something sweet 

Rest my heart 

Sleep easy