#slashwhore

Upon 2nd watch I saw a lot of things differently. I have to say it hit a little better this time. I noticed things I hadn't before. Things I'll have to think about. But the biggest thing I noticed and related to was Michael and Caregiver burnout.

The way I interpreted it was Michael felt like she was having to do everything. Do it all. She was the only one would could do it right. She had to remember everything.

It was driving her mad. She just wanted to end it all. End everything. Just make it all go away.

Oh God do I relate.

And the fact that Aziraphale recognized this, and he responded to her with compassion and understanding.

And then he forgave her for feeling that way. She knew it was wrong. She knew is was bad. But she couldn't help the way she felt.

I am so glad there is no thought police because if there was I would have been in jail a long time ago.

Like anyone cares about little old me and what I think but I just wanted to say the things on my mind.

I took the day off to watch. I had my breakfast, attended to a little business and then when I was ready, darkened my room, silenced my phone and my computer and settled in. It was finally time.

I have to admit that I'm disappointed. I don't want to admit that though because I wanted it to be everything I always wanted it to be. All the promise that we were....promised.

I wanted a kiss. You have no idea how badly I wanted it (ok I know my audience - maybe you do know). An undeniable testiment and show of their love. No queerbaiting. I thought everything was leading up to that. Genuinely. I'm sad we didn't get it.

But I thought that about Sherlock too. And with Sherlock I felt the fans had been literally slapped in the face with that last episode. I don't necessarily feel that way about this.

I'm seeing some posts pointing out things and yes I have to say I agree to an extent. It could have been so much more. In fact, it was so much more. I really have to wonder what was changed? What was taken away? It does feel rushed and...unfinished.

There were lots of points that I feel went unaddressed: the whole allegory of queer love conquering adversity for example. The fact that them doing miracles together was SO powerful (because of their love for each other?) Or the entire basic premise of Good Omens being a satire on organized religion. Actually now that I think about it the resolution feels a bit too on the nose there.

Maybe this is just a big universal hint that something like this is so built up over so long it can never be what we want. We want too much.

The entire premise was just too powerful. Too perfect. It was the ship that could do everything. It was too much.

We were bound to be disappointed. I wanted it to be perfect but it was never going to be.

But, I'm also genuinely trying not to be disappointed.

I want to find the good bits. The hopeful bits. The bits that I can love. Mostly because I don't want this community and this fandom and my investment in it to be soured. I want to still feel a connection to it - somehow. I want to find a way. I need to find a way.

I want to believe everyone did the best job they could with what they had.

One thing I did love was what Aziraphale said about Crowley being the best Angel. Emotionally, that was the most satisfying part for me. All the while up until then I kept thinking that Aziraphale was being a bit too casual and flippant with Crowley and not acknowledging his pain and even taking a bit of advantage of him or taking him for granted. I kept hoping and waiting for them to really talk. For the truth to come out - for some kind of real confession or heart to heart. Some vehicle for them to make their mutual love known to each other. That confession bit came the closest for me, and Crowley took it to heart and was clearly touched by it. (although I did notice the tears were CG (can anyone confirm?). And yes I'm dissappointed about that too. I know David can summon the tears if he wants to). I mean yes God (where was Frances McDormand?) did literally say they loved each other but I wanted THEM to say it TO EACH OTHER. WITH WORDS.

The fact that Crowley literally said he was heartbroken, and was a drunk depressed mess but also sticking close by the bookshop continuing to protect it for YEARS even though Aziraphale wasn't there says volumes about Crowley's true deep love for Aziraphale, and how much pain he was in. There is a beautiful sadness in that.

And Aziraphale said Crowley was the best Angel. That right there says he loves him. But dammit I wanted it to be a bit more literal. And demonstrative. With tongue.

Even with all of that said I refuse to say it was awful or that we were robbed, etc. I have complicated feelings. I sort of think the minute that Season 2 came into existence where they came up with the love story - breaking them up in order to get them back together again - it became doomed.

Will I stop watching? No. Will I continue to obsess? Yes - for now. I know that my hyperfixation will eventually fade.

For now though I'm very much looking forward to what my dear fanfic writers will do with all of this. What fixits will they come up with? How will all of this information be incorporated into new fics and artwork? What new theories will people come up with about what Clues we missed? How things are maybe not as they seem? What easter eggs will we find? How will this finale be changed and expanded upon in ways that we will love?

I can't wait to find out.

We were right.

These are snippets of my chat:

Dec 2023 "filming won't start until next year then it takes about a year in post production so we are looking at at least a year and a half" April 2024 "filming will happen for 6 months (confirmed from David Tennant's hair stylist lol) and then it's probably a year of post production so we are looking at 2026."

So this means that they kept to their original filming and release schedule even though there were massive changes to the production. I think that's interesting.

Rewatching...

I just noticed something. On this screen Nina just received 2 texts from Lindsey.

The first one says "The front door key is by the kettle. Please don't try to get in touch with me"

Then the 2nd text says "if you need me I'll be with my sister. at least she cares about someone other than herself"

So in the 1st txt she says don't talk to me. Then in the 2nd txt she says if you need me here's where I'll be.

We know that Nina is a mirror of Crowley. So Crowley says Don't bother. But he doesn't mean it.

And then Nina says FUCK

LOL

I mean yes obviously we know they will reconcile but I'd never noticed this tidbit and how it mirrors the break up/eventual reconciliation.