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Why do we do what we do? Our actions define us, what and who we are. They are the means to communicate that which is most important; they are how we change the world around us.
Why do they tell us to dance like nopony is watching? To sing like nopony can hear us? With whom do we share our stories - our grief and our joy when we are alone? We are social creatures by nature, and all that we do, we were meant to do together~
When I am alone, before I turn to sleep, I will take the time to write, if only to help craft my thoughts into something more coherent, to shape them into something easier to share. When my writing is done, I will read the works of others, so that the voices and lessons of those before me can have an audience once more. Sometimes brother will keep my company, so that I have somepony to read to.
And sometimes I will paint my hoofs, because nopony minds if I make a mess in the barn. Hoofpolish stains are conspicuous and not the easiest to clean.
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Eyy, another good day of writing at work. I like when the work and my brain lets me punch out a whole/almost whole piece. I don't even remember the full idea I wanted to hit with this piece, but I think I liked how it turned out. Oh! Overwhelmed Gabe. I don't think I overwhelmed him enough, tbh.
This takes place after Vog Bohdhn in some way or another. I tried to set it in autumn, first year the big group is together. So about half a year after they all meet. Buuuut that doesn't exactly work out when I think Infidelity is supposed to be about a year later. The conversation Seb has with Skrit in Vog Bohdhn is important in this, though. Good thing these are just a collection of ideas because I don't know how to make most of it consecutive yet. Hell, maybe this is a year and a half together. Except it can't be, considering the reading lessons. Ah damn. That's a problem for future me.
No real warnings. Mild sexual content, mostly because Sebazin's involved.
Master List
I sat on a patch of moss, hunched over the chalk tablet with a painfully short brick of chalk between my fingers. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get it to feel natural in my hold. I studied the way Gabe wrote, both with my medium and the pen he used for wizard things. I tried emulating the way Seb scooped the chalk to jot things down, hoping their way would be easier, considering their sloppy penmanship. It always felt wrong in my fingers. My letters were worse than Seb’s, which compounded my frustration considerably. Seb was exponentially faster at writing than me. Gabe wrote a little slower, but far neater and still on a different level.
I’d given up begging Gabe to stop trying. I wasn’t worth his effort. After months, I still forgot what letters looked like if I wasn’t actively observing them. Gabe corrected my spelling on nearly everything. I couldn’t recall without his patient guidance over my shoulder.
It was worse when Gabe was busy and Seb briefly took over the lesson. It wasn’t that Seb taught differently or took a different approach, I just couldn’t read their writing as well. Their prompts didn’t work with their muddy accent making different letters sound the same.
The others had found out that I was – Gabe called it illiterate. Skrit seemed to have known from the beginning and oddly never made a deal of it. Wyst, on the other hand, tried fawning over me about it for weeks.
I hated it. I hated the attention and pity. I hated the lessons. I hated how present I needed to be for them and how tired I felt after them. Seb usually had some offering after the fact to soften the ordeal, but that made it all no less patronizing. I saw the way Alice stared at me when she thought I was too busy concentrating, like I was stupid and not merely unlearned.
It was slightly better when it was just me and Gabe. When the others had their own things that needed done. Our group was busier, considering we’d committed to a path that strayed far from civilization for weeks. No matter how well we prepared, we couldn’t feasibly pack so much in the last city before heading out.
We made it work. Rather well, really. Skrit and Seb went off to track and hunt when we needed it. Alice and Wyst identified and collected edible plants. Gabe set up camp and made surprising spreads of everything gathered to keep us fed and going.
I was the worthless imbecile with nothing to do but fail to write proper words. Gabe always asked me what a word I’d written was, only to write it down better for my to practice my sounds. The sound it out method didn’t even work for me. As abysmal as Seb’s accent was, mine was even worse. I couldn’t make all the sounds Gabe tried to teach me, no matter how I twisted my tongue or held my jaw.
I tapped Gabe’s leg with the tablet to catch his attention and held it over my head. He paused what he was doing and took it from my hands. “Okay, let’s see what you have here,” he mumbled.
I waited for him to decipher meaning out of my made up words and stared off at our packs and Seb’s discarded armor. I could have made myself useful and made our bed. It was an easy enough task, considering I continued sharing bed rolls with Gabe and Seb. Most nights. Gabe let me know when it wasn’t one of the nights I got to use Seb as a heater. No matter how the night started, Seb usually ended up wrapped around me by the time morning rolled in. Seb wasn’t mine. I understood Gabe not wanting to share them.
I didn’t move, however. It was Gabe speaking again that made me realize I’d stopped paying attention to anything.
“Very good, Malxir,” Gabe praised. That was a lie. We both knew it. “May I have the chalk, please?”
I handed over the stump of chalk and stared back at the packs. He’d have my spelling corrected, my letters fixed, and a reply written out too quickly for me to do anything. Even if he could understand my sentence, it wouldn’t be free of error. It never was.
Gabe deposited both the board and chalk back into my lap, immediately returning to building a fire. “Alright. Read me back what I wrote, Malxir.”
My eyes bounced over his pretty, fluid letters. “‘Do you like it … bet-ter when the sun is warm?’”
The sentences we used were stupid, too. ‘Is the sun warm today?’ ‘No, it is trees.’ I wouldn’t answer so poorly if we spoke, but the question was ridiculous anyway. I only didn’t know how to spell the words I wanted and I hated how much Gabe needed to correct me when I did try.
“Very good!” Gabe exclaimed in a way I knew he meant to be encouraging. I stayed my fangs from flashing. “Okay, do you see what mistake you made?”
I searched for his calculated chalk strokes amongst my chicken scratch. “Trees has two Es?”
“Yes, exactly.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know.”
Even the words we used were stupid with stupid rules.
“You remember your numbers,” Gabe pointed out with a gleeful smile. “That’s great, Malxir.”
I wrinkled my nose and pointedly avoided his brown eyes.
“I’m serious, Malxir,” Gabe consoled. “That’s very good. Okay, go ahead and erase your old answer and write your new one. Try to come up with more than a one word answer.”
I contemplated over the way to spell “yeah” when the brush surrounding our camp admitted Skrit sans Seb. She strode up to Gabe to throw two dead rabbits at his feet. “It’s what we got,” she said to Gabe’s imploring stare.
“Where is Sebazin?” Gabe asked.
“Fuck if I know. They didn’t want to come back.”
Gabe cursed, though the word turned out to be a magic one for him to light the fire.
I watched the two of them, too distracted to continue struggling over my writing.
“Are you two having a fight?” Skrit asked.
“No, it’s not that,” Gabe sighed. He massaged over his face. “They’re starting to slip and it makes me nervous when you or I are not around to correct them. Alone time is the opposite of what they need right now.”
Skrit eyed Gabe with critical intent. “Is Seb about the one to snap – or you? Because they were fine out there. Looking for bullshit, sure, but that’s nothing new.”
“I could use a break,” Gabe admitted. “Sebazin is pushing us hard to more temperate climate to beat the winter. I’m not as young as I once was.”
“You’re not old, either,” Skrit grunted.
Gabe set his mouth. “I’m feeling these longer days.”
“Well, no shit,” Skrit said matter-of-fact. “You’re carrying the group. You do all our cooking, you keep Seb under control, you’re teaching the kid to read, and tutoring Wyst in her studies. When the fuck do you have time for yourself? Something’s got to give.”
Skrit strode over to Seb’s pack, plucking a knife from its contents.
“All of this needs done,” Gabe argued.
“Yeah, and Seb or Alice can do the cooking. Wyst doesn’t need your tutelage. She managed fine before you. The kid isn’t going to die if he can’t read and Seb can keep up on his math. The big guy, well, you’re stuck with them.”
I wouldn’t have minded my lessons in reading and writing coming to a close. I wasn’t a fan of the way Seb ran their economic lessons, either, but I could make do with less overall learning. I could do something useful to help Gabe and group instead. Take over cooking with Seb, maybe.
“Your definition of ‘needs done’ differs from mine.”
Skrit hauled the rabbits to a different patch of moss to tear into them, ripping the fur cleaning off of them. “Because yours is stupid. Seb’s help in tracking is nice, but I don’t need it. It’ll slow me down without them, but I can still get the game we need.”
“You’re contorting the problem out of proportion,” Gabe sighed. “Everything’s fine, I promise.”
“Whatever. I’ll take care of this until Alice is back. Food might be bland tonight, but at least the kid will appreciate it. Go and hit your partner or whatever it is you do.”
“I do not -”
Skrit snapped the feet off the rabbit, cutting through the tendons with her borrowed knife. She gut each one in moments. It didn’t take her long for the carcasses to look presentable.
“Malxir, lesson’s over,” she announced. “Help me get this started so Gabe can go plan a scene.”
Gabe turned to look at me, like he was surprised to see me. “Oh, fu-”
I stared at him quizzically. Hopefully. I was okay with cutting the lesson short, but Gabe was the one that decided when we were finished.
Gabe buried his head in his hand, back to ignoring me for the time being. “I can’t believe they told you that,” he griped.
“I can’t believe it’s true!”
“Sebazin is a miserable liar,” Gabe said. “They still try anyway, but you can tell when they’re making up stories.”
Gabe hadn’t given me an answer for whether or not I’d be abandoning my sentence to help Skrit begin preparing food. “Gabe?”
“I’m not leaving, Malxir,” he finally decided. “Write.”
“Gabe -”
Gabe cut Skrit off. “I appreciate the help, Skrit. Thank-you. I do not, however, require you to alleviate my responsibilities to – to plan a scene. That’s not how things work.” He grabbed the travel cauldron to bring it to the fire.
So much for cutting the lesson short. I frowned at my chalk board, rereading Gabe’s question to recall the answer I’d come up with. I had wanted to figure out how to spell “yeah”. It still took too much concentration to pick apart the word and remember the alphabet.
“What do you do, then?” Skrit asked curiously, adopting more decorum for Gabe than she ever did Seb.
“I am not discussing my sex life,” Gabe said. “I’m not! I’m not sure why Seb is!”
“I give him a list of what I’m craving and he ignores it all anyway.” Sebazin’s voice joining the conversation made me jump. Skrit’s face snapped in their direction. “He’s a Dom, not a sadist,” they told her.
“For fuck’s sake,” Gabe whispered in exasperation.
Seb walked forward and plucked the cauldron from beside Gabe, stopping to pull him into a kiss despite the frustration sharp over his features. Gabe took his time in fight Seb off of him.
“Quit talking about our private life,” he scolded, his finger in Seb’s face.
Seb spun away with an impish grin. “Why? Are you afraid someone might notice that we do it? We’ve fucked beside Mal while Mal slept. You don’t mind the risk, love.”
They had done what? My jaw dropped despite myself. Seb caught my eye and tossed me a wink.
“There is no reasoning with you.”
Seb chuckled and swung the cauldron as they stepped away. “I’ll fill this up.”
Gabe switched his irritation to Skrit. “Did they put you up to this?”
She held her hands up defensively. “They don’t need my interference.”
“No,” Gabe sighed. “I suppose not. For someone that doesn’t care for it, you sure live vicariously through Sebazin.”
Skrit shrugged, but had nothing to say in response.
His attention switched to me again, waiting patiently for me to return the favor. I still tried to process the shock of sleeping in the same bed as they had sex beside me. I blinked, closing my mouth, regaining some composure. “Malxir, focus,” he said softly. I very well was focusing. Only not on what he wanted me to work on.
When both Gabe and Skrit settled down, however, it was easier to form each sound on my lips to figure out how yeah should have been spelled. I got through the entire word by the time Seb came back. I wanted to add that I hated being cold. That I was always cold. It hadn’t been something I adjusted to well, even though I’d spent a fair amount of my childhood freezing my tail off. I had often lost color in my fingers getting the things done outside that I needed to live. Not that Gabe needed to know most of that.
Gabe stopped Sebazin once the cauldron was out of their hands, suspended over the fire to heat up the water. He grabbed Seb by the horn, pushing his face close to Seb’s to whisper in their ear. I didn’t need to hear his words. I could read his lips: “I’m going to make you regret oversharing. Do you want to see how well you can hide something up your ass from them all day tomorrow?” Seb’s face switched to delight. Gabe withdrew with a kiss, face serious, and then returned to business as usual, peering over my shoulder to gauge my progress. Like he hadn’t threatened Seb with something unspeakable. Between that and Seb’s comment, I wondered how much of their flirting I’d missed.
This takes place directly after Combing, so less than a week after Seb and Mal meet/fuck. Had half of it written in my head on my way up from my parents' and I think I even managed to remember everything as I wrote it down.
No warnings. Seb and Wyst just cementing the fact they hate each other very early on. I guess for Wyst to forget years later that Seb has chronic nightmares after Gabe dies? Maybe Seb just got worse. XD I mean ... the nightmares would get worse, they way he died.... And if even Skrit tried being nice to them after Gabe died, Wyst is a better person than Skrit. But I digress.
Master List
My body felt cold. I shifted against the chill, pulling my sleeping sack around myself to better ward it off. My shirt clung to the skin of my back, damp with old sweat. The night wasn’t that warm. I didn’t normally sweat at night. I blinked in confusion, bundling tighter.
“Is this a nightly thing?”
I stopped wiggling, my efforts to bring my sleeping arrangements back to comfortable, at the soft sound of Wyst’s question. She spoke to someone already awake.
“Yeah, pretty much,” Seb replied to her, exhaustion and resign rooted deep in their voice. They sniffed in sharply, exhaling audibly. “What are you doing awake?”
“I don’t sleep,” Wyst said. “Not really.”
“Must be nice,” Seb grumbled. “No dreams?”
“What was it about?” she asked gently.
“Doesn’t matter.”
“You don’t want to talk about it? It could help.” Wyst had her kid gloves on, treating Seb with the type of care she did for me when she thought I was acting irrationally.
“No,” Seb said sharply.
“Is it the same thing every night?”
“I’m not talking about this with you,” Seb snapped. I heard their bare feet on the ground, pacing. When they got closer to my bed, I could even hear their tail whip angrily through the air.
Wyst let them have a moment to cool down. The night was still. Quiet, except for a few crickets and toads.
“How long has this been going on?” Wyst asked.
“Long enough I can deal with it on my own,” Seb grumbled, deep and low.
“Does Gabe know?”
“Yes,” Seb hissed. “There’s nothing he can do, either. Fucking leave me alone. I need to walk it off and I’ll be back to sleep.”
Wyst sighed, something pent up yet hesitant. “Sebazin, I want you to stay away from Malxir.”
“What?” Seb barked.
“I think you’re leading her on,” Wyst explained softly.
“I’ve been very fucking clear,” Seb growled.
“Why are you sleeping with her?”
What did Wyst mean? I had one night with Seb. That was all. Forever. Seb was right. They’d been explicit with what to expect from them. I had to admire them from a distance, maybe without them fully knowing. And that was okay.
“What the fuck do you think we’re doing?” Seb sneered.
It occurred to me that the cool sweat on my back wasn’t necessarily mine. Seb had beckoned me over. Invited me into their bed. I explored with my tail to run into what must have been Gabe. He slumbered on, oblivious to his partner’s plight.
“Don’t you think you’re a little too old for her?” Wyst’s voice gained an edge, something to contend with Seb’s.
“This isn’t sexual!” They growled lightly. “Doesn’t need to be to share space.”
“Are we going to pretend the scabs on your ribs are platonic, then?” Wyst asked snidely. The marks that I had left on them. The enjoyment Seb had gotten out of my nails raking down their side and between their scars had been genuine. I hadn’t meant to get too exuberant about it. Especially not enough to draw blood and leave evidence days later.
“No,” Seb scoffed. “Don’t you think if my end goal was to bed Malxir, I’d have left by now instead of asking Gabe if he’d convince you to travel with us?”
“This was your idea.” Wyst didn’t ask. She stated it like fact.
“No. Gabe already planned on asking you to join. For you, despite Malxir.” Right. Because Gabe didn’t like Seb sleeping around. I would be a constant reminder that Seb wasn’t entirely faithful. He treated me well anyway. Like he cared. Genuinely.
“Why did you want us to?” Wyst asked in wonder.
“For Malxir,” Seb answered immediately. “Have you ever seen how skinny Malxir is?”
“I can see -”
“Under the shirt,” Seb amended.
“No.”
“No, of course not,” Seb agreed. “You’re jealous of me for that, aren’t you?”
Wyst didn’t reply. I’d have loved an answer. Why would Wyst be jealous of Seb? And more importantly, over me? That made no sense.
“Is it because Malxir approached me first? Because I set aside my age and fucked Mal anyway? Or maybe it’s because I’ve known Malxir for days and Mal’s sleeping in my bed tonight, hmm?”
“I am not jealous of you,” Wyst emphasized.
“Right,” Seb drawled. “Did you tell Malxir you were interested? Or was Mal supposed to catch the hint? Do you think I slept with Mal because Mal beat around the bush?” Seb snorted. They asked many questions, but in the kind of way where they already knew the answers.
“You. You are -” Wyst cut herself off.
Seb let her struggle over her accusation for a moment. “An asshole?” they supplied casually. “Can’t bring yourself to say it? You shouldn’t have stuck your nose where it didn’t belong, little elf.”
I didn’t like that their conversation turned into a fight over me. I wasn’t worth it. I appreciated that I continued to have Wyst’s support. She deserved my loyalties. But pitting herself against an ally wasn’t helping anyone. Seb wasn’t a threat. I was sure of it.
It also felt wrong to reveal that I’d been eavesdropping. I was already the center of attention. I didn’t need to be present for it, too.
“Mal is my teammate,” Wyst seethed.
“And so am I,” Seb sneered. “If you want Gabe’s knowledge, you’re going to have to accept that I’m his and we have an interest in Malxir as long as the kid lets us near. I don’t know what the fuck Mal sees in me, but I’m using it as a way in. I gather Malxir doesn’t do that much.”
“No,” Wyst agreed begrudgingly. “I’ve tried getting to know her.”
“Yeah,” Seb said softly. Like they were diffusing the argument. “Let me try and help.”
I didn’t need help. I’d never asked for it. I’d only petitioned Sebazin to stay. Something for me.
“Hey.” Skrit’s voice cut across the camp, sharp and cross. “Shut the fuck up. Some people are trying to sleep.”
Seb sniffed a laugh that sounded genuine. “Sorry, Skrit. It’s my fault.”
“Your gods damned fucking nightmares aren’t our problem,” Skrit snapped. “Don’t make it now.”
“What kind of adult has nightmares that keeps them up anyway?” Skrit grumbled, no less irate.
“One damned by the gods, I guess,” Seb muttered. “Good night, Skrit.” Seb paced closer, dropping to their knees between me and Gabe. “You, too, Wyst,” they said. “This conversation is over. I won’t have it again.”
“Which one?”
“Both.”
“That’s not how that works,” she said haughtily.
The blanket lifted from me, touching me with chilled night air in the stamp of where Seb had been. They wriggled into place, their back to me rather than their arm around me as before.
“It will be,” they warned, voice too soft to possibly carry threat. I heard it anyway. “I won’t entertain it again.”
I scooted subtly back into them until the pattern of their scars were tangible through my shirt. Their tail wrapped around mine, curling over my ankles, in response.
I lost inspiration for writing Theo temporarily, but I finally found the nudge I needed to finish this piece I started a couple months ago. This will take some time after Bullywugs, about a year after the two parties met and converged.
Seb talks about their sex life. A lot, non-explicitly.
Master List
“Okay, it looks like the next step is … this dwarven city,” Wyst said. She pointed at the map for Gabe to beside her. “I cannot pronounce that. It’s like they’re allergic to vowels.”
“Does it need to be a dwarven city?” Gabe asked with a bare undertone of dread.
I leaned against Seb’s legs, picking at some of the leftover foods we had that weren’t holding up to time as well. They shifted subtly towards the conversation, a fraction of their tranquility slipping away.
“What do you have against dwarves?” Wyst asked suspiciously.
“Nothing! Absolutely nothing. There simply has to be another way through.”
“Of course there’s over or around rather than through,” Wyst conceded. “We don’t have the supplies to make it to here.” Wyst pointed at a point on the map. “And over is deadly. We’re not equipped for going over a mountain range.”
“Trying to go over the mountains would take us weeks if not months even if we were properly prepared,” Alice pitched in. “Skrit and I can’t support us in that kind of environment, especially for so long.”
Gabe traced a finger over the map. “It doesn’t need to be over. It can be around. This is an open trade route. It’ll be easily traversed and well traveled to be relatively safe.”
Wyst studied the man seriously. “That’s still going to add three weeks minimum to the trip.”
“It should be supplied well enough along the way we wouldn’t need to forage,” Alice said.
“Are we in a hurry?” Gabe asked.
Seb tapped me. “Get up.” I shifted enough to support myself and allow them to stand. “You are not adding a month to our travel because you’re jealous, love,” Seb chided. They joined the three of them around the map.
Alice took a nervous step back. “It wasn’t because you didn’t want to go through the underdark?” she asked rhetorically toward Gabe.
Gabe gawked at Seb. “I’m not – I’m avoiding the situation.”
“Fucking shit,” Skrit cursed with amusement. “You fucking whore. How many detours did Gabe put us on because of you?”
“Don’t call me a whore,” Seb said with enough disdain to make me flinch. It brought a shame to my chest I didn’t know I had. Seb couldn’t feel ill towards whores, knowing that it was all I’d ever been before this group. They couldn’t treat me well when that identity defined me to them.
“Why not?” Skrit sneered. “Does it make you feel bad?”
“I love whores,” Seb said. “It does them a disservice to call me one.” Oh. It was the opposite; Seb had the utmost respect for whores. That made more sense. Considering … them.
“It’s only dwarf land I steer us away from. We don’t typically have reason to intersect with them, so it’s never been so … monumentous before.”
Seb turned to look her in the eye. “People say that devils know how to fuck. Obviously, the scant humans in my lineage thought so. There are more than a few devils in my ancestry. I’ve never fucked a devil, but I’ve fucked a couple dwarves. They’re the best lays I’ve ever …” Seb trailed off, eyes sliding back to Gabe. “Um. Dwarves know sex. It’s not a fetish, it’s – I need to stop explaining this to you,” Seb said, wavering under Gabe’s ferocious glare.
“Are we of an understanding why I’ve considered this a necessary aversion?” Gabe asked Wyst, voice clipped.
Wyst buried her face in her hand. “I’m not adding weeks to the road and camping without a bed because Sebazin – because Sebazin.”
“I’m not going to try and jump the bones of every dwarf we see,” Seb grumbled. “This is purely Gabe’s jealousy, not because I can’t control myself.”
“How can you even be jealous after all the people you’ve let them sleep with?” Skrit asked Gabe, clearly having fun with the new information.
“There’s more to it,” Gabe said, “that we will not be unpacking as a group, thank-you.”
“I’ll tell you later,” Seb mouthed to Skrit with a nod. Skrit grinned in acceptance and went back to what she had been doing before curiosity over the mounting drama ensnared her. I vaguely wondered if I could be included in the promised explanation, but not only did I not know how to ask, I didn’t think anyone would appreciate me butting in. Seb and I already pushed Gabe’s boundaries as it was, with lack of erroneous information.
“I’m sorry, Gabe. We’re going through this city and the underdark,” Wyst said.
Gabe’s face twisted into cringing disappointment.
“The underdark is going to be way different than we’re used to,” Alice said quietly. “Gabe, have you ever gone there?”
“No. You?” Alice shook her head. “You know, Alice and I are incapable of seeing in the dark like the rest of you. Like dwarves. We don’t know what this terrain is like and our map here is incomplete.”
“Gabe,” Wyst said gently. “We’re going through the underdark. We’ll get the information we need once we’re in the city.”
Seb turned back to the group. “You always want to experience new things, love,” Seb said lightly.
“No, I endeavor to learn new things,” Gabe corrected. “Experience is not required for raw knowledge.”
Seb leaned over the map, closer to Gabe. “Experience is the best part.” They lowered their voice, but not enough that we all couldn’t hear: “Have you ever read erotica?”
Gabe rolled his eyes and threw his hands helplessly in the air. Alice’s face immediately reddened. She turned away, but it couldn’t hide the glow of her ears.
Seb brightened, straightening up. “Shit!” they whooped. “The fucking human girl has! Was it any good? Really pales in comparison to the real thing, doesn’t it?”
Alice did her best to hide away, shrinking but considerably failing to conceal the furious blush.
“Aw, don’t tell me you haven’t tried it yet,” Seb said.
“Seb, leave her alone,” Wyst rebuked. “What is wrong with you?”
“What’s stopping you?” Seb asked gently. They shifted a step back, looking between Alice and Wyst. “It doesn’t need to be a big deal if you don’t want it to be. I’ll buy you a prostitute in … where? Vog Bohdhn? Woman, man, your preference so long as I can find one that’s not a dwarf. My treat.”
“Sebazin,” Gabe hissed crossly.
“What? It’s gold well spent. I could have offered personally instead.” They crossed their arms, looking Alice up and down. Their tail flicked. “If I thought that could ever be an option.” Gabe’s glare could have killed. “What? I can be gentle.” They could. Even if they had to clarify for Gabe, I knew how gentle Seb could be. I was grateful for the fact my skin was already red. It wasn’t a case of embarrassment for me, but that extreme and vivid longing for something I could never have again. Alice was lucky for the thought to have crossed their mind.
“That is not what is wrong with this situation,” Gabe grated.
“With your permission?” Seb guessed.
“That’s still not – forget it,” Gabe sighed. “Go away.”
“What’s the problem?” Seb asked genuinely. They shrugged their arms open, but didn’t receive a response from the three around them. Shaking their head, they turned from them, heading to their pile of things. They started grabbing their clothing and armor to get ready to move. Skrit snorted back authentic laughter, stuffing her hand into her mouth for help.
Wyst and Gabe exchanged exasperated looks. “What did they call the city?” Wyst asked to get them back on track.
“Vog Bohdhn,” Gabe said with a trace of defeat.
“We’re going there. We can get there by tonight. Do you really think Seb can be any worse than they already are?”
“Oh yes,” Gabe said, “absolutely.”
When my teammates said dwarven city, I expected something like the cities I’d grown up in or one of the bigger cities we’d visited together. I did not expect to enter into a mountain and find every surface made of polished stone. Everything was immaculate and precise. I grabbed on to Seb’s hand to guide me so that I could stare.
Carved into the stone as it was, the dwarves had full mastery of every dimension. They could build their city as tall or as deep as they wished. It didn’t need to sprawl horizontally to accommodate for its population. Most everything looked similar and difficult to differentiate, relying on signage to signal intent. It left navigation a little confusing, but it was a fair puzzle for Wyst and Gabe to figure out.
We found lodging first, with the help of a random citizen. It turned out that I couldn’t read any of the words not because I was a poor reader, but because none of it was in the common alphabet or language Gabe had taught me in. Everyone else was almost as lost as I was. It did them well to struggle every now and again.
Seb stopped us in the door. “Do you want your own room tonight?” they asked Alice.
Wyst shoved them forward. “Knock it off,” she scolded.
Seb dug in their feet. “I’m being serious!”
“You are doing the opposite of helping,” she said firmly. “You need to stop.”
They stared at her a moment, processing with a vaguely alarmed expression until they relaxed back to normal with a nod. “Our usual arrangements?” they asked softly. They didn’t need an answer before they ducked inside to let money talk.
The room Seb led Gabe and I into was carved out of stone, much like everything else in the city. Glowing gems grew into one wall, illuminating the interior with a calming blue light. The space didn’t allow for much more than the bed, which appeared lush but overall small.
I threw my travel pack beside Seb’s and closed the door behind us as Seb began doffing their armor.
Gabe set his pack on the bed, sitting down beside it. “Wyst and I will go back out to search for a new map and supplies we’ll need for travel through the underdark,” he said. “I’d like it for you to stay in our room.” These words he directed solely to Seb. I unbelted my weapons, weaving them into my pack to hold them in place.
“What did I do?” Seb asked. “Why are you angry with me?”
I crept behind them to stay behind the conversation.
“You’re sexually charged in a city of dwarves,” Gabe said. “I only want to get what we need and leave this all behind.”
“Sexually – I’m always sexually charged! You don’t trust me.” Hurt laced Seb’s voice. “What did I ever do to deserve that?”
Gabe ignored Seb’s question. He turned his eyes to me. Seb began ripping at the ties at their armor, throwing it to the angle between the floor and wall once free of it. “Malxir, I want you to stay here with Sebazin. Wyst and I will have enough to do finding what we need without keeping an eye on you.” I understood Seb’s offense. I hadn’t done anything to deserve that, either.
“Oh, but you trust the two of us together alone?” Seb huffed.
Gabe side eyed them. “I’m going to ask Skrit to keep you company.”
Seb began to step to Gabe, aggression in their frame and fury on their face, and then thought better of it. They had enough armor off to make movement awkward but not easy. “Jealousy doesn’t look good on you,” they growled.
“This is easier, Sebazin,” Gabe replied dismissively. He left the room without closing the door behind him.
Seb sat heavily on the edge of the bed. “He’s never been like this before,” they said absently. “I don’t know what’s going on.” They ran a hand over their face. I crawled across the bed to sit beside them. “I don’t care if the others treat me like something less. But I can’t take it from you or Gabe.”
I reached over to help undo the straps holding on the bulk of Seb’s armor they hadn’t yet doffed. “Have I ever made you feel like less?”
“No. You’re my supportive little shadow with bite, but no bark.” Seb lifted off the armor as I freed it from them, movements languid. As soon as the most uncomfortable piece of armor from around their chest was gone, they grabbed me against them with an intentional kiss to my forehead. “What do I do when the man that grounds me throws my footing? What did I do, Mal?”
“Most people don’t like whores, Seb,” I said softly. “It’s why I’ve never told anyone else we work with.”
“I’m not a -!” Seb let go of me, but allowed me to lean on them. “Whores are a respectable working class. More than half the work we do. I’ll accept being called a slut, but calling me a whore is slander to sex workers.”
“I wasn’t calling you a whore,” I clarified, petting over one of the seams across their chest. “What do you mean respectable?” I’d never once felt respected in any interaction I could remember. Not until Seb.
“I really need to put my foot in my mouth for the rest of the night.” Seb pushed me off of them to finish undressing. “It should be a more respected profession. I’m sure you had the worst of the worst clients, without a choice and … all. I wish it could have been different for you.”
Wyst showed up in the doorway around the time Seb guided their shirt over their horns. “We’re going to need the party gold,” she said.
“You don’t know where it is?” Seb asked bleakly.
“I’m not touching your things.”
“Even if I tell you to?” Seb grumbled and shuffled onto their knees to dig through their pack. “I don’t care if you know everything I have. What do you think you’ll find that you don’t already know?”
Skrit pushed into the room from behind Wyst to lean against the bedside next to me. “How are you supposed to go in public undressed like that?” she asked as Seb moved some gold into a pouch for Wyst. “How are we going to eat?”
“We can wait until Gabe and Wyst are back,” Seb said with tired patience. They held up the pouch to Wyst. “That enough?”
Wyst took it, weighing it in hand. “This isn’t all of it? How much funds do we have?”
“Enough,” Seb replied. “Everything I’ve ever made and don’t spend. Plus whatever Skrit and Mal contributed since joining me since they both don’t take cuts from bounties.” They stood, stepping back to give her space. “There are not separate party funds. It’s too much work to keep track of.”
“We spend your money?”
Seb shrugged. “I get the most out what we do, I think. I don’t need pay. Consider it my wages to you for putting up with me for it.”
Wyst looked to me with confusion. “Why aren’t you taking your share?”
“Why?” I asked. “What’s the point? Seb feeds me.”
Seb snorted. “Mal and Skrit are on separate contracts for when they decide to leave.” They sniffed. “A kind of severance payout. Mal’s negotiated through Gabe.”
“When did this happen?”
“As soon as Seb let me,” I said. “I don’t want to carry that.”
“It does keep them more agile and light on their feet,” Seb agreed. “I’m the muscle. Skrit is the speed and Mal the stealth. It works for us. And you wizards get to keep your gold close in the moments you briefly have it.”
Wyst pressed her lips together in thought. “You three should go eat,” she said after a long moment.
Seb chuckled. It wasn’t out of amusement. They turned their back to Wyst, pacing towards the wall and away from her. “Nope. We’ll wait here.” Skrit groaned.
“Why? What is the point of waiting? We can get food while we’re out.”
Seb spun. “You need to lay off me when it’s not your business,” Seb growled, pointing at her. “I took it over the human, but here you’re out of line.”
“She has a name,” Wyst scoffed.
“Yeah? I’ll use it when she realizes I’m more than a flesh shield for you all,” Seb barked.
“What’s going on here?” Gabe asked from the doorway.
Seb dropped their hand, curling it into a fist at their side. “Gabe, I’m reaching my snapping point,” Seb said tightly.
“You’re being a giant asshole!” Wyst lamented.
“Because I’m waiting for you?”
“What did they do now?” Gabe asked with resign.
“Why do you assume it’s me?” Seb snapped. No one had a chance to answer them. “Leave. I need you to leave now.” Wyst sniffed haughtily, but left at Gabe’s silent beckon.
Seb visibly deflated the moment Wyst and Gabe disappeared from the room. They threw themselves on the edge of the bed, shifting it sharply beneath me, and curled up with their hands around their horns. They breathed out deeply, with seemingly no intentions of refilling their lungs.
“You alright, big guy?” Skrit asked.
“The fuck makes you think I could be?” Seb asked after a sharp inhale. “I’m not going to hurt anyone, if that’s what you’re asking.”
“No.” She pressed her lips together, contemplative.
Seb’s fingers scrubbed into their skull at the base of their horns. “Skrit, take Mal and go eat. You don’t need to wait for me.”
Skrit looked over to me with a flat, wordless question. I shook my head to the side, just enough to get my point across: I wasn’t going without Seb. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust being alone with Skrit. It simply felt … boring.
“Nah.” Skrit jumped onto the edge of the bed, putting me between her and Seb. “I’m not that hungry.”
“That’s a load of shit,” Seb scoffed.
“Hey, you were going to explain why Gabe’s being a giant dick about this,” Skrit reminded them. “Besides the fact you’ve fetishized dwarves.”
“I didn’t -” Seb sniffed, wrenching their chin away. “Seems kind of stupid now, after all this.”
“‘Kind of stupid’ has you pretty miserable,” Skrit pointed out.
Seb sniffed a humorless laugh. “The dwarves I slept with have had huge cocks,” they said. “I haven’t made it a secret from him. He’s jealous. Doesn’t think he can contend. That’s it. That’s all it is.”
“You’re a bottom?” Skrit sputtered.
Seb slowly swiveled their full attention to her, clasping their hands together at their knees as they leaned harder on their elbows. “I’m a verse, but I exclusively bottom for Gabe,” they explained.
“You do not.”
Seb shrugged. “Pretty stupid thing to lie about. I prefer bottoming, most of the time.”
“Bullshit.”
“Skrit, I’m his sub.” Whatever that meant.
Skrit’s jaw dropped, too shocked for words. She got what it was about.
I had about as hard of a time believing Seb as Skrit did. In the night I’d had with Seb, they automatically fell into the role of top with no questions asked it asked. They were incredibly good at it. Not just the way they fucked me, but guiding me mentally as well. A solid year later, I still fantasized about that night. I couldn’t imagine them in any other role.
Skrit blinked the bulk of her incredulousness away. “So you’re stuck here because you’re Gabe’s bitch.”
Seb’s eyes fell back to their hands. “Yeah.”
“Holy shit,” Skrit snorted. “There’s no way.”
Seb shrugged again. “I do enough to piss him off. Now isn’t the time to antagonize him.” They breathed out noisily. “I do love him.”
“Right. Sure.” She turned to eye me. “Fuck, why not? You flirt with the kid every day.”
“Yeah? Mal’s not a threat to him. Leave Mal out of it.”
Wicked plots marched through Skrit’s eyes. She pulled her legs from the edge of the bed and crossed them before her to completely face Seb. “I bet you twenty gold you can’t bed a dwarf.”
Seb’s eyes snapped to her. “We already established your gold is my gold is the party’s gold. That’s betting myself.”
“I’ll find you different gold,” Skrit dismissed. “Not that I’ll need to.”
“We don’t need more gold, Skrit,” Seb sighed.
“You’re a coward.”
Seb’s nose wrinkled. “No. It’s not worth Gabe holding out on me for weeks because he’s pissed at me.” Seb’s eyes darted to me. “The last time was two and a half weeks. This is worse.”
“Fucking a dwarf is worse than lying about fucking the kid, yeah, but you get something out of it this time. It’s not like abstinence kills, slut.”
“No, but I don’t like it. I don’t go weeks without a lay. Not since I started having sex twenty years ago.”
“Maybe some time to cool off isn’t such a bad idea,” Skrit suggested.
“No.” Seb brought a leg up to face her, their back straightening out. “Look, this arrangement is already less than optimal. The only reason I sleep with so many people is because he doesn’t want me to take a second partner. The sex is fine, but I’d prefer the connection. That’s the part that scares him.”
Skrit’s eyes wandered back to me.
“Yeah, that’s why it’s supposed to be one night stands,” Seb scowled, looking away.
I got it. I was a problem because we’d fucked and I didn’t go away. The feelings of needing Seb’s attention never went away. Gabe treated me well, but I liked Seb in a way that could be construed as a threat despite Seb’s insistence contrary. I couldn’t do that to Gabe. I pretended my heart didn’t flutter. My dick didn’t react. I pretended the thing I felt toward Seb was normal. For Gabe. Because I couldn’t disappoint him.
Heat rose to my cheeks. I had to curl into myself further to hold my composure.
“Then fuck a dwarven woman,” Skrit said. “I bet you can’t bag a dwarven woman.”
Seb snorted. “Yeah, I can’t. I know what I have and no dwarven woman would look at me.”
“It’s not just about your penis,” Skrit snickered.
“I know that. Hey, give me some credit, asshole. All I’m saying is you don’t think a dwarven man knows how to treat his, uh, woman?”
I thought what Seb had was nice. They were judging themselves too harshly.
“Okay, you’re a coward,” Skrit said, circling back to an earlier insult for added impact.
“I don’t think it’s cowardice if the outcome is inevitable,” Seb sniffed. “I can’t convince a dwarven woman to sleep with me. It’s not lack of confidence; I fucking have enough of that. It’s not going to happen.”
“A dwarven man, then.”
Seb held Skrit’s eyes, their intensity just short of a glare. “I’m not doing that to Gabe, Skrit. If you want to call me a coward because I respect my lover, that’s fine. I’m a coward. But at least I’m getting laid as soon as we leave this damn city and Gabe gets rid of the bug up his ass.”
Skrit broke the eye contact with a snort. “I almost could believe you’re a sub when you act like this.”
“Notasub. Not anymore.Hissub.” Seb drew their fingers over the scars on the inside of their leg.
“Shit.” Skrit gave up on her pushing and her teasing. That had been a word of suspended acceptance at some great cost. It didn’t make any sense to me, but it hadn’t really been my place to understand. I’d wanted to be around for Seb’s explanation when they’d promised it to Skrit, but even though I’d failed to ask and ended up in the middle of it anyway, I was only a bystander. I really shouldn’t have been around for any of it. If it hadn’t been for both of them looking at me in different points of the conversation, I’d have thought they’d both forgotten I was there.
Seb shifted back until they were laying over the bed, arms propped under their head. “You don’t need to wait with me. Gabe told Mal to stay, too, but I think you’ll need Mal to get any service. Bring us back some food, Skrit. To fuck with hoping they’re hungry enough to go out again when they get back. I’m fucking starving.”
Skrit poked them in a fat roll on their side. “Yeah, so starving.”
Seb didn’t react. “I weigh more than you two combined and that’s before the armor I wear and the pack I haul. It takes a lot of energy for me to exist. Yeah, I’m starving.” They sniffed. “Please, Skrit?”
“I don’t want to go,” I mumbled.
Seb slapped me gently with their tail. “You need to go. She’s a goblin, Mal. You think the racism we experience is bad?” Seb nudged Skrit with their knee. “And you need to go so that Mal doesn’t get lost.”
Skrit rolled her eyes and jumped down from the bed. “Fine. Since you asked so nicely, you big bitch. Come on, Mal.”
I grumbled, but slithered off the bed to grab a couple pieces of gold from Seb’s bag. Wyst had the bag we used for smaller amounts of money, but my hands would do well enough if I was only to be around to keep people from attacking Skrit for existing.
