#sisterjohnsonchronicles

So ... the Deacon Board commissioned portraits of the church mothers. We were all gathered in the galley of St. Peters Baptist Church of the Holy Saints of Deliverence Pentecost for the unveiling last night. Y’all, I’m done! Why .... 😳 Woooo saaaaaaa!! Sister Mabel and Sister Hattie had to carry Pastor’s wife into his office while the Pastor and the deacons ... well, let’s just say we heard some ungodly language thrown about as they hurried off into the smoke ... I mean 🙏🏼 room. What was Sister Johnson doing during all of this, you ask? She had her can’t spell granddaughter take a photo of her in front of the portrait - talkin’ ‘bout making it her TikTok profile. You should have seen the look on the faces of members of the congregation. Co-worker was in the fetal position on the floor by the baptism pool last I seen. I gotta turn in my resignation. I can’t be going to 🔥🔥 for this. I can’t! 😩😩 Happy Wellness Wednesday, y’all! Stay safe and sane! ❤️❤️ P.S. I’ve heard you pleas. Stay tuned for pre-order news on the release of The Sister Johnson Chronicles coming this Fall. 😁❤️ #laughterisgoodforthesoul #SisterJohnsonChronicles #flashfiction #rebekahpierce #inthespiritofmomsmabley #rlpproductions https://www.instagram.com/p/CDyzgjRDZxD/?igshid=1d11k9ev4ohgx

Sister Johnson walked in on me telling co-worker, “Girl, my peri menopause has kicked into high gear today. I’d like to rip out my uterus, throw it against the way, shoot it full of bullet holes, stab it in the throat a few times, and then set that witch on fire. 😫 I’m so done!” She gonna say to me, “You gots a demon in you!” I smirk and turn to co-worker, and say, “I sure do, and it’s called MENOPAUSE!” We start laughing and then the next thing I know, I hear shouting: “Oh shabba shabba do,” and out the corner of me left eye, I see Sister Johnson charging at me, her purple wig waving side to side like a kite 🪁 whipping in the wind. Y’all ... she throws “holy water” in my face (which I later discovered was really vodka and Sprite) and then starts slapping (hard, too!) anointing oil on my forehead. I hear co-worker yelling for Pastor! I hear feet hurrying but I can’t see nothin’ ‘cause my eyes are burning and oil keeps dripping into my mouth. Needless to say, I’m back on administrative leave. They said they won’t press charges against me, again, this time on account of Sister Johnson not having serious injuries - just a few deep lacerations ... I mean bruises. It was self-defense is what I’m sayin’! Ok. I gotta go lay down and meditate. Y’all have a great day. 🤣🤣🤣 #SisterJohnsonChronicles #flashfiction #rebekahpierce #trashtalkinthursday #rlpproductions #laughterisgoodforthesoul https://www.instagram.com/p/CDjUn1ujyDf/?igshid=666i3q8yx7hl

Y'all, this COVID-thingy has brought out the entrepreneur in a lot of folks and I couldn't not be more excited for that. But it's also showing us that the educational system in this country is piss-poor. Sister Johnson strutted into the office like a peacock on crack just now sportin' a new face mask. Talkin' 'bout her granddaughter (the one that got busted for trying to spray paint Black Lives Matter in broad daylight on the police station a few weeks ago) made it for her. "She gots a mask-makin' business and she made this one here 'special for me," she screeches. I can tell she's grinnin' somethin' awful hard behind that mask because her pupils are poppin' like pop rocks candy. I lean in to look more closely at the mask. I gasp. Co-worker starts choking on her coffee. Pastor comes in, sees the mask, and walks right back out of the room, speakin' in tongues. Y'all!!! Her mask says, "Thot for Jesus." Co-worker grabs her purse, and flask, and runs out the room. I say, "Sister Johnson, it says you're a "thot" ... for Jesus. She gonna say to me, "That's right! My thoughts is on Jesus." And then she starts shoutin' "Ooh shabba ohhh sheeerooo!" 😲😲 I can't do this! I CAN'T DO THIS! I CAN'T! 😟 😁 Happy #wellnesswednesday, y'all! Stay safe and sane out there! #laugheristhebestmedicine #SisterJohnsonChronicles #iamgoingtohellforsureonthisone #rebekahpierce #educationisnotsocommonapparently #entrepreneurlife https://www.instagram.com/p/CDOoF96jM_b/?igshid=1hd076m52el67

Me ... preparing for this Zoom meeting today with Sister Johnson. She’s back from her “pay-cation” in FL. Supposed to be leading the opening prayer. That woman is a walking lie! Ask me how I know! 😒 ‘Cause I saw her in one of them #TikTok videos on the pole doin’ the #waistlinechallenge (look it up, y’all) at a strip called “The Get Down.” Them old men were damn near going into cardiac arrest tryna put dollars in her ... never mind. Gotta go. Co-worker just texted me. The meeting has started. (doors another ☕️). 😁 Happy Wacky Wellness Wednesday, y’all! 🤣🤣 #laughterisgoodforthesoul #flashfiction #SisterJohnsonChronicles #howintheworldcanshegothatlowatherage #SisterJohnsonIsOnTikYokGodHelpUs https://www.instagram.com/p/CCGlNKBj9h3/?igshid=18jdw0l6f68nx

It is abundantly clear to me now that not only am I a #coffeeaddict ... but y’all ain’t ain’t helping me none either! Bunch of CO-DEPENDENTS ... that’s what you are! And @mzbumblebeauty you are leading the Calvary! 🤣🤣🤣 P.S. I love it. ❤️❤️ #youreallydolikeme #yallplaytoomuch #coffee #SisterJohnsonChronicles #freakyfriday #ilovememore #ineededthis #ilovegifts #internationaldelightcreamer #mycoffeeislit https://www.instagram.com/p/CBVdCe0DpYX/?igshid=16dodznu5d986

And you know who’d be the first to go? (leans in, whispers) Sister Johnson. (leans back) Yep! (sips ☕️) Gone! 🤣 Hold up. Co-worker just texted me: “She ain’t worth goin’ to jail for, sis. But I got some swamp land down in Tallahassee if you wanna take a road trip.” 😳 (puts phone back down, searches the house, sits back in chair, picks up ☕️ again, stares at it, puts it down) 🤔😳🥴 ... tbc ... Happy Trash Talkin’ Tuesday, y’all! 🤣🤣 Stay safe and sane. ❤️ #SisterJohnsonChronicles #flashfiction #mycoworkermightbethedevil #maybeishouldstartdrinkingtea #coffeeaddict #laughterisgoodforthesoul #stayfocused #naneahoffmanquotes https://www.instagram.com/p/CA7yPagjAzs/?igshid=11uvagb803neu

That or Jim Beam. 🥺 Found our last night at the zoom church board meeting of the ushers that they gonna let Sister Johnson plan this year’s retreat. Talkin’ ‘bout we need to go lay hands on some sinners as we plan God’s work for next year. Sister Mabel in the background co-signin’, “Yo’ work, Lawd!” (tips 🥃 back, clears throackkk). 😳 We headin’ to Vegas in the fall. Sigh. I need y’all to pray me into a new job by then because ain’t no way in THIS world am I going to “Sin City” with the three Witches of Eastwick: Sister Johnson, Sister Hattie, and Sister Mabel. Ain’t no g**— Hold on. Co-worker just sent me a text message: “Don’t forget to pack the salt.” 😳😩 (drops 📱, pours another 🥃) TBC. Happy Freaky Friday, y’all!! 🤣🤣 Stay safe and just a little bit sane. ❤️ #SisterJohnsonChronicles #flashfiction #JimBeamOnDeck #gottalaughtokeepfromcrying #SinCity #someonecomegether #godisnotpleased #whathappensinvegas #wegointohell https://www.instagram.com/p/CAxhPX5DA3U/?igshid=sp9lln81xrmp

My face when Sister Johnson saw Deacon Reefer running out of the Sister Hattie’s bedroom during the church meeting. She forgot to turn off the Zoom camera. 😳 Chi’l, Sister Johnson started cussin’ and fussin’ callin’ Sister Hattie “Sister Hoe-Snatch.” Lawwwdddd!! Sister Hattie started takin’ off her earrings hollerin’ something about it takes a hoe to know a hoe. 😳😬 Hun’ty ... this the best Zoom meeting EVER! (sips ☕️, bites a piece of bacon) Too bad Pastor ended it on the spot. Wait! Just got a text from co-worker: “Wat dat mouf do, though?! 😁” (drops ☕️ and bacon) We all goin’ to hell! SMDH ... Happy Wacky Wellness Wednesday, y’all! Stay safe and sane. 🤣❤️ #SisterJohnsonChronicles #laughterisgoodforyou #flashfiction #rlpproductions #dontjudgeme #googleit https://www.instagram.com/p/CAadLdnD-z_/?igshid=1rdh8aeuyepbd