#simonkin

hello everybody my name is fishiplier and welcome to trying to figure out what the fuck my body looks like

alright listen. i totally get that what i did was messed up and i know i should've told you guys what was happening instead of giving in to the blackmail but you know what? fuck yall. out of all of you the only person who had any right to be mad was abby. leah, you are not entitled to me. im sorry you were upset i didnt love you but me being gay isnt a problem to "deal with", as you put it. and you werent entitled to me coming out to you before abby. i mean shit, look how you reacted. (1/?)

i understand the impulse, i do, but something about these "fix-it"s some people keep trying to put me in just doesn't feel right. guys i don't know how to tell you this but i was torn to smithereens by a living ocean made of blood while undergoing the effects of severe radiation poisoning and also experiencing ridiculous amounts of hypoxia. even if i did somehow make it to the surface, i would have been dead in minutes. just being realistic here.

gripping the arms of my chair a really normal amount. no it's fine. it's like totally fine that people found a ""morally okay"" person to ship me with and now it's all they ever fucking talk about. it's really fine that it's to the extent that i can't even scroll the tag for my own damn source without having to scroll through walls of blocked posts when i'm on mobile. it's so so so fine that people are sexualizing both me and the guy that they're shipping me with (who is!! more canonly aroace coded than i am for the record!!!!) in a way that just makes me feel icky and gross. it's fine. like it's never been more fine like ever, y'know.

i have been trying to grow up and leave all this fictionkin stuff behind- along with everything else- but its hard and i dont know how. i want to change but here i am looking at my old kin and selfship and art blogs and my tag on here and all the old haunts that cry out that i was a lonely teenager that kept being a lonely teenager well into my twenties. im almost thirty. why cant i just pack this stuff up with all my other old toys and engage with the real world? im sick of escapism, im sick of imaginary flowers, i dont want to grieve past/alternate lives any more.

didn't think I was going to kin and then the crossover ship got me. youre right mark. i DO want to curl up in ryan goslings arms - simon (iron lung)

seeing all the bloodymary stuff is so weird to me. me and my grace were/are so incredibly aroace that it makes me kinda sick to see everyone shipping us. i just want to look at art of me and my best friends without kissing jumpscare. i see fanart of us cuddling (which we did often, we were both incredibly touch starved) and its all ship stuff.