#silvika

He didn’t sit up all night looking at Vander’s leather jacket that he said got lost. He didn’t shove his face into the worn collar at night and weep because they were meant to be together. He didn’t feel disgusted with himself everytime he jerked off. He didn’t puke in the bathroom after finding company in a younger man. He didn’t feel…. Hollow.

Sevika offered first. Just to take his mind off things. That’s how their arrangement began. Silco didn’t have to explain or talk or do any of the safe word bullshit that he hated. He just got to sit backwards in that stupid wooden chair down in the basement, stuff that stupid leather jacket to his face, shirtless, and get beat back and blue with that stupid cane until he felt better or bled too much.

It was never anything more than that. Getting beat, getting the physical pain to take away the emotional agony. Silco would go curl up and lick his wounds, get a cold shower, weep until he fell asleep. Or sometimes he’d let his young lover come to him, let him care for his wounds, and fuck him gently before letting him stay the night.

Silco didn’t wrap his arms around the boney body beside him and wish he could be held, smothered in his sleep by big arms, pinned to the bed in the night by tree trunk thighs, wake up with red marks from beard burn. Silco didn’t smell the boy’s hair, always smelling chemically and a bit like graphite and ink, and wish it was that rich smell that always stuck to Vander’s hair, his skin, his scent.

He didn’t wake up feeling numb. He didn’t sit and watch the street from his office window hoping to catch a glimpse of Vander, of the girls. He didn’t walk past Vander’s new place in the middle of the night, body throbbing from fresh new welts, and want nothing more than to go and beg to be taken back.

haHA you fool, you just gave me a reason to ramble!! >:D

20-Love Language/Way They Show Affection

Silco's ability to express emotion without using bribery and/or threats is a solid 2/10. He's very good at reading people and gauging which emotional strings he has to pluck in order to get them to do what he wants, but this doesn't extend to when he's standing on even ground with somebody.

He's really bad at being emotionally vulnerable, which includes something like affection. (The moment he caught onto his own romantic affections towards Sevika he had a complete avoidant meltdown)

When you allow yourself to care for another, you're putting the knife in their hands so to speak. The last time he did that he ended up water-logged and one eye short. Naturally, he's very cautious when it comes to vulnerability.

His love language started off relatively timid, almost boyish, and very feline: meaning it mostly involved him invading Sevika's personal space when he felt like it and avoiding when she initiated.

She's sitting on the sofa, so is he---it looks almost like they're at a parent teacher conference---their legs are touching and he's not acknowledging it at all.

Over time, his show of affection is far less sporadic, more confident, more protective (possessive) (still held under some level of secrecy for privacy and safety reasons even since a tabloid got uncomfortably close to the truth).

The most noticeable behavioral shift from an outside perspective is that he's less possessive with his stuff when it comes to Sevika. What's his is hers and as long as he knows she's dipping into his stuff, he doesn't really care.

Behind closed doors Silco is binding himself to Sevika and intertwining their personal lives to the point that distinguishing who does what can be ambiguous. It's not exactly healthy, but now that he has her, he's not going to easily let go.

Sevika on the other hand I'd give a solid 5/10 when it comes to communicating feelings in a way that doesn't involve threats or bribery. She's better at it---still not great. There's a temperament on her that usually gets defused in one hot burst (putting her first through their face), or through slow, tediously controlled releases (backhanded sarcasm).

To Sevika emotional vulnerability is like rolling to expose her belly, it's a very delicate part of her, it's only her closet people she will expose it to. However, abuse it, and she will hide it away from you once more.

Oddly one of the ways that one can know if Sevika likes you is that she's far more tolerant and understanding of odd behaviors (this is different than tolerating. if she is simply tolerating a behavior there are very obvious signs).

She was first like this with Jinx and then extended it out to Silco once there was a (mostly) established romantic rapport.

Part of Sevika's love language is physical touch. There is something real about it. Something grounding. Her need for it became a bit stronger after she lost her arm. There is a strange dissociation between her being able to hold something, but not being able to feel it. It makes any interaction almost dream like in that there's a part of her that still expects to feel something, but doesn't.

As much as she doesn't like to admit it, that disconnect is distressing enough that she never truly got used to it. She's not a huge fan of PDA and agrees with Silco in keeping as much public affection a minimum, but she will most commonly be seen placing her remaining hand on his shoulder. Most people think it's for his sake, including Silco, but it's actually for her.

Behind closed door, expect to see friendly (or not so friendly if asked nicely) man-handling.

21-fears

Silco: losing what he has gained. In this case it is the family that he has built with Sevika and Jinx. They have become important to him, a life-line, a key to his humanity, and the thought of losing them is terrifying. He's already lost a part of himself to the waters of the Pilt, if he loses them all that will be left is a burnt, broken husk. He would burn Zaun if it meant saving just one of them.

Ambessa/Viktor vs. Sevika/Silco

art by raccoon0ncaffeine on X

Thank you so much<3

So happy you enjoyed the latest update! As for Silco's choice - that's actually very far in the future, and I don't want to spoil what leads to that point!

But I will say, it's meant to be an echo of Jinx's own dilemma re: her love triangle situationship/queerplatonic/emotionally codependent mess between Viktor and Ekko, wherein both choice and fate are pulling at different strings.

In Silco's case, he can pick the designs of the Fates i.e. Mel, and go on to expand Zaun as an empire, earn an ounce of goodness within his rotten little soul, and die (albeit considerably early) a wiser, and more just human being.

Or he can opt for choice/free will i.e. Sevika, roll up his sleeves and get down in the trenches, cementing a personal legacy of hardcore survivalism but also fairness and equity, and live (longer, smarter, savvier) as a sort of custodian to Zaun's future generations.