#shoutanon

#45771a

My favorite Russian grocery store is Olive, which is not that far from where I live. My favorite American store is probably Trader Joes and Costco. 

Lunch boxes are faaaaaaaar superior to paper bags.  Let me tell you a story…

So back in grade school, I was a really picky eater and couldn’t stand the cafeteria, so I brought my lunch to school nearly every day (except for mini burgers day and french toast sticks day, because that shit was awesome and if you think otherwise you can GET OFF THE INTERNET).  It was a thermos full of milk, PB&J, a banana, and four oreos.  28 days a month for like 5 years.

For the first couple years, I had this awesome He-Man lunchbox.  Here it is (thanks, eBay!):

So obviously this thing was like the most amazing thing ever.  SHUT UP IT WAS THE 80’s.  Anyway, I guess at some point I decided I was too cool for He-Man or something, so my parents started putting my lunch in paper bags.  Whatever, all the cool kids were doing it?  I dunno.  This was pretty ok, until one unfortunate mishap.

See, each classroom in my school had this big wheeled bin to hold the kids’ lunches.  It looked kind of like one of these recycling bins except brown and made of even cheaper plastic.  When we got to school, we would all toss our lunches in the bin, and at lunch time the teacher would wheel it down to the cafeteria.  It all seems overly complex now that I think about it, but my 3rd grade self just took this all for granted.  I mean, how else would it work?  It’s not like we could be trusted to just keep our lunches at our desk and leave them alone until lunchtime.  Well, OK, we probably couldn’t.  So I guess maybe it makes sense after all.

At any rate, one day I tossed my lunch in without a care, just like on any other day.  When lunchtime came around, I reached into the bin and pulled out my bag.  But what was in that bag was not my lunch.  It was something horrible…my lunch came back wrong.  

I can only assume that I must have gotten to class earlier than usual that morning, or perhaps the other students’ lunches were unusually dense that day.  Because what had once been a perfectly normal, everyday banana had by lunchtime been turned into a smushed, mashed, smeared horror.  Banana guts were in everything: the sandwich bread, the oreos, the chips (I had graduated to chips in my lunch, you see).  Cavendish goop seeped through the paper bag.  My lunch was lost to me.

Omg SAI for sure it is the only one for me