#shouldnt

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Pairing: Andy Barber X Reader

Warnings: angst, unrequited love, heartbreak

Word counts: 700+

Summary: The final answer you and Andy have been waiting for

Part 1 || Part 2 || Masterlist

A/N: The story inspired by the song "Shouldn't Couldn't Wouldn't" by Niki (lyrics in italics) || Divider from @firefly-graphics

New York looked stunning at night. It is a city that never sleep. You sat on a couch, looking at the big window of your hotel room. You admitted Andy had taste in the city he picked. Andy. This name appeared the first time you looked at this city. The name that caused you heartbreak year ago. Why? – the only question that you could ask your brain.

Your finger moved itself to call Andy, numbers by numbers until it reached voice mail. You scoffed. It was dumb, but you decided to leave him a message.

Then a call on your phone came after a week. You never have to save his contact to know it was from him.

“I figured maybe we could talk?”

That word, talk, he finally understood it. Something that he should have done long ago.

You wonder why suddenly I'm comin' off indifferent

What you don't seem to understand is

It's not anything you said, it's everything you didn't

There was not much coffee left in both cups, yet no conversation flowing from either of you. It began with hello, how are you, what do you want and awkward smile between you and him.

“You know it was much easier to talk when we were in LA,” you broke the silence.

Andy hummed and nodded.

“Well, are you the one who wanted to talk?”

“Right, sorry.”, he sighed. “Hey, listen, I just want to apologize. You know, I shouldn’t leave you like that.”

“Yeah. You shouldn’t.”

The tension was in the air. Andy did not expect your answer to be cold. You, on the other hand, could not even make eye contact with him nor talk like you used to do. The word sorry just never touched your heart. You, yourself, wondered where all your feelings now. It seemed void. It would be perfect if you never call, it would be great if the time jumps into the future, maybe you would find solace, instead of trapped in this moment.

Yeah, you, you always answer with

More questions to questions that scare you

We're not always peachy, look, love ain't that easy

The one word that you always wanted to ask finally came out from your mouth, “why?”.

“To be honest, I am scared. I am scared to lose you. I know the feeling of lost and I don’t want to go back to square one, ever again. The thought always appears, what if I lost you, what if you walked away, what if it doesn’t work out. But I realized it is selfish. It shouldn’t be like this. As soon as I got your messages, it made me realize, I love you too”.

You laughed coldly. The funny thing is that once you wished to the universe for him to love you back, it has always been too late.

“I wish you said that way earlier, instead of running away”.

The universe always gives a way, yet it is human who late to realize it. Once it gives, it never gives it twice. It only takes away. Andy thought he deserved a second chance. Andy thought the universe shows him the other way. It does not. It just finds a way to tell him that he lost. Who would said that ‘love will find its way’? Andy felt so stupid to think that you still wait for him.

He could feel his heart sink. He should be happy for you right now, but he cannot lie. You adverted your gaze to your right hand. A ring. Something that Andy should notice when he saw you before, but he did not. It seemed his mind was playing trick on him, thinking how he could have another chance with you. That ring is a strong message. He was blinded by his own mind.

“Sorry, Andy”, you exhaled. “It just I-“

“I’m the one who should be apologizing. You’ve had enough”.

Something about his gaze should have make you sorrow. You thought you would be screaming at him and be mad for leaving you that long without an answer. However, that bubble of anger disappeared. It was something that you could not quite understand. It felt good to feel nothing.

Maybe all you need was a closure. Maybe all he need was letting go.

One thing I know, I know it for sure that it

Shouldn't be this hard

You couldn't DTR

Oh, wouldn't it be nice if we could stay friends? But we

Shouldn't, you know what I

Couldn't, 'nough's enough

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