#shivlukas

“Ohmygod, Mom,” Len says as she rushes at Shiv. They collide hard enough that Shiv breathes an involuntary oof.

Len doesn’t seem to notice, hooking her hand into the pocket of Shiv’s trenchcoat and ignoring the crumpled boarding pass she encounters. She’s always latching onto Shiv like she’s anticipating a separation, like she needs a contingency plan in place to avoid it. “Mom, we’re going, right? This is awesome, Ms. Hutcherson already said I can miss the math test and make it up when we get back! I’ll study on the plane, I swear.”

“Lenora.” Shiv rests her hand on her daughter’s shoulder. “What — ” the ever-loving fuck, she thinks, “on god’s green earth are you talking about?”

Len blinks up at her, then rushes off to the sofa to retrieve her cell phone. She pokes at the screen as she hurries back to Shiv, then holds it up eagerly.

Shiv takes the phone and begins skimming the text on the screen. She most certainly did not receive the e-mail she’s looking at, but it’s addressed to them both: Miss Lenora Roy & Ms. Siobhan Roy. It continues, A suite has been reserved for you The Oberoi, New Delhi, from May 5th to 15th…

She doesn’t bother reading any more. She doesn’t even have to scroll down to the itinerary to see that there are flights scheduled for GOJO — 1HMFMFM, that stupid fucking coded nickname for a plane that he explained to her once by an open bottle of tequila, chin tilted down like an embarrassed kid but a hand curled around her inner thigh with all the confidence in the world.

Fucking Lukas.

Lenora’s chin digs into Shiv’s stomach, a couple inches above her navel. “Mom,” she says. “Mama. We’re going? We’re going, right? Say yes, you have to say yes. It says we’re gonna see the Taj Mahal! I’ve literally always wanted to go there! Remember I read that book about Jahanara Begum? Remember! How she was so powerful in her fathers’ councils because she was his favourite? And Daddy said — ”

“Len,” Shiv cuts in, aiming for gentle but sounding more brusque. She tries to soften her face to make up for it. “This is — this would be a big trip. During the school year.”

Her daughter stares up at her with her lower lip jutted oh-so-slightly forward in the beginning of a pout. Her eyes gleam with earnest hope and a shrewd edge of calculation. Those eyes. Those eyes that feel as though they’ve been following Shiv for her entire life.

“For a big birthday,” Len says plaintively.

Shiv shuts her eyes for a beat, blowing out a breath. She tries to think quickly, to measure pros and cons, to pledge her loyalty to the hard truths of realism instead of Lukas’ scheming, instead of Len’s dreaming. To try to care about the math test Len had mentioned, like a good mother. To be logical, and reasonable. Someone has to be reasonable.

But Len’s rushed, enthusiastic babbling keeps spinning around in her mind, drowning out everything else.

So powerful in her father’s councils, because she was his favourite.

Daddy said.

Mama.

“Of course,” Shiv says. “Of course we can go.”