Hey, guys! Did you know there's a 1992 version of the Good Omens script that Neil Gaiman DESPERATELY does not want people to see? Apparently, it's SO BAD that people universally refer to it as the "SHITSCRIPT". Here's how Neil feels about it:
Notice the vague legal threats---which I believe was the same abuse tactic he used against his RAPE VICTIMS! Interesting! (Man has a pattern.)
Anyway, it's on the fucking Internet Archive. You can read it here:
Full script for the 1990s movie.
I also found this Google Drive link (thank you, people of tumblr!). You can download it if you are so inclined:
CursedGOScript (1).pdf
It always goes without saying, but fuck Neil Gaiman. Don't take the Good Omens finale personally; it was always destined to be a piece of shit.
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okay I read the good omens screen play / shitscript and....... it was something. here are a good idea of what happens there, for those who dosent want to read it
if you don't know what the shitscript is, it's basically a script for a scrapped good omens movie written only by Neil in 1992. it's very different from (I think) any other media/adaptation we had of good omens. apparently neil HAD to make Crowley evil, but I don't know much about it...
tw: abusive crowley
so:
Crowley owns a night club. (yes, Lucifer style)
Aziraphale works as a museum curator.
Also, Crowley cheats in every chess game and wins, making that Aziraphale never won (rather cruel if you ask me) and he hates earth. like really despises.
the plot starts with Satan (here he is more like his sandman/Lucifer2000 counterpart to be honest, even being called Lucifer MORNINGSTAR at some point) gives Crowley the antichrist (Adam).
Crowley is supposed to take care and raise Adam, but when he came back to the club, he put Adam in Madame Tracy's bag to talk to his employee.
Madame Tracy takes Adam home unknowingly. (yes, she will be the one raising him)
Crowley has a fucking panic attack seeing that he lost Adam (also he's fucking pathetic. why didn't he just chase the taxi. stupid).
He drinks alot to calm himself, and then Aziraphale comes into his club and asks what's wrong
Crowley explains (more like spilled) to him what's happening, and Aziraphale decides to help him find Adam. With the condition of being able to make Adam good.
Also theres Anathema. As a child she feels (?) that the antichrist was born.
11 long years of azira and crowley looking for Adam in every city offscreen later............
Anathema goes to tadville (the place where madame Tracy and Adam live) looking for something. she is convinced there is something weird happening.
Madame Tracy's the only one who accepts to rent her a room.
In this version, Madame Tracy's is the "crazy old lady who was hot when she was younger but now she's oooolddddd and craaazy" which is problematic (at my vision)
Adam basically takes care of everything around the house, the bills, breakfast.
Adam resembles more Warlock than Adam from the show... He sometimes is unnecessarily rude towards others, but I think that makes sense with the fact that he had to be so responsible all the time.
He dislikes Anathema at first. But they grow to be friends over time.
theeeen.... Satan calls Crowley again and they talk about the antichrist.
Crowley says that Adam is evil just like him and beautiful blablabla, and then Satan takes a look (using DemonicPowers™) at Adam's face and is very pleased.
Then Crowley comes back at his club and has another panic attack.
Aziraphale visits him again, and again asks what's wrong.
Crowley explains that he met with Satan again, and sarcastically says that he told the truth.
Aziraphale takes his sarcasm seriously and (I think) he was happy that Crowley at least was honest.
Crowley then simply says (and I quote directly) "you are so.... stupid.... you don't deserve to live. I didn't tell him anything. If I had, do you think I'd be here right now?" which is just... damn
azira gets sad and then Crowley basically says that he knows what Adam looks like and azira suggest that they should go to one more town. just one more.
Crowley gets ughhhh fine and they go to Tadville.
Then we get a scene of Adam taking Anathema to his hidden place and showing her his miniature replica of tadville. he says some creepy things about how that in mini tadville everyone does what he says, it's all his.
In the next day, Crowley and Aziraphale go to Tadville. they start looking for a room, but some lady heard Crowley calling Aziraphale "angel" and goes homophobic mode.
Everyone doesn't want to rent a room to them, except Madame Tracy.
Then Adam arrives with the groceries and Crowley immediately recognizes him. Him and Azira take a stroll on the beach, and Crowley says that he's very grateful for Aziraphale.
Aziraphale says he isn't going back to London and Crowley simply says "well, we found him, i don't need you anymore" and Azira reminds him of their agreement of making Adam good.
They invite Adam to go with them for a day in London, and Madame Tracy authorizes much to Adam's content.
They go to London, and in the museum, Azira shows Adam the beauty of humanity and all.
When Adam goes to the car, Crowley tells him that humanity is being above everyone, not caring for anyone (basically, that evil talk etc)
When they get back, Anathema discovers through looking into a crystal ball and seeing Adam's face that he is the antichrist.
Then, Adam goes to talk with her.
Anathema tries to stab him, but she psychologically can't. And she tells him he's the one who is going to end the world.
Adam gets scared for his life and runs away to his hidden place.
Satan transformed his place into a magical scenario full of games and fun and talks with him.
He basically convinces him to enter his side and Adam (who is very fragile because anathema just tried to kill him) agrees.
Basically, the town turns into a huge theater with everyone acting like puppets.
Satan thanks Crowley for raising Adam, and grant his wish of letting him go to Alpha centuri.
As Crowley is waiting for the next comet, Aziraphale goes to him and tries to convince him to help humanity and heaven.
Crowley basically says "hell nah im not helping you"
Aziraphale says "but we are friends."
And Crowley simply replies "Were." :)
Theeen, Aziraphale challenges him to one more checkers game.
They play, and Aziraphale finally wins. But only after cheating.
They find Anathema and she gives them the knife.
Aziraphale enters in full angel form (white clothing and all) and goes to talk with Adam.
Aziraphale basically does "reflect about it" talk to Adam, and Adam seems to not care.
Crowley then goes to Satan and says "I'm not going anymore" and Satan turns him into a snake.
Aziraphale interrupts and points the knife at him. Satan simply desintegrates the knife and hurts aziraphale.
Adam after seeing Madame Tracy's puppet form and reflecting about what Aziraphale said he decides to take a step back and fix things.
He goes to Satan, heals Aziraphale and transforms Crowley back and basically says "I'm not going." and turns everything back to normal
Satan is like ??? and Crowley simply says "wait you didn't rebel to your father too?"
Satan laughs and disappears.
everything ends well
theeee end :3
well, it's not the worst thing in existence but certainly not the best.
good omens but the aziracrow is the most toxic yaoi ever.
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i think its kindof interesting that crowley and aziraphales narrative roles were reversed in the movie shitscript (ie. their workplace having a huge role in their character development), but crowley ended up being a piece of unlikeable shit bc of it??
