#shipping 101

Alright, Tumblr, we need to talk. Specifically about the very weird habit some of you have of shipping me with literally everyone I’ve ever shared air with—and I mean everyone—from Stephen to Wong to TONY to Peter to Dani to Laurya (like, seriously??).

And no, this isn't a "How to Ship Serena Stark" guide (because apparently, everyone on here thinks they’re qualified to play matchmaker)

Understand the Basics of Platonic Relationships

Not every interaction means romance, folks. Sometimes, people can just...I don’t know...exist in the same room without being soulmates.

For example:

Stephen Strange? My best friend and highly respected mentor. Not my boyfriend. Not my soulmate. Last time I checked, calling someone “Old Man Wizard” every five minutes isn’t exactly romantic. I can’t even get through a conversation without him lecturing me on the multiverse and responsibility. Romance level: zero. Also, he calls me “kid,” so that’s basically “I’m your dad now” territory.

Tony Stark? That’s my dad, y’all. MY DAD. Did we skip basic human decency 101? This isn’t Game of Thrones. Sit down.

Wong? Look, I respect the guy. Love him even (in a totally platonic way). But the man is way too busy dealing with magical disasters to worry about me. Plus, I’m not about to ruin his zen vibe. We’re too busy exchanging takis, not vows.

Peter Parker? Do you people hear yourselves when you type? Peter can’t even win a staring contest with me—how would he handle dating me? As I said already, he's my too-kind-to-be-a-real-kid brother.

Daniella Romanoff? Practically my sister. (Though she could definitely crush me in a fight, I’m not even gonna lie.) She’s got enough trauma to handle, she doesn’t need me adding fuel to the shipping fire.

Laurya? I can practically hear you all— “Oh, they’re so close! It’s so obvious! Sisterly love... or, y’know, whatever!” NO. She is literally my sister in arms, not in love. If she were reading this right now, she’d be laughing so hard, she’d probably throw a shoe at me. So let’s not, okay?

Bruce Banner? Bruce Banner and me? Are you seriously trying to make that work? Listen, I’m all for the science nerds’ club (believe me, I’m practically a founding member), he’s in the “dad” zone with Tony and Stephen. I don’t need a third one of those.

What next? Are you going to ship me with Jeff, the land shark?!

Now that I’ve screamed into the void, here’s your 101 on how NOT to ship people (especially me):

Step 1: Don't Assume Every Glance = Love Story

Just because I looked at someone for more than 2 seconds doesn’t mean I’m secretly planning our wedding. I could be judging them. I could be plotting their demise. Or I could just be zoning out because I’m thinking about pasta. You don’t know.

Step 2: Don’t assume everything is subtext.

Just because I exchange sarcastic banter with someone doesn’t mean I want to kiss them. Sometimes, I’m just being me. (Which, let’s be honest, is fabulous enough without adding romance into the mix.)

You don’t marry everyone you talk to. Shocking, right? Sometimes, people just have good friendships. Not every bond needs a kiss at the end. I know, mind-blowing.

Step 3: Stop Projecting Your Ships Onto Others

I get it, shipping is fun. But hold your horses. Ask yourself:

Is this ship actually plausible, or am I just bored?

Have I considered how weird this might be for the people involved?

Would Serena personally come for me for this? (Hint: Yes.)

If you can’t explain it without sounding like a total creep, then just… don’t. My life isn’t your rom-com script, and I’m not auditioning for a Netflix special.

Step 4: Respect Boundaries

If I say “No,” it’s a no. If I roast the ship in public, it’s definitely a no. Stop trying to make me and Tony a thing. That’s therapy-inducing territory, and I already have enough on my plate.

Me and Stephen = Two sarcastic nerds saving the multiverse.

Me and Peter = Sibling energy with a side of web-based competition.

Me and Tony = Snark battles + family dinners.

Me and Laurya = Sisterhood, no strings attached.

Me and Dani = Chaos and platonic love, no ships allowed.

Me and Wong = Team Sorcery and food buddies. (he has a lot of takis in the Sanctum, if you'd be more responsible about your ship, I'd give you some)

Me and Bruce = Science buddies and, he’s already got enough on his plate with, y’know, the Hulk and being an honorary member of the “dad” squad.

Step 5: Focus On YOUR Ships

If you’re feeling the itch to ship someone, look in the mirror. Find your own love story. Or ship Jeff the Land Shark with world domination; he’s working on it anyway.

Step 6: Put that energy to better use.

Instead of shipping me with everyone I’ve ever breathed near, how about you create fanfic where I absolutely obliterate HYDRA agents in a beautifully dramatic showdown?

In conclusion:

Shipping your faves is okay, given that you:

a) RESPECT said person's privacy and right to date/see/interact whomever they choose to date/see/interact with. Also please refrain from constantly asking them about their sexuality or preferences because that's for them to know and us to mind our own business.

b) UNDERSTAND that most of the times things are just fan service and if not, it's not the greatest idea to put the 'couple/pairing' up on a pedestal and out them, as S.Korea isn't a LGBT friendly place. (as of now but lets hope that it changes down the future - but still don't out them regardless of what enviroment they're in).

c) DON'T force the 'couple/pairing/ship' down the person's throat by commenting on their socials, making them uncomfortable.

Shipping idols is and should be only for entertainment purposes. It's fun to fantasize about an idealistic realtionship between people but it becomes extremely toxic when some take it out of proportion and say/do things that makes the idols themselves feel uncomfortable. As the saying goes "they're only human."

Answer the following for your muse so people know how shipping works on your blog.

WHAT IS YOUR OTP FOR YOUR CHARACTER?:

Kuja x Getting his comeuppance, Kuja x the mirror in his torture room...

WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO WRITE WHEN IT COMES TO SHIPPING?

Anything as long as it’s interesting and allows me to explore the character. Fluff is always kept to a minimum unless it’s flavoured with something underhanded~.

HOW LARGE DOES THE AGE GAP HAVE TO BE TO MAKE IT UNCOMFORTABLE?

No children allowed. Kuja himself doesn’t physically age ( or really mature ), so besides that, age isn’t a factor.

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WHEN SHIPPING?

Oh yes. Shipping with people I don’t have writing chemistry with just doesn’t work... And it goes without saying that if Kuja isn’t interested in the other character, then the ship isn’t going to happen either.

Kuja is more picky than the mun is... Which is damn picky.

HOW FAR DO STEAMY MOMENTS HAVE TO GO BEFORE THEY ARE CONSIDERED NSFW?

When naked happens.

WHO ARE OTHER CHARACTERS YOU SHIP YOUR CHARACTER WITH?

Beatrix in a physical sense, for sure. She’s one of the only ladies who could reign him in, haha. Other than that I have two ships going, one with @zinidyne-zidane which is less a ship and more some kind of awful, confused  manifestation of his possessive, jealous streak, and the other with @pagliaccioxfalso which IS a ship but one that they are both refusing to acknowledge and will probably sooner kill each other than deal with it.

I do like the idea of a one sided ship where he manipulates someone for their power/his own gain. Someone like Garnet or Terra-- Okay, he shares too much common ground with Terra to go through with manipulating her cruelly, he’d probably let her go.. Ah~. Fly, fly away clockwork bird...

Oh I almost forgot-- Celes.

DOES ONE HAVE TO ASK TO SHIP WITH YOU?:

Not necessarily, I think the best ships creep up unexpectedly during writing, don’t they? But if you have an interesting idea involving a ship, come and present it for consideration~.

HOW OFTEN DO YOU LIKE TO SHIP?

Not as often as most people. Like, only when theres a good IC reason behind it.

ARE YOU SHIP OBSESSED OR SHIP MORE-OR-LESS?:

Ship less-than-more. 

ARE YOU MULTISHIP?

Kind of. One ship per verse, unless for conflict reasons. Kuja does not the polyamory thing either, noooo way.

WHAT IS/ARE YOUR FAVOURITE SHIP(S) IN YOUR CURRENT FANDOM?:

Hojo x Science, Ultros x hugs

FINALLY, HOW DOES ONE SHIP WITH YOU?:

Interact! Befriend! Strike Kuja’s interest! Don’t just lay down for his orders! Think of a cool story!  ...Bribe me with money!  

Tagged by; @aonemanarmy who deserves ultros hugs yes you do~~~

Stepsister #1: I ship you guys! 

Stepsister #2: You do? Awww. 

Stepsister #2's New Boyfriend: You what? 

Stepsister #1: You guys are my ship. And you'd better sail, unlike my other ships. 

Boyfriend, baffled: You...ship me. And your sister? 

Stepsister #2: You don't know what shipping is? 

Stepsister #1: You know, like...I'm a fan of your relationship! 

Boyfriend, even more baffled: You ship my relationship?