#sheithmonth

Even today, when they had gone down to the Clear Day celebration he couldn’t find the courage to ask Keith to hang out with him. And Keith certainly didn’t offer to accompany him through the festivities either.

Instead Shiro had found himself unwittingly participating in that stupid arm wrestling contest. He had won sure, fueling his ever competitive nature. But now that the adrenaline was past and he was back in his own room, he felt sickened about how much it reminded him of the arena. It was part of the reason why he was awake at 2 in the morning rather than asleep. 

He had accidentally brought all those memories back to the surface. Now, instead of enjoying the victory of an innocent contest of strength, he closes his eyes and smells blood and hears the screams of anguish from himself and his opponents in the arena.

He just couldn’t stop fucking up lately.

And why had he wanted to prove his worth so bad anyways? That alien who had taunted him about his age? Why did it matter what he thought?

But then Shiro remembers looking out into the crowd and seeing Keith. Keith, who had been cheering for him and finally looking at him again. It had affected Shiro more than he wants to admit. It was no longer just about proving himself, it was about showing off to Keith.

That, at least, made him flush in embarrassment rather than dredging up more painful memories.

Shiro stretched briefly before standing up and pulling on his shirt. Maybe a quick walk around the Atlas would help him get his mind to settle.

He left his room and walked down the hall and past multiple bedrooms. He paused briefly to look at Keith’s door but moved on quickly. There were only a couple other people moving about, whether to the cafeteria for a snack or just unable to sleep like him. Those who did pass by always saluted, to which Shiro waved them along easily.

He resisted the urge to go onto the deck, where the overnight crew would be working. He was pretty sure Iverson had volunteered to oversee them tonight and Shiro had no desire to be scolded by the man for not resting enough.

Shiro continued to walk aimlessly, passing by Colleen’s lab and gardens, the hanger, and various other facilities until he found himself stopping in front of the training decks.

He could hear the sounds of sparring from inside and instinctively pressed his hand against the pad to open the door. He should have known it would be Keith. Shiro watched as Keith danced around one of the training dummies, brandishing his Galran blade to attack and parry. Shiro was immediately met with a dilemma. Keith hadn’t noticed him yet and it would be fairly easy to slip from the room. However, Shiro also knew this might be the last time in who knows how long he might be able to get his best friend alone.

Well, hopefully he can still call Keith his best friend.

Shiro coughed quietly to let Keith know he was there. Keith whipped around to face him, and stood too long staring at Shiro to realize the training dummy was still active.

“Keith!” Shiro yelled too late as the dummy slammed a metal arm into Keith’s side, knocking him back and down onto the ground.

Shiro didn’t hesitate, running forward to where Keith lay prone while sending his Altean arm ahead of him to ram into the dummy.

“End training sequence!” Shiro commanded and the lights behind the dummy’s eyes went dark, “Keith, are you okay?”

Shiro kneeled by Keith’s side, placing a hand on his shoulder. Luckily the other man was already sitting up, panting from having the wind knocked out of him, but otherwise seemed unharmed.

“I’m fine,” Keith choked out, pushing himself up and away from Shiro’s touch.

It made Shiro feel unreasonably cold and alone.

Shiro watched as Keith picked up his towel to wipe the sweat away from his face and Shiro could tell he was already preparing to leave.

“Couldn’t sleep?” Shiro asked, desperately wanting to break the silence.

“Yeah.”

Keith walked towards the door.

“Keith.”

Keith finally met his eye, “Yeah?”

“I’m sorry.”

Keith’s eyes furrowed in confusion, his hand coming to rest on his side where the dummy had punched him, “It’s not your fault, I’m the one who got distracted.”

“No- I mean I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable when I confessed. I… I can’t take it back but I never meant to make you feel pressured into returning my feelings or-”

“Shiro, it’s fine,” Keith cut in and Shiro was confused by the pained look in Keith’s eyes, “I’m sorry. But I can’t right now. I can’t-”

Keith goes silent and Shiro can see the warring emotions behind Keith’s eyes. His pain and fear and indecision. Shiro takes a step forward, approaching Keith as carefully as he would a wild animal. He risks to reach out for Keith’s hand and he’s surprised when Keith lets him take it.

Keith let out a sigh and his eyes dropped closed, as if the contact were enough to soothe his rioting emotions.

“I love you Shiro,” he finally whispered, squeezing Shiro’s hand, “Until this war is over-until Haggar is stopped-you’re going to be a target. She knows how much you mean to me and she’s already used that to her advantage. If she were to find out we were together she would know how to destroy both of us.”

Shiro just stared for a moment, processing everything Keith said. Shiro let out a breath that was almost a laugh and Keith’s eyes snapped open, bewildered by Shiro’s reaction.

“Keith listen,” Shiro started, grabbing Keith’s shoulders with both his hands, “Haggar already knows everything. I’ve loved you since I first asked you to be the Black Paladin. Maybe even sooner. Like you said, she already knows how to use our bond against us but we’re stronger together. I’m not asking anything from you that you don’t want but please don’t push me away.”

“I can’t lose you again Shiro. I won’t.”

“I know,” Shiro whispered and he could see Keith’s control slipping, “I can’t promise anything, but I love you Keith. I want to be with you and I will try my absolute damndest to stay alive for you too.”

Shiro watched as Keith seemed to come to a decision and in the next moment Keith moved closer, hovering just a few centimeters away. He’s not sure who moved first but the moment their lips met Shiro knew everything was going to be okay.