#shawnblurb

It’s been this little cat and mouse game between the two of you. Shawn’s a big flirt, he’s a nervous flirt, but a big flirt. He’s been leaving you on the edge of your seat since you joined tour and as much as you hate it you love it.

“Hey pretty girl.” Shawn smirks, flopping on the couch, arm lazily draping over your shoulders.

You look over at him, heart rate picking up at his touch.

“What?” You sigh, looking down at your notebook.

“Andrew wanted me to ask how the reading of your new contract was coming?” He drops his chin to your shoulder, small puppy dog look in his hazelnut eyes.

“I’m not sure, haven’t spoken to my manager today.” You answer without looking at him.

“Are you okay?” He asks, fingers trailing over your arm, drawing little shapes.

“Yep.” You respond, not meaning to be so cold but not able to handle the heartbreak anymore.

“Y/n?” He whispered, brushing the hair off your shoulder. His soft breathing fanning your neck.

“Hmm?” You asked, eyes falling shut for a second, falling back into his trap.

“Are you upset with me?” He asks, and you look over into his sad eyes.

“No,” Your hollow voice responds.

“Then why haven’t I seen you this week, and when I have you won’t speak to me?” He asks, running his nose up and down your neck.

“Been busy,” You swallow thickly.

His phone buzzes and he sighs before pulling away. When he’s leaning forward, reading the email Andrew sent him you feel like you can finally breathe.

He’s intoxicating, and his simple touch makes everything around you melt away.

He huffs and you look over, letting your eyes trail over his figure and your eyes halt and widen at the purple bruise peeking out of his collar on the back of his neck. Your heart shatters, and you have to leave. You can’t sit next to him.

You stand, grabbing your notebook and purse ready to leave the green room.

“Hey, wait.” He looks over at your retreating figure.

“I have to go Shawn,” You wipe the small tear from the corner of your eye.

“No please, I want to talk to you.”

“No Shawn, I can’t do this anymore.”

He blanches, heart picking up in fear. “Do what?” He breathes out.

“Can’t sit here and talk to you about your soul, and what you think love is, and how you want to have your heart broken. Because it sucks Shawn, having your heart broken sucks and I don’t wish it on anyone and I especially don’t wish it on you.”

With that you rush out of the room, heading down to your bus and far away from him.

Shawn sits stunned, he gapes at where you were standing as his heart pounds loudly in his chest.

Jet lag is a bitch but it’s okay this time around, now that Shawn’s here to keep you company.

Over this last flight and round of shows you two started to get close, liking the fact that someone else your age is around and understands.

He’s so interesting, the way he sees things, hears things, thinks of things. It’s so interesting to get his point of view, because it opens your eyes to his world.

“So why do you want your heartbroken?” You ask softly, picking at the edge of the pillow you were leaning on.

“To write a killer album.” He chuckles, but you just stare at him, not believing that it’s his whole answer. He notices you stare and takes in a deep breath. “Because to be heartbroken is to be loved. Or to have been in love. I don’t think I have been, puppy love maybe. You know the high school stuff, but not actually in love. Not the raw, real, love you know?”

“Yeah I get that. But if I’m gonna fall in love, I’d rather not get heartbroken.”

“Yeah being heartbroken isn’t ideal, but I think I say that because I’d like to know that feeling of love. Like my fans love me, my family and friends love me, but I want to know what being IN love with someone is like.”

“Well whoever breaks your heart will feel the wrath of all of your fans.”

He giggles, shaking his head making his curls flop before settling.

“I think it’ll age my soul,” He tosses his guitar pick up in the air, catching it and doing it again.

He sits and lets your past conversations run through his head before Andrew was bounding in the room, taking him off to sound check.

**

It’s the night of the last show, and Shawn’s been trying to have a moment of your time all day. He wants to talk, he wants to ask you questions, he wants answers.

“Y/n,” He calls when he spots you down the hall with a stagehand, conversing about a guitar change in your set.

You turn and look at him at him over your shoulder and panic a bit. He’s jogging towards you and when he makes it to you you have nowhere to go anymore.

“I need to steal her for a second.” He speaks from behind you.

“Of course, have a good show.” The stagehand bids to you both and returning back his work.

“What’s up Shawn?”

“I want to talk about what you said a few days ago.” He said pulling you into his dressing room.

“Okay, but I don’t have much time.”

“That’s bullshit and we both know it. You’re free till the show, I even checked with your manager. Ran into him before his meeting with Andrew and found out you’ve been free all day, but told me you were busy.”

You sigh, shaking your head.

“Y/n, why have you been so weird lately?” He asks before his phone goes off, Andrew’s name flashing across the screen. “Give me a minute,” He says holding his hand up at you while he answers his phone. “No going anywhere like last time.”

“I’m busy,” He says as he answers.

You can’t hear Andrew, but you do know what that meeting was about so you know what this call was. Shawn’s eyes go wide, snapping to you as his mouth drops and face pales.

“This is a joke,” He mumbles and you wince at the sound of his voice. “Y/n?” He says as you look away. “Y/n!” His voice grows louder.

“I’m sorry,” You whisper, wanting to curl in on yourself.

“What do you mean you aren’t extending? Why? Why not? What?” He’s stuttering, mainly because he doesn’t understand. “That means that tonight's-,”

“Tonight's my last show.” You nod softly.

“No!” He shakes his head. “No, wait let’s talk about this.”

By now he’s hung up on Andrew and he’s a pleading man in front of you.

“There is nothing to talk about Shawn,”

“Yes there is!”

“What? What is there to say?”

“You could start with why?” He laughs desperately.

“Because I have feelings for you Shawn,” You snap at him. “I have feelings for you and I can’t work with you and be with you all the time knowing you don’t feel the same. It’s torture, it is constant torture.”

“How do you know I don’t feel the same?” His brows furrow.

“Because since the day I met you I haven’t been able to get you off my mind, I can not even think of seeing someone else because they aren’t you.” You sigh, taking a seat making him follow. “And for awhile I wondered if you felt the same.”

“But you don’t anymore?” He asks softly.

“No I don’t.” You shake your head. “When we started tour you flirted all the time, and we had these little moments. Backstage after shows, after a circle with the bands we’d have little moments where you’d lean and I’d lean in, but then one of your girls would come skipping in and poof, our moment was gone.” You wipe your eye. “That’s how I know you don’t feel the same. Because if you did feel the same you wouldn’t be having hookups, you wouldn’t come walking by with hickeys on your neck, or have girls come backstage, into our safe zone from the strangers around us.”

He’s at a loss for words. And is trying to form his thoughts but is struggling because he can see how hurt you are, and how he’s the one who’s done that damage.

“I do have feelings for you,” He mumbles.

“There’s no way this is gonna work,” You shake your head. “Even if the feelings are mutual, you aren’t ready for this the way I am.”

“Yes I am,” He defends.

“Then why did you go out with that blonde last night, and why are you talking with models, and why are you sneaking girls in and out of your room when we’re at hotels?” You demand, he looks away. “If you say it was to make me jealous that just proves my point, because this isn’t high school Shawn. This isn’t a drama show, and you’re pure and soft, yes. But you say it yourself, your songs are your truth. We both know you live it.”

He sighs, shaking his head. “You can’t tell me that just because I’ve been with other girls that we can’t be together.” He pouts.

“We can’t count out the future, because we don’t know what’s to come. But I can count out right now, because right now you’ve broken my heart.”

He deflates, shoulders slumping and lips frowning.

“I’ve what?” He shakes out.

“I’ve had my heart broken by the biggest heart throb, and oh my god it hurts. It hurts to see you happy and it hurts so much when you walk in all put together going ‘Hey pretty girl’.”

His breathing has picked up, because now with the way you are speaking it’s making him scared that you are really leaving.

“Can we work on this? Just give me some time to fix this, to help put your heart back together.”

“I don’t have time,” You stand, wiping off your jeans.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that I’m going on tour with someone else, I leave in a week.”

His heart stops. “You’re really leaving?”

“I’m sorry, but I need to take some time for myself. I need to rebuild myself.”

He’s tugging at his curls, shaking his head as his eyes get watery.

“Shawn,” You touch his arm, grabbing his attention. “Right now, there’s no way.”

He nods, bottom lip trapped between his teeth.

“There’s just no way it would work, we aren’t ready. We may be meant to be, but we aren’t ready right now. You have life you want to live, so do I. And as much as I’d like to live it with you, it won’t be healthy. We’ll end up hating and resenting each other and I don’t want to lose you.”

He looks confused, “I don’t want to lose you either, but you’re leaving, so I already am.”

“No,” You shake your head. “I’m not extending, I’m still working but with a different team. But you aren’t losing me. I might be gone for awhile, but I’d like to know that if I needed you you’d be there.”

“I would be.” He nods quickly.

“So will I.” You agree.

“So,” He looks at you. “Not right now, but in the future?” He makes sure he’s understanding.

As you type the word ‘test’, you also remember the test, in that class you were struggling with, that you have not studied for at all. You ran your hand through your hair, it’s only your first year of College and you’re already not doing that well.

If you fail college, you won’t be able to make a living and do everything you wanted to do. You might get stuck working for a fast food chain your whole life. Nothing wrong with it, it’s just something you don’t want to be doing. You also did not want to be depending on your boyfriend, Shawn. What if things happen and you break up? Shawn will probably break up with you too if you fail your first year of college. 

The fact that maybe failing college will lead to you losing the boy you love the most, it made you want to curl up and cry your eyes out. You couldn’t think of anything else other than that, you decided to text Shawn. ‘If I fail college, will you still love me??’

You stared at the screen, watching the three dots move, indicating that Shawn was typing. He replied, ‘I’m calling.’

Your phone starts ringing, You see your face on the scree, Shawn is calling you. Your eyes immediately went to your hair that is in a very very messy bun. Sighing and not caring, you answered the phone.

“Hey, baby.” You try to put on a fake smile, you didn’t have to worry Shawn while he’s all the way in Europe.

“Of course I will still love you. I told you, I’ll love you no matter what.” Shawn’s eyebrows furrowed. There were muffled music blasting and people talking in the background. There was a tapestry behind him. “What’s wrong, hun?” 

“Nothing.” You tried to push the stray hair that fell out of your messy bun away from your face. Sniffling as you did so, you were trying to hold your tears back. You weren’t one to cry, you were stronger than this.

All the way in Europe, miles and miles away from you, Shawn knew better. He knew something was wrong. He wasn’t deceived by your fake smile. He saw how tired you are with your red brimmed eyes, your hair hasn’t been groomed. He also has a view of your long to do list behind you. And it is also very unusual for you to be up at this time, considering how much you loved sleep. “Baby, tell me.” 

“It’s nothing, I don’t want to worry you.” You see Shawn’s eyebrow raise through the camera, you can definitely tell he wasn’t buying it. “I miss you a lot.”

His face softened upon hearing that you miss him. “I miss you a lot too, and I wish I was there. I know something is up and If you don’t tell me, you’re worrying me anyways.”

“It’s just,” You sigh. Taking a glimpse at the blinking cursor on your screen, you were not close to finishing. You wanted to cry right there on the spot, with Shawn on the phone. “I have a 10 page paper due tomorrow, a test the next, I also have to work. I haven’t had any sleep. What if I fail college, Shawn? It’s only my first year and I’m already doing so bad. I have never done this bad, ever in my life.” Shawn knew that you have never done this bad in school, the fact you’re so smart made Shawn notice you in the first place. “If I fail school, you probably would b-”

You stopped talking when you notice Shawn had his guitar visible on the screen. He started strumming the guitar, “Sometimes it all gets a little too much, but you gotta realize that soon the fog will clear up. And you don't have to be afraid, because we're all the same. And we know that sometimes it all gets a little too much.” He smiled through the camera and made your heart skip a beat. You wanted nothing more but be in his arms right now. “Babe. Repeat after me.” 

You raise one of eyebrows, humoring him, you did just what he said. “I am not gonna fail college.” 

“Yes babe, you’re not gonna fail college.” Shawn sent a death glare to Geoff who has standing off camera. Geoff was trying not to laugh his ass off, but Shawn didn’t care. As long as you were happy, Shawn didn’t care if it made him look stupid. “Now, listen to me. All those things? Forget about it, j-”

“Shawn! Forgetting about those things will make me fail.” You stared at him, through the screen. You heard Geoff’s chuckle in the background, you didn’t even know he was there. “Hey, Geoff.”

“You’re not gonna fail, y/n. You’re the smartest person we know.” You hear Geoff off the camera. Shawn smiled widely at what Geoff said, agreeing with him. 

“Just listen to me, babe.” Shawn looked at the camera. “Forget about your paper. Call a sick day from work, same thing with your classes. Sleep in tomorrow morning. Go to my parent’s house when you wake up, I’m sure Aaliyah would love to study with you.” You and Shawn smiled at the same time. You’d probably go insane if it wasn’t for Shawn. “How much do you have done in your 10 pages?” 

You glance over the Add me in your Google documents pulled up on your screen, the blinking cursor taunting you. “Like three and a half more pages.”

Shawn grinned, and run his hands through his hair. “Add my e-mail to the document to where I can edit it.” 

“Are you gonna finish it for me?” You laugh, Shawn hated writing papers. The only writing he loved was writing music. 

Seeing you laugh, Shawn’s heart skipped a beat. He always loved hearing you laugh, specially after what you were just through. “Hell no. I’ll have Andrew or Geoff finish it or something.” With the mention of Geoff’s name, he chucked a piece of a chip, that he was eating, at Shawn. It hit him on his cheek. 

“Oh, Shawn. What would I do without you?” He gives you a really cute smile, you want him right in front of you right now. 

“I’ll even have somebody proof-read it for grammar and everything.” He joked, Geoff was mumbling something about how much he hates writing papers too. “Go to bed, I love you.”

“I love you too.” You blow him a kiss through the phone’s camera and he pretends to catch it to put it on his lips. You hear Geoff saying something about how cheesy that was. “Good luck on the show, bye.” You ended the call, before that, you heard Geoff teasing Shawn about his cheesiness. You don’t only miss Shawn, you miss Geoff and the whole crazy boys too.