There’s No Way
Him and his team think you’re playing hard to get. That you want to make them sweat a bit before you agree and extend your contract to open for the UK leg of the tour.
You’ve been with him for awhile now, touring, opening for him, becoming close with him.
This is what you did when they first asked you to be the opener, waited a little which is what lead to you getting your own bus and more merch being sold in the store. But this time around you aren’t playing hard to get. You’re waiting until your other contract is signed before you tell him.
You can’t do it anymore, you can’t be with this torture. He’s driving you insane, and it’s really starting to affect your personally.
It’s been this little cat and mouse game between the two of you. Shawn’s a big flirt, he’s a nervous flirt, but a big flirt. He’s been leaving you on the edge of your seat since you joined tour and as much as you hate it you love it.
“Hey pretty girl.” Shawn smirks, flopping on the couch, arm lazily draping over your shoulders.
You look over at him, heart rate picking up at his touch.
“What?” You sigh, looking down at your notebook.
“Andrew wanted me to ask how the reading of your new contract was coming?” He drops his chin to your shoulder, small puppy dog look in his hazelnut eyes.
“I’m not sure, haven’t spoken to my manager today.” You answer without looking at him.
“Are you okay?” He asks, fingers trailing over your arm, drawing little shapes.
“Yep.” You respond, not meaning to be so cold but not able to handle the heartbreak anymore.
“Y/n?” He whispered, brushing the hair off your shoulder. His soft breathing fanning your neck.
“Hmm?” You asked, eyes falling shut for a second, falling back into his trap.
“Are you upset with me?” He asks, and you look over into his sad eyes.
“No,” Your hollow voice responds.
“Then why haven’t I seen you this week, and when I have you won’t speak to me?” He asks, running his nose up and down your neck.
“Been busy,” You swallow thickly.
His phone buzzes and he sighs before pulling away. When he’s leaning forward, reading the email Andrew sent him you feel like you can finally breathe.
He’s intoxicating, and his simple touch makes everything around you melt away.
He huffs and you look over, letting your eyes trail over his figure and your eyes halt and widen at the purple bruise peeking out of his collar on the back of his neck. Your heart shatters, and you have to leave. You can’t sit next to him.
You stand, grabbing your notebook and purse ready to leave the green room.
“Hey, wait.” He looks over at your retreating figure.
“I have to go Shawn,” You wipe the small tear from the corner of your eye.
“No please, I want to talk to you.”
“No Shawn, I can’t do this anymore.”
He blanches, heart picking up in fear. “Do what?” He breathes out.
“Can’t sit here and talk to you about your soul, and what you think love is, and how you want to have your heart broken. Because it sucks Shawn, having your heart broken sucks and I don’t wish it on anyone and I especially don’t wish it on you.”
With that you rush out of the room, heading down to your bus and far away from him.
Shawn sits stunned, he gapes at where you were standing as his heart pounds loudly in his chest.
Jet lag is a bitch but it’s okay this time around, now that Shawn’s here to keep you company.
Over this last flight and round of shows you two started to get close, liking the fact that someone else your age is around and understands.
He’s so interesting, the way he sees things, hears things, thinks of things. It’s so interesting to get his point of view, because it opens your eyes to his world.
“So why do you want your heartbroken?” You ask softly, picking at the edge of the pillow you were leaning on.
“To write a killer album.” He chuckles, but you just stare at him, not believing that it’s his whole answer. He notices you stare and takes in a deep breath. “Because to be heartbroken is to be loved. Or to have been in love. I don’t think I have been, puppy love maybe. You know the high school stuff, but not actually in love. Not the raw, real, love you know?”
“Yeah I get that. But if I’m gonna fall in love, I’d rather not get heartbroken.”
“Yeah being heartbroken isn’t ideal, but I think I say that because I’d like to know that feeling of love. Like my fans love me, my family and friends love me, but I want to know what being IN love with someone is like.”
“Well whoever breaks your heart will feel the wrath of all of your fans.”
He giggles, shaking his head making his curls flop before settling.
“I think it’ll age my soul,” He tosses his guitar pick up in the air, catching it and doing it again.
He sits and lets your past conversations run through his head before Andrew was bounding in the room, taking him off to sound check.
**
It’s the night of the last show, and Shawn’s been trying to have a moment of your time all day. He wants to talk, he wants to ask you questions, he wants answers.
“Y/n,” He calls when he spots you down the hall with a stagehand, conversing about a guitar change in your set.
You turn and look at him at him over your shoulder and panic a bit. He’s jogging towards you and when he makes it to you you have nowhere to go anymore.
“I need to steal her for a second.” He speaks from behind you.
“Of course, have a good show.” The stagehand bids to you both and returning back his work.
“What’s up Shawn?”
“I want to talk about what you said a few days ago.” He said pulling you into his dressing room.
“Okay, but I don’t have much time.”
“That’s bullshit and we both know it. You’re free till the show, I even checked with your manager. Ran into him before his meeting with Andrew and found out you’ve been free all day, but told me you were busy.”
You sigh, shaking your head.
“Y/n, why have you been so weird lately?” He asks before his phone goes off, Andrew’s name flashing across the screen. “Give me a minute,” He says holding his hand up at you while he answers his phone. “No going anywhere like last time.”
“I’m busy,” He says as he answers.
You can’t hear Andrew, but you do know what that meeting was about so you know what this call was. Shawn’s eyes go wide, snapping to you as his mouth drops and face pales.
“This is a joke,” He mumbles and you wince at the sound of his voice. “Y/n?” He says as you look away. “Y/n!” His voice grows louder.
“I’m sorry,” You whisper, wanting to curl in on yourself.
“What do you mean you aren’t extending? Why? Why not? What?” He’s stuttering, mainly because he doesn’t understand. “That means that tonight's-,”
“Tonight's my last show.” You nod softly.
“No!” He shakes his head. “No, wait let’s talk about this.”
By now he’s hung up on Andrew and he’s a pleading man in front of you.
“There is nothing to talk about Shawn,”
“Yes there is!”
“What? What is there to say?”
“You could start with why?” He laughs desperately.
“Because I have feelings for you Shawn,” You snap at him. “I have feelings for you and I can’t work with you and be with you all the time knowing you don’t feel the same. It’s torture, it is constant torture.”
“How do you know I don’t feel the same?” His brows furrow.
“Because since the day I met you I haven’t been able to get you off my mind, I can not even think of seeing someone else because they aren’t you.” You sigh, taking a seat making him follow. “And for awhile I wondered if you felt the same.”
“But you don’t anymore?” He asks softly.
“No I don’t.” You shake your head. “When we started tour you flirted all the time, and we had these little moments. Backstage after shows, after a circle with the bands we’d have little moments where you’d lean and I’d lean in, but then one of your girls would come skipping in and poof, our moment was gone.” You wipe your eye. “That’s how I know you don’t feel the same. Because if you did feel the same you wouldn’t be having hookups, you wouldn’t come walking by with hickeys on your neck, or have girls come backstage, into our safe zone from the strangers around us.”
He’s at a loss for words. And is trying to form his thoughts but is struggling because he can see how hurt you are, and how he’s the one who’s done that damage.
“I do have feelings for you,” He mumbles.
“There’s no way this is gonna work,” You shake your head. “Even if the feelings are mutual, you aren’t ready for this the way I am.”
“Yes I am,” He defends.
“Then why did you go out with that blonde last night, and why are you talking with models, and why are you sneaking girls in and out of your room when we’re at hotels?” You demand, he looks away. “If you say it was to make me jealous that just proves my point, because this isn’t high school Shawn. This isn’t a drama show, and you’re pure and soft, yes. But you say it yourself, your songs are your truth. We both know you live it.”
He sighs, shaking his head. “You can’t tell me that just because I’ve been with other girls that we can’t be together.” He pouts.
“We can’t count out the future, because we don’t know what’s to come. But I can count out right now, because right now you’ve broken my heart.”
He deflates, shoulders slumping and lips frowning.
“I’ve what?” He shakes out.
“I’ve had my heart broken by the biggest heart throb, and oh my god it hurts. It hurts to see you happy and it hurts so much when you walk in all put together going ‘Hey pretty girl’.”
His breathing has picked up, because now with the way you are speaking it’s making him scared that you are really leaving.
“Can we work on this? Just give me some time to fix this, to help put your heart back together.”
“I don’t have time,” You stand, wiping off your jeans.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean that I’m going on tour with someone else, I leave in a week.”
His heart stops. “You’re really leaving?”
“I’m sorry, but I need to take some time for myself. I need to rebuild myself.”
He’s tugging at his curls, shaking his head as his eyes get watery.
“Shawn,” You touch his arm, grabbing his attention. “Right now, there’s no way.”
He nods, bottom lip trapped between his teeth.
“There’s just no way it would work, we aren’t ready. We may be meant to be, but we aren’t ready right now. You have life you want to live, so do I. And as much as I’d like to live it with you, it won’t be healthy. We’ll end up hating and resenting each other and I don’t want to lose you.”
He looks confused, “I don’t want to lose you either, but you’re leaving, so I already am.”
“No,” You shake your head. “I’m not extending, I’m still working but with a different team. But you aren’t losing me. I might be gone for awhile, but I’d like to know that if I needed you you’d be there.”
“I would be.” He nods quickly.
“So will I.” You agree.
“So,” He looks at you. “Not right now, but in the future?” He makes sure he’s understanding.
“Exactly.”
