With tight gripped knuckles on the sheets, you bolted upright from your slumber - sweat beading on your forehead and your heart racing beyond normality. You settle your head back against the headboard and push your hand to your chest to calm down the fear, relaxing yourself to no longer be panicked. It wasn't the first time this had happened. In fact, it wasn't even the first time this week. Always the same dream, each getting a little bit worse. You'd be trapped behind glass or held back, always fighting against whatever it was to get to Shawn. He'd be panicking, eyes wide with fear as he struggles with everything in him to just take one breath. As his chest got tighter, so did your restraints - pulling you further and further from any chance of helping him.
You groan and run your hands over your disarray hair. It was hopeless to wish sleep upon yourself now. So, with your phone flashing to reveal the time as 03:07, you drag yourself out of bed and pad through to the lounge of your apartment.
Shawn was the reason for all of this. The reason you woke up in a nightmarish panic and why you'd spent three nights of this week sat at the island in your kitchen instead of sleeping.
You take a deep breath and click onto your Instagram, instantly being greeted by a photo Josiah had recently posted of Shawn on tour. Him. He was the one responsible for you feeling like this. But, god, you wanted him to come back.
The two of you had broken up only five months ago. It was your fault. You weren't understanding enough and you asked for too much of his time and you couldn't find the balance between accepting his work and loving him as your boyfriend. You argued, screamed, cried and, eventually, it ended. It all fell flat against the Toronto skyline and Shawn packed up to go on tour. You hadn't seen him since, only glimpses in photos and videos that his team posted.
You should've done something differently. You should've gone with him and fixed this. You should've -
There was no hope. Every time your mind went running a thousand miles an hour, you knew it would always get you back to one place. That you wanted him back.
He felt like your lifeline. He stopped you from breaking and picked you back up again when you got close to doing so. He was the reason, the one behind it all.
The truth was, you'd go through a million miles to take it all back. To change every mistake, fix up the pieces of the relationship you were adamant would be a forever. You'd do everything in your power, break through impossible terrains to reach that heart of his and never let it go.
You needed to be with him. You needed to see and hold him and promise that, in another million days, you would never hurt him again. You needed to make it clear that he was the reason behind all of this.
~~~~~~
"Hey, dude, did you see this?" Brian flops down next to Shawn and sticks his phone in his friend's direction, "We're missing all the decent parties now we're not home,"
"You mean you are," Shawn rolls his eyes, taking the phone and swiping through the endless photos, "Do I even know these people?"
"Yeah that's -" Brian stops instantly as soon as Shawn swipes onto the next photo and he's met with a face that he definitely didn't expect to be hit with like that.
(Y/n). She's got a red cup in one hand that she's holding out proudly to the camera, laughing with crinkles next to her eyes. She's dressed in a simple royal blue romper Shawn remembers her buying - he told her that the colour brought out her eyes but, really, anything she wore would always bring out the piercing beauty he found in those eyes.
Before he knows it, the phone starts to shake in his trembling hands. All because of her.
"Sorry dude, I didn't know she wa-" Brian quickly takes the phone back and locks the screen to quickly erase the photo, "I mean she rarely goes to those parties and I-"
"It's alright," Shawn shakes his head, "Just a photo,"
"I know but-"
"I'm fine," Shawn assures, standing up from the couch on the tour bus and residing back to his cabin bed on the vehicle.
You always had that effect now. That surreal feeling that his heart was bleeding out in his chest and breaking into unfixable pieces right beneath his skin. Every single time.
He settles his head back against the rattling wall behind him and takes a deep breath. The only person that could ever cure any feeling like this was her.
"Fuck," He mutters under his breath, running his hands to the back of his neck and hanging his head low.
He woke up every day wishing for one single thing. Wishing every single time that he could just turn the clock back. He'd do it all differently. For starters, he'd never ever let himself break that golden heart of yours. He'd make sure he still tried even when you two were at your lowest. He'd make sure he carried you out of your darkest moments even if his own actions had caused them. He'd tell you he loved you more and he wouldn't let his selfishness get in the way of ever proving to you how much he didn't deserve someone so good.
He'd spend every day making you feel safe, loved, cared for. He'd do it all differently. Because he was the one that broke you in the first place. He was the one that broke what the two of you had and, God, that killed him.
It didn't matter how far away he was. He'd still drop everything to get to you. He'd get the next flight, cross the Atlantic and land directly at your door in the hopes that he could say everything he wished he could've said before. He'd make those words fix it all.
He needed to see you.
~~~~~
Fuck. Maybe this wasn't a good idea. You had your keys in one hand with your passport and phone, your earphones shoved into your ears, a duffel bag in the other hand and an open car door in front of you. And you stepped through.
"To the airport please," You say quickly, running a hand through your hair.
"In a rush, miss?" The driver frowns, setting her foot on the gas to start driving out of your street.
"Something like that," You sigh, leaning your head back against the headrest and taking in a deep breath.
This was your last chance.
Your leg trembled beneath your hand as you awaited your arrival. You'd just about make the final check in, hurry through security and, in a matter of a few hours, you'd be flying across to London to hopefully resolve exactly what your heart been desiring.
Twelve hours and you'd be there.
~~~~~
"There has to be an earlier flight!" Shawn groans, running a hand through his tugged out curls.
"There's nothing man, and you still need to do the show tonight," Connor points out, scrolling down the screen on his laptop to show Shawn all the possible flight times.
"This is (Y/n) we're talking about!" Shawn raises his voice a little, "I need to see her,"
"Right," Connor swivels in his chair to face his friend, "And, if she's that important, you can wait another twelve hours before getting that flight to see her,"
Shawn sighs and drops back down onto the couch. Twelve hours and he'd be there, waiting to board his flight to you and only you.
~~~~~
Half a day had never felt so long. You'd barely slept on the flight and, with disheveled hair and puffy eyes, you dragged yourself off from the flight and through passport control before reaching the lounge and trying to find any sort of exit in an airport that felt so unfamiliar.
"(Y/n),"
But that voice. That voice would always be familiar.
You turn around and see as Shawn stands up from one of the chairs in the airport.
"What are yo-" He starts, "Am I- Are you- Am I seeing things?"
You can't help but smile, only a little, at his words.
Seeing him, face to face with you, you realise exactly what you were about to get yourself into.
It had been months. His hair was longer now but everything else just the same - warm eyes, chiseled face, flushed cheeks. He's every part of the boy you loved. The boy you love.
"I-" He begins but stops himself as he steps the large stride between the two of you.
His hands reach up to cup your cheeks and he leans down to kiss you longingly. It isn't hesitant but you know he's terrified of how you will respond. His hands don't want to hold you too intensely but they want to be strong enough to trust himself when he thought you were there.
"I came to find you, I needed to see you," You comment breathlessly when he pulls away as you grab at the material of his tshirt on his chest.
"It's been way too long (Y/n), god I've missed you so fucking much," He shakes his head.
Both of you look desperate and messy in the middle of this airport lounge but you dismiss it completely.
Your eyes are filling with tears and you're beginning to tremble in his touch.
"Shawn, I came because I had to tell you-" You begin but your words are quivering in every syllable, "I-"
"I know, I know," Shawn encourages, holding you a little tighter, "God, I was about to forget tour just to find you,"
You swallow the lump in your throat, "Okay but this is it now, you and me. No more fighting, no more running,"
"No more tears," Shawn mumbles, wiping his thumb across your cheek to erase the tear stains left there.
"We can fix all of this, we can make it work," You state and hearing the words seems to solidify what you'd been telling yourself for so long.
"Come here," Shawn says, pulling you impossibly closer to him and wrapping you in his embrace tighter than he ever had before.
He buries his head into the crook of your neck and inhales the lingering scent of your shampoo, mixed only with the scent of the perfume he'd bought you many moons ago.
This could be fixed. Because, here you were, at some ungodly hour, gripping onto him and him holding you close enough to trust thay he'd never lose you. And it was all because of him.
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When you joined Shawn on tour, this is not what you expected.
You expected traveling the world with the love of your life. You expected fun adventures seeing different monuments. Late night diner crashes during a trip to a new state. Fun plane rides to each country.
But what you got? It was the exact opposite.
You got traveling with the band on a separate flight because Shawn was booked for a last minute interview. You got, passing out in the bunk alone while Shawn was out celebrating with the band. You got, not seeing him at all on performance days (which you totally understood) but still ignored even after the show.
It was tiring for you, trying to fit yourself in his schedule. You spoke more to him through text than you did in person.
And when you did speak in person? It was usually some sort of fight.
He’d blame it on being tired, and not wanting to take you somewhere on a day off.
This last fight, that you had in the arena’s greenroom before leaving was a bad one.
Now you sit on the bus, cramped with him and the team, driving to the next arena with no where to really hide from him.
He sits next to you at the table in the little kitchen area, on his phone, posting his annual after show ‘thank you’ and commenting on tweets about the show.
You sigh, letting your head hit the window as you watch the dark scenery pass by in a blur.
You looked down to your lap, clicking your phone on to see the time, breath hitching when you see the cute picture of Shawn as your background.
You stare at the picture for a second, taking in the cute sleep swollen eyes and the soft smile. You remember the exact day you took the picture.
It was the day he left for tour, by himself. You both had spent the night saying goodbye, and when he woke he was real clingy, dreading having to leave you. When you took the picture you were straddling him, sitting on his lower abdomen, hair framing your face as you giggled at his dirty jokes. You took the picture wanting to ‘remember this moment!’.
And now as you stare at it, you can’t help but wish to go back to that day. Even if he was leaving, it was a helluva lot better than fighting with him nonstop, and hearing him call you a ‘clingy, naggy bitch.’
That’s all you can hear, those three words on repeat in your head. The anger that bled through each word he spoke scared you, but what scared you most was the way he was viewing you.
Your chest got tight, eyes pooling with tears, sniffling as you cleared your throat. Shawn looked over at you, his body still held the tension and anger from your fight. His brows were furrowed, his eyes were black and hard as you flicked your gaze up at him for a moment.
His face fell a bit when he noticed the tears in your eyes.
You swallowed, cheeks pink in your upset state, eyes big and watery. You sit up straight, grabbing your phone.
“Can I get out,” You whisper, voice breaking as you bite your lip to keep the tears at bay.
Shawn huffs, sliding out of the little booth you were both seated in, letting you out as he slid back in once you were out.
Andrew looked up at your movements, noticing your demeanor change.
“Y/n?” He asked, eyes moving to Shawn, who is angrily typing at his phone. “You good?”
You nod, coughing to get the lump out of your throat. “Just gonna shower and then go to bed.”
You quickly turn on your heel and book it down the hall to the bathroom with a change of clothes.
Andrew stares at your retreating figure and then lands his gaze back on Shawn. “What’s wrong?” He asks softly.
“Don’t worry about it.” Shawn shrugs off Andrew, and the rest of the teams concerned stares.
**
You let yourself cry in the shower, hoping the shower itself would drown out the few sobs that left your heavy chest.
Your eyes are red and puffy as you leave the bathroom, slipping out in your comfy pants and an old tank top, staring at the bunk, noticing how the curtain is drawn.
You peek in, finding Shawn sleeping where you usually do, not allowing you space to get in.
You sigh, dropping the curtain and walking back out the couch. Andrew sits at the table on his laptop, typing at something as you sit and pull the throw blanket over your lap, turning the TV on low.
“You’re up late,” Andrew comments.
“Had some coffee at the arena, it’s keeping me jittery, don’t wanna keep him up so I’ll just hang out here if you don’t mind.”
Andrew squints at you, letting it go and nodding in response.
In reality you are just waiting for Andrew to go to bed so you can sleep on the couch. But because you don’t want to cause a scene you don’t really want anyone to know you are sleeping on the couch, or they’d all be up in your business.
An hour later you’re slowly dozing off, head propped up on your hand. You startle awake when Andrew taps your shoulder. He stands in front of you with a blanket and pillow. You stare at him with a dropped jaw.
“I don’t know what happened, but you didn’t have coffee tonight. Sleep well, and if it means anything, the couch is comfier than the bunks, so you won in the sleeping arrangements.” He says softly, handing you the plush accessories and then wandering down the hall, the light flipping off.
You arrange yourself and curl into the couch, falling asleep fast, hoping to forget the night.
**
Usually when you and Shawn fight, and one ends up sleeping elsewhere he’s the one to sneak up on you and apologize, wanting cuddles and a few sleepy kisses so he can sleep properly.
But you wake the next morning to Andrew making coffee, and Zubin on a face time call with his wife and kids.
You sit up, throwing your hair in a bun, popping your neck and discreetly fixing the bra you slept in, since you were out front where the whole team could see you.
Shawn stalks out of the hallway as you are folding your blankets, he shoots you a dirty look, scoffing as Andrew slides you a coffee and few ibuprofen since you’d mentioned a headache from your stay on the couch.
“I’m going on a run, alone.” He spits as he walks off the bus, letting the door slam behind him.
You sigh, looking over at the door, and then up to Andrew’s apologetic stare.
You shake your head, heading to the back of the bus, finding that one contact on your phone that you needed in this moment.
“Hello?”
“Mom?” You sighed, tears surfacing again.
**
At the new arena, parked out back, the whole team inside while you stayed on the bus.
You bit your lip as you moved your, now packed, suitcase to the front door, going to the bathroom for your toiletries.
“Hey Y/n!” Geoff called, looking around for you.
“Yeah?” You asked, popping out of the bathroom.
“I was gonna ask you if you wanted anything from Starbucks, but now I’m gonna ask you why your bag is packed at the front of the bus?”
You sigh, chewing on the inside of your cheek as you fiddle with your fingers. “Because I’m going home?” You answer softly.
Geoff sputters, head cocking forward as if he didn’t hear you. “Come again?”
“I’m going home,” You said confidently this time.
“Why?” He asks, voice shrilled.
“I think it’s best if I give Shawn some space, and being crowded on this bus with him is not doing that.” You laugh pathetically.
Moving back to packing your last minute things, Geoff following like a shadow.
“What happened?”
“We just had a little fight, and I don’t really know where we stand, since he won’t talk to me.” You mutter. “And I’m really hurt by what he said. I need space, and he obviously does too.” You shrug, grabbing your toothbrush and brushing past Geoff.
“Are you coming back?” He asks, still following you.
“Right now? I don’t plan to come back to tour,” You grab your book, keys, and purse.
“Are you guys done? Like broken up?”
“I don’t know,” You sigh, rubbing your forehead. “He won’t speak to me.”
Geoff just stares at you, and he can see how upset you are. He can tell something is up with the both of you, but he doesn’t know what was said and how either of you are feeling.
“What did Shawn say when you told him you were leaving?”
You look to your bag, avoiding that question.
“He doesn’t know?” Geoff gasps.
“You can’t tell him.” You point at him. “He doesn’t need to know, doubt he’d notice anyway.”
Geoff’s eyes are wide in realization of how badly Shawn fucked up this time.
“I’m telling you so you know, but he can’t know okay?” You reason. “So when he does find out you can give him some peace of mind. My flight boards at 4, and I should be home later tonight. I’m staying with my Mom, and I’m gonna,” You pause and really think of how to word it so Shawn knows what’s up.”I’m gonna soul search.”
Geoff sighs, shoulders slumping as he nods. He gives you a hug as you zip up your purse. “I’m going to tell Andrew as well, since he’s kind of in charge of flights and crap. So he knows not to book me flights anymore.”
“Okay,” Geoff nods.
He walks with you into the arena, leading you to Andrew, and then booking it to Shawn.
**
“SHAWN!” Geoff yells, rushing to side stage, knowing Shawn’s in the middle of sound check.
Shawn turns at the yell of his name, stopping at the frantic Geoff running towards him. “What?”
“Y/n,” Geoff breathes out. Shawn rolls his eyes, turning back to his microphone. “NO!” Geoff grabs the neck of Shawn’s guitar.
“Get off my guitar!” He spits.
“She’s leaving.”
This gets Shawn to stop. His eyes widen, “She’s what?”
“Leaving.”
“Why?”
Geoff sighs, glaring at Shawn.
“Geoff, she’s just being dramatic, trying to get my attention.” Shawn shrugs him off.
“Shawn,” Geoff says, voice going serious. “Her flight boards at 4, shes gonna be home later tonight. I watched her finish packing her bag. She’s talking to Andrew so he knows not to book her flights for the rest of her time on tour,” Geoff starts ticking off all the proof, Shawn’s face paling, his heart dropping. “She’s staying with her mom, heard her on the phone with her Mom this morning when you left for you run. She told me that she was going to,” He snaps remembering what you said. “She’s soul searching.”
And that’s when Shawn knows this is real.
You told him, all the time, that when you feel confused with your life, or that you’re scared that something’s not working out the way you wanted that you like to go soul searching to figure it out.
“Where is she?” He asks, ripping his guitar off, shoving it in Geoff’s hands.
“Was talking with Andrew.”
Shawn’s off in a sprint, Chelsea boots slipping on the floor of backstage.
When he makes it to Andrew, he’s alone. “Where is she?” He asks, breathing heavy, fright running through his veins.
“Headed for her UBER.” Andrew points to the front doors.
Shawn’s busting out the doors to the front in seconds.
He finds you, sitting on your suitcase, staring down at your phone.
“Babe!” He calls, still running to you.
You look up, eyes widening as you see your lanky boyfriend barreling his way to you. You scramble to your feet, yelping as he wraps you up his tight arms, burying his face into your neck.
“Don’t go,” He says into your skin. “Don’t leave,” He shakes his head. “Please, please don’t leave. Don’t go.”
You sigh, “I think it’s best if you had some space”
“I don’t want space,” He refuses. “Cause space is just a word made up by someone who's afraid to get close.” He quotes Nick Jonas.
You roll your eyes, and then nod. “I am scared to get close right now.”
He pulls back, hurt flashing in his eyes. “Why?”
“Because the last time I tried I got called a bitch.” You shrug.
“No,” He shakes his head, hands coming up to hold your face, his own tears pooling his eyes. “No, I didn’t mean it. I didn’t mean it I swear. I should have never said that, I’m so sorry.”
“If that’s how you feel,” You hiccup, looking away from his face so you won’t cry, “Then I think we need some space.”
“No! That’s now how I feel!” He raises his voice a bit. “Please, don’t leave me like this.”
“Shawn?” You look up at him.
“Yeah?”
“You really hurt me.”
He sobs, dropping to his knees, hugging your waist. “I’m so sorry,” He rubs his nose on your hip. “I don’t want to hurt you, ever. I can’t believe I did. I’m so sorry Baby. I love you so much, you’re not a bitch. Jesus I can’t believe I called you that. Baby you’re my Angel. My beautiful, wonderful, gorgeous, amazing Angel.”
You sigh, fingers curling in his brown locks. “I love you too.” You whisper.
He looks up with hopeful eyes. “Please don’t leave Baby,” He pleads. “Please, I don’t want you to leave.”
“I can’t do this anymore Shawn. I can’t keep fighting you on stupid things, and for the love of god I can’t fight for your attention.”
“No, no more.” He shakes his head. “I don’t want you to feel like you have to fight for my attention. Fuck I didn’t even really want you to sleep on the couch last night. I don’t know why, but I couldn’t get myself to go to you last night. I was so ashamed of myself, for treating you like that. You don’t deserve that, you deserve so much better than me.”
You shush him, shaking your head as you look down at him.
“Shut up,”
“Don’t go,”
“I’m not, I’ll cancel my flight.”
“And call your Mom, tell her that you’re not coming home. That you don’t need to soul search. That you aren’t going anywhere. That us, you and me, we’re gonna be okay, and that you don’t need to figure out what you should do about us.”
You bite your lip as you nod at him.
“You don’t ever have to soul search over me.” He stands up slowly. “Because I’m right here, and I’m not going anywhere.”
“Okay,”
He reaches around you, grabbing your suitcase, then your hand, and walking you back to the bus.
He stomps on the bus, tossing your suitcase on the bed of the bunk. Opening it he almost growls at the sight of all of your belongings. He reaches in, grabbing a handful of your clothes, throwing them all over the bed.
“Shawn!” You push his shoulder.
“No more packing,” He shakes his head. “You’re not going anywhere.”
“Okay, but don’t make a damn mess,” You giggle, grabbing the things he threw and folding them back to a neat pile.
“No more trying to leave.” He whispers, wrapping his arms around you from behind.
“Okay,”
“Especially trying to leave without saying goodbye.”
“Fucking Geoff, he’s gonna get an earful.”
“Why?” Shawn whispers, swaying you to the beat in his head.
“Because he wasn’t supposed to tell you.”
“You were gonna leave without telling me at all?” He squeezes you tight. “You just wanted me to come back to the bus before the show and see my girl gone, and think that that’s okay?”
“Well no, I figured you wouldn’t come back to the bus before the show because you were mad at me. I assumed you’d find out after the show.”
“I would’ve thrown a damn fit.” He kisses your neck. “Glad Geoff told me” He whispers. “Fucking trying to leave. My girl trying to leave and not tell me.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
“Good, now get your ass into that bunk.”
“Why?”
“Because we’re about to cuddle all afternoon long.”
“You have a show!” You protest.
“Not till 7 smarty pants.”
“What about soundcheck, Q&A, meet and greet, Smarty Pants?”
“That doesn’t start till 4, it’s 1:30, sounds like I have time to cuddle, Beautiful.”
You roll your eyes, squealing as he lifts you up and softly tossing you in the bunk, crawling in behind you.
“You’re trapped now.” He grins.
“No where else I’d rather be.”
He looks up at you with an unreadable face, surging forward and kissing you fiercely.
“I love you, more than anything. Please know that.”
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Word count: 589
++
Shawn had been acting strange this past week. He was blowing off your calls, answering your texts with one word, and avoiding the plans you two had made. Your parents were expecting you two for dinner tonight, so you decided to head over to his place and ask if you were going to have to go alone.
Your relationship hadn't been this rocky before, but you'd only been together a couple of months. Maybe this was your first fight, but you'd at least like to know what he's upset over.
Shawn came into your life at a good time. You'd come to terms with the fact that you were meant to be alone for a little while, and then Shawn shows up. Thinking about it, it always seems like something out of a movie. You tried to ignore how much he meant to you and how deeply you cared for him, but after a while, it was too hard. You took a chance and told him how you felt, and he said he felt the same way.
After that, it was a whirlwind of intense emotions, but it was fun. You didn't think that loving someone could be described as fun, but that's what this relationship was.
You knock on Shawn's apartment door and wait for an answer. After a few moments, you hear footsteps on the other side, and then it opens.
He's in his grey sweatpants, without a shirt, and his hair is all over the place. He'd been asleep, but he's still gorgeous. You're always amazed at how good he can look at any time.
"Oh, hey, I didn't know you were coming."
"Well, I came to see if you're still coming with me to my parents for dinner. We haven't talked a lot recently, so I thought I'd come over." You look at your feet. Somehow you feel embarrassed by his bored tone.
"Oh. I don't think so. I was going to tell you soon, but I don't want to do this anymore." Your neck snaps up to look at him. There's no emotion in his eyes, but yours are huge.
"You what?" Your heart beats loud in your chest, and it seems to travel up to your throat and echoes through your ears.
"I'm ending things. I didn't mean for this to go so far, but I've had a lot of fun."
The air has seemed to escape the atmosphere around you. How could he do this? Shawn was supposed to be it. After hearing people say for years that their true love came at the most unexpected time, you thought he was yours, especially after you two connected so effortlessly.
"No, don't do this. Please, Shawn. I can't go through this again." You beg, but he shakes his head. His lack of words is what sends you into hysterics.
"What do you mean? You said you love me. You said you need me. I need you. I can't do this, not without you. Shawn, I love-" If you were one of his neighbors, you'd for sure call the cops on yourself. You're vaguely aware that you look like a madwoman with a puffy red face and streaks of salty tears streaming down your face.
"Maybe you need me, but I don't need you. I don't think I ever did." Then, Shawn shuts the door. That was it. There was no chance to talk him out of it or change his mind. In just a seconds time, the two of you are strangers again.
++
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Posted for @bringmethehorizonandpizza Birthday Writing challenge. Hope you like it love and have the best birthday xoxo
~~~
Where do you turn to when the one person you have is the one you want to turn away from? Where do you go when the only place that feels like home feels like it should be a million miles away from you? And what happens when you call quits on all of it?
The questions had circled your head for a lifetime, ticking over and over with no apparent solution. They were taunting you, teasing you. And it had started to get too loud.
You were laying atop the covers of a bed you didn't want to sleep in, staring at a ceiling that had rapidly become boring. And you were in your own company - something you were savouring currently, dreading the moment when it would be tainted by the arrival of your companion. Shawn.
You'd been dating for long enough to act like a married couple, one step closer now you were engaged. You bickered and you fell into a routine and you reminded each other to pick up milk. But, as of recent, you'd fallen into the bad patterns of marriage. Shawn was busy with work and so were you. But, where you felt you still made the effort was where his effort lacked. He didn't turn up for dinner on time. He forgot about your Mom's birthday and made the excuse that it wasn't his family. You didn't stay with him for long enough on tour and you didn't make it to Aaliyah's prom preparations. Both of you had been making mistakes. To say you were struggling was an understatement. You weren't falling out of love with him - you never would. But this was becoming unbearable.
"Yeah, yeah, I'll get ready and meet you there for eight, sound good?" His voice slices through your swirling thoughts and you wonder how long he'd been in the flat, somewhat hoping he would brush past without paying much attention to you. Recently, every time you saw each other it resulted in arguments.
But, as the call of his focus ends, he barges into the bedroom where you lay.
"Hey- oh shit, were you sleeping?" He begins, walking past all the same and going over to the closet.
You sniff away your lasting tears and push yourself up to sit on the edge of the bed, "No, no, just uh-" You pause and see no reasoning for coming up with an excuse, "Are you going out?"
"Yeah, yeah, Brian's just called and said a few of the boys want to get together for dinner and drinks," He explains as he rummages through his clothes to pick out an outfit.
"Okay," You run a hand through your hair, "I'll just go to my brother's on my own then,"
Shawn had completely forgotten that your brother had invited you round, you knew it.
"Oh shit, I didn't even think about that! You don't need me there do you?" He shrugs, now standing in the doorway of the closet as he looks at you expectantly.
You let out an exasperated scoff, "No, come on, it's not like it's the first house he's ever owned and he's been planning for us to come round for weeks now. It's not like his daughter, my niece, has been asking about you coming round since she first found out. Don't worry about that Shawn,"
In all honesty, you weren't sure where that had come from. It was like the sight of him acting so nonchalant had lit up a fire deep in the belly of your anger and everything from the past few months was rearing its head.
"Woah, jeez, chill out," He rolls his eyes, "They'll understand,"
You shake your head, "That's all that matters, right?"
He frowns and watches as you stand up from the bed, fully prepared for this to be some sort of lover's showdown.
"It doesn't fucking matter that you've just come home late and that I've already got dinner ready for us. It doesn't matter that you've just walked in to your fiancé crying and you've not even paid enough attention to notice. In fact, you haven't paid enough attention to notice anything Shawn and I'm fucking fed up of it!" You're not raising your voice for the words speak enough volume in their plenty, "I mean, fuck, Shawn, it seems like you don't even care anymore and I-"
You stop yourself as your shoulders begin to tremble and another wave of tears floods through your body, swarming your veins until they trickle down your cheeks.
"(Y/n), where is this coming from?" Shawn shakes his head, crossing his arms as the frown between his brows sinks deeper and deeper.
"I don't know, and I don't care," Your shoulders shake as you hold back another sob, "I'm done, alright?"
And then the tears really fall.
Yes. You were getting emotional. Some would say too emotional. But you needed this. You needed to let out all of the built up struggle that you'd been putting off and all of the fear you had that you were no longer good enough for the one man who owned your heart.
But, since instincts are impossible to forget, you are quickly met with Shawn's arms engulfing your form. He holds you with cautious force, like he's fearful you'll yell and reject his advances. And the two of you stay like that until there's enough of a stain on his grey t-shirt to highlight just how emotional you were.
He guides you over to the edge of the bed where the two of you sit.
"Babe, you've got to tell me where this is coming from. I mean, I know we've been arguing a bit recently and, yeah, things have been stressful for both of us. But I didn't know it was this bad," Shawn sighs, his brows dropping into a worried frown.
"It's too much. It's every single night and then dealing with the aftermath in the morning. I'm expecting to argue with you every time I see you now - knowing if I don't have a reason to, you sure as hell will. And I've just had enough," You shrug your shoulders, "Isn't it bothering you?"
Shawn stops for a moment and really thinks, "Well, isn't that what all couples are like? We've been together for years (Y/n), we can't expect that we'll never argue,"
"I'm not saying that S. I'm just saying that we can't keep doing this when it's clear that it's just making us miserable," You sigh, "We're twenty years old and we're already acting like we've got the weight of the world on our shoulders, just because of a relationship,"
He swallows and looks at you fearfully, "So what are you saying?"
You clench your jaw, "We need to stop this S. Not us, god I don't want that. But we need to go back to how things used to be and that's going to take time... But I want this to work,"
He nods a little too eagerly, "Look, I'll stay here tonight and I'll take a few days away from the studio and everything and I-"
"No," You shake your head, "We can't keep doing that. It's not sustainable. We go through a shit period, throw everything away to solve it and then realise that in a month or two we're back to exactly where we were,"
"Then what can I do? Tell me and I'll do it, I'll do anything," He encourages, shuffling closer to you on the bed and taking your hand in his.
"Go out tonight, go see the boys. I'm not really feeling up for anything so I'll just text my brother and tell him we'll reschedule," You nod, "There's steak salad ready for you in the kitchen if you want something to eat before you go. I did yours separate from mine - mine had tomatoes,"
He can't help but smile a little, "I don't want to leave you like this,"
You shake your head, "Don't say that. We can't do it like that,"
He knows you're right but there's an ache in his heart that he can't quite shift.
"Go on, get ready, they'll be waiting," You encourage and, with all reluctance he could muster, Shawn leaves you.
Fuck. Don't cry now.
You clench your jaw and hope to hold back the swelling of tears beneath your irises. No luck.
~~~
It is nearing eight when Shawn finally gets ready to go, coming out of the bedroom clad in an outfit that still let little butterflies dance in your stomach. A plain white hoodie beneath a vintage Levi's jacket and black jeans with his boots. It was like a walking metaphor of Shawn Mendes.
"I'll text you when I'm leaving," He mentions, scratching at the back of his head, "I won't be too late,"
You glance up from the TV as you were curled against the armrest of the couch, "Have a good night," The smile was forced but present all the same.
He waits a little like he wants to say something more but opts not to, walking over and bending down to kiss you. It's only your cheek but ends up being a little too close to your lips to hide his real desire.
And then he's heading towards the door, keys grabbed from the kitchen counter.
But he stops. Glancing back to you and looking at your form like he was silently screaming for all of the words he should be saying - desperate to find some way of making all of this inevitable better.
And, as he shakes himself to turn away from you, you find yourself looking back to him. You see how his shoulders fall a little lower and his hands are stuffed into his jacket pockets like they feel empty if they're not in yours.
But, as if your heart was pulling you towards the one that it loved, you found yourself hurrying towards the door, grabbing his arm before he can open it and forcing him to turn and face you.
"(Y/n) I-" He begins but he's shut off instantly as your arms wrap him in a bone crushing hug and you hold onto him like he's about to disintegrate in front of you.
He stumbles a little with the force and his arms freeze like they're not yet responding to his racing brain. But, in a split second, his arms are around you too, holding you like it's the last thing he knew how to do.
You feel him breathe in the scent of your shampoo and you're doing the same to his cologne, taking in every particle like each one held a little bit of him.
"I don't want to lose this," Shawn mumbles against your head, pulling away only slightly so he can look in your eyes.
You shake your head, "We won't. Okay? We can't,"
"One day at a time," Shawn nods in understanding.
You purse your lips and nod in response, "One day at a time,"
He lets a tear slip across his cheek and pulls you back into him so you could prevent the rest from falling.
This was messy but it wasn't all lost yet. And it was that glimmer of hope that you had to carry forward. The glimmer that coursed through the embrace between the two of you and the promise that things would eventually go back to how they used to be.
"Okay, yeah, I'll be there soon, do you need anything?" You ask as you speak through your headphones, awaiting the moment your suitcase came trailing down the belt.
"Can you pick up something for dinner love? I haven't eaten all day," Your grandfather replies and you can hear the fatigue in his words.
"Of course I can pops," You smile a little, taking your suitcase and beginning to wheel it out to the exit of the airport.
He bids you farewell and you hang up the call, tucking your phone into your pocket and making your way toward the taxi pick up point.
It felt awfully bittersweet to be back here after only six months. Your Nan had been taken ill and you knew it was in your best interest to come home as soon as possible. It had been a whole six months of being in London and enjoying your life without Shawn. Enjoying was a bit of a stretch. You'd struggled to say the least. You still saw glimpses of his life but hadn't spoken a word to him since that night on the rooftop. God, it killed you to leave.
"Miss? I need a destination," The taxi driver encourages and it is only then that you snap back to reality.
"Um, oh, yeah," You shake your head, handing him the postcode and climbing into the back of the car.
"Glad to be home?" The driver smiles as he sees you settle your head against the glass window beside you.
"Something like that," You mutter, letting your eyes flutter shut as you take in a shaky breath.
Glad to be home...
~~~
The wafting smell of coffee and pancakes dusted beneath your nose as soon as the bell chimed on the diner to signal your arrival. This felt a little more like home. Your eyes glance over the empty booths and take in the memory of you and Shawn promising to sit in every single one at least once. You let your glance carry over to the only occupied booth and you're sure that, for a second, your entire world pauses. Your entire little existence as you stand there with your suitcase and rucksack completely stops. Before rushing all back to a moment six long months ago. With music, a rooftop, a night sky, and him.
His eyes stop on you too and his cheeks flush a little redder than they naturally were. You'd hoped he'd look different. But he's every inch of the Shawn you left behind. Every inch of the Shawn you love.
He freezes in motion too, his arm resting atop the red leather seat like he's awaiting the moment the space will be filled by company. You swallow the lump in your throat and tuck your hair behind your ear, diverting toward the counter.
"Just two of the chicken burger meals please," You stop and glance over your shoulder at his looming figure, "To go,"
Instantly, Shawn jumps up from the seat and makes his way to you.
"(Y/n)," He says, like the name felt foreignly known to his unkissed lips.
You give yourself a second before deciding to turn around, holding your hand on the countertop to steady yourself, "Hey,"
"Hey?" He scoffs, "It's been six months and all I get is a hey?"
"Shawn I-" You begin.
"You broke me (Y/n). You left half a year ago and acted like I didn't even exist! You just left me here and went to carry on your life like there was no possibility of us even speaking, let alone being friends," He's angry and it's obvious, like that anger is fueling him to just spill everything he's been bottling up for months.
You feel your bottom lip quiver a little and it's not just because of his confrontation. Everything had built up. You'd been so focused on helping your Grandfather that you didn't even consider your own upset towards the idea of your Nan being so ill. And now you stood in front of the one guy that you could always confide in and he was instead speaking at you like there was no end to his fury.
"Not now, please Shawn," Your words come out as a shaky, cracked whisper.
It is then that he stops and notices his effect. Your hand is shaking against the counter and your bottom lip is trembling impossibly quickly. Your eyes are tired and there's a messy lack of effort to your hair that was only a sign of your stresses.
"What's wro-"
"Here you go miss," The worker comments and you thank him, handing over a twenty before grabbing the bag and quickly making your way past Shawn.
"(Y/n)!" He catches up with you in the parking lot and quickly grabs the food bag from you, "You're not leaving again without an explanation. Just tell me what's going on!"
You clench your jaw and spin on your heel, "You want to know what's fucking going on?"
He stumbles back a little, evidently not expecting such an outburst from someone who he'd never seen angry.
"I've spent the past six months running away from you at every corner and now I'm home for my family and the first thing I see is you. I'm not here for you Shawn. I'm here for my family and that's it," You sigh, "So you can give me back my food and get on with your life, as I'm sure you want to,"
"What's that supposed to mean? You think this has been easy for me?" He laughs, "It's been fucking horrible. You left and made it seem like I never even cared about you. You acted like you wished I didn't exist and then you left, nothing more,"
"I didn't wish you didn't exist, Shawn. I wished with everything that I had that you'd want to exist with me. That I wouldn't just be here but I'd be there," You point to his heart and swallow the lump in and throat, "That you'd look at me and feel the same way you do about all those girls from your songs. But you didn't. And I couldn't imagine myself living a life here without the one person who makes this place feel like my real home. So, yeah, I had to go,"
He's silent now - evidently realising he's said too much, or perhaps just said it all wrong.
"My Grandma is really ill. I just want to get to the hospital and be with my family. So, please, God, let me take my stuff and find my way there," You finish, running your free hand through your hair.
Shawn clenches his jaw and hands over the bag which you willingly take, "I'm driving you there,"
"No, you're not," You roll your eyes, turning on your heel and heading back toward the edge of the carpark to hopefully get a taxi.
He unlocks his jeep and rushes round to stand in front of you, "Your family, my family,"
You find it difficult to dismiss the statement and so, you're clambering into that Jeep in an intense silence you wished you'd never see again.
~~~
It isn't long before the two of you reach the hospital. You know because you spent the entire time staring at the digital time in his car. You watched the minutes update in order to avoid looking even remotely close to him. Every so often you'd catch him steal a look in your direction but he'd soon dismiss it as though he was looking at your side's wingmirror.
And then it's the hospital. And it's time to focus on something else other than Shawn.
"I'm here to see Mrs (Y/l/n)," You explain to the receptionist who searches up the name and welcomingly lets you through.
You're met in the waiting room by your Grandfather who gets up to give you a hug you knew you needed just as much as he did.
"Hello my darling," He forces a smile through his tired expression, "And Shawn?"
"It's good to see you again," Mendes nods politely, keeping a fair distance.
"She's just through there, but she's sleeping at the minute. Are you okay to stay with her? I haven't been home in a couple of days so she could do with having a few things brought to her," Your Grandad explains, scratching at the top of his head.
"Of course, Pops. I'll stay as long as you need me to,"
He bids you farewell and heads in the way you and Shawn had just come, leaving you to go into the room to a sight you perhaps didn't want to see.
Shawn's hand settles onto your back, "I'm right here,"
It pains you that you find so much comfort in the gesture.
~~~
You weren't sure how much time had passed since you'd first sat down in the hospital room but your Grandmother had been asleep for the whole time. Shawn and you sat in silence and you kept your eyes focused on anything but him. Until he spoke.
"Do you remember the first time she invited me round for dinner?" He smiles lightly, his voice quiet which always gave it a deeper octave.
You nod, "She put tomato in your burger and you forced yourself to eat the whole thing. I thought you'd be sick,"
"I didn't want to be rude! She was really intimidating!" He laughs and you can't help but chuckle with him.
"She loved you instantly though," You comment, "She hated that I was leaving, she told me-"
You have to stop as your voice cracks and Shawn is quick to squeeze your hand, "She's going to be okay (Y/n/n),"
You take a deep breath and settle back into your chair, leaning into his side so that your head rests on his shoulder.
After a moment of just sitting still, he tilts his head and presses a kiss to your hair, watching as your eyes flutter shut at the action.
~~~
It is only when visiting hours end that the two of you are asked to leave and you finally have to pull away from Shawn's warm presence.
"(Y/n) I think we need to talk," Shawn says as the two of you walk into the hospital car park.
You turn around and look at him expectantly.
"When you left six months ago, you told me it was because you knew I'd never feel the same. That you were in some sort of unrequited love with me and it was killing me. And so you left and that was meant to be it," He begins as though he's been preparing this for forever, "But, you see, I've spent the past six months chasing some sort of feeling that I couldn't quite work out. It's like I've been looking for something that I didn't know I'd ever had. And then I realised that that feeling was you. And it wasn't like any feeling I've had with a girl before because it was completely specific to you,"
You're sure you can't feel your limbs and you're sure your heart is racing enough to spark concern from the hospital.
"It's that feeling I get when you're dancing in the front row at a concert I only perform to you. Or that feeling when you're chatting to Aaliyah and my mum like they're your own family. That feeling when you're crying and I want to scream at whatever caused it," His voice trembles a little, "And I was so stupid to not see it until now that I could've completely lost you. And if I hadn't have been in that diner then I don't want to know how long it would be before I ever got this chance,"
"Probably the next show you'd have in London," You smirk, "You know I can't resist hearing Mercy live,"
He chuckles at your inability to keep anything serious and shakes his head.
The light-hearted atmosphere falls flat and his eyes are focused on making sure this last part is as perfect as he could make it.
"So, all I ask is that you give this idiot boy standing in front of you the chance to prove that you are all his heart could ask for,"
When you don't respond, you see the worry set into his eyes and the way he has to shift his hands to stop them from shaking so much.
You instinctively reach out to stop them, "You can tell you're in show business Shawn. That was a dramatic monologue,"
"Can you ever be serious?" He rolls his eyes, dragging you toward him so that you hit flush against his chest, "Why do I bother?"
"I'm still trying to work out the same thing,"
With that, his hand comes away from yours to cup your cheek, his thumb brushing naturally along your jaw. His kiss is one of caution, fearful of making this moment amy less perfect. It feels strange at first. As though something like this should never be awaited for so long. But in moments, it seems to fit. All that waiting seems to fall into place and somehow appear to be all worth it. All you could ask is that it would never end. And, right now, you could be sure that it never would.
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Since it has been requested that I repost this one, FYI I edited it!
The night had started off so great.
He was flirting and was teasing you with little subtle touches, you returning the favor. It was almost as if you hadn’t been dating for three years. It brought you back to the first night you met him.
He brushed his knuckles against yours when he wanted to hold your hand. He’d bite his pink bottom lip staring at yours. He’d flirt and tell you cheesy pick up lines to get you to laugh.
This wasn’t so much of an occurrence anymore.
Dating for years it’s inevitable you just fall into a routine.
If he wants to hold your hand, he doesn’t have to ask he just grabs it and threads your fingers together. If he wants to kiss you he just has to lean in and kiss you. If he wants to get you to laugh he just have to give you a weird look.
Not saying you don’t have to try as hard, the effort is just different. It becomes natural, and comfortable.
Tonight was a glimpse at the old Shawn. This was the Shawn that was working hard to impress, that way you knew that he still wanted you as much as the first time he saw you.
“Hey your hand looks heavy there.” He says walking up next to you. “Let me hold it.” He grins, brushing his knuckles against yours.
“Sure you can handle it?” You tease back.
“I’m much stronger than I look.” He flexes, making the blue shirt he’s wearing stretch around his muscles, your mouth going dry at the sight in front of you.
“Oh yeah?” You giggle as you interlock your fingers with his.
“Yeah.” He grins, leaning down and brushing his lips on your cheek.
“Shawn!” Aaliyah calls from the other side of the room.
You were over at his parents for the night. It was a family reunion, and everyone was really excited to hear that Shawn was able to come. He’s missed the last two, being on tour. They were also really excited because this was the first time you were meeting the rest of his extended family.2
“What?” He calls back.
“Come look at this.” She says pointing to something in the backyard, where a small dance floor was set up.
“Go.” You shoo him off.
“I’m coming back to you.” He turns to you. “Save me all of your dances.” He kisses the back of your hand.
“Okay.” You say nodding.
You watch as he walks away to his sister, following her out back. You laugh at how they react the same with grossed out faces.
“Hey.” A deep voice says beside you. You look over and crinkle your nose at how close this guy is.
“Hello.” You take a step away from him.
He leans on the breakfast bar you are standing in front of and smiles at you.
“I’m Dante.” He says offering his hand.
“Y/n.” You shake his hand and look over your shoulder, hoping maybe Shawn will come back.
“That’s a nice dress.” Dante mutters into your ear, his breath making you shiver in disgust.
You look over at Dante with wide eyes. His eyes are fixated on your boobs and he’s moving closer to you. You are starting to feel really uncomfortable and look around for Shawn.
“Want to get out of here?” Dante says placing his hand on your waist.
You shove his hand off and tell him no. Trying to get away.
“Y/n?” Brian says behind you.
Brian! You forgot he came.
“Are you okay? Is there a problem here?” He asks looking at Dante, and how close he is to you.
“No I don’t think so.” Dante glares at Brian.
“Yeah there is.” You look at Brian for help. Brian moves you behind him, his arm around you, respectively, but protectively.
“Think you should get lost.” Brian says to Dante, puffing his chest out a bit, making himself seem bigger.
“What, you her boyfriend?” Dante spits, getting in Brian’s face.
“Ha, you wish.” Brian says with a laugh. “No and if her boyfriend comes in here and sees you standing that close you won’t be standing anymore.”
“Well I don’t see him in here telling me to keep my hands off.” Dante shrugs.
“Yeah well I’m telling you to keep your hands off.” Brian responds.
“Whatever, she’s not even that hot anyway.” He rolls his eyes walking away.
You stand behind Brian frozen for a second. Who was this guy? And how in the hell did he know the sweet Mendes family?
“Y/n, are you okay?” Brian asks.
“Y-yeah, just a little shaken up.”
“Let’s get you some water, and sit for a second yeah?”
You get some water, sitting at a table with Brian. He asks about the guy and what the guy said before he walked up. You explained and thanked him for helping you out of the situation. Brain wanted to get Shawn, even when you told him that your were fine and would tell him on your own he was adamant on getting him for you.
Just as Brian is standing to search for your boyfriend, Shawn himself walks up.
“Hey.” He says, glare hard, darting from Brian to you.
“Hey.” You give him a tight lipped smile. “Ready for that dance?”
He looks at you, jaw clenched, but nods. You set your drink down and look back at Brian.
“Thanks again.” You rest a hand on his shoulder.
“No problem.” He smiles. You stand and try to lean into Shawn but he just walks off. You stand shocked but follow him to the dance floor.
A slow song is playing and you wait to see what his move is gonna be. He takes your hand and holds you with his right hand rested on the small of your back. He’s got you pressed into him, swaying back and forth.
“What did Aaliyah want to show you?” You ask looking up at him.
“Nothin’.” He looks away. You stare at him confused and continue to sway, watching his jaw clench and cheeks flush red.
“Hey.” You whisper, rubbing his arm. His eyes flick to yours and soften when they look into them. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” He rolls his eyes.
“Shawn?” You say stopping your movements, standing in front of him, slowly you start to panic at his demeanor.
“What?” He snaps.
Your eyes go wide and you back away from him, in shock and hurt.
“Whoa.” You say watching his fists ball up. “What the fuck is the matter?”
“I don’t know go ask Brian.” He sneers, looking at Brian over your shoulder.
“What?” You ask confused. He scoffs and pulls you back to him, swaying again. “No.” You say pushing him away, not wanting his hands on you anymore.
He was acting like an ass for no reason, and you weren’t okay with that.
“Can you not make a scene in front of my whole family?” He says glaring at you.
“Can you just tell me what’s wrong?” You whine quietly.
“You should know.” He mutters, running a hand through his curls.
“Know what?” You ask with knitted eyebrows.
“Whatever.” He rolls his eyes, hands reaching for you again.
“Fuck off.” You say swatting at his hands.
“Y/n, you are making a scene.” He grits his teeth.
“Okay, fine then.” You say walking away from him, deciding not to ‘make a scene.’
You don’t know what his issue is but he is not gonna be all moody with you and act like nothing's wrong. You don’t play games like that. If he has an issue then he needs to tell you.
“Y/n.” He says following you. You grab your purse from his old bedroom and walk outside, cursing the fact that you rode here with him.
Digging for your phone to call an UBER you jerk when he grabs your arm.
“Would you just stop.” He grunts.
“I want to leave.” You say looking up at him with wide eyes.
“Stop.” He says holding your face, shaking his head.
“Then tell me what’s the matter.”
“How can you not know?” He rolls his eyes again.
“Fine.” You pull away from him and look back at your phone, opening the UBER app.
“Fuck’s sake.” He curses pulling you back to him.
“Would you just let me leave?” You raise your voice at him.
“No!” He yells back.
“Then tell me what the fuck is wrong!” You scream back, so tired of this game he’s playing.
“What’s wrong is that you and Brian are fucking flirting and getting all cozy at MY family’s gathering.” He says letting go of you.
“What?” You ask confused. “What are you talking about?”
“Of course you don’t want to say anything about it.”
“What the fuck are you talking about Shawn?”
“I’m not talking about this here.” He looks back towards the house.
“Fine, then take me home.” You say simply.
“Y/n, the party isn’t over.” He shakes his head.
“Okay, then stay. I’ll go home.”
“No.”
“Yes. I don’t want to be here with a pissy Shawn who is just gonna jump to conclusions and bite my head off all night. I came to have fun, and that, that’s not it.”
“Pissy? I’m pissy now?” He snaps back.
“Yeah, because you can’t grow up and realize that I can have a conversation with another male without flirting being involved.”
“I know when you are flirting with another guy, I can fucking see it.” He points to his eyes.
“You really think I would flirt with your best friend at your parents house?”
“I wouldn’t think that no, but then I watched it happen so I don’t know.” He shrugs.
“Fuck off Shawn.” You say rolling your eyes.
How can he think that? How can he not trust you?
“Don’t tell me to fuck off.”
“I’ll tell you to fuck off if I want to.”
“Look who’s pissy now.” He motions at you.
“Well I just found out my boyfriend doesn’t trust me, so?” Your lip wobbles as you look to your feet.
“What?” He says retreating. “I trust you.” His voice cracks.
“Obviously not.” You say waving a hand in the direction towards the door.
“I trust you.”
“No, you just accused me of flirting with Brian and you won’t even hear what I’m saying. So no, you don’t trust me.”
“Okay, what do you have to say?” He crosses his arms.
“That you a fucking insane and that I would never do that to you.”
He rolls his eyes.
“And that you just rolled your eyes so you don’t believe what I just said, which means you don’t trust me.”
“I trust you.”
“Then why won’t you believe me?”
“Because I watched it fucking happen!” He shouts again.
“I want to go home.” You say quietly.
The change in your voice catches him off guard. His gaze softens and he stares at you.
“Why?” He whispers.
“Because we are fighting in front of your parents house and I don’t want them to think less of me.” You push a pebble around with your toe.
“Babe.” He says reaching for you.
“So take me home, or I’m calling a cab.”
“No, I’ll take you.”
“Then take me home.” You say walking to his car.
He looks over his shoulder and thinks about going in to say goodbye, but worries that if he leaves you then you’ll call a cab. He doesn’t like the idea of you going home angry and hurt, alone.
He spots Aaliyah by the front door and deadpans.
“Take her home Shawn. Fix this.” She says shooing him towards you.
“You shouldn’t have heard that.” He glares at his sister.
“I didn’t mean too, just go fix this.”
He turns back to look at you already seated in his car, face in your hands. He walks to his car and gets in, starting it.
He pulls one of your hands away from your face and holds it. You stare at him and then your hands confused.
“I trust you.” He says looking over at you, then back to the road as he starts to go home.
“Then why won’t you believe me?”
“Because the idea that you are flirting with another guy, Brian or not, makes me feel like I’m not good enough for you. That if you have the thought to flirt with someone else than I don’t give you enough. Then the idea of that makes me think that, I don’t give you enough. I’m not enough for you. Someone else could be here for you all the time, not living half of our relationship over the phone.” He confesses, clutching your hand.
“Shawn.” You say kissing the back of his hand. “You are more than enough. I can tell you that I have never once even looked at another guy since the night I met you. Honestly,” You giggle. “I wasn’t really there that night to look.” He looks over at you, then back to the road. “But you walked up, all cute and confident. How could I not talk to you?”
He smiles and squeezes your hand.
“But Baby.” You catch his attention. “You are more than enough. Do you realize how much I love you? You are here for me all the time.”
“No I’m not. I’m always away from you.”
“But just a phone call away.” You reason.
“I should be just a 2 minute drive away.”
“Shawn.” You sigh. “Wanna know how I know we're gonna make it? How I know that we can fight over stupid shit all night and still say I love you before we go to bed?” You shift in your seat to face him better.
He’s pulled into the driveway, putting the car in park. He looks at you with a sad look on his face, hand still clutching yours.
“Because if we can handle four months of face time dates, late night calls, early morning texts, and not seeing each other, then we can get over a stupid fight. If we can handle being apart and still be as strong as ever, then we can handle anything.”
He’s got a hint of a smile on his lips as he leans in and kisses you.
“I love you.” He says pulling away.
“I love you too.” You sigh. “But Shawn,” You caress his cheek. “I can only give you my heart, and hope to god that that’s enough for you to know that I am yours. That I’d never put myself into a position to lose you.”
He nods quickly, kissing the inside of your wrist as you bite your lip.
“I wasn’t flirting with Brian,” You whisper.
“I know,” He whispers back. “I hate fighting with you.” He deflates. “Scares me.”
“Me too.”
“Come cuddle me.” He says getting out, racing to your side so he can help you out.
“You’re cute.” You smirk as he opens your door.
“As long as you think so.” He bops your nose.
“I think a lot of girls think so.”
“Only need one to think so.” He kisses your cheek as you both start walking to the front door.
Once inside, after changing, you both lay in bed together.
He’s staring at you, as you trace the features of his face with your fingertip. His hand is on your waist, pulling you close into him.
“Can I tell you what happened with Brian without you getting super angry with me.”
“It’s okay, I trust you.” He shakes his head. But you decide you want to tell him about Dante, that way he knows. If not, it’s gonna eat you alive.
“So when you left me, to go see what Aaliyah wanted this guy walked up. I think he said his name was Dante.”
“Oh, I think he’s like a third cousin or something.” Shawn nods.
“Well, he was very forward.” You raise your eyebrows, his scrunching together.
“Forward how?”
“He put his hand on my waist and I’m pretty sure he was having the conversation with my boobs instead of me.” You say, feeling his grip on you get tighter.
“Why-”
“Just wait.” You shush him. “I shoved his hand off, and tried to back away but he wouldn’t leave. And as I was looking for you Brian walked up. You were outside and Brian asked if I was okay. I told him no, I trusted Brian in that moment and Dante was making me uncomfortable.” You explain, hands now on Shawn’s chest. “Anyway, Brian moved me away from Dante and pretty much told him to fuck off.” You stare at your fingertips.
“He did?” Shawn dips his head so you’ll look into his eyes.
“Yeah, actually told him that he wasn’t my boyfriend but if mine did come in and saw how close Dante was that you would beat the shit out of him.”
“I would’ve.” He mumbles.
“When you found us,” You swallow. “I was bit shaken up about the whole thing and Brian was talking me through it. He was about to go find you, but you walked up.” You finish explaining, looking into his eyes.
“And I walked up and was a total jackass, Baby I’m sorry.” He says pulling you closer.
“I was gonna tell you while we were dancing, but you got all moody.”
“I’m sorry, I should have been there for you.” He says nuzzling himself into you. “I’m sorry you had to be in that situation without me there to protect you.” He whispers against your skin, placing soft kisses to your neck.
“It’s okay.”
“I’m sorry I accused you of flirting with Brian, especially when he was helping you.” He sighs.
“Shawn.” You say running your fingers through the curls at the nape of his neck. “I want you to know that I trust your friends, and I want to trust that if I’m in a situation like that and you aren’t around that I can rely on your friends to protect me the way you would.”
“I want you to trust them too. And they will, I mean look at Brian tonight. It’s an understanding between all of us guys in the group, that if any of our girls are in trouble and as the boyfriend we aren’t there, then those who are are to jump in and help.”
“I love you, and I’m sorry for causing a scene at your Family Reunion.” You whisper.
“Shh.” He shakes his head. “I caused the scene, and it would have been avoided had I just listened to you.”
“So are you saying that I was right?”
“You are always right.” He groans.
“It’s my superpower.”
“I have to ask,” He inhales sharply. “Did you mean what you said in the car?” He pulls back to look at your face, being met with your confused look. “That you really think that we can make it?”
“Yeah.” You nod, smiling. Smart comment falling from your lips before you can catch them. “I’m not dating you to break up.”
“Shut up.” He goes back to nuzzling you.
“I meant it Shawn. I see that with you, and I know we can make it. As long as we trust each other.”
“What do you see?”
“What do you see?” You ask him.
“Marriage.” He nods, nipping at your neck.
“Yeah.”
“Kids.” He pulls you closer.
“Yeah?” There’s a lilt in your voice.
“Three, two boys and a little girl.”
“Let me guess; a soccer player, a musician like his Dad, and a ballerina.”
“Yeah, she’ll look like you.”
“And the boys will be your little mini me’s.”
“But they’ll be little Mama’s boys. Always wanting to cuddle with you.”
“Just like their Dad.” You tease.
“Just like their Dad.” He agrees chuckling.
“The retiring.” He says rolling on his back, pulling you to lay on top of him.
“Oh yeah? Do you even know what that means?” Teasing again.
“By then maybe we’ll be grandparents.” He smiles. “And we’ll live somewhere over here, secluded and cute. You can publish that book you have always dreamed about writing. Maybe I’ll keep writing but not singing or touring anymore.”
“What, we’ll just sit on the front porch, holding hands as we watch people and cars pass by?”
“That’s my goal.” He nods staring into your eyes.
“I think that’s the most amazing thing you have ever said.” You whisper, blushing.
He wipes a few specs of your mascara from under your eye.
“That’s always been my goal. Growing old with you will always be my goal.”
You felt so safe, sitting on his big fluffy couch, his arms around you, holding you while you watched MasterChef.
The lights were off, just a few candles lit and the kitchen light illuminating the room. Sharing a blanket, snuggled into each other.
His arms held you tighter as he jumped from the sound of thunder. Your head snapped towards the windows, watching a flash of lightning land far in the distance.
“Fuck that scared me,” He said looking over out the window too.
You giggled, looking up at him as he slowly looked back at the screen. Another rumble of thunder and you were looking back outside for that flash.
When a bolt appeared you couldn’t help yourself, you stood from your spot, stealing the blanket and wrapping it around yourself.
Shawn watched with curious eyes as you softly padded to the balcony doors. When you unlocked it and slid it open, he sat up.
“Babe?” He watched you step outside. “What the fuck are you doing? It’s storming out.”
“I know,” You smiled, walking further outside.
“Get back in!” He stood from the couch, cautiously walking to the door.
He felt uneasy, with a storm raging and you walking out into it. Another loud rumble sounded, this one close, shaking the floor of his condo. When the light flashed once again you started counting.
“One one thousand...” You started counting softly, still venturing out.
“Don’t fuck around, get back inside.” Shawn stepped up to the door.
“15 one thousand,” You say when the thunder groans again. You turn and look at Shawn, eyes bright and a big smile on your face. “3 miles from us,”.
Shawn’s eyes bug out of his head when you say that, and he stares at you incredulously as you turn back to the railing waiting for another flash.
“Would you get back inside,” He grits through his teeth.
“Just, come here,” You hold out a hand for him.
“Hell no, it’s storming out!”
“Shawn,” You whisper, “I promise it’s okay.” He shakes his head in response. “Storms are my favorite thing, they remind me of home. Please,”
“Y/n,” He sighs.
“Please, just for a little?”
He groans, head thrown back as he steps out into the oddly warm night, standing behind you, arms circling around your waist, chin on your shoulder.
“The lightning and thunder are happening at the same time,” You whisper, watching the sky. “But light travels faster than sound.”
“Okay,” He mumbles against your sweatshirt covered shoulder.
“So my Dad taught me this trick, when you see the flash start counting the seconds. For every five seconds it’s one mile.”
He nods.
“So like with the last one I counted to 15, divided by five is 3 miles.”
“That’s actually really cool Babe,”
Just then another flash strikes.
“One one thousand,” You start, his voice softly joining in on counting with you.
And soon, his worries of being outside during the storm are long gone, he’s distracted with counting with you, and talking with you softly about what you used to do when you were little and it would storm.
“Promise me something,” You whisper, head leaning back against his chest.
“Anything,”
“No matter where we are, or what we’re doing, whenever there’s a storm, we’ll go out and stand just like this, counting the miles?”
“Promise,” He mumbles, kissing your neck softly. “Promise with my whole heart.”
** // 1 year and a half later// **
The stadium tour was in full swing, and you joined not so long ago. You both wanted to experience this together, it was so huge and massive for him.
Today you were in Michigan, he was playing Michigan stadium tomorrow night.
You all just made it to the hotel, working on two hours of sleep from the last show and an awful flight full of turbulence.
The sky was dark and angry, the night and emotions of those around you feeling much the same.
“I just want to fucking sleep, let me fucking sleep,” Shawn groaned walking down the hall to your shared hotel room.
“You’re the one that promised my brother we’d call before his game today.” You give back, following behind him.
“Well I didn’t think that I’d be at this moment in time when I’d do so.”
“It’s just a quick call Shawn, it’s not that bad.”
“Y/n!” He snapped, turning to you in the hallway. “I want to fucking sleep!” He waves his arms around. “I literally performed LAST NIGHT, and got on a plane, getting not a fucking wink of sleep for the night. Let me fucking rest and I’ll do whatever it is that you want me to fucking do when I wake.”
“I understand that you’re tired,” You spit through gritted teeth, face red in embarrassment since he’s just raised his voice at you in front of the whole team. “But you fucking promised my brother that you’d call. So for five fucking minutes could you call him and wish him luck? Is that so fucking hard?”
“It is,” He digs the key card out of his pocket. “It is that fucking hard, tell him I passed out, or that I didn’t fucking want to.”
He opens the door, pushing his way in, you hot on his heels.
“Night guys,” The team mumbles as you both take your fight into the hotel room.
“You’re being an ass right now,” You toss your bag on the chair, putting your hair up in a messy bun.
“Then tell me how to not be an ass?” He throws all the bags he was carrying to the floor, so he can face you properly.
“Stop making fucking promises you won’t keep,” You raise your voice.
Just then the thunder rumbles. Shawn jumps, hands reaching for you in his automatic response to protect you.
You huff, angry at him, but your eyes meet his and you both just know.
No words are spoken, and no fight about not going to bed right then. He slips his jacket on, handing you your hoodie, slipping the key card back in his pocket as you both head back out to the patio area on the floor.
The rest of the team is still in the hall, silently muttering about you two as you both walk past.
Lips in a hard line, your hand in his as he opens the sliding door to let you through.
They all watch in curiosity as you walk to the gate, looking up at the sky as Shawn steps behind you, holding you tightly.
The lightning flashes, and they can’t hear it, but you both start counting.
After a few rounds of counting, calculating the storm to be about 4 miles away, Shawn speaks up first.
“I’m sorry for being an ass,” He whispers in your ear.
You sigh, leaning further into him. “I’m sorry for calling you an ass,”
“Don’t be, I deserved it.”
“No, you didn’t. You’re tired, and are allowed to be.”
“But I did promise,” He holds you tighter. “And I’m proud to say that I keep my promises, and I don’t want to ruin that statement.”
You turn and look up at him, his eyes are tired but they hold his emotion. “I’m sorry I said that too.”
“I needed to hear it,” He shakes his head.
“Let’s go to bed,”
“Hold on,” He says, fumbling for his phone.
He calls your brother, wishing him luck before his game, you both smiling and waving goodbye before he’s insisting to stay out just a little bit longer so he can hold you.
** // 2 months later // **
It’s past three when he calls, and you groan, rolling over to answer.
“What’s up Baby? It’s really late.”
“Fuck, sorry.” He sighs. “I forgot that I moved and changed time zones again.”
“It’s okay,” You yawn, “What’s up?”
“It’s storming here.” He says softly, “And now I miss you even more than normal because you’re not here to hold and count with.”
“I’ll still count.” You mumble sleepily.
“Okay,”
You wait a beat, trying to stay awake.
“Okay, one one thousand,” He starts, and you softly join in, but when you get to 12 one thousand you run off, dozing, letting his deep voice lure you back to sleep.
“Wow babe that was a long one, 7 miles I think,” He says once he hears the thunder.”
He waits for your response, and smiles when he doesn’t get one.
“You must have fallen back to sleep,” Still nothing from your end. “Okay, I’m sorry for waking you Babygirl. Sleep well. I love you so much.”
** // 1 year later // **
“BABE!” He rushes down the hall, bursting into the bathroom where you’ve just stepped out of the shower.
“What?” You ask, stepping into some sweats and pulling his harvard hoodie over your head.
“There’s a storm.” His eyes twinkle in excitement as he grabs your hand and softly pulls you out to the balcony.
“Been a while.” You grin as his hands slide around you from behind, resting on your very pregnant belly.
His truck tires crunch against the loose gravel and dirt of the back road. The bumps and imperfections of the tire tracks he’s following jostle the cab around. He’s looking around at the acres and acres of land leading to the small white house at the end of the road.
He pulls up behind a black pickup, his beat up Chevy, “Ole Red” fitting right in with the farm surrounding him. Stepping out he takes in the smell of the fresh air, hay, and the barn across the way. He turns in a complete circle, taking in his surroundings, neck already beading with sweat.
“How can I help you son?” An older gentleman stepped off the two stepped porch, walking his way.
“Mornin’ Sir,” Shawn stuck his hand out, firmly shaking his hand. “Mr. L/n, I heard you needed help with the farm this summer.”
“I do, my son just recently enlisted and shipped out. I’m down the strong arms I once had,” He chuckles, grabbing the bill of his at and pushing the sweat off his forehead before placing his ratty ball cap on his head. “You’re interested?”
“Yes Sir, been looking for some work. I thought I’d let you know I’m your man.”
Mr. L/n nods, turning and looking at the hay bails by the barn, then around at the rest of the farm. “Well,” He clears his throat. “The fence needs fixin’, the peaches need pickin’, and the cows need bringin’ round.”
Shawn nodded, spotting the first three tasks around the farm. “Yes Sir,” He nodded again.
“Tools are in the barn, top shelf in the shed. Water from the hose is fine, so drink from that if you need it. We start when the sun does, we quit when the sun does. Fair?”
“Fair.” Shawn agreed.
“Alright, let’s get to it.”
With that Shawn set out to the barn, looking around and digging his hands into the tools he’d need to fix the fence.
**
By lunch Shawn was dripping in sweat. He’d completed the first three tasks only to be handed three more and another three after that.
The summer heat was brutal, his skin was already burning red, and the icky sticky wet feeling was running down his spine.
Walking down a shady trail, in hopes of finding a cool spot somewhere in the trees he stumbles upon a creek set in the middle of a wall of trees. He smiles, walking towards the dock, kicking his boots and socks off, rolling his jeans up past his knees.
He takes a seat on the dock, letting his feet and shins soak in the cool water. With his head thrown back, eyes closed, and shoulders relaxing he sighs in relief. This was a lot more work than he really expected. It seemed never ending and it was back breaking work. He’d definitely never have to go to the gym if he were to keep the job, and the tan he’d get by the end of summer would have him glowing through Christmas.
His head whips over back to the trail when he hears a car drive past. He sits tall, trying to see if he can catch a glimpse of the car through the branches of the trees around him, with no such luck.
**
“Mother fucking,” He mutters, throwing the bail of hay on the new pile he’s created.
The afternoon heat was worse than the morning heat. It seemed to just stand where it was, bathing him in the 102 degrees. His curls were hidden under his ball cap that he fished out of the back bed of his truck, working to keep them off his forehead.
The ropes tied around the hay bails had cut and dug into his skin, burning and stinging every time he’d pick up a new one.
This was starting to become too much. His shoulders were raging in pain, his feet screaming in his boots, and his face red in frustration.
“‘I’m your man’ what fucking bullshit,” He said, throwing that last hay bail and getting ready to storm off to Mr. L/n, tell him to take the job and shove it. This was utter hell.
He stomps from the barn back to the house, seeing how Mr. L/n looked much the same as he does, desperately drinking from a mason jar full of ice tea.
“Shawn,” He acknowledges.
“Look Mr. L/n,” He starts but halts all the words ready to fall from his lips when the screen door screeches open.
“Dad, more tea?” You ask, holding the pitcher in your hand.
Shawn looks up and stares at you.
You’re gorgeous. He swallows thickly, brown eyes widening, and all thoughts escaping his brain. Your eyes locked with his and he wanted to drop to his knees. You were so pretty. Your full lips curled up into a smile, hair pulled up into a ponytail, white tank top and short jean shorts with brown boots on your feet.
“I’m good Darlin’” Mr. L/n said looking down at his still full glass.
“Who’s this?” You ask still staring at Shawn.
Staring at his chiseled, strong jaw, at his bulging biceps, and the fact that you can see his glorious abs through the white wife beater tank top.
He’d taken his pearl snap off mid morning, leaving him in the tank top and his jeans.
His flushed face makes you blush, and the way he bites his lip as he stares at you with his captivating brown eyes has you melting right there.
“This is Shawn,” Your Dad introduces. “He’s helping me with the farm,”
Shawn looks back to your Dad for a split second, seemingly snapping back to reality before standing up straighter and clearing his throat.
“Well, Shawn,” You smile, giggling at the way he gawks when you say his name. “Would you like some tea?”
He blushes, shaking his head. “No Ma’am.” He drawls out, and his voice is dripping honey. It’s so sweet, thick, slow. Wow
“Shawn what were you saying?” Your Dad captures his attention again.
“I just wanted to let you know that I was headed out for the day and that I’ll see you in the morning.” All other negative thoughts out the window.
“Alright,” Your Dad nods. “More work tomorrow.”
“Yes Sir,” Shawn nods. He then looks at you, tipping his hat with a small smile, “Ma’am.”
With that he walks back to his truck, noticing your white dodge truck parked by the tree with the swing on the long branch.
Climbing in he watches you as you lean against the rail, biting on the tip of your finger as you watch him drive away.
One glance from you and he was spinning. “Wow I love my job.” He smiled, driving away from you and the farm.
**
He’d figured out your name was Y/n, four days after the meeting on the porch. He’d also found out that you were home from Panama city, back for the summer to help with the house chores and horses.
He noticed that he was looking for you all the time, never finding you, but always looking.
Until you found him….
He was back at the creek, soaking his feet again, enjoying the chicken salad sandwich your mother offered, and the sweet iced tea you made, from a mason jar.
“He’s such a fucking asshole,” You yelled, throwing a rock into the creek.
Shawn jumped, the soothing silence he was in suddenly no longer silent. He turned over his shoulder, mid bite when you saw him.
“Oh, sorry. Did I get you? I have awful aim.”
He smiled, shaking his head no. “You okay?” He asked once he’d swallowed his bite.
“Yeah, peachy.” You grumped, crossing your arms, tank top riding up a bit giving him a slice of skin on your tummy.
“Sounds like it.” He chuckled, trying to tear his gaze away before you caught him staring.
“Sorry, I didn’t know you knew about this. This is where I come to let my frustrations out, and rant to the trees.”
He nodded, setting his sandwich down. “I can go?” He jerked his thumb over his shoulder.
“No, don’t. I’m being dramatic, I’ll just go.”
“You know you could always rant to me instead of the trees.” He offered, patting the spot next to him on the dock.
You stared at him a moment, slowly moving towards him. You take a seat, also dipping your feet into the water after taking your boots off.
You jumped into a huge story about how you got into a fight with this boy you had been talking to. Telling him about what had happened, and how he’s now ditched you to go to Miranda’s party with the town blonde who gave it up to anyone that looked her way.
Shawn nodded, listening to you intently, loving the way your lips formed words, and how your accent got more thick when you really got heated. Your eyes were angry, brows furrowed, lips in a pursed line.
“Now I have to go to the party alone, if I go at all.”
He knows he shouldn’t but he didn’t want this to be the only time he spoke to you. “You could take me?” He muttered.
Your eyes went wide, “Really? You’d want to go?”
“I mean, I think I’d go wherever you wanted.” He mumbled, cheeks blushing, brain wondering where his confidence is going.
“You’ll need a cowboy hat,” You flick the bill of his ball cap.
“Have one at home.” He nods, smiling up at you. “Shall I break out my belt buckle and the good boots as well?”
“Not the good boots, those ones are fine. Show off your hard work a bit.” You smirk.
“Belt buckle, check.” He grins. “What time shall I pick you up?”
“10, meet me at the end of the drive. If my dad sees me getting into your truck he’d skin you alive.” She giggles.
A chill runs down his spine, but somehow having to hide from your Dad makes it that much more thrilling.
**
The lights to his truck are off as he pulls up beside you, seated on the big rock by the lone white mailbox.
He hops out of the truck as you start to stand. He looks good, extremely good. His dark blue jeans, black shirt that hugs his chest just enough to make you go a bit crazy. And that belt buckle is doing things to you that you never thought imaginable.
“You look beautiful.” He smiles, offering his hand to help you up into the truck.
You stand in front of him in your red paisley summer dress. Brown belt cinching the waist, matching boots on your feet. Your hair hangs in loose curls, your bangs clipped to the right side.
“Thank you, you look handsome.” You reach up and tuck one of his crazy curls back into the messy pile.
He blushes, ducking his head so you can reach better.
“Thank you, Ma’am.” He teases, opening the door for you.
You giggle and decide to tease as well, “I see no hat? I’m not sure we can go.”
He smirks, “Hats in the back Ma’am, looks like were going.” He grins, giving you a boost up into his truck and shutting the door for you.
**
“You made me dress up for a bonfire?” He chuckles as you both walk towards the empty field crawling in the young generation from town.
“Look around, you fit right in.” You look up at his black cowboy hat that just completes his look and has you melting every time he smiles at you.
“I feel a bit overdressed, had I’d known it was a bonfire I would have brought a flannel, or a jacket for you.” His rough fingertips brush over your bare shoulder.
“I’m good,” You shake your head.
“Thirsty?” He asks looking over at the kegs and coolers by the trucks that are blaring music.
“Yeah,”
“Be right back then.”
He stalks off, receiving gawks from all the girls he walks past. You turn and watch him leave, appreciating the way his jeans hold his ass. You just want to slip your hands into his back pockets.
“Y/n?” Jackson says, making you whip around.
The blonde, Jessica, hanging off his arm, smirking at you and how she’s got him and you don’t.
“Jack,” You say taking a step back, backing into a strong chest.
You look down as a hand sneaks around your waist pulling you into him, that hand holding a red solo cup full of beer. “Drink?” Shawn whispers into your ear.
You look up at him, smiling at the way he’s glaring at Jackson. You take the cup and let his hand rest of your stomach, almost protectively.
“Who’s this?” Jackson spits. You look back at Jackson and Jessica, loving the way her jaws’ dropped at the sight of Shawn.
“Jack this is Shawn, my date. Shawn this is Jack, someone I went to school with.”
Shawn nods, humming lowly. “Hi,” He plays nice.
“What about me Y/n!” Jessica pipes up. “I’m Jessica, a good friend.” She sticks her manicured hand out to shake his, but Shawn doesn’t move.
“Nice to meet you.” He says softly. “Dance with me?” He returns his attention to you, leaning over to look at your face.
“Love to.” You smile, “Good to see you guys,” You wave to Jackson and Jessica.
“You guys seem happy together, meant to be.” Shawn snides, earning a hit to the arm from you.
He’s laughing as you pull him to the little area where everyone is dancing to the Luke Bryan song blasting from the speakers on the back of someones truck.
“That must of been the dickhead that decided to go with fake boobs Barbie?” Shawn sips from his cup before setting it down next to yours and grabbing your hands.
You throw you head back in laughter, loving how he’s defensive of you already. You notice how Jack and Jessica also move over to dance near you guys.
“They’re staring at us.” You lean up to speak into his ear.
He looks over his shoulder and notices how Jack is staring at you intently, and how Jessica bats her fake lashes at him.
“Then let's give them a show.” He murmurs.
You raise an eyebrow in shock while he raises both of his to see if you want to. You grin evilly, biting your lip, eyes darkening. Your hands reach out, fingers curling over the top of his belt buckle, pulling his swaying hips close to yours. He inhales sharply, looking at you as his eyes bleed black, watching you bite your lip.
The song changes, making your bodies mold together, rolling to the beat. You two are basically dry humping right there in the middle of the field, and soon you both forget the reason for the ‘show’ now all too consumed with the other.
“You smell amazing,” He husks into your ear, lips kissing a soft chaste kiss right below your earlobe. When you gasp he kisses you there again, sucking a sore spot, making you moan softly.
“Oh god,” You sigh, clutching the back of his curls tighter, letting your eyes close at the sensual feeling.
He hums against your skin, licking at the purple bruise once he’s done with his assault. “You’re so beautiful.”
“Okay cowboy, calm down.” You giggle, looking up at his blown eyes and swollen lips.
His happy smile changes when he sees Jackson approach. “What do you think you’re doing?”
“Dancing?” You ask, moving closer to Shawn as his arm tugs you into him.
“How dare you let some other guy suck on your neck when we’re a thing?”
“We’re not a thing, we might’ve been. But you decided Jessica was a better option, but that’s okay. I found a better option too.”
Shawn smirks, waving at Jackson, who scoffs and stomps off.
You look back up and laugh as Shawn mimics his stomping. “You look mighty beautiful when you laugh Ma’am.” Shawn’s hands rest on your waist as you grip his shirt.
You giggle, smiling up at him with bright eyes.
He reaches up, taking his hat off and resting it on your head, tipping it back so he can still see your eyes. “Mhm, perfect.” He hums in content.
“Let’s get out of here.” You say, tugging him back to his truck.
**
He drives along the empty back-roads, laughing, but also a little stressed because you’ve unrolled the passenger window all the way, sitting on the ledge, whooping and hollering out in the open breeze. Hands up, legs crossed, toes pointed to help keep your balance.
You scream when he hits a bump in the road that causes you to jump a bit. You laugh after and bang on the top of the truck yelling out “Go faster!”
He won’t do it, he wants you back in, it’s stressing him out to see you half out of the truck while it’s moving.
He reaches over, hooking his fingers in your belt tugging you back. “Come back!” He yells, tugging some more.
You slide back into the cab, smiling at him, hair all messy from the wind. “Can I drive?”
He looks over with wide eyes, “There’s nowhere to pull over.”
“Here.” You giggle, sliding over and tumbling onto his lap, feet resting over his on the pedals.
He laughs, kissing on your bare shoulder, “You’re trying to kill me huh?”
“Live a little.” You lay on the horn, throwing your head back in laughter as he tenses.
“We can live, just like not try to kill ourselves. This night is too good, I’d like to actually be able to take you out again.”
“Oh?” You smile.
“Yeah,” He lets his hands rest on your bare thighs as you steer.
“Tomorrow?” You ask.
“Sounds perfect.” He laughs, kissing at the hickey he left behind your ear.
**
You and Shawn have been sneaking around for a few weeks now, and when he pulls up Friday morning he finds the farm quiet and a note on the barn door saying that your Dad’s out of town for the weekend, and what Shawn was expected to do while he was away.
He got to work, hauling the new hay barrels, and bringing the cows around.
When it was quitting time he was surprised at how quiet it was, you hadn’t been around which was kind of shocking considering you were always there at some point to bring out water and sneak in a kiss or too from his juicy lips.
He looked around the house, and in the stables to see if he could find you but came up empty. When he went back out front his truck was missing. Panic settled into his veins as he looked around, stepping on a cut board. He looked down to see it was cut in the shape of an arrow, pointing down the trail.
He smiled, now seeing arrows pointing his way. He followed the arrows, knowing where they were leading. He knew it was to the creek, where you probably were.
He gasped when he saw what you set up.
There parked by the dock was his truck, the bed made up with pillows and blankets. A string of bulb lights hanging across the back window. There were light up flowers floating in the creek, and lanterns sitting on the corners of the dock, creating a sexy romantic mood.
And the most amazing thing he’d ever seen stood in the middle of the dock. You stood barefoot, white shawl wrapped around you, allowing your bare shoulders to stand out in the glow you’d created. Your hair was flowing off your left shoulder, as you swayed back and forth to the soft music you had playing from your speaker.
“Wow,” He sighed, walking across the dock to you.
“Hi,” You blushed.
“Hi,” He said looking up and around again. “What is this?” He asked softly.
“When we talked, the night when were night swimming, you mentioned you wanted it to be special. I hope I made it special.”
“Baby,” He looked around, “It’s perfect.” He looked back at you. “I was supposed to be the one who made it perfect.”
“Who cares,” You said before being interrupted.
He picked you up, letting your legs wrap around his narrow waist. He set you on the hatch of the truck, standing between your thighs. He leans up and kisses you softly, humming as you curl your fingers into his hair.
“You smell so good,” He whispers as he kisses down your jaw to your neck, hands running up and down your thighs.
You bite your lip, moaning softly as he finds your sweet spot behind your ear, sucking on it.
“Shawn,” You sigh, gripping his shoulders and digging your nails into the skin there, leaving half crescent moons in the wake.
His burning lips are igniting little fires underneath the skin on your neck and collarbone. You sigh, letting your head fall back.
“Shawn,” You say again, tugging on his curls, pulling his head back so you can meet his lips with your own.
He starts to suck on your bottom lip, letting his hands pull the shawl off your shoulders, leaving you in your bralette and silk sleep shorts. He pulls away, looking at you and your body for a good moment, eyes wide and blown, lips red and swollen, hair messy and puffy.
“God you’re beautiful.” He whispers, looking back up into your eyes. “Scoot back,” He runs a hand on your thigh, thumb tapping softly.
You do scoot back, watching him climb up the hatch and push you back on the bed you’ve got set up. He hovers over you, leaning back down to kiss your lips again, this time you let your hands wander up under his shirt. You follow all the lines of his glorious torso, letting your fingers trace every dip and muscle.
He pulls back, grabbing the collar of his shirt pulling it over his head and tossing it next to your shawl by the end of the hatch.
You smile, reaching for him, hands on his neck as you pull him back down to your lips.
The kissing goes on for awhile and slowly his hands start to explore, dipping below the waist of your shorts, tracing along the lace fabric of your panties.
“Can I take your shorts off?” He asks against your mouth, chest rising and falling rapidly, nerves running through his veins.
“Yes,” You nod, pecking his lips.
His fingers curl around the waistband on both hips, and you lift them so he can pull them off. He smiles his giddy smile, the one that makes his eyes crinkle, as he tosses them off to the side with the rest of your clothes.
“You’re so pretty,” He grins, swooping back in, but this time kissing down your body and back up.
You start to fumble with his belt and are quickly ridding him of his work jeans, admiring the tight black boxer briefs that hold him and his ass quite nicely.
His fingers play with the strap of your bralette, his silent question hanging in the air as you sit up a bit to help him take it off. You smile at his blanched expression, and slip the thin material off.
“Gorgeous.” He blurts, trying not to stare too long, but not being able to help himself.
You giggle and reach for his hands. “Baby you can touch.” You bring his cold hands to your breasts, gasping a little when his cold fingers come into contact.
“You’re incredible.” He says to himself as you lay back down.
With the removal of your panties and his boxers, and the adding of a condom, Shawn’s hovering over you. His lips move softly, slowly, he’s taking his time with you.
“Okay,” He says looking down between you for a second then back up to your eyes. “Are you sure?”
“Of course.” You smile, letting your hands caress his hips as he moves closer.
“Gonna be gentle.” He hums, slowly slipping in. “Oh god,” He drops his head to your neck, groaning into your skin as he slips in halfway.
You inhale sharply, back arching, pushing your breasts into his chest. He pushes in the rest of the way, moaning your name as he sits for a second. Letting the both of you get acquainted with the new feeling.
And he was truthful, he was gentle. So gentle with you. It was slow, and soft, sensual and romantic. Bringing you both to the breaking point and shattering mere seconds after you did. Once he cleaned up a bit, disposing of his condom and wrapping you up in the blankets you supplied, he laid with you.
He was practically wrapped around you, and as you both laid and stared up at the stars he knew you were it. Because while all the stars were shining so bright in the dark night sky, you were the only thing he could really see, and you were the only thing he wanted to see.
“I love you,” He uttered as you cuddled into his warm chest.
You looked up, eyelashes fluttering as he kisses your forehead. “I love you too.” You smile up at him, catching his attention, leaning up to kiss him softly.
“Thought you were asleep.”
“Nope,” You whisper, cuddling back into him, letting your eyes fall closed.
“Best night of my life.”
**
You watched him from the kitchen window, admiring his body, and the way it flexed each time he moved to pick up a new board for the gate.
He was wearing a black wife beater this time, in his dark blue work jeans that were getting warn, and thin, that let you see each curve his body had to offer.
You were hot and bothered, how could you not be? It’s why you find yourself marching up to him, knowing full well your Dad had gone into town for more cow feed.
He looked up when her heard your footsteps approaching. “Yes?” He smirked.
“Break time?” You offered an evilly sweet smile.
“No,” He shook his head, looking around to make sure your Dad wasn’t around.
“Yes,” You whined, stepping closer, making his eyes go wide.
“Baby what are you doing?” He asks, breath hitching when you grab his belt buckle, slowly undoing it, letting it drop by your feet. “Baby!” He hisses when you undo the button of his pants.
“What?” You feign innocence.
“You’re Dad is literally around the barn,”
“Actually he took Mama into town for lunch and cow feed, we’re alone.”
His eyes lock on yours, hands frozen as you grin up at him.
“And you’re looking mighty fine out here, sweating and working, in these jeans.”
“You like my jeans?” He asks smugly, letting you push him back towards the clearing in the trees. The blanket still laid out from when you both were there last night.
“Leave little to the imagination,” You hum.
“You dreaming ‘bout me Baby?”
“Keep up with your smug ass and you won’t be getting the quickie.”
He makes a motion of zipping his lips and throwing away the key.
“Good boy,” You whisper, taking his tank top off.
“Always am Sweetheart.”
**
Laying in his arms, post orgasmic glow bright on both of your faces, as he nuzzles closer, kissing your sweet spot behind your ear.
“Baby,” He whispers.
“Mm,” You hum, eyes fluttering shut as you burrow into his arms.
“I wanna tell your Dad,”
You jolt, looking up at him with wide eyes, “Tell him what?”
“That we’re together.”
He still looks so happy, so dopeyily in love that he doesn’t seem to know what he’s saying.
“No,” You shake your head, “He’d kill you, and he’d kill me.”
“No he wouldn’t.”
“Babe do you know how many times he’s told me to stay away from you.” You giggle, not noticing the frown the plants on his lips.
“What’s wrong with me?”
“Nothing, but he just thinks that I could do better,”
You’re words aren’t comprehending to yourself as you say them. You don’t notice the way they make Shawn’s eyes droop, and how his lips are in a deep frown, eyebrows furrowed harshly.
It’s then that you both hear his truck crunch the gravel, and you’re quick to get up and get dressed before he finds you both naked, cuddling between the trees.
“I have to go before he notices I’m not in the house,” You say quietly as you put your boots on.
“Um,” Shawn says, brain still foggy as your words before ring through his head.
“I love you, I’ll find ya before you leave.” You lean up, pecking his lips before running off.
“Um yeah,” He watches you run off, looking around an letting his shoulders drop as he goes back to working on the gate.
**
When he starts walking up to the house, to start cleaning up to leave for the day, he hears you and your Dad talking by the porch.
“The Jonas boy?” He asks.
“Just got married Dad,” You sigh.
“The brother then?”
“Engaged,” You shrug.
“Well, you’ll find a good boy to settle down with. Maybe Niall, from down the road. He’s always been real nice, real polite.”
“He’s a friend Dad,”
Shawn shakes his head, tossing his work gloves to the side of the house, stomping to his truck, reviving Ole Red up, ready to peel off the farm, maybe go beat the shit out of Niall, even though he’s a close family friend.
He’s just starting to back up when he sees you come running around the house, towards his truck in a hurry.
“Hey!” You stop him from going any further. “Where are you going? I said I was gonna come find you, you never leave without a goodbye kiss.”
“No,” He shakes his head, not allowing you to make it all better like that.
“Shawn?” You ask, noticing his hurt expression. “What happened?”
“Tell your Dad that I’m done for the summer,” He takes his ball cap off, flinging it in the back.
“What do you mean?”
“Obviously I’m not enough,” He spits, making you slouch in realization. “Couldn’t finish the gate like he asked me too, so?” But you know what he’s really talking about.
“You know I don’t believe him right?” You say reaching inside to take his hand, but he scoots away. “Shawn,” You say sternly. “Look at me.”
His sad eyes come up, peering into yours, noticing your Dad standing on the porch, hands on his hips as he watches you both.
“I don’t believe him,” You say softly, trying to calm situation down.
“If you didn’t believe, you’d let me tell him.” He says looking back at the steering wheel before backing up and off the farm, and you weren’t sure if he was ever coming back.
“Y/n!” You Dad called as you raced after his truck a bit, before turning quickly and rushing inside to grab your keys. “What are you doing, you stay away from him. You deserve better than some boy who wants to work on a farm.”
“And what if he is just trying to help you? Please you? Get on your good side?” You spit as you look at your Dad.
“Why would he do that?”
“Because we’re together. Because we’ve been together all summer. Because I love him.”
Your Dad stands dumbfounded. You push past him to your truck, the one you haven’t touched all summer since you’ve been firmly planted in Shawn’s passenger seat.
You go to turn it on, but it won’t turn. Just clicks at you.
“No!” You pound on the steering wheel. “No!” You try again, still no start. “Fuck!”
“Here,” Your Dad holds out his keys as he stands by your unrolled window. “Go get him.”
You look up with wide eyes, not missing a beat as you grab the keys off his fingers and jumping in his truck.
And watching you drive away your Mama joins your Dad on the porch, curling around his arm, watching the dust settle as you race after him.
“Remember when that was us?” She asks.
**
It took you 6 stops, and then finally going to his Mama, who, already knew two were together. She told you one last place to check, and sure enough that’s where he was.
In the back corner of the local record store, digging through a box of old records from the bargain bin.
You slowly approach, scared of startling him. So you take the time to study him, it’s really the first time you’ve seen him outside the farm or a late night adventure between you two.
He’s just in his element, face relaxed, eyes peaceful as he picks a record up, eyes flickering up when he sees your shadow.
“Oh,” Falls from his lips as he locks eyes with you.
“Hi,” You whisper, suddenly feeling like you have to be quiet in the peaceful environment.
“Hi,” He says cautiously.
“Um, you’re Mama told me you’d be here if you weren’t at all the other places I’d already checked.”
He nodded, letting his nervous fingers play with the worn corner of the cardboard sleeve.
“She’s real nice,” You tiptoe closer. “Told me she’d heard a lot about me.” You grin at him.
“Yeah well,” He mumbles, looking back down.
“Wanna know a secret.” You take a seat next to him on the floor.
“Sure,” He hums.
“My Mama’s heard a lot about you too,”
His head whips over, curls flopping over with the sudden movement. “Really?”
“Yeah, since the first day I met you, asking if you wanted some tea.”
He grins, remembering the day.
“Wanna know another secret,”
He nods, still quiet. You giggle as you rest your head on his shoulder.
“My Dad gave me his truck to come find you,” You whisper again.
“He what?”
“My truck wouldn’t start when I tried to run after you.” You sigh, eyes closing as you tell him what happened. “So he gave me his keys to go after you. Well, after I told him that we’re together.”
“You really told him?”
“Yeah,” You look up at him, watching his soft gaze land on you. “I never believed the words that came out of his mouth, and I guess I should have said that when I told you what I did this afternoon. I just kind of figured you already knew that, since I’m kind of in love with you.”
He blushes, cheeks rosy, spreading to the tips of his ears as he smiles at you.
“I’m in love with you too.”
You look down at the record in his hands, tipping it towards you.
“Aw!” You gasp, hopping up, taking the record with you to put it on the player. “I love Elvis.” You sigh as the deep voice comes from the speakers.
“I know,” Shawn whispers in your ear, arms circling around you from behind.
“Dance with me.” You whisper, turning in his hold as you both start to sway to the beat, softly singing the words to each other.
“What are we gonna do when you go back to Panama City?” He asks.
“I’m not going back, told Mama that I’m meant to be on the farm. Told her maybe I’d take over so her and Dad can go retire on the beach like they’ve always talked about.”
Shawn chuckles, “Mhm, and you’re gonna bail the hay, and bring the cows round, fix the fence that’s constantly breaking?”
You pull back just enough to see his face, grinning ear to ear, “No, I’m good at the ice tea part, and caring for the horses.”
“That you are, but the other stuff kind of needs to happen too,”
“Good thing I’m in love with someone who already knows how to do that stuff,”
“Bold of you to think that I enjoy my job,” He grins.
“Don’t lie to me,” You giggle, “You hated it when you started, but you love it now.”
He can’t lie, he did hate it when he started, but over time the work got enjoyable. He liked the peacefulness of it all. The quiet but the loud, the lonely but the crowded, and he definitely loved ending his day with you smiling from the porch.
** 2 years later**
He’s wiping the sweat off his brow as he climbs off the tractor he’s parked close to the barn. He tosses his gloves into the barn as he walks through, hoping to get a quick shower before coming in for the dinner you’ve prepared.
He’s just turned the water on when the barn door slides open wider, he turns and looks over his shoulder to see you standing in the doorway.
“Yes?” He asks with a little chuckle.
“What are you doing?” You ask with your hands on your hips.
“Was gonna take a shower before coming in to spend the rest of the night with my wife,” He leans against the newly built wall in the barn.
You smirk, starting to unbutton your flannel.
“What are you doing Mrs. Mendes?”
“Was gonna take a shower with the farm help before spending the rest of the night with my husband.” You answer with a teasing grin on your face.
“The farm help?” He laughs, head back as he claps a bit.
“Shut up,” You giggle, pushing him towards the newly installed bathroom.
He’s still chuckling as you both step under the cold water.
“There a reason you’re taking a cold shower?” You ask with a raised brow.
“Might have been sneaking some glances at my hot wife.” He sidles up next to you.
“Oh?” You push.
“And might’ve needed to take care of something.” He grins, nipping at your earlobe.
“Can I help with that?”
“Yes you can.” He grins.
** 18 years later**
He stands by the barn, rough hands picking up a new slat for the fence when he hears the gravel crunch under a truck.
He peers around the house, catching sight of an old red truck coming up the drive. He starts walking towards it, confused at who this was.
A young man steps out of the truck, looking around at the farm before standing in front of Shawn.
“Heard you needed help on the farm.” The kid says.
