Beware of that one âfriendâ
Hello Misty Rose,
How are you? đš
Life has been super cool lately! Took the time to live my life the way o wanted and enjoy my me time or at least enjoy my time with 2 people Iâve known for forever (S/o to Sarah and Camille). Talking to them inspired this article. Spending more time with them made me realise how friendships can shape the way you perceive things in life and you need to be careful. Iâm having a very good time writing this because it takes me back to my first life lessons that only took place a few years ago so do not feel bad life is full of evolutions and surprises đ
Iâll start off with this: saying no to friendships or no cultivating some friendships on a deeper level doesnât mean that youâre being mean. It simply means that you know yourself and respect yourself so people should be doing the same.
If youâre dealing with these type of people youâre probably someone who knows themselves and donât have time to handle peopleâs emotions but you do not know what to do.
The âfriendâ who:
1- Puts themselves in a secondary role character position
Ugh⌠Do not get me started!
The particularity of this person is that for some reason they tend to make their own lives all about you. It is endearing at first because they will do any and everything to tell you â I admire everything you do đĽšâ. Donât get me wrong, friendship and admiration arenât incompatible at all. In fact my best friends and I admire each other and tell each other that. It stems from a good place like affection and encouragements. It is always reciprocal and and never awkward or uncomfortable. When it comes to that one other âfriendâ though, something is always off as if they purposefully put themselves down in order to make you look better in front of others.
Example that happened to me a long time ago:
Me: Oh hi Linda!
âFriendâ: Hi Josh did you know that Caroline is amazing?
Linda and I: đ đđĽ˛
Needless to say, it was awkward after that. As much as you will look for one in this relationship you will not find friendship because they see you as a celebrity or an influencer. Guess what happens to celebrities and influencers. They either get:
⢠Praised: helped when then do not ask for it, complimented but with a hidden agenda, stalked and Iâm putting weight and emphasis on that word (some people will go as far as wanting to know your entire network, family, romantic relationships, house, etc.)
Or
⢠Canceled: Celebrities usually get canceled when they make major mistakes but mostly when the perfect-false-image that has been portrayed of them is being tarnished. I dare you to say ânoâ to that person and see how they react. I dare you to not share what you are doing, who youâre going out with or even where you are at.
Where does that stem from?
I would love to have the debate but I will go ahead and just say that you do not need to know. If it is invading your space and taking your energy just let it be.
The perfect example of this type of person is Cassie from Euphoria:
Too relatable:
Loneliness is your biggest fear yet itâs the only door to discovering yourself through yourself and not others.
2- Thinks that they are the center of the world
Okay now this one is going to be harsh for a lot of us. If youâre friends with someone like the following description you are either being forcefully put in the secondary character position or you are actually entertaining it. SNAP OUT OF IT! đŞ
If I could describe this person in one song and one song only it would be Fe!n by Travis $cott. This person is a fe!n for attention. I did not say compliments, I did not say words of affirmation, I said ATTENTION. Theyâre usually very active and engage in activities that put them in the spotlight. I was that girl. You can never talk to them without someone interrupting or calling their name across the room just to wave hello. Usually this friend is very busy and works hard so the little time spent with people they try to socialise with is particularly weird. They tend to attract people who keep on complimenting them so that becomes âthe friendship experienceâ to them. A shallow, void, depth-lacking friendship. Not so fun anymore, huh? đ
The issue with people like that is that they NEVER get to be vulnerable because of their constant happy person facade. In times of vulnerability and weakness the lack of depth in their âfriendship experienceâ leads them to not talking and expressing themselves. Instead, they will participate in more or less useless and harmful activities activities that become a standard because the entourage that fuels their ego participates too.
Think about Paris Hilton:
⢠She definitely seemed delulu and confident
⢠When it came to her past activities and past friendships some of them are questionable.
⢠People always fed off of her ressources, advice, popularity but were not there when she actually needed them.
Too relatable:
Think about yourself and do not be scared to take time for yourself and vet your friends more carefully. Go discover who you truly are.
3- ⌠is jealous
I must admit something I have never been jealous of a friend.
In my childhood whenever I went to the playground with my mother she would take that opportunity to teach me how to appreciate others and what they had, who they were by complimenting me and complimenting them too for completely different reasons. That was one of the earliest life lessons I still remember hahaha. đŤ
So no i havenât ever been jealous let alone envious of a friend. However, I couldnât quite grasp the concept of it all until I experienced being envied not long ago. It took me some time to understand. Once I did, my heart was filled with sorrow and bitterness but not for long at all. Let me explain to you my friend how someone you deeply appreciate could be jealous of you and what to do.
I know that having haters can sometimes be motivational but trust me it is really useless so erase that podcast quote you heard on TikTok out of your brain. There is two types of jealous people.
A/ The one you know you cannot befriend from the get go
For some reason without having to talk to them necessarily, they will side-eye you. You got a good grade? Side-eye. You dared to talk to their crush? (You are not into them btw) They will interrupt the conversation by saying something random like âskibidi toiletâ. One thing theyâll never do however is talk to you about the problem they have with you. Also, they will try to befriend you in the most hypocritical way when they know you are no longer a threat or when you have something shiny about you that they would like to interact with. Do not waste your time my Rose. Move on, NEXT! (yuh)
B/ The friend who gradually became jealous
This one friend gradually became jealous in spite of themselves. They have something to protect and for some reason, you have become a threat. Maybe they found a new study method that they do not want to share so instead they say they did not revise, maybe they started investing in crypto (oy oy yikes), or maybe they won the lottery who cares. The point is they no longer want to engage with you and they eventually become strangers.
At first you will not understand but if you are mature enough to get that it is their boundary they set for their own peace you will understand.
I canât help but think about Sharpey hahaha:
Too relatable:
We all know that deep down you are a good person. What is out there for you will find you.
Okay this is part one for today. Itâs getting kinda late but as aldehyde I really enjoy talking to you my Rose.
Take care of yourself,
Irini đš
